What if the Duggar daughters can't have babies?

[homeschoolmomma1]

Okay, A little about me. At 20 I was told I have Polycystic Overy Syndrome (PCOS) and to have our 3 babies it was somewhat difficult- I lost a lot of weight which helped etc.

 

Anyway, the statistics are that 1 in 10 and 1 in 20 women of childbearing age has PCOS. I was thinking how if 1 or 2 of the Duggar girls can't have a baby or it would take some "help" to have one? I wonder how they would feel as women and as the Duggar girl who couldn't have a baby. Horrible I'm sure but honestly I think Michelle would be happy to not have competition

[ophelia]

I think its always terribly hard for a woman who wants children to hear that she can't. Of course adoption is a great oppurtunity, but for a lot of woman beeing pregnant and delivering your own baby is something they would still miss..

.. since in ATI circles adoption isn't appropriate and the whole role of women is defined by her frugality I think it would be an even worse nightmare for the Duggar girls.. let's hope that they will be fine and still not too frugal so that they don't plop out another blessing/reward every year.

[lilah]

Consdering that the Duggars have made several trips to Salvadoran orphanges and Jboob and Jichelle recently went to El Salvador to petition the government to make the adopting process easier I bet they have made it one of their goals to "rescue" errr adopt orphans from there.

[ophelia]

I am not that up to date. But it seems like they are leaving the ATI crowd and their beliefs more and more...

[Justme]

I think it would be very very hard on any female brought up in this believe system to not be able to have childred. She could be fine, it may be her husband who is sterile. With no children, what do you do?

[maybeizfundie]

Even apart from QF beliefs, it is very common for women who want babies and can't have them to be unhappy--ranging from disappointment to serious depression as a reaction.

So if the Duggar girls couldn't have babies, it would be totally unsurprising if they were sad about that. Part of this belief, though is that God opens and closes the womb (based on his will, not merit or demerit) so that might actually be something they would find some comfort in, though it wouldn't lessen the pain.

I don't know that they're all the way ATI, and many fundamentalists adopt (I've even seen an increase of adoptions among my super conservative Mennonite friends). They might do that.

ETA: One of the gals who published Young Women Stepping Heavenward a decade ago is married, childless, and running a midwife/birth center.

[lilwriter85]

I'm also starting to suspect that the Duggars are following the ATI circle less. I think if 1 or 2 of the girls were unable to have kids, there would be serious depression and I honestly could see the Duggars praying over them frequently so "God can open the womb". I could also them adopting as many kids as they can.

[SquirrelySquirrel]

I think a lot of it depends on the Duggar daughter in question. I could see infertility being absolutely crushing to Jill, who is very obviously a nurturer by nature. Would it be as traumatic for Jinger or Hannie? Who knows! The Duggars may have been paying lip service when talking about adoption before, but they could be open to it. But of course, it will ultimately depend on how their headships feel about it.

[Buzzard]

If Michelle doesnt get knocked up again by the time Josie is three they'll adopt. She's addicted! There will be some episodes where they go on "mission trips" to orphanages and "fall in love" with a little girl (who was secretly brought to the US prior and cleared by drs) that will come home with them.

[emmiedahl]

There's a link between PCOS and obesity, so the Duggar girls have a lower-than-average chance of having it. There's a good chance that one will be infertile for some reason though, and I am curious if Gothardism would go out the window the secondd it interferes with what they really want.

[SunnyAndrsn]

Obesity can be a symptom of PCOS, but it does not cause PCOS.

There's a link between PCOS and obesity, so the Duggar girls have a lower-than-average chance of having it. There's a good chance that one will be infertile for some reason though, and I am curious if Gothardism would go out the window the secondd it interferes with what they really want.

As Ophelia said, infertility is difficult for anyone who wants a child and can't by 'normal' means, regardless if it's the first or the subsequent children.

If I had a dime for everyone who told us to 'just relax' or who told us after we adopted that we'd get pregnant "now that you've adopted", I could have adopted 1/2 dozen El Salvadoran orphans.

That being said, for quiverfull daughters, who are raised that their only goal in life should be wife and mother, I'd imagine that the thoughts would revolve around finding the sin in the camp, and blaming the woman for not being 'worthy'. Hell, we're the furthest thing from quiverfull and we each blamed ourselves.

Depression, yeah there's depression--especially when you spend time on the monthly rollercoaster. Ugh, it all around sucks, but at least DH and I went through it together. We both were working so that provided a nice distraction too. I can't imagine staying home with nothing to do but take care of my headship.

[bananacat]

I think that if any of them were infertile and continued along with their current cult, they would put on a happy facade and pretend that God made them infertile so that they could do something else like rescue brown orphans the way you'd rescue puppies, or to spend their lives doing missionary work. But behind the scenes, there would be so much gossip about she must have sinned to make God close her womb, or that she's secretly using birth control or having abortions, and she'll certainly feel guilty too. I don't think any of them would use IFV because of all the precious little fertilized eggs that would be destroyed, but they might use other medical methods and just hide it and feel really guilty about it.

[Feberin]

I think a lot of it depends on the Duggar daughter in question. I could see infertility being absolutely crushing to Jill, who is very obviously a nurturer by nature. Would it be as traumatic for Jinger or Hannie? Who knows! The Duggars may have been paying lip service when talking about adoption before, but they could be open to it. But of course, it will ultimately depend on how their headships feel about it.

That's what I think too. In fact I wonder if after years of raising their young siblings infertility could be a blessing to some of the girls since it would give them a break finally from tons of children. It also could be what sparks them to leave the movement and *fingers crossed* write the tell all book!

[MamaJunebug]

Has anyone answered the Q, "would they resort to medical intervention" which I think was intended?

I believe they would. And that they would explain it as God's gift of medical science.

But on further thought, a young Duggar woman who was infertile might, indeed, decide that childlessness was a gift from God, as well, and not pursue the many options.

I'm very close to a young woman who's not been able to conceive, with no medical problems evident after many tests and exams. Some times, that just happens. It's up to the woman and her husband/partner how to respond to it as "one of those things" in life.

(The painkillers must be kicking in. I'm feeling less snarky and more protective. ;) )

[snickerz]

*Certain types* of medical intervention would probably be OK. Taking Clomid, for example. I wouldn't think that would be a problem.

Anyting requiring the man to "provide a sample" (IUI, IVF, and even the testing they do to find out if it's her problem or his) would almost certainly be a big no-no.

[clarinetpower]

I have PCOS and 2 children. 3 pregnancies, one ended in miscarriage. That one was quick (2 weeks), the next took 6 months to conceive, the last 3 months. Another friend with it spent 5 years trying before her son was conceived. Another friend has been trying longer, with no luck.

I agree, PCOS isn't caused by obesity, and I don't think it causes full-blown obesity, but it does make your weight (at least mine) go up and it is very hard to lose weight. After my daughter went cold turkey off the boob, my weight started to climb despite eating much less than I should have to maintain my weight. It's hormonal, and there's not much I can do about it. I am not obese, but I definitely fit the American average and you wouldn't catch me in a bikini on the beach.

I hope the Duggars would practice what they preach and treat the girls well, even if God "chose not to bless them". But I can imagine the pressure would be awful.

[homeschoolmomma1]

*Certain types* of medical intervention would probably be OK. Taking Clomid, for example. I wouldn't think that would be a problem.

Anyting requiring the man to "provide a sample" (IUI, IVF, and even the testing they do to find out if it's her problem or his) would almost certainly be a big no-no.

THAT would be the "sin in the camp" :whistle:

[IReallyAmHopewell]

I strongly believe they would not be the only ATI family who sought "real" medical intervention for their infertility. I wouldn't even be shocked if some used a surrogate mother! The hypocrisy in that group is staggering.

[silverspoons]

I think it would depend if they knew about the infertility before or after marriage. If they knew before courtship, I see the daughter becoming a missionary well into her 30s. If they were married I betthey would try some fertility treatments but not in public to try and get at least 1 or 2 blessings.

I have been a lurkier for a long time but finally decided to post since I have some forced downtime by my doctor. My background is I have been a reasercher into first the LDS and then FLDS religion for 15 years. It started with a college paper, turned into a thesis, a grad school scholarship, and now Im still a partciapant observor with trusted access to the community.

As for fertility I know this isnt Duggar but I have an 2 interesting LDS stories on infertility. Since most of the LDS goal is large families I thouhgt it might be an interesting real life situation. There was couple that had 2 adopted kids, very attractive couple, sucessful, lived in a nice house. The neighborhood had several families that adopted so I did not think anything of it. the husband as my DD would say would wear flowerly girly shirts. Most people thought he was a little metrosexual. He was such a good father, in fact at events he would always cheer for the kids with disabilites and was so encouraging. I later found out the wife was infertile due to cancer in her teens before marriage. She was gourgeous but by her late 20s had no marriage prospects so she joined in the LDS "evergreen" program. It is a program that tries to help homosexuals become straight. That is how she met her husband. Her husband treated her very well but I always felt sad because did she really find love? They both love those kids. I just felt like the wife was treated like damaged goods and her choice was to marrying a "recovering" homosexual.

The other situation was just odd. I knew an LDS couple that had 2 kids with birthdays very close to my kids. I remember being pregnant at the same time. The family was very wealthy and I remember the wife had some high end maternity clothes compared to my target clothes! 10 years later I was talking to a friend and found out the 2 kids were adopted. I verified this for sure. The wife had faked the pregnacies and came home from the "hospital" with the adopted kids. They gave the kids an incredible life but when the wife started dying the daughters hair light when she got older and lost her blond hair to match hers I thought that is too much.

[dawn9476]

John Huntsman, who is running for president, is LDS and has two adopted kids. He and his wife I believe had five biological children and then, adopted two. One is from China and the other from India.

[emmiedahl]

PCOS isn't caused by obesity, and I don't think it causes full-blown obesity, but it does make your weight (at least mine) go up and it is very hard to lose weight.

There is an actual, scientifically documented link between obesity and PCOS, although researchers aren't sure if it is a causal link or which one would be causing the other.

[ladypuglover]

There is an actual, scientifically documented link between obesity and PCOS, although researchers aren't sure if it is a causal link or which one would be causing the other.

That may be but with PCOS a lot of women don't have the weight problem. I didn't for the first 10 years while having it and I still wouldn't blame my weight on that only. After I had my first 3 sons I still was a good 5-10 pounds under weight due to my pcos and it wasn't until I had surgery to have #4 that my weight ballooned over. I have allthe symptoms of pcos but not all women will have every sypmtom.