Sample sex-ed curriculum - feel free to comment or snark

[2xx1xy1JD]

After the constant stream of insanity over abstinence-only sex-ed, referring to women seeking birth control as "sluts", creepy purity balls, etc., I've decided to post a draft of my sex-ed curriculum.

http://jrkmommy-personalandpolitical.bl ... culum.html

I'm sure I forgot something, so feel free to comment, add suggestions, snark, tell me that I'm going to hell for corrupting my kids, etc.

[Witsec7]

I'd add a topic "Sexual Gratification outside of intercourse" and discuss solo and mutual masturbation as a vehicle for safe sex and delaying intercourse.

[PBrooke]

As a student, I absolutely hated "interview a" or "job shadow" assignments. They might be hard to come by, or it might be a huge hassle in a family with two working parents. I was great with school assignments that had to do with books or stuff learned in-school, but stuff requiring extra money or time tended to be ignored. And with much of this, you want to start fairly young, pre-teen, so driving places independently isn't really an option.

[Sola]

I may have missed it as i only scanned through it but i didnt see anything on unwanted pregnancy. Factual info about options and what they entail.

[Witsec7]

I'd also include info on dental dams, and how to use a condom properly, female condoms and where to get them for free (most public health offices have baskets full of them on the counters).

[2xx1xy1JD]

As a student, I absolutely hated "interview a" or "job shadow" assignments. They might be hard to come by, or it might be a huge hassle in a family with two working parents. I was great with school assignments that had to do with books or stuff learned in-school, but stuff requiring extra money or time tended to be ignored. And with much of this, you want to start fairly young, pre-teen, so driving places independently isn't really an option.

I was thinking about this with my own kids in mind. They've been to my office, they hear about my cases (no identifying information) and they also talk to my sister-in-law, the child protection worker. I've also had a number of co-op students from local high schools over the years. But yeah, if implemented for the rest of the world, the school would need to facilitate.

[happy atheist]

Maybe this is too obvious: accurate information about body parts, how intercourse works, and how babies are made.

[Deleted03]

"Discuss fact that there are NO secrets to be kept from parents," this is a very weird formulation...

And I find the babies need to be wanted part a little weird. 1. some teen moms want kids and 2. what are they going to say if a girl gets pregnant? You are going to be a bad mother? I don't think the category is empowering. And I think life plans with the # of babies at what age is more than enough.

[fluttershies]

"Discuss fact that there are NO secrets to be kept from parents," this is a very weird formulation...

And I find the babies need to be wanted part a little weird. 1. some teen moms want kids and 2. what are they going to say if a girl gets pregnant? You are going to be a bad mother? I don't think the category is empowering. And I think life plans with the # of babies at what age is more than enough.

I agree with this. Some teenagers make wonderful mothers, some women in their 30s are still not ready to have kids. Unless we're talking preteens, I don't think there's ever a right or wrong age for kids - you're never going to be totally ready. Being pro-choice means a teenage girl should be able to keep her baby if she wants to and she isn't going to neglect the child.

[CoatRack]

When I was in elementary/early middle school (and before, y'know, my gender identity changed) I was a "Missionette" which is sort of like evangelical girlscouts. But way, way more boring. My brother was a Royal Ranger which, to be fair, also looked and sounded really freaking boring AND their uniforms sucked more.

http://tgm.ag.org/fgo/

Apparently it's now called "national girl's ministries" but it's still the same program. I was in the "Friends" program before I finally got myself kicked out of the church when I was 12. But check out some of the curricula. It's, uh, fun stuff.

Scroll to the bottom of this page http://ngm.ag.org/mpact/mgcresources/clubs/tgm/friends/ and you can read the middle school curricula.

These are some of the high school ones:

http://agwebservices.org/Content/Resour ... Purity.pdf

http://agwebservices.org/Content/Resources/Dating.pdf

Somebody else is welcome to start an actual topic about this. I can't start new topics.

ETA: CLEARLY this is a "what not to do" thing. I just had to post.

[Witsec7]

How old are these kids? And why can't they have secrets? Are secrets only for adults?

Many years ago before the DD was a teen I reflected on my secret life as a teenager , and thoughtfully considered why teens keep secrets, what secrets they keep and why they needed secrets. Now with a 26yo I get glimpses into some of that secret life and its really no big deal to me. What are you really afraid of JD?

[fluttershies]

I know UU churches are famous for awesome sex ed, if there's a church near you maybe ask them for advice?

[fluttershies]

How old are these kids? And why can't they have secrets? Are secrets only for adults?

Many years ago before the DD was a teen I reflected on my secret life as a teenager , and thoughtfully considered why teens keep secrets, what secrets they keep and why they needed secrets. Now with a 26yo I get glimpses into some of that secret life and its really no big deal to me. What are you really afraid of JD?

Presumably it's to prevent sexual abusers telling them to keep it secret.

[Witsec7]

Presumably it's to prevent sexual abusers telling them to keep it secret.

TY FS, now I can see its context within the outline.

[Deleted03]

TY FS, now I can see its context within the outline.

still awkward wording don't you think? Shouldn't it be more about no judging? or no one can tell you what to tell your parents or not?

[2xx1xy1JD]

Post updated.

Re secrets: Part of what I've always taught my kids from day 1 is that they don't keep secrets from me, no matter what anyone says. A close family member was sexually abused as a child, and the abuser told her that she had to keep what was happening a secret. I've also stressed to my kids that they can always tell me anything at all, and they can trust me. They know that I won't flip out, that I'll protect them and that I know how to keep a secret myself. I would also want them to be able to tell me if a friend was being abused, if they were being bullied, if they had any fears or concerns, etc. I'm not going to read a private diary, but I have also made it clear that we will monitor phone and internet use and need Facebook passwords, etc. as part of our cyber-bullying discussions.

In a school setting, I'd definitely include that if a student is scared to tell a parent, they can always speak to a teacher, doctor, school counsellor, etc.

I'll think about how to flesh out the "babies need to be wanted" section a bit more. I want to stress that kids need parents who are fully prepared - physically, emotionally, mentally, financially - to care for them. That babies aren't just cute, cuddly playthings, but actual human beings with needs, and that what happens within a relatively short period of time will impact them forever.

[fluttershies]

No problem. Within my family, kids are told to tell a parent/guardian/teacher if someone tells them that 'this is our little secret' or similar, rather than telling the kids themselves that they're not to have secrets - that seems more workable to me.

And Sophie, it's not about judging, it's about keeping kids safe. It's not to tell kids off for keeping secrets but stopping abusers from being able to keep their victims silent.

[fluttershies]

Post updated.

Re secrets: Part of what I've always taught my kids from day 1 is that they don't keep secrets from me, no matter what anyone says. A close family member was sexually abused as a child, and the abuser told her that she had to keep what was happening a secret. I've also stressed to my kids that they can always tell me anything at all, and they can trust me. They know that I won't flip out, that I'll protect them and that I know how to keep a secret myself. I would also want them to be able to tell me if a friend was being abused, if they were being bullied, if they had any fears or concerns, etc. I'm not going to read a private diary, but I have also made it clear that we will monitor phone and internet use and need Facebook passwords, etc. as part of our cyber-bullying discussions.

In a school setting, I'd definitely include that if a student is scared to tell a parent, they can always speak to a teacher, doctor, school counsellor, etc.

I'll think about how to flesh out the "babies need to be wanted" section a bit more. I want to stress that kids need parents who are fully prepared - physically, emotionally, mentally, financially - to care for them. That babies aren't just cute, cuddly playthings, but actual human beings with needs, and that what happens within a relatively short period of time will impact them forever.

I don't disagree that parents need to be prepared for all the responsibilities kids bring, however some 18 year olds ARE able to prepare themselves appropriately and be good, responsible parents. Many 30 year olds are not. Maybe work something in about the fact they may not ever be ready to have kids, and that's OK too.

[2xx1xy1JD]

Post updated again.

[Witsec7]

still awkward wording don't you think? Shouldn't it be more about no judging? or no one can tell you what to tell your parents or not?

I agree the wording should be more specific, as to what secrets aren't permitted. IMHO without listing the exceptions its all a bit too controlling for me.

[Deleted03]

No problem. Within my family, kids are told to tell a parent/guardian/teacher if someone tells them that 'this is our little secret' or similar, rather than telling the kids themselves that they're not to have secrets - that seems more workable to me.

And Sophie, it's not about judging, it's about keeping kids safe. It's not to tell kids off for keeping secrets but stopping abusers from being able to keep their victims silent.

I meant to word it as your parents/school nurse will not judge you. Although I think this cannot be taken for granted many times.

[Sunnichick31]

It definitly seems like a good outline. A few tweaks here and there would make it better (ex-the part about secrets,) Not sure if you mentioned this and i just missed it, but in my child development class in high school, the teacher gave up a worksheet with all the things a baby needs and we were supposed to find out the cost of it so we would have an idea of how much it costs to have a baby. Something like that might be good.

[Witsec7]

I'm still trying to find out the age range and audience. Is this just a personal exercise?

[2xx1xy1JD]

I'll think about how to deal with the cost of baby part. My thinking is that the cost of basic baby supplies really isn't the main issue - quite frankly, you can buy decent quality used things or borrow, co-sleep, breastfeed, use cloth diapers or elimination communication, or find some place to distribute basic baby items. The much larger issue, IMO, is the cost of living for the family as a whole, and the impact that having a baby would have on short-term and long-term income.

Simply put - will having a baby mean that someone drops out of school?

My oldest child didn't suffer because we were living in a 1 bedroom apartment when she was born. We knew that it was a temporary situation while hubby was doing his medical residency, and within a few years, things got easier. Now, if he had dropped out of the program, THAT would have had a lifelong impact.

I may also put something in about unexpected costs. For example, we had a hit when I suddenly had to leave work to go on bedrest during my preg. with baby #2, and my sister and BIL have been paying for therapy for my nephew with mild autism and decided to have my BIL stay home with him for a year.

experiencedd - yes, I started this as a personal exercise, but then thought I'd share it and expand it. One change is that I first started thinking about "rules", but then switched to thinking about how to teach them and engage them to think for themselves about their choices. I think that sex ed is a continuous process, not a one-time thing. My kids got good touch/bad touch very early on, have now received the basic birds and bees, the older two have gotten the puberty part, they all hear about my work, but the more advanced details are a bit beyond them at this point.

[Witsec7]

...

experiencedd - yes, I started this as a personal exercise, but then thought I'd share it and expand it. One change is that I first started thinking about "rules", but then switched to thinking about how to teach them and engage them to think for themselves about their choices. I think that sex ed is a continuous process, not a one-time thing. My kids got good touch/bad touch very early on, have now received the basic birds and bees, the older two have gotten the puberty part, they all hear about my work, but the more advanced details are a bit beyond them at this point.

I appreciate the clarification. What about masturbation, and girls learning to bring themselves to orgasm, when to you teach that?