Bro Gary Hawkins 24: Smoking Meat

[Xan]

Gary seem to enjoy going around to churches who have lost their pastor and doing a drop-in preaching.  He never offers to take the job himself.  Is it just too much like real work?  I figure that the pay isn't great either and Gary has no intention of working a real job so he can also keep up a church.  He's in a bind.  All he wants to do is be a traveling evangelist and that just isn't working out for him.  He talks a lot about leading people to God but, when the chips are down, Gary's not going to step out of his comfort zone to spread the word.

[Joyster]

Pastor Baker has provided some competition for Bro Gary’s King James Baptist College. Well, not really. It astounds me that Gary and his buds thought there wasn’t enough King James Bible coursework in the US that they had to make their own. Maybe they just wanted easier coursework. 

[postscript]

5 minutes ago, Joyster said:

Pastor Baker has provided some competition for Bro Gary’s King James Baptist College. Well, not really. It astounds me that Gary and his buds thought there wasn’t enough King James Bible coursework in the US that they had to make their own. Maybe they just wanted easier coursework. 

Oh, good. Another fly-by-night online Bible college for Phillip Rodrigues to take one course from and move on.

[Xan]

5 minutes ago, Joyster said:

Pastor Baker has provided some competition for Bro Gary’s King James Baptist College. Well, not really. It astounds me that Gary and his buds thought there wasn’t enough King James Bible coursework in the US that they had to make their own. Maybe they just wanted easier coursework. 

My guess is that Baker figured there was money to be made.  If Gary Hawkins could think himself an authority on the Bible, then Baker decided that any applicants were marks ready to be fleeced.  I doubt that Gary is going to be very happy about this.  Most of the faculty of the fake college have fake doctorates.  How can Gary compete?

[Joyster]

Baker’s college has been in existence for 8 years. Baker was one of the founders. I watched a little of what I’m calling in my head, “Boring White Men Talk About Bible College”, that announced the presidency choice.

It’s not an accredited college, of course, but it’s several steps above Gary’s multiple choice “college”.

[thoughtful]

1 hour ago, Joyster said:

Baker’s college has been in existence for 8 years. Baker was one of the founders. I watched a little of what I’m calling in my head, “Boring White Men Talk About Bible College”, that announced the presidency choice.

Yeah, it's been one of his many projects - anything for a buck - er, soul.

[EyesOpen]

19 hours ago, Joyster said:

 

They spelled grifter wrong

[Joyster]

Gary is pushing his King James College. He also had a post about how wonderful his wife is, and how he misses his mom. There was a powerful tornado on Wednesday, but Gary hasn’t mentioned it. The church’s power was out for a couple of days.The church parking lot is being used as a disaster relief center. 
 

Gary’s brother posted some family pictures of his mom including one of a younger Gary.

Spoiler

 

[Joyster]

“good message Trust last night”and “ that” good thing.” I guess you’ll have to trust Gary that God trusts him to do his will. 

Becky tagged Gary on a couple of houses in Columbia for rent, so I think they are trying to move closer the church. There is a housing shortage there, so I’m not sure they’ll be able to afford it.

The King James Bible College has its first two graduates—a couple! They completed 48 courses, and they are ready for…who knows what? Maybe the NYC Tract and Street Preaching Blast June 12-15? Well, at least Malcom. Women can’t preach according to these folks. Note to self, don’t go to NYC Times Square June 12-15. 

Spoiler

OK, the NYC Tract and Preaching Blast has nothing really to do with Gary. I found it while browsing the page, and I had to work it in. Gary sometimes comments on the FB KJV Pastoral search page to offer to fill in for a service if the church is close enough. That’s how he got his last practice gig. I’m including my favorite advertisement for a pastor under the next spoiler. It has nothing to do with Gary except he probably would like them.

Spoiler

 

 

Edited May 18 by Joyster

[SisterCupcake]

On the KJ Bible College page...I'm still trying to figure out what it means: 

 

[Bluebirdbluebell]

4 hours ago, Joyster said:

The King James Bible College has its first two graduates—a couple! They completed 48 courses, and they are ready for…who knows what? Maybe the NYC Tract and Street Preaching Blast June 12-15? Well, at least Malcom. Women can’t preach according to these folks. Note to self, don’t go to NYC Times Square June 12-15. 

  Hide contents

 

Forty- eight! courses!  How did they complete 48 courses in less than 2 years? How long is a course? What kind of work is required to complete one? How many courses did they take at once?  I have more questions, but I'm not going to enroll. 

[Ozlsn]

7 hours ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

Forty- eight! courses!  How did they complete 48 courses in less than 2 years? How long is a course? What kind of work is required to complete one? How many courses did they take at once?  I have more questions, but I'm not going to enroll. 

So there's 66 books in the Bible - which ones did they skip or condense?

[postscript]

12 hours ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

Forty- eight! courses!  How did they complete 48 courses in less than 2 years? How long is a course? What kind of work is required to complete one? How many courses did they take at once?  I have more questions, but I'm not going to enroll. 

I’m surprised someone actually designed 48 courses. I was convinced they were making them up as they went along, and nobody would actually complete the entire course. My guess is that the coursework isn’t exactly academically rigorous. 

Gary also recently posted another one about “servicing” a great God. The images that gave me necessitated time in the prayer closet. 

[thoughtful]

On 5/18/2024 at 7:42 PM, SisterCupcake said:

On the KJ Bible College page...I'm still trying to figure out what it means: 

 

"Quit you like men" is KJV-speak for "behave like a man and meet your obligations." It's from 1 Corinthians, 16:13.

KJV: Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong.

ESV and NIV: Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.
 

I've heard it explained that "quit" is an old form of "acquit," in the sense usually given as the second definitiion:

Quote

to conduct (oneself) usually satisfactorily especially under stress

The recruits acquitted themselves like veterans.

I always want to punctuate it differently, just to aggravate them, when I hear these clods preaching against homosexuality:

Spoiler

 

 

Edited May 21 by thoughtful
riffle

[SisterCupcake]

6 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Quit you like men" is KJV-speak for "behave like a man and meet your obligations." It's from 1 Corinthians, 16:13.

Fascinating! Thanks for the explanation!

[Hane]

@thoughtful, thanks for the shoutout to our main man Randy! He has a new video out: Forty-Five!

[GingerCinnamon]

Quote

Quit you like men" is KJV-speak for "behave like a man and meet your obligations." It's from 1 Corinthians, 16:13.

 

KJV: Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong.

 

ESV and NIV: Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.

There's also at least one hymn with this terminology. I don't know if Bro Gary would know it, but it wouldn't surprise me.

https://hymnary.org/hymn/BSHR1924/422

[thoughtful]

9 hours ago, Hane said:

@thoughtful, thanks for the shoutout to our main man Randy! He has a new video out: Forty-Five!

I know - I was so excited! I posted it to the Political humor thread, in fact.

1 hour ago, GingerCinnamon said:

There's also at least one hymn with this terminology. I don't know if Bro Gary would know it, but it wouldn't surprise me.

https://hymnary.org/hymn/BSHR1924/422

I don't remember ever hearing it sung in any of the services I've watched. 

If I'm reading this correctly, it hasn't been in hymnals for almost a century. That probably wouldn't stop IFBers from using it, since they fetishize Ye Olden Times. But even they probably have a limited number of old hymnals around.

It's one of those hymns that sounds like a college song or pop song of the time it was written, to me:

Spoiler

 

 

[thoughtful]

9 hours ago, thoughtful said:

It's one of those hymns that sounds like a college song or pop song of the time it was written, to me:

  Reveal hidden contents

 

 

Quoting myself because, as it ran through my mind, it kept reminding me of something else, and I finally realized what it was. Once I did, the musical reasons for it were obvious, but it amused me that I couldn't put my finger on it for a few hours.

Here is a very Jill-worthy video of the other song for comparison, with apologies in advance for earworms of either one, or nightmares about this attempt at the Mack Sennett bathing beauties in the 21st century:

Spoiler

 

ETA - come to think of it, the Sennett ladies wore much scantier suits!

Edited May 22 by thoughtful

[Joyster]

Gary’s got the gift of motivating men to go into the ministry, or should I say caskets?

[Joyster]

At last night’s Family Baptist service, Gary asked for prayers for his trip to Iowa this weekend. Also, Pastor Baker asked the congregation to pray for Rebecca (I think it was our Becky because he looked towards the area Gary’s request came from) who was doing better but still needed prayers.

Baker WTF update:

Baker asked for prayer for an unsaved man a second time last night. This man is the son of someone and is in the hospital with cancer. On Sunday, Baker told the congregation that he was there with some other guy two times and shared the plan of salvation. The man refused to be saved, which confounded Baker. He encouraged the congregation to keep visiting the man in the hospital and sharing the plan of salvation. Tonight, Baker updated that the man moved back to ICU and put on a ventilator. A congregant visited him and he is still unsaved. The congregation was encouraged to keep praying for him to be saved and his health. 

And, last week on Baker’s Facebook, he posted this:

I found this amusing as Baker often quotes other people about things he believes on his page. In fact, in 2024 he quoted other men on his page 9 times, while he quoted the Bible only once. Yep, I counted. In fact, his latest post quoted Sunday night’s speaker’s words and no scripture.

The post caused bickering in the comments, including an attack and defense of R.C. Sproul. From the context of the comments, I think Baker meant quoting in a sermon, but it was still amusing. I was hoping Gary would comment, but, alas, he did not. Gary probably was intimidated.

[Joyster]

Update: I think Gary will be at Cornerstone Baptist in Vinton, Iowa. This is the home of “fun” church with bouncy houses, pies in the face, food truck, and tent at the train depot. However, this year the church will be at their new church building for the inauguration service and open house. It looks like an old school. The pastor said it has a gym.

[Bluebirdbluebell]

5 hours ago, Joyster said:

Update: I think Gary will be at Cornerstone Baptist in Vinton, Iowa. This is the home of “fun” church with bouncy houses, pies in the face, food truck, and tent at the train depot. However, this year the church will be at their new church building for the inauguration service and open house. It looks like an old school. The pastor said it has a gym.

I just looked up Cornerstone Baptist Church. The pastor is Joshua Graber. There are reviews of the Church on a site called Faith Street (link).  Apparently judging from what the "members say" Pastor Graber looooves Trump.

 

[thoughtful]

14 hours ago, Joyster said:

Baker asked for prayer for an unsaved man a second time last night. This man is the son of someone and is in the hospital with cancer. On Sunday, Baker told the congregation that he was there with some other guy two times and shared the plan of salvation. The man refused to be saved, which confounded Baker. He encouraged the congregation to keep visiting the man in the hospital and sharing the plan of salvation. Tonight, Baker updated that the man moved back to ICU and put on a ventilator. A congregant visited him and he is still unsaved. The congregation was encouraged to keep praying for him to be saved and his health. 

Their wasting anyone's time trying to get them "saved" aggravates me. But wasting the time of someone in that situation just enrages me. They are so deluded, and so arrogant.

[Alisamer]

26 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

Their wasting anyone's time trying to get them "saved" aggravates me. But wasting the time of someone in that situation just enrages me. They are so deluded, and so arrogant.

I can kind of get someone who believes being sad and scared if their loved one doesn't believe, since they think that means that their loved one will suffer in hell for eternity and they'll never see them again. 

But I don't trust these people to be in that situation. It could very well be that the person is already "saved" thank you very much, they just aren't a member of a KJV only independent fundamentalist church.