Sparkling Adventures Pt 10 - David Pleads Guilty - Merge

[Vex]

Oh, I'd totally forgotten about Yowies! Ah, memories.

I guess I'm fine with Lauren claiming her Aboriginality if she actually has an ancestor (although frankly, I'm dubious about her claim). I'm extremely cynical when it comes to her so I think she's going to use it to squeeze more money out of Centrelink, but I agree that it's better the community accepts everyone than risk alienating/rejecting someone who really belongs.

I've heard that some Aboriginal communities really go above and beyond educating and welcoming people with very little ancestry and making them feel like one of the tribe, and that honestly sounds like a positive thing for the girls. I hate the idea of Lauren grifting Aboriginal people, but I like the idea of the girls having positive rolemodels and a sense of 'tribe' or family.

[ChristianAgnostic]

Passed the van today heading up the Outlet. Nothing interesting to report, just wanted to note my personal brush with 'fame' ;)

[Paperplate]

Passed the van today heading up the Outlet. Nothing interesting to report, just wanted to note my personal brush with 'fame' ;)

Exciting!!

(I'm a little bit disappointed there are no fundies (or ppl like Lauren) near me, but I'm also glad we don't have those crazies here ...)

[Daisy4]

No. There isn't closure when you lose a child. It's the club no parent should have to join. But you learn to stand and usually the waves of grief don't knock you down, just sometimes they overwhelm you.

I started reading about Lauren because of that connection, and of all the fundies she makes me truly angry. My son had a terminal disease. We always knew what the outcome would be, I just truly, truly thought we would have longer than we got.

Every member of my family has gone through some level of grief therapy in one form or another. Three years and counting later and a couple are still in weekly therapy and still battling their grief. And even then a cross country move 1.5 years ago ripped a nasty band-aid off for my poor kids and they all bled their grief everywhere and everyone landed back in therapy all over again because it was like it was brand new all over again. And my siblings got angry that I was putting so much into keeping my kids alive and felt I was ignoring them and threw temper tantrums that fractured my extended family that still ricochets through our lives.

That is the normal grief of a terminal disease that we knew from the day he entered our lives we would face one day. And some nights, I just want to scream from the emptiness and cruelty that he died so young.

There is no fucking way having her son murdered by her husband is neutral, not for her and not for those girls who have never been allowed to grieve, and taking another biological brother and giving him away (because Daniel is Lauren's biological son and half sibling to those girls) is the cruelest hurt I think she could have EVER concocted to destroy those girls.

I don't care what people who have encountered see. They see what she dictates reality is to be. She has denied her daughter's the right to grieve, and I have never, not once met a family who lost a child where the that death was not one of the most defining moments of the siblings lives, something that either crippled them in survivors guilt and an inability to grieve for fear of hurting their grieving parents more, or catapulting them to great depths of compassion and committment to how they approach life when given the chance to process and grieve as each individual child requires until each child is stable and strong again.

So, no we're not okay here. But we are integrating death into the fiber of who we are, and more times than I can count caring for these siblings was the only thing propelling me forward and when they stabilized last fall, my own grief open up like a chism in my soul but I addressed and we integrate it.

Lauren not only claims Elijah's death is neutral but she has declared it will not be allowed to be a defining moment of their lives. But she doesn't get to choose that for them. The sibling bond is the strongest tie that exists between humans. Just like unhealth in that tie can cause great harm the lose of a sibling IS life altering, whether you want it to be or not.

You can face death and grief and seek health and healing. Or you can run from it and deny it and it will eat your soul. If Lauren wanted to choose that for herself that would be her choice. It's not okay that she dictates it for her daughters.

Thank you for your post. Thank you also for doing everything in your power to allow your children the opportunity to grieve and supporting them in that. My mom lost two siblings at tragically young ages in two separate incidents. This was in the 1960s and from what I've heard, no one was allowed to grieve. I've seen a multi-generational effect in our family from this in many of my cousins and myself.

[LadyBlue]

I have NO qualms about bribing sometimes. Sometimes we ALL operate by bribes.

I am FAR more disturbed that she thinks her reframing into passive aggression is somehow better and healthy than a straight up bribe.

Sadly, Lauren has a complete lack of authority to tell her children to do something and they obey. She wants to be authentic and equal and this world is not made by equals. Generally, when I want my children to clean up, I simply tell them to do so. If they then want me to do something else, I explain it can happen once they have done what they were instructed to do.

I *wish* bribes worked on my 10 year old. Bribes, cajoling, threats, removal of privileges. Nothing works on this kid to get him to do stuff he doesn't want to do, especially school work. He'd probably *adore* having Lauren as a mother, actually. Well, except that he's also still very cuddly and somehow I don't think her girls get much in the way of hugs and cuddles.

[DaisyD]

I feel you lady. I swore before kids I would never say "because I'm the adult and you're the child", so much for that. The boy went through a phase where there was no currency he recognized. Computer and video games work now, but there were a couple of years there that nothing did, especially when it came to school work. Even having to sit in the corner until it was done, he'd just fall asleep.

[AngelGirl8811]

Thank you for your post. Thank you also for doing everything in your power to allow your children the opportunity to grieve and supporting them in that. My mom lost two siblings at tragically young ages in two separate incidents. This was in the 1960s and from what I've heard, no one was allowed to grieve. I've seen a multi-generational effect in our family from this in many of my cousins and myself.

Thank you so much for your post chaoticlife. I cannot imagine how much you and your family must be hurting in the personal sense but I have seen the continued grieving process. Both my Mom and my Dad lost brothers in tragic accidents and I watched my paternal grandmother cry most every day for nearly 25 years after this happened. She always said that parent should not have to bury their children and it's very true but it does happen.

I fell down the Lauren rabbit hole quite recently and I was shocked at the way that she seemed not to grieve or didn't allow her children to grieve their brother. Then she decided to have another baby as a surrogate and I don't know how she did that. To give away a child after losing one...I just don't think she's a part of the real world. Maybe she never was but honestly...those poor girls. I feel for them!

[DaisyD]

On some level I feel like the giving away a baby was a way to take control of the loss she felt. It made it her choice. Maybe? I really hope those girls have someone in their lives that's stable to turn to. I doubt it, but I hope.

[bubblekitty]

On some level I feel like the giving away a baby was a way to take control of the loss she felt. It made it her choice. Maybe?.

That's how I've always felt about it. It's a very strange thing to start planning before your baby has been dead for even a year, to have another baby and give it away.

I feel a lot of anger at the dads, this woman was one huge red flag and they took advantage of that. They may be fine dads, no reason to believe otherwise, but I find it seriously off that they picked Lauren as a surrogate.

[AngelGirl8811]

That's how I've always felt about it. It's a very strange thing to start planning before your baby has been dead for even a year, to have another baby and give it away.

I feel a lot of anger at the dads, this woman was one huge red flag and they took advantage of that. They may be fine dads, no reason to believe otherwise, but I find it seriously off that they picked Lauren as a surrogate.

Wasn't it just because she had red hair too?

[Miggy]

She may not have even mentioned Elijah to them. I still think they took advantage of her but they may not have realised exactly what was in her past. (I also think all the Aussie woman who pay Thai, Indian and Bangladeshi woman to have their babies are taking advantage of vulnerable woman.)

[browncoatslytherin]

She may not have even mentioned Elijah to them. I still think they took advantage of her but they may not have realised exactly what was in her past. (I also think all the Aussie woman who pay Thai, Indian and Bangladeshi woman to have their babies are taking advantage of vulnerable woman.)

surely if they did any research on her, they would have found out. it's not hard to find via google.

[Miggy]

I doubt they bothered. I suspect it was: Here's a red haired woman prepared to carry our baby - that's all we need to know.

[DaffyDill]

Wasn't it just because she had red hair too?

Yes. One of the dads (then known as Ben - he know uses an Icelandic name) was really keen on becoming a father (they had already done some foster parenting), but his husband August was not quite as enthused. August has red hair, so Ben wanted a naturally red haired surrogate, so that there was a good chance the baby had red hair. His thinking was that if the baby had red hair, August may find it easier to bond with him (the baby). I think it was just a pretty strong preference and that they probably would have gone through with surrogacy anyway, even if they didn't find someone with red hair to donate her genetic material.

Whether that worked or not, they do seem a happy little family, so it's all worked out well for little Daniel.

As for Lauren and the girls - no one really knows how well they have or have not dealt with a) losing Elijah so young and in such an horrific manner, and b) the loss of Daniel, who was part of their family for 9 months, then was taken away...

[Guest]

I don't know, Lauren contacted the dads and offered to be their surrogate. They did choose her, but I don't know how many options they had or how persistent she was. I think Lauren is very good at presenting herself in whatever way will appeal to the particular people she's dealing with. I imagine she spoke at length about how this would be healing for her and the girls, and a wonderful way to honor Elijah's life, or something like that. I doubt she gave the dads any opportunity to feel like they were taking advantage of a grieving mother, in other words, even though they might have been.

[blessalessi]

I doubt the dads' motives were all that clean. They started the Gayby blog, they know their way around the internet. Lauren is very transparent in her writing, to everyone but herself, at least.

I hope things work out well for the baby, but I do fear that his birth was entirely brought about to meet the needs and wishes of the three parents, with very little regard for the impact on him or his siblings. The father's clearly paid a huge amount in expenses to bring Lauren to Iceland, but they stopped short of finding a way for Lauren to register for healthcare for the end of the pregnancy. The American father could have found a way to leave the country and go somewhere that surrogacy is legal for the birth, if the baby's needs were held to be more important than the needs of the adults.

[AngelGirl8811]

I doubt the dads' motives were all that clean. They started the Gayby blog, they know their way around the internet. Lauren is very transparent in her writing, to everyone but herself, at least.

I hope things work out well for the baby, but I do fear that his birth was entirely brought about to meet the needs and wishes of the three parents, with very little regard for the impact on him or his siblings. The father's clearly paid a huge amount in expenses to bring Lauren to Iceland, but they stopped short of finding a way for Lauren to register for healthcare for the end of the pregnancy. The American father could have found a way to leave the country and go somewhere that surrogacy is legal for the birth, if the baby's needs were held to be more important than the needs of the adults.

It seemed to me like they were all thinking of what they wanted and not what could have happened. It should have been figured out because something could have gone wrong and that would have been tragic. I'm glad that everything turned out ok and I hope that the fathers are doing well with a perfectly happy child.

I don't think Lauren thought about how it might have hurt her girls to have to say goodbye to another brother but...I hope that they too are doing alright.

[Cerdwin]

I tried to search for the old Sparkling Adventure thread, but couldn't find it. 

David Fisher's hearing and sentencing happened today. He pleaded guilty to manslaughter and was sentenced to 3.5 years, with time already served. 

http://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/queensland/dad-pleads-guilty-over-baby-death-in-logan-river-20151102-gkojhq.html

[LovelyLuna]

wha....? dose that mean he’s getting out? It says by the end of the year. Holy Shit What will Lauren do?

[Cerdwin]

It sounds like Lauren is ok with it. At least that's what the defence is saying. Lauren has been largely avoiding Queensland this year.

[nelliebelle1197]

Are you the guy who knows her?

[browncoatslytherin]

i'd been wondering what was going on with david. really, only 3.5 years?? wow.

eta: the link actually says he was sentenced to 7.5 years, eligible for parole after 3.5 years.

[KnittingOwl]

Even sentenced to 7.5 years doesn't seem like much. I guess good for Lauren that she forgives him? I don't think I could do that. 

If he gets out by the end of the year, I wonder how that will affect the girls. Those poor things have been through so much. I can't imagine what they think or feel. I wish they had a therapist who they could talk to. 

[Cerdwin]

Are you the guy who knows her?

No. I am just local to the area she lived, and have been following the story since the night it happened.

[Cheetah]

Lauren had just said something about 'no comment' on FB... I guess this is what she was referring to.