7 yo makes "homosexual advances"/RH blog blocked (MERGED)

[fundies_like_zombies]

Saw this on raising homemakers!

Surely that is reading WAY too much into the actions of a 7 year old. Cue mass panic from parents!!

[dianapavelovna]

Wow. The only non-nauseating comment (and that only lasts until the final paragraph):

MJ September 2, 2011

I completely agree that we need to protect children. Having an age-based discussion has been proven to empower children to protect themselves as well. I believe in teaching children the clinical names for their body parts in a nonchalant way so they know these names without taboo and can talk about them. I identify the areas that are not correct to touch, including someone that hits them on the head or grabs them by the arm.

I have to say I would caution against using words like “homosexual advancesâ€. Most small children are only trying to role play and do not choose a gender. This kind of language could also cause parents that catch children in this type of behavior to stumble, putting thoughts into their heads that their children might be gay, which isn’t true. I think it is more important to say “sexual touchingâ€. I think it is important to not overreact to the offending child either.

Just curious as how you were able to extract information from the child that he watched his parents watching pornography. I hope he wasn’t grilled by himself, and that his parents were given the respect to speak with him while they were present. I think approached correctly, this could open a door of friendship with the parents to talking about why watching porn (even if they think together is fine) can ruin their marriage. If not, then maybe this isn’t the right friend for your child…

[debrand]

Did she talk to the parents?

[fundies_like_zombies]

Did she talk to the parents?

Don't think it says in the article just that the boy said he say his parents watching porn.

Much panic in the comments!!

[Austin]

Link, please. I don't bookmark these sites.

Thanks.

[fundies_like_zombies]

raisinghomemakers.com/2011/having-the-talk/

[CanadianHippie]

The problem is, these people freak out over such silly things and she doesn't explain anything that you can't even tell if she is freaking out over nothing, or over something that is a warning sign for sexual abuse.

[JesusFightClub]

When I was that age we played " Doctors and Nurses " so I reckon this maybe is fundy overreaction to childhood curiosity (as she won't give details). Should he have got to see porn, no. Will it wreck his or her kid's life, triple no.

Some of the comments were weird too, like the crossquestioning of playdate mums to make sure the dads are never left with the kids and neither parent drinks alcohol. Who couldn't hear that as "I suspect you are an alky and your husband is a paedo" ?

[slickcat79]

Well, we have one more comment approaching reasonableness, so points there:

In a similar situation, while I panicked, my husband was quick to point out that children are often simply curious. While education on physical, and more importantly , spiritual matters are vital to the health of our children, we must be careful to not over-react to issues WE see as sexual or malicious, but which they are simply trying to figure out based on something they have seen, heard or perhaps just noticed about their bodies . We need to teach our children of the excellent, healthy plan God has for our bodies and minds, about what is O.K. to share or talk about with others, what is private, and why, but not to scare them, guilt them, or project deeper meaning about adult issues onto situations they encounter. I seriously doubt a 7 year old has homosexual intentions, but that he simply had the opportunity, or comfort level to explore his confusion with another boy. Absolutely wrong, from the pornography to the exploration, but these are still children, and their actions, in my view, are driven not by lust, or sin, but a loss to explain what is happening to, or around them. It is so very important for our kids to know physical facts, and spititual whys and why nots for all matters from modesty to intimacy from us, before others. But when things happen (and they will, almost assuredly), we need to react with love and grace, to try our best, with prayer and God’s guidance, to keep these things from affecting them their entire lives, and tainting the gifts He has given us.

RH, OTOH, sounds a bit like Emma, who also accused a young child of wicked sexual perversions. Yes, you want to protect your children, but we're talking about a curious 7-year-old here. And of course it's really hard to judge whether she's overreacting or not since she won't actually say what horrible thing this little boy did. I'm not sure why any parent would think they would never have to discuss any kind of biological function with an 8- or 9-year-old child. I mean, you don't have to let them watch porn, but kids do notice their body parts. Some kids discover their sexual organs in toddlerhood, and most little boys like to play with their bits. Some girls will start going through puberty before they reach middle school. I know very few people are jumping up and down over having potentially awkward conversations with their kids, but they probably need to know more than "sex is bad" before they reach adolescence.

I wonder what sort "biblical wisdom regarding sexuality" she is hoping to come up with? IMO, the bible is not a great place for advice about sex, or talking to your kids about sex :? I would also shy away from the commenters recommending Pearl books for any kind of advice. Or the ones who rejected 3 and 4 year old foster children because they were sexually abused and "performed sex acts". I really wonder why people go out of their way to try to foster/adopt older children when they know they have no ability to accept those children for who they are, and respect the experiences they've been through.

[Austin]

RH, OTOH, sounds a bit like Emma, who also accused a young child of wicked sexual perversions.

Emma was the first thing I thought of when I read the OP. She claimed on her blog that the little Hatian girl had "violated" her (Emma) :roll: - - eleventy!! 1111!!! - by some mysterious contact that she did not elaborate on.

I swear, so many of the types we watch are incredibly obsessed with sex. They see everything as sexual.

ETA: This blogger would probably have a heart attack over what one of my friend's kids did when they were about five and seven. She found them in the laundry room (an open area so they were not being sneaky) with their pants down, taking turns bending over. When she asked them what they were doing, the five year old piped up, "I wanted to see his butthole. I never saw one before. And then I showed him mine". :shock:

It was actually pretty hilarious, because when you think about it, he probably never had. He was the youngest, so had not seen siblings getting their diapers changed or been in other situations where someone's "butthole" had been visible.

Both boys are grown now and it does not seem like that incident "turned" them homosexual or something, and they certainly had not been watching porn!

[clarinetpower]

I'm surprised she hasn't had a talk of this nature with her kid already. Mine's only 4, but she's known for over a year about private areas, which are anything hidden by a bathing suit, and how they are hers alone, though Mommy, Daddy and a doctor or nurse may need to help her at times to keep them clean and healthy. There are ways to approach it without going into territories they don't need to understand yet.

[snarkykitty]

She's password-protected the post, but it's available in a cached version.

[Austin]

Is it just me, or does anyone else get the feeling she made up this entire incident? I don't know, but it reminds of Kelly-Meth-Brows and her many, many "overheard" coversations with people who are clearly "doing it wrong", blah, blah, which she then uses as springboards to preach to everyone on how to "do it right". I think most of those conversations only take place with the voices in her head.

This rings the same way to me. It's setting off my BS alarm big-time.

ETA: Here's the part of the post where she describes this incident:

A couple months ago, we had a very disturbing incident involving our eight year old son.

I was sitting in the garage, watching my husband re-feed the weed eater, when it happened: oldest jumped over the fence from the back yard and

came running around the house, white faced and stricken.

“What happened, son? Are you okay?†I knew something terrible had just transpired. I had no idea how horrible it actually was.

My eight year old stammered it out, how the neighbor boy he was playing cars with, a barely-seven year old, had suggested they “do†something to each other. I want to be very sensitive to the audience reading this, so I will not be detailed…but the gestures and talk by this boy were explicit and thorough, with nothing left out.

My son was visibly sick and my husband and I were shocked and nauseated.

Perhaps I’m naïve.

But honestly, although we are very open about biology in our home, I never thought I would have to discuss sexuality and homosexuality with my child at age eight.

I was completely unprepared.

I was sick.

I was traumatized and so was my son.

[Michiru]

Does anyone know how to get the password? It is about "The talk"

I am so curious. :whistle:

[Austin]

Just put "raising homemakers" in your google search field. The first one that pops up should be her blog. Click on the word "cache" that usually appears in blue, and it will take you to her post.

[aubrietta]

It's discussed in this thread here:

viewtopic.php?f=8&t=2773

here is the text from the cache. I guess she couldn't take the heat or something, because it wasn't password protected a couple hours ago.

Having “THE Talkâ€

by ArabahJoy on September 2, 2011 in Uncategorized

A couple months ago, we had a very disturbing incident involving our eight year old son.

I was sitting in the garage, watching my husband re-feed the weed eater, when it happened: oldest jumped over the fence from the back yard and

came running around the house, white faced and stricken.

“What happened, son? Are you okay?†I knew something terrible had just transpired. I had no idea how horrible it actually was.

My eight year old stammered it out, how the neighbor boy he was playing cars with, a barely-seven year old, had suggested they “do†something to each other. I want to be very sensitive to the audience reading this, so I will not be detailed…but the gestures and talk by this boy were explicit and thorough, with nothing left out.

My son was visibly sick and my husband and I were shocked and nauseated.

Perhaps I’m naïve.

But honestly, although we are very open about biology in our home, I never thought I would have to discuss sexuality and homosexuality with my child at age eight.

I was completely unprepared.

I was sick.

I was traumatized and so was my son.

I consider my children well protected. I watch them like a hawk and am involved in their activities. I am very careful about with whom and where they play. Yet in a matter of minutes, while I was in the garage helping my husband get the weed eater, an inappropriate conversation took place in my own backyard.

Never in a million years did I dream that a seven year old boy would make homosexual advances towards my eight year old son.

I spoke with the boy later and he said that he’d snuck behind the couch while his parents watched porn films together.

I’ll be honest and say that I had to face some hard, unwanted facts:

What young children are exposed to is shocking.

Sadly, it is also very common. More common than we might currently understand. With the internet and absent parents, cable tv, magazines and literature left lying around houses, in garbage cans, or under beds, with older siblings doing things in front of younger ones…children are getting sexualized earlier and earlier. Even if it isn’t happening to your child, it is happening to a neighbor child, a church child, a co-op child, someone your child knows…and children talk to children. Chances are high that your child knows more than you think she does.

Then there’s the heart breaking statistics on childhood sexual abuse.

We have a spiritual enemy who is doing everything he can to confuse and destroy our children when it comes to their

sexuality. This is one of his biggest strategies currently employed in our culture.

We can’t protect our children every minute of every day.

BUT the good news is that WE CAN PREPARE THEM!

After the incident with our son, I knew I needed to be more proactive with my younger children. In fact, I needed to start talking with my four year old daughters (and even my two year old son). I don’t mean sitting my girls down and having “The Talk.†Rather, I mean laying a foundation of healthy knowledge and biblical wisdom regarding sexuality with my children naturally as they grow up.

As moms, we don’t want our children to be un-educated because we know they will learn the facts from someone. Personally, I want it to be me. We don’t want to present the information in stale, awkward terms, either. But how do we do it naturally without over-educating them?

I knew I needed some help and help was on its way!

Mary Flo Ridley has a resource entitled Simple Truths: A Simple, Natural Approach to Discussing Sex with Your Children

This guide walks parents through six (simple!) steps for talking to young children about sex. It lays a foundation for you as the parent – YOU! - to be your child’s source for sexual information and identity.

So…I’m going to ask a loving~ but hard~ question. What is your plan for preparing your child sexually? Are you winging it? Are you avoiding it? Do you know how to approach it? Are you being pro-active in educating them?

If you aren’t, someone else is. And they aren’t your friend.

Yes, I’ve learned the hard way…and I’ve decided to be proactive.

Please share your ideas, tips, great resources, comments, etc in the comment box so we can learn from each other. And check out Simple Truths with Mary Flo Ridley which is a great place to start. {Her book was also recently featured on Dennis Rainey’s program “Family Life Today.†You can go there to hear recent related programs.}

[snarkykitty]

I think so, too. It reads too much like a book. Usually recollections from a while ago - even a few months ago - don't contain that much detail. So many of these fundie stories contain dialogue that sounds so made-up. "What happened, son?" instead of "what happened?"

And something SO seriously troubling happened MONTHS ago, yet she's only now posting about it? Did she wait until she bought and read the book she's hawking?

I can't imagine her having such a conversation with the 7-year old. Would he really admit or tell her that he watched his parents watching porn?

[Michiru]

Thank you you two- I should have known that it already made the forum. :-)

I'll move to the other thread.

[Austin]

No need - I took care of that for you. :)

[Michiru]

Thank you! :-)

[Trynn]

Then there’s the heart breaking statistics on childhood sexual abuse.

That is about the ONLY thing I can agree with out of that whole post. Not that I'm agreeing that her son was abused, just saying it's the only thing in it that makes 100% sense. The rest of it does not.

[GenerationCedarchip]

The post saga gets weirder:

Per the owners of the site, they made the post password only because of concerns that some people had about younger children reading it (don't their parents supervise them online?). However, anyone could email them to get the password.

I don't know what's happened in the last few hours, but now the post has been removed all together. If you check the RH page on Facebook, it's causing a little controversy and many commenters seem to be upset that it was protected and then removed.