Re-writing Daily Fail headlines

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I figured this would be an amusing topic to start. I am a devoted reader of the Daily Fail. Not because I value the content, but because their idiocy amuses me (and I hate myself :lol: ). Here I have pulled a few headlines and re-written them to show their biases:

Original:

Professor who left University of Memphis in disgrace over racist tweets is hired by neighboring college - which CELEBRATES her anti-white views.

Re-written:

Professor who left University of Memphis in disgrace over racist tweets is hired by neighboring college- which we have concluded means that that university celebrates racism. We are not outraged because we hate racism (trust us, we don't), but because we are trying to discredit black universities.

Original:

Kardashians, assemble! Kourtney, Kim and Khloe wear super tight all white outfits as younger sisters come to the rescue after Scott Disick split

Re-written:

We definitely got paid to run this article, and hey, it's a bonus that we got to objectify women with the captions, too.

Original:

Trust me, 'everything I did was permitted,' storms Hillary as she finally gives a campaign interview and says secret emails are not a problem

Re-written:

We really don't like Hillary Clintion, have we mentioned that? No? Well, we really don't like her. It's bad enough that she's a liberal, but she's also a woman. Also, we're highly unoriginal, and we really can't let go of these missing e-mails. She simply must answer our hard-hitting questions.

Original:

Why Obama chose to sing Amazing Grace during eulogy for Charleston victims... even though Michelle was not convinced by the idea

Re-written:

We can't pick a side because Amazing Grace is the Christian anthem of all time, but we also can't be caught with our pants down supporting Obama. So... we'll just make his wife look unpatriotic while pitting them against each other. There. Problem solved.

Caption your own!