Jump to content
IGNORED

Maxwell 51: Empty Nesters, Empty Vesters? End of an Era


Coconut Flan
 Share

Recommended Posts

Continued from here:

Quote

That also means that after almost 2900 blog posts over 15 years, it looks like things are changing on the blog. If you follow our blog much, you will have noticed fewer blog posts. 

We aren’t sure what that means, but with all our kids now out of the home, with some of our marrieds preferring private life to a more public blog life, and with our lack of family-type, blog-worthy substance, it seems like the blog will change or maybe even come to an end.

We aren’t fully sure what that will look like, but right now we are thinking if we do any blog posts they will be articles without comments.

 

  • Thank You 8
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Quote: I also wonder if the younger sisters suffered from a kind of "caregiver burnout". Caring for Christopher's 5 kids for a year was surely intense, in addition to caring for Steve during the time of his heart failure, plus Nathan's kids on regular evenings, weekends and daytime playdates. They also taught kids at Bible school, served their brothers' businesses, and probably helped out around Maddie's birth. 

Oddly enough, I had the opposite reaction to this year or so for the younger Maxwell girls.   No one particularly needs them even in fairly dire family emergencies.   

I'm sure the playdates with Melanie and Anna's children are nice - but Melanie's brood is well-spaced out as to be manageable for a parent to deal with. Anna's family is decidedly more intense due to their tight age range but she seems pretty able to deal with her kids and makes time to sew clothes for the family.

When Anna was dealing with her long chemo regimen, Mary and Anna spent a few hours a day over at the house according to the blog.   Essentially, Mary or Anna either worked the morning shift of getting the kids up and ready to homeschool or worked the afterschool shift of caring for the kids until Christopher was able to take over.  I wondered if that was a nice change of pace for Mary especially since neither Anna nor Mary has seemed to be employed much on a regular basis.

Caring for Steve seemed mostly to revolve around dividing meals up among the adult children to cook for each other since the senior Maxwells' vegan sugar-free diet sounded......*shudders*.   That and avoiding the sanctimonious nagging and lecturing of Steve and Terri on how everyone should follow that diet and the kids should give up their whopping 3 oz of meat a day.    My heart sang when Steve's cardiologist told him that despite his obsessive diet he still needed statins to control his cholesterol because the entire diet was seriously flawed from a biochemical perspective since cholesterol is generally dependent on the liver's pre-set disposition to make it.

Chelsy thanked Anna and Mary for helping out with her sons for the few days she was in the hospital.   I'm a former NICU mom of one - but having one kid in the hospital makes you want to grab any child you are close to and hang on tight when you are at home so I suspect John and Chelsy did fine between the two of them.

Don't get me wrong; I'm sure each of the moms in the family has stories of being grateful that they had sisters-in-law on hand in a pinch - but that's different from needing them to function.

  • Upvote 17
  • I Agree 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

From the previous thread, @zandria said Anna and Mary's Facebooks are relatively new -- started within the last few weeks, in late August. One of Anna's first posts is of the plane taking her away from the Fathership.  And all of a sudden Sarah is more active on linkedin.  This may be a fundie flip of the bird to Steve.  He's not setting the rules for them any longer, and they're letting him know it.

Possibly, but when my daughter started college a couple of years ago, she was disgusted by the realization that she would need to create a Facebook profile in order to access some information she needed on campus. My guess is that Anna and Mary had to sign up for the same reason. Facebook is the opposite of rebellious. It’s been old people social media for years now.

  • Upvote 17
  • I Agree 8
  • Thank You 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On the last thread, so done (sorry, I forget who) suggested maybe Sarah bought Gigi's house or has moved in with her. I find this doubtful. If this was the case Steve would have spun it as Sarah taking care of Gigi (i.e. "ministering to the elderly").

  • Upvote 17
  • I Agree 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

51 minutes ago, Queen Of Hearts said:

If this was the case Steve would have spun it as Sarah taking care of Gigi (i.e. "ministering to the elderly").

I agree. From the sparse information Steve included, I got the distinct impression that Sarah has moved out of Steveʻs & Teriʻs house and into her own space.

 

 

 

  • Upvote 11
  • I Agree 2
  • Love 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 hours ago, hoipolloi said:

 

I agree. From the sparse information Steve included, I got the distinct impression that Sarah has moved out of Steveʻs & Teriʻs house and into her own space.

 

 

 

And I am thinking not anywhere near the compound (because that would be another big story in Steve's mind I am sure).  Maybe she moved closer to her escaped brothers.

And I still say it is most telling that she has quit all work for Titus 2. Most kids would gladly still volunteer a few days a month to help with shipments or do book keeping for their parents, especially when they have been so involved in the business/ministry for so long. Sarah has just cut all ties with Titus 2.  It is weird and I want to know why!  Even weirder if her new home is anywhere near the Maxhell compound.

 

 

  • Upvote 14
  • Love 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 hours ago, hoipolloi said:

 

I agree. From the sparse information Steve included, I got the distinct impression that Sarah has moved out of Steveʻs & Teriʻs house and into her own space.

 

 

 

And I’m wondering if it’s an apartment or condo, or even a rental house where Sarah is not responsible for yard work.  She’s not been repped as enjoying the mulching &c that has been a staple of Maxfam Scheduled Activity.  
 

Here’s a thought: What if she has a roommate who’s obviously not blood-related to her? The very thought! - for Steve. 
 

Theres a Story that Sarah gave up her own room in the fathership to join A&M who were laughing and talking at night in their shared room. I could have seen myself doing this if I were Sarah, with no real contact with people near her own age all day. I like my privacy but I also enjoy company. 
 

Sarah may be wired like me: that while she is dunzo with living with her parents, she likes having another adult around and doesn’t necessarily want a place entirely her own. 
 

TLTR: So - she may be in a 2-bedroom, 2-bath dwelling with a compatible friend. A female friend, to be sure! But said friend = not a Maxwell. Steve would be beside himself. 

  • Upvote 8
  • Confused 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

10 hours ago, VVV said:

 My guess is that Anna and Mary had to sign up for the same reason. Facebook is the opposite of rebellious. It’s been old people social media for years now.

Your point is true for non-fundies, but This Is The Maxwell We're Talking About - an individual social media page for an unmarried woman outside of her parents or spouse is pretty out there. But yeah, an instagram or *god forbid* tik tok would be even crazier.

  • Upvote 5
  • Rufus Bless 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I feel like this is the end of an era. I don't remember how I first discovered the Maxwells, but it was way back before they even purchased Uriah (may he RIP). I remember all the weddings minus Nathan and Melanie's and the broken disappeared engagement of Christopher. The time the FJers met the girls at a conference. All the babies, including Susannah and her passing. 

I am truly glad for Sarah even if seeing the updated title yesterday just about gave me a damn heart attack. I hope we'll hear things from time to time about the clan, but my how far we have come from the elaborate coordinated family photos of yore. 

  • Upvote 11
Link to comment
Share on other sites

30 minutes ago, freethemall said:

Your point is true for non-fundies, but This Is The Maxwell We're Talking About - an individual social media page for an unmarried woman outside of her parents or spouse is pretty out there. But yeah, an instagram or *god forbid* tik tok would be even crazier.

I'd love, love, love for Sarah to start her own Instagram, maybe a youtube channel, and share what she REALLY thinks about dad's rules. It'd be interesting to see her living on her own and making her own choices and decisions. She could write a book about the way she grew up, since writing books is "her thing". 

I just want that because it'd be entertaining, though. I hope she's enjoying living life on her own. 

  • Upvote 3
  • I Agree 6
Link to comment
Share on other sites

52 minutes ago, freethemall said:

Your point is true for non-fundies, but This Is The Maxwell We're Talking About - an individual social media page for an unmarried woman outside of her parents or spouse is pretty out there. But yeah, an instagram or *god forbid* tik tok would be even crazier.

Both of my college classes this year required me to create and maintain social media, including facebook, because for some reason jobs use it to hire, and people put events on it. Only one is a public relations related course.

  • Upvote 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm pages behind. Sorry. Another 4 days without checking in and another bombshell! I'm happy for them, especially Sarah. I have a soft spot for her.

I wonder what the root of all these changes is? Joining a church seems to be the trigger, but there has to be some events even before prompting them to join the church. Somehow I have the gut feeling that the changes have started years ago - maybe with slow baby steps. But we never allowed to see the real picture on the blog. Only a very curated version of truth. We probably will never get a full picture. Just being curious.

 

  • Upvote 2
  • I Agree 11
Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 minutes ago, Austrian Atheist said:

I wonder what the root of all these changes is? Joining a church seems to be the trigger, but there has to be some events even before prompting them to join the church. Somehow I have the gut feeling that the changes have started years ago - maybe with slow baby steps. But we never allowed to see the real picture on the blog. Only a very curated version of truth. We probably will never get a full picture. Just being curious.

I've thought for quite a while that their blog is very carefully curated and that the "public" is only allowed to see what Steve allows to be posted. I agree everything had to start with baby steps. Possibly as far back as Chelsy marrying into the family, and probably pushed farther once they joined a real church. "Because I said so" doesn't even work on toddlers much of the time, so surely at some point Steve started to lose some control. Why should the Maxwell daughters not be allowed to wear pants, when their sister-in-law and church friends do? Why should they have to do what daddy says, when they are well into adulthood? Why do they have to live under daddy's roof, when they undoubtedly have church friends who have attended college, moved out before marriage, etc? Why should they follow dad's restrictive diet? (They didn't - there's a baby step right there.) Why should they put their entire lives on hold waiting for a husband to show up? Their brothers are starting to move away from the father ship, why shouldn't they have a little freedom? Sarah is nearly 40. She had to be OVER all this at some point.

I hope they started asking all those questions, Steve didn't have actual biblical answers to them, and the girls decided as adults to start making some decisions for themselves. I hope Teri supported them in that, too.

I imagine Steve's health scare might have been a catalyst also - dad's not going to live forever. Maybe Teri took a hard look at things and decided she really didn't want to be stuck with three stay-at-home daughters looking to her for their daily schedule. Teri looks to me like once Steve dies she's going to be wanting a smaller house with Arnold, and will probably do lots of hiking in between trips to trader joe's. She had more kids than she wanted and schedules her brief times with the grandkids, she seems like she'd be happier without so many responsibilities. I could see her waving goodbye and heading out to do some thru-hikes or travel or something. She has spent her life being submissive to Steve - which was her choice - but I could see her at some point saying "OK, I did my part, I'm done."

Sarah has been the dutiful stay-at-home daughter, writing books for the family and doing work for the family businesses. I hope she is DONE. I hope the other girls are also just DONE. Done following Steve's stupid rules, done putting their lives on hold, done living their lives under Steve's fears. It's about time they started living for real.

  • Upvote 26
  • I Agree 1
  • Love 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

13 hours ago, MomJeans said:

Over the years I've seen a lot of toxic comments on this board implying that the Maxwell sisters helping their family is no big deal because they don't have a career and are not married.

The original reply was to an equally toxic comment that Melanie and Anna Maxwell were going to be in a heap of trouble now that the younger Maxwell girls were unavailable to babysit.   

I'm glad the younger Maxwell girls are going to college because none of the Maxwell sisters have a single career reference for anyone without the last name Maxwell.   Sarah's been working at keeping Titus 2 and doing unspecified other work for her brothers' businesses for years.   That's a ton of work - but it's worthless in terms of furthering her ability to work outside of the family business.   Ditto for Anna's work as a call-center rep for Nathan.   What's Mary being doing?  Who knows?  

The Maxwells like to play up how much the younger two sisters help out their sisters-in-law - but is it really impossible for Melanie to handle six kids between the ages of 13 and two by herself?   Is Anna Maxwell completely overwhelmed by six small and medium children?  Is it possible - or even probable - that Melanie and Anna prefer to rely on themselves,  their own family support, or friends rather than sisters-in-law who may or may not be into babysitting?

The bigger issue has been that the Maxwells put little or no effort into getting their daughters the skills or relationships needed to be independent adults within their culture.   If the only way for a daughter to become an  adult is to marry, then the Maxwells are complete failures as of today.   If running a full-time "ministry" or working enough to support yourself is an allowable form of adulthood, then they were at 1.25 out of three since Sarah seems to have enough money to launch and Anna/Mary had kept a once-a-week children's bible group running for a few years.   

  • Upvote 7
Link to comment
Share on other sites

13 hours ago, Queen Of Hearts said:

On the last thread, so done (sorry, I forget who) suggested maybe Sarah bought Gigi's house or has moved in with her. I find this doubtful. If this was the case Steve would have spun it as Sarah taking care of Gigi (i.e. "ministering to the elderly").

If she works full time for her brothers it seems more likely that she moved closer to Joseph and Jesse. Also the purchase of the car maybe was a preparation for moving a bit farther away than just a walk over the street.

  • Upvote 11
Link to comment
Share on other sites

14 minutes ago, Austrian Atheist said:

If she works full time for her brothers it seems more likely that she moved closer to Joseph and Jesse. Also the purchase of the car maybe was a preparation for moving a bit farther away than just a walk over the street.

She works for Joseph in Olathe but also for Nathan in Leavenworth. So, moving closer to one is moving further away from the other. 

  • Upvote 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

13 minutes ago, fundiefan said:

She works for Joseph in Olathe but also for Nathan in Leavenworth. So, moving closer to one is moving further away from the other. 

Just gut feeling that Joseph's company is thriving.

  • Upvote 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

For me, this news is particularly important because having 3, neurotypical, adults living lives that are 100% based on their father’s wishes, in 2021, is just unhealthy and unrealistic; borders on criminal, IMO. It wasn’t necessarily the fact that they were all single and living at home, but that they had zero autonomy over their own lives; choices and decisions made. For women well into their 20s and one nearing forty, that is just all kinds of dysfunctional and wrong. Once those ladies saw the lives and choices of the Christian women in their church, on their missions and married into their family (Anna and Chelsy), the 3 daughters had to start questioning…they had to. If Anna and Chelsy were good enough for the Max sons, why couldn’t S, A and M a also have more mainstream choices?  Even Jana Duggar can have friends, wear pants and travel.

 

ETA- By criminal I mean that those girls were living the lives of prisoners, with Steve acting as the warden.

Edited by SassyPants
  • Upvote 15
  • Eyeroll 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

32 minutes ago, fundiefan said:

She works for Joseph in Olathe but also for Nathan in Leavenworth. So, moving closer to one is moving further away from the other. 

Doesn't she do online stuff for them though?

  • Upvote 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 minutes ago, kpmom said:

Doesn't she do online stuff for them though?

No idea what she does or how she does it. But even if she does work remotely (I presume that's what you mean by "online") moving closer to Joseph over Nathan would be for....what reason? 

I just don't think her jobs for her brothers are dictating where she moved. She may have moved out, but she is Sarah Maxwell. Why would she leave her life entirely? She has lived in Leavenworth all along; what would be the motive to move an hour away? She attends the church in Leavenworth and is apparently significantly involved with the church - enough so that it was given as a reason contributing to her moving out - moving closer to Joseph wouldn't make church participation any easier. Most of her family is in Leavenworth, and when Anna & Mary have vacations - where are they going to go? Leavenworth. 

 

  • Upvote 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Regardless of how much care that Sarah, Anna and Mary did or did not provide for their father and brothers there is nothing like a health crisis to make everyone involved - even peripherally re evaluate things. The Maxwell's have faced some big health issues but I suspect that Anna's cancer diagnosis was the lever that really made the unmarried Maxwell's think. 

One of the biggest life changes I made occurred after a woman I worked with suddenly developed a cardiac infection. She went from healthy woman planning her wedding to number one on the transplant list in the space of less than one day. I did the scan to look for evidence of brain death literally one day after she showed me the swatches of her wedding colours while we were on call together. I only knew her as a work friend but I went home and thought: that could have been me and I started to think about what if it had been me. It took some time (almost a year) for my plans to come to fruition but it was that moment that the decision was made to change. 

I wonder if Sarah,Anna and Mary looked Anna and thought about how time is limited for everyone and then started to think about changes they needed for themselves.

  • Upvote 7
  • Love 13
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wow, go Sarah!!

 

The Maxwells we’re some of the first fundies I encountered. I was considering home schooling for kindy as we were moving mid year, and a neighbor gave me a stack of home schooling books. Terri’s “Homeschooling with a Meek and Gentle Spirit” (or was it quiet?) was in there and i found it very odd and depressing. 
 

It wasn’t until later and finding Vision Forum materials and then Free Jinger that I really started following them per se.

 

never would have seen this coming, but I’m so happy for the girls. Truly the end of an era, as I was a stay at home mom to a 5 year old and 3 year old when I found them, and now I’m divorced and living with my dog and cat in Mexico all by my damn self. I have a pool if any of y’all get to Merida, by the way.

 

Life, it sure is crazy- even if you schedule and plan it.

  • Upvote 19
Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, Alisamer said:

Why should they follow dad's restrictive diet? (They didn't - there's a baby step right there.)

They didn't totally follow the diet, but they were put on a less intense version of the diet.  They were only allowed 3 oz. of meat which is smaller than most restaurant portions of meat, (McDonald's hamburgers aside). 

I have no idea what the Maxwells believe anymore. They clearly are changing. 

1 hour ago, SassyPants said:

Once those ladies saw the lives and choices of the Christian women in their church, on their missions and married into their family (Anna and Chelsy), the 3 daughters had to start questioning…they had to. If Anna and Chelsy were good enough for the Max sons, why couldn’t S, A and M a also have more mainstream choices?  Even Jana Duggar can have friends, wear pants and travel.

 

How do Chelsy and Anna enter into this? Chelsy was young woman who worked for the family business, wrote the family blog and toured with her family the way the Maxwell ladies used to. Anna Craig is very young woman, who also toured with her family and spent most of her adult life courting Jesse before getting married at 20.  I guess Chelsy wears jeans and watches some movies, but those are very small changes. The bigger picture is these women are more alike than they are different.

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, fundiefan said:

No idea what she does or how she does it. But even if she does work remotely (I presume that's what you mean by "online") moving closer to Joseph over Nathan would be for....what reason? 

 

Yeah, work remotely is what I meant (old lady alert!).  I didn't write op about her maybe moving closer to Joseph.  My point was if she is working remotely what would it matter whether she moved closer to one brother and further away from the other.

37 minutes ago, browngrl said:

I wonder if Sarah,Anna and Mary looked Anna and thought about how time is limited for everyone and then started to think about changes they needed for themselves.

And it's interesting that Anna Marie's post mentioned her heightened awareness of limited time.  It might have been a combination of that , plus the influence of attending an actual church that has led to all of this.

  • Upvote 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share




×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.