Political Memes, Comics, and other Shenanigans, Part 33

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"Orbital Magnetized MAGA Pants"

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The first thing I thought when I heard Republican congressman Louie Gohmert ask an official of the United States Forest Service if we can combat climate change by changing the orbit of the Earth and the moon was, “Don’t they have their hands full raking forests being set on fire from Jewish space lasers?”

The second thing I thought was, “What a dumbass.”

The third thing I thought was, “Hey, a Republican believes in climate change.”

The fourth thing I thought was, “if he wants to change the Earth’s and moon’s orbits, why isn’t he talking to NASA instead of Smokey the Bear?”

The fifth thing I thought was, “He’s a werewolf.”

And finally I thought, “To combat climate change, a typical Republican would literally rather change the Earth’s orbit than modify his behavior or accept accountability.”

Republicans are stupid, yo. We have Marjorie Taylor Greene believing in Jewish Space lasers and a Satanic deep state eating children. We have Louie Gohmert competing with her for dumbest person in Congress. And then…we have a doctor (a real doctor?) who testified at a state-government hearing in Ohio that vaccines for the coronavirus will…wait for this…magnetize you.

So basically, these vaccines have tracking chips and magnets while also making you immune?

Dr. Sherri Tenpenny, an osteopathic physician, testified as an “expert witness” during a hearing about a bill that will weaken the state’s vaccination laws. She claims, “The shots magnetize people, causing metal objects from pennies to forks to stick to their bodies.” Seriously, I hope you’re washing all that silverware after trying to stick it to your person. Or better yet, buy new stuff to scoop your food with before sticking it in your mouth.

She also said, “I’m sure you’ve seen the pictures all over the internet of people who have had these shots and now they’re magnetized. They can put a key on their forehead. It sticks. They can put spoons and forks all over them and they can stick.” I have NOT seen the pictures “all over the internet” of people doing this stuff.

At that same hearing, someone claiming they were a “registered” nurse defended the doctor, said it’s true and she was an example that could prove it. She stuck a key to her chest and said, “Explain to me why the key sticks to me. It sticks to my neck too.” The key would not stick and kept falling down. You think she’d have tried it at home before the hearing. Anyway, that so-called nurse should definitely be “registered” by some government agency.

This whole conspiracy theory started with the idea Bill Gates was planting tracking chips into the vaccines when honestly, the only person he needs to worry about keeping track of is his wife suing him for divorce.

But, this magnet conspiracy theory has spread like…well, a conspiracy theory. There are even TikTok challenges of people sticking things to themselves. And trust me, if you see a video of someone sticking things to themselves, then it definitely has to be magnets with no other explanations being available like glue…or they’re just nasty by not practicing good hygiene. Also, if your bank and credit cards stop working, it’s probably not the magnets.

But, it’s gotten so crazy that even the Center for Disease Control had to issue a statement debunking the magnet bullshit. Do you remember when the CDC spent most of their time with serious matters? Pretty soon, they’ll probably have to issue a statement saying Louie Gohmert probably isn’t a werewolf. On the whole magnet shit, the CDC said, “No, you fucking fucknuts. Don’t make us come down there and slap you upside the head. Idiots.” No. That’s what they wanted to say.

What they actually said was, “No. Receiving a COVID-19 vaccine will not make you magnetic, including at the site of vaccination which is usually your arm, because the vaccine is free of metals such as iron, nickel, cobalt, lithium, and rare earth alloys, as well as any manufactured products such as microelectronics, electrodes, carbon nanotubes, and nanowire semiconductors that can create an electromagnetic field.” And, Louie Gohmert may or may not be a mentally challenged werewolf.

No, you can’t change the orbit of the Earth and Moon. No, vaccines don’t have tracking chips or magnets. And no, Donald Trump did not wear his pants backwards at last week’s hate rally. Wait, what?

It appears that Donald Trump wore backward pants at that North Carolina hate rally. You know, the one where he continued the lie he won the election and warned that people are trying to destroy the country who don’t have that right…like he does.

But, his pants just looked like they were on backwards. We know this now because the CDC issued a statement….No. We know this because several news outlets hired investigators to spend hours poring over photos and videos of Trump’s nether regions at the event. There’s gotta be a better way to make a living. When they were all done looking at Trump’s crotch, these experts issued their ruling that his pants were NOT on backwards. Why, they even found a zipper in the front.

So, if you’re like Louie Gohmert and currently in orbit around Donald Trump’s ass, that’s probably good to know.

The only explanation for the appearance his pants were worn backwards…which is way less crazy than Jewish space lasers, raking forests, changing orbits, baby-eating deep state, or that vaccines have magnets and tracking chips…is that Donald Trump was wearing a diaper.

Hey, sometimes you gotta poop. Sometimes, that time is while you’re screaming at the sky about winning an election you lost big time and ordering your white nationalist terrorist base to commit insurrection on your behalf. Traitors gotta poop too and sometimes, they like to do it while standing up or walking…or in Trump’s case, waddling.

I don’t believe in the Satanic baby-eating deep state, Jewish space lasers, changing orbits, or the magnets and tracking chips in vaccines…but I can buy into the belief, because he’s full of shit, Donald Trump wears a diaper…

…and Louie Gohmert may be a werewolf. A really, really stupid werewolf.

 

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[ADoyle90815]

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[Black Aliss]

[Ozlsn]

16 hours ago, Black Aliss said:

I have to admit I saw the G7 photo and thought "that choir looks light on the upper range..."

[ADoyle90815]

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"Trump Tower Of Lies"

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Remember when Donald Trump claimed President Obama spied on and had wiretapped Trump Tower, though he never did? Of course we knew then that Donald Trump projects. Whatever Donald Trump accuses someone of, it’s something where he’s actually guilty.

Donald Trump complained about Hillary Clinton’s emails, and yet, his own White House (including his daughter) used personal emails and deleted records. They especially hid evidence of Trump asking other world leaders to dig up dirt on his opponents.

When Donald Trump was accusing then candidate Joe Biden of engaging in corruption in Ukraine with his son Hunter, Trump was literally engaging in corruption in Ukaine. He withheld military aid from Ukraine in exchange for them to make up some shit about the Bidens. Rudy was oozing all over it.

Donald Trump gave Ted Cruz the nickname “Lyin’ Ted” (which was pretty accurate) and called Hillary Clinton “Crooked Hillary.” Donald Trump told over 20,000 lies as president and he was the most corrupt person EVER to hold that office. The man tried to put an international summit at one of his failing golf resorts. He attempted to force world leaders to pay him to attend. I can go over the long record of Trump’s corruption, but I don’t want to be here all day.

Trump called Clinton a “bigot.” Yeah, let that one soak in. When Clinton said Trump was “Putin’s puppet,” his witty retort was, “You’re the puppet,” and after he won the election, he stood next to Putin and said he trusted him more than U.S. intelligence agencies. Also, back to that corruption thing, Trump tried to bribe Putin (as a candidate) with a Moscow penthouse in a proposed Trump Tower. By the way, that’s illegal.

Which brings us to all the times when Donald Trump has accused others of breaking laws. Donald Trump should be in prison.

During the Russia investigation, he claimed all the collusion was between Hillary Clinton and the Russians. Yet, his dumbass son (the eldest) invited Russians into his campaign HQ (Trump Towers which was NOT being bugged) to provide dirt on Hillary Clinton.

Donald Trump was real quick to pile on whenever a Democrat, like Al Franken, was embroiled in a sex scandal. Yeah, Mr. Grab-Them-By-The-Pussy was all over it.

The Washington Post’s Philip Bump found that Trump’s top five insults were “fake,” “failed,” “dishonest,” “weak,” and “liar. That probably also means Trump doesn’t really believe he’s a “stable genius.”

Now we have learned that corrupt and lying Donald Trump, who claimed he was spied on and it was bigger than Watergate, was spying on his enemies.

Donald Trump publicly called for the Justice Department to spy on his enemies…and William Barr, the attorney General, obliged. Remember when then-Senator Kamala Harris asked then-Attorney General William Barr if anyone at the White House had ever asked or encouraged him to spy on anyone? Do you remember him playing stupid and dumb with his answer? He’s not stupid or dumb and he needs to testify before Congress again. Maybe before Adam Schiff’s committee.

We learned Trump’s DOJ spied on at least five reporters from outlets he despised. And, the reporters are just now learning this. Three reporters for The Washington Post, who were covering the Russia investigation, had their phone records seized. Other reporters from Political, Buzzfeed, and The New York Times had their emails collected and surveilled by Trump’s DOJ. On top of all this, Trump’s DOJ obtained CNN Pentagon reporter Barbara Starr’s Pentagon extension, her home and cell numbers, the CNN Pentagon booth phone number, and her work and personal email accounts. And, she just found this out last week.

We also learned the Justice Department spied on Democratic Congressmen and harsh Trump critics, Eric Swalwell and Adam Schiff (who Trump liked to call “Shifty Schiff.” Just how “shifty” is Trump?). Hell, the Justice Department even subpoenaed Twitter to find out the identity of the parody account pretending to be Trump supporter Devin Nunes’ cow.

The Trump administration argued to judges to acquire these warrants, that they were looking for leakers. Do you remember the great big brouhaha over FISA warrants? Devin Nunes does but he didn’t have a problem with there being a warrant for his cow.

We never did get to see the evidence candidate Trump claimed he had proving President Obama wasn’t born in the United States, but since he does project…I think Donald Trump was born in Kenya.

I want to see a lot of these people go to prison.

 

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