Adventures in Teen Devotionals

[IreneIssh]

So, I've been talking a lot about strange Christian books on FJ lately, and thought it might be fun to just have a thread devoted to finding and sharing the contents of these books, in case anyone finds something particularly snark-worthy.

I recently bought Lorraine Peterson's teen devotional Anybody Can Be Cool...But Awesome Takes Practice as a gag gift for my little sister, but thought you all might appreciate some of the silly things inside. 

First, there's this quiz:

Quote

Self-Examination

1.Is there any way you've been compromising your testimony in order to impress other kids? __________________ . Confess it to God and determine to change. 

 

2.There are some people I'll never be able to forgive.   True or False?

 

3. I can WILL to forgive everyone and trust God to work a miracle in me so that forgiveness becomes real.    True or False?

 

4. Which verse are you going to internalize to help you forgive? 

a. Matt. 6:14-15 

b. Eph. 4:32

c. Gal. 6:1

d. Other _________________ (specify)

(Make a card with the verse on it and start memorizing it right now)

 

5. He who hates correction is __________________. (Prov. 12:1)

 

6. What dishonesty have you discovered in your life?

a. Lying to make people feel better or to keep the peace

b. Automatically blaming others for your mistakes

c. Exaggerating for attention. 

d. Other ________________ (specify)

 

7. What is always guarenteed to make you miserable? 

a. Cloudy days

b. Unfair tests

c. Unconfessed sin

d. Losing the game

 

8. What thought can rescue me when I'm tempted to get angry at my teacher for giving me a hard test or to blow up at my little sister for breaking my calculator?

a. Be still and know that I am God. 

b. I must vent my emotions so I can feel better. 

c. It's important to scold people so they remember not to do it again. 

d. All of the above

 

9. What is God's standard?

a. Play to win

b. Act justly, love mercy, walk humbly with God

c. Be the best in everything. 

d. God helps those who help themselves

 

10. What is the cure for insecurity? _____________________________________

 

Answers

1. Personal response

2. False

3. True 

4. Personal response

5. Stupid

6. Personal response 

7. C

8. A

9. B

10. Believing what God says about you. 

 

 

[Howl]

13 hours ago, IreneIssh said:

7. What is always guarenteed to make you miserable? 

a. Cloudy days

b. Unfair tests

c. Unconfessed sin

d. Losing the game

Oh, PUL-EEZE! 

[IreneIssh]

3 hours ago, Howl said:

Oh, PUL-EEZE! 

My sentiments exactly. 

There are quizzes throughout the book, and some of the questions are really intense. 

Quote

Do you have time to fall in love with Jesus? ______________________

I actually laughed out loud when I read this one last night: 

Quote

 

What has always been a main topic in the devil's "big lie" campaign?

a. Eat an apple just like Eve

b. Smiling is bad for your health 

c. God doesn't really love you and He's mean, cruel and stingy. 

d. Taking drugs increases your efficiency 

 

Now I want a poster with Satan saying "Taking drugs increases your efficiency!" I just don't think that efficiency is on the mind of most drug users.  

[K'Z'K]

17 hours ago, IreneIssh said:

8. What thought can rescue me when I'm tempted to get angry at my teacher for giving me a hard test or to blow up at my little sister for breaking my calculator?

a. Be still and know that I am God. 

I don't know about the rest of you, but when I'm having a bad day, I just think "I am God" and feel better.

[Howl]

8. What thought can rescue me when I'm tempted to get angry at my teacher for giving me a hard test or to blow up at my little sister for breaking my calculator?

e) What thought can rescue me when my little sister broke my ******* calculator and I'm taking a hard math test without it, in a cultural environment when no excuses are allowed, and spanking is the likely result if I don't do well?  There is no way to think my way out of this -- I'm f*****d. 

 

[smittykins]

^^And somehow it'll be your  fault that she broke your calculator.

[purjolok84]

On 14 January 2017 at 4:43 AM, IreneIssh said:

My sentiments exactly. 

There are quizzes throughout the book, and some of the questions are really intense. 

I actually laughed out loud when I read this one last night: 

Now I want a poster with Satan saying "Taking drugs increases your efficiency!" I just don't think that efficiency is on the mind of most drug users.  

Having just started on ADHD meds after years of unexplained ups and downs in my focus/concentration, I think we can safely campaign for "Taking (legal) drugs increases your efficiency!" I would be more than happy to take on the position of Satan's campaign manager, lol.

[freedom_for_all]

Having just started on ADHD meds after years of unexplained ups and downs in my focus/concentration, I think we can safely campaign for "Taking (legal) drugs increases your efficiency!" I would be more than happy to take on the position of Satan's campaign manager, lol.

You (not you personally but the abstract you) can take my meds from my cold dead hands!!!! Those babies changed my life and saved it. My silly brain doesn't make enough of some chemicals along with being ADD.

[IreneIssh]

 

So, I came across another weird piece of Christian literature this past weekend and wanted to share it.  I hope I'm not the only one who enjoys this thread. I know I'm a bit weird about my Christian book collecting 

But, I'm gonna share anyway. 

Has anyone heard of The Philadelphia Church of God? There was a half-off sale at the thrift store last weekend and I found these magazines called The Philadelphia Trumpet, which is put out by the Philadelphia Church of God. Weirdly enough, I picked this up for an art project I was doing and then once I googled the name I realized it was the same religious group a close friend of mine was raised in, which she refers to as a cult (many others agree with her).

Here's an excerpt from a September 2016 article titled "An Uncomfortable Possibility: What if those bums in Washington aren't bums?" by Philip Nice. The article talks about the problems the group has with the American government and wraps up with these two paragraphs:

Spoiler

Quote

Where did we go wrong? We went wrong with something we barely clutched in 1776 and that we viciously slap away in 2016: "the laws of nature and of nature's God." We don't elect our most God-fearing, law-abiding, moral, humble, obedient individuals; we don't even want to. America's relative greatness and its imminent fate depend on our obedience to nature's God. 

Of all mankind's miserable forms of government, free government has been the greatest. Yet even it is terminal. We have no hope, not even in elections. This leaves us one last resort. The government that we have reject for millennia is not only our last best hope, it is our only hope. We would never truly vote for it, but it's the only government that will make us free: the government of God. 

 

Another article talks about how to improve your memory, and talks about why its important to do so: 

Spoiler

Quote

Memory is essential to salvation. Like any parent, God needs His children to remember what He teaches them. With something so crucial, you cannot simply say, Oops, forgot; oh, well. 

Maybe you never thought of this, but memory is like so many other aspects of this physical creation: God designed it to be improved, but you can do so only through diligent work. Generally, we only recall those things we have repeatedly studied.

 

This one is a doozy. In an article called "America Faces an Explosion of Racial Violence" Trumpet writer, Gerald Flurry says, 

Spoiler

Quote

President Obama has made a habit of weighing in on cases like this in the past--stating in absolute terms what is "really" happening before he has any evidence to back up his accusations. In 2014, for example, before the investigation into Michael Brown's death was complete, he accused the policeman of racism. The U.S. Department of Justice led by Eric Holder (a black man) later found no evidence of wrongdoing by the officer. The president was wrong, but he has never apologized for the remarks. 

SUCH RHETORIC IS INCITING EVILS THAT ARE QUICKLY BECOMING FAR WORSE THAN THOSE IT PURPORTS TO SOLVE! ...

Surely the statement the president has made...helped to stir up men like the Dallas sniper! Words have consequences! And they have many times the consequences when they come from the president of the United States! To call someone a racist is one of the ugliest accusations you can make in America today, and we should really be careful. To falsely accuse people of racism routinely is a serious problem! 

President Obama has been distorting facts and making many false accusations against America's police in an effort to convince people that America's local law enforcement officers need to be brought under federal control.

THIS IS A SLIPPERY SLOPE THAT IS MOVING AMERICA TOWARD A RACE WAR AND A RULE BY DICTATORSHIP OR TYRANNY

 

Ugggggh. So much poorly coded racism. Also, the assumption that someone who is black ALWAYS works in the best interest of other black people is just absurd. Oh, and by the way racial slurs aren't the worst thing you can call a person. The worst thing you can call a person is a RACIST 

I just had to share this nonsense with you all. I'm gonna have to go further down the rabbit hole on this group. 

[mirele]

Gerald Flurry runs the Philadelphia Church of God, one of the many, many (I've heard there might be 700 or so) splinters of Herbert W. Armstrong's Worldwide Church of God. Its headquarters is in Edmond, OK.

PCG came to my attention back on the 1990s, when it started reprinting Armstrong books and booklets it did not have the copyrights to. The successor church to WWCG, called Grace Communion International, held those copyrights, but basically didn't want to reprint Herb's stuff because they'd dumped those doctrines. Ultimately,  when it became clear that  PCG was going to lose its case, it bought the rights to Herb's books from GCI.

Flurry thinks of himself as Armstrong's successor and is always asking for money. This guy Gary at Banned by HWA keps an eye on the more notorious splinters including PCG.

http://armstrongismlibrary.blogspot.com/

[IreneIssh]

7 minutes ago, mirele said:

Gerald Flurry runs the Philadelphia Church of God, one of the many, many (I've heard there might be 700 or so) splinters of Herbert W. Armstrong's Worldwide Church of God. Its headquarters is in Edmond, OK.

PCG came to my attention back on the 1990s, when it started reprinting Armstrong books and booklets it did not have the copyrights to. The successor church to WWCG, called Grace Communion International, held those copyrights, but basically didn't want to reprint Herb's stuff because they'd dumped those doctrines. Ultimately,  when it became clear that  PCG was going to lose its case, it bought the rights to Herb's books from GCI.

Flurry thinks of himself as Armstrong's successor and is always asking for money. This guy Gary at Banned by HWA keps an eye on the more notorious splinters including PCG.

http://armstrongismlibrary.blogspot.com/

Wow! Thanks for all the info! And the link. Fantastic! I knew it was an Armstrong splinter group, but didn't know much about Gerald Flurry himself. Back down the rabbit hole I go!