A question for gay/bi/lesbian FJians

[Hane]

We've all heard (and heard, and heard) from those folks who are opposed to marriage equality, even though "some of my best friends are gay." I doubt like hell that these gay "best friends" exist.

So, here's my question to those of you actually affected by the SCOTUS decision: Do any of you actually have real, close, honest-to-God friends who are vocal opponents of marriage equality? I'm not talking that neighbor or colleague who is pleasant to you but mentions discomfort with same-sex marriage--I mean the bestie since grade school, the one you binge-watch Netflix with, the one who drives you home from the hospital after you had surgery and cooks you food and does your laundry. THAT kind of best friend.

Anyone?

[Antimony]

Not a one.

[FloraKitty35]

No.

[DowntownAbbey]

No. In fact, one was already married prior to the SCOTUS ruling.

[FoxyMoxie]

Not best friends, but I do have pretty good friends who oppose marriage equality and are LGBT themselves. Either they oppose marriage generally for political reasons, or are conservatively religious and celibate. The only straight friend who opposes it is religiously opposed to marriage equality but has no issue with civil/legal equal marriage existing, and so wouldn't protest something like the SCOTUS decision.

[December]

Nope. All my close friends are 100% pro equal marriage, regardless of their own sexual orientation.

That said, I know some people who are against marriage as an institution. But it's not because of same-sex marriage, just because they feel marriage in general is outmoded. So they have nothing against homosexual relationships and/or marriages.

[Rachel333]

I mean, I don't really have any friends like that, anti-gay or not. :? I do have people I've been fairly close to who opposed marriage equality. One of them even knew I was gay.

I have a feeling most of my anti-gay friends (the ones from church and such) would distance themselves from me pretty quickly if they knew I was gay. I got defriended by someone I actually thought was a pretty good friend just for having the rainbow filter.

I'm also very close to my family members despite their anti-gay views. Again, though, they don't know I'm gay.

[freejingerbeth]

I'm also very close to my family members despite their anti-gay views. Again, though, they don't know I'm gay.

Wow! That must be so hard, for you. I can't imagine trying to hide something like that, from my family.

[FundieFarmer]

I hadn't thought of the question like that, though the argument has always been fishy! Great question. Thanks to everybody who's answered. I'd definitely love (ideal world dream) stats on how many of these "activists" are being truthful when they say that line!

ETA I know they're not activists...I'm just dead asleep and can't think of the right word. Halp!

[Sundaymorning]

I do have two pretty close friends who are against gay marriage, but are cool with civil partnerships (which is what we have right now where I live).

Although we disagree on that issue, they don't treat me or my girlfriend any other than they treat their other friends.

I think you have to keep in mind that just a few years ago, many of those who now celebrate gay marriage (including people like Obama or Hillary Clinton) were against same sex marriage. So the views of my two friends are the same as theirs were just a short time ago.

I undestand why some people still have problems with gay marriage. The change has been so rapid. And not everyone is able to change their perspective so swiftly, some probably never will.

What I hope is that with time, some of the opponents will evolve on that topic, and that those who grow up with the reality of gay marriage will see it as completely normal, and not as something unusual and potentially threatening.

[bionicmlle]

I do have two pretty close friends who are against gay marriage, but are cool with civil partnerships (which is what we have right now where I live).

Although we disagree on that issue, they don't treat me or my girlfriend any other than they treat their other friends.

I think you have to keep in mind that just a few years ago, many of those who now celebrate gay marriage (including people like Obama or Hillary Clinton) were against same sex marriage. So the views of my two friends are the same as theirs were just a short time ago.

I undestand why some people still have problems with gay marriage. The change has been so rapid. And not everyone is able to change their perspective so swiftly, some probably never will.

What I hope is that with time, some of the opponents will evolve on that topic, and that those who grow up with the reality of gay marriage will see it as completely normal, and not as something unusual and potentially threatening.

I love this. (the bolded part!) One of my students mentioned to me last spring that "there's really no gay issue anymore, because we just all grew up with this all being normal!" OMG! Music to my goddamn ears after so many of her predecessors asking me about why "homosexuality isn't a mental illness anymore?" It seems like such a rapid shift to me, as an educator, but as a regular adult person it seems like so long coming :hug4: Love these kids, sometimes.

That being said... I am headed on vacation next week with a large group and one person posted on FB the other day (per the headship, as I do not have FB...) a photo with a greyed out "rainbow" saying "we are not proud." WTF?! I don't even know how to approach this situation as I don't know this person and rarely encounter this kind of out-there bigotry. So, SundayMorning, I appreciate your take on it because I immediately assume hatred but it may be other issues....

[love2scrap]

Remind me which fundies have claimed to have best gay friends? I can only remember Ken Alexander and Raquel

[DowntownAbbey]

Remind me which fundies have claimed to have best gay friends? I can only remember Ken Alexander and Raquel

Michelle has a lesbian sister that reportedly "believes that marriage is between one man and one woman" according to Smuggar.

crushable.com/2013/08/19/entertainment/josh-duggar-lesbian-aunt-no-gay-marraige/#ixzz3ei94yirt

[klavierspieler]

No. I have been used that way, though, by people I no longer have anything to do with (and didn't at the time they used me that way) because of their homophobic views. Apparently they still "love" me, the way God loves sinners, and therefore they totes can't be bigots. :roll:

[Snarkangel Gabriel]

I honestly believe that the students have it right on how all this will be regarded in the future. I think and hope that my 5 year old son will find it both appalling and hilarious that when I was born, being gay was an illness and when I was growing up gay people couldn't marry. I think it will be akin to how I feel about the fact that, when my grandmother was born, women couldn't vote or when my parents bought their first house, my mother's income was not taken into account on the mortgage application. A sort of amusement at how old that makes previous generations coupled with an utter incredulity that anyone could ever have seriously thought that it was right that women shouldn't be able to vote or gay people to marry. Societies do evolve.

[ILoveJellybeans]

I am a lesbian, and none of my friends are against gay marriage/LGBT people. When gay marriage was legalised, my Facebook news feed was a mass of celebrations and rainbows. I have never received any gross comments about my interest in women, except for from my creepy stepdad who kept making threesome jokes.

[happy atheist]

I am a lesbian, and none of my friends are against gay marriage/LGBT people. When gay marriage was legalised, my Facebook news feed was a mass of celebrations and rainbows. I have never received any gross comments about my interest in women, except for from my creepy stepdad who kept making threesome jokes.

Ew!

[Marshmallow World]

Unfortunately, my brother (who is a "Cool Baptist" pastor) is against marriage equality. I can't even discuss it with him, and thankfully he has learned not to bring it up when I'm around. Doesn't stop him from talking about me from the pulpit, though. As far as friends, I don't have any that are against equality.

[Walking Cat Bed]

I'm not really close to anyone who thinks that I'm less worthy a human because I'm NOT only attracted 100% to penises (it's more about the individual than their genitals).

Edited for riffles.

[nibbles]

As a bisexual in a hetero relationship, none of my close friends are even remotely anti gay. Thank goddess, because I have wicked high standards for my friendships, and that would be a deal breaker. However, my monster in common law is as bible pushing anti gay as you can get. I had to unfollow her on social media because her posts are so full of hatred it makes me nauseous. She also prays for my partner to leave me because I'm a godless pagan heathen, but that's an entirely other matter... .

[lilah]

so Dan Savage a gay writer an advice columnist has actually argued that the next time a politician claims they have gay friends but they want to systematically disenfranchise gay people the politician should be required to produce said gay friend.

I basically think "I have gay friends" argument is on par with the "I'm not racist; my friend is black" argument.

[DGayle]

I have one of those friends-since-school friends who was, until recently, one of my best friends, who is 100 adamantly opposed to gays people marrying. Her word choices sound a lot like Zsu. The only way she's not as bad as Zsu is she feel some compassion for transgender people since she believes it's a serious medical condition. But a transgender man who prefers men is still a pervert. If you're a transgender man, you'd better be into women. Her sympathy for transgender acceptable was because of me swaying her over many years. She still won't accept gay people and I had hoped to change that.

This issue drove a wedge between us recently. We went from best friends of a couple decades to her cutting me out so fast that a lot of our mutual friends from school were left trying to figure it out. She didn't say anything to me, just blocked me in every way possible, and someone else had to find out for me because she wouldn't even tell me herself. She decided I was a rabid wolf in sheep clothes.

[DGayle]

Ew!

Sounds like an ex's dad, who used to joke about being horny and could I help him. Sick fucks, both my ex's dad and that stepdad.

[GryffindorFTW]

Unfortunately, my brother (who is a "Cool Baptist" pastor) is against marriage equality. I can't even discuss it with him, and thankfully he has learned not to bring it up when I'm around. Doesn't stop him from talking about me from the pulpit, though. As far as friends, I don't have any that are against equality.

This is one of the worst things about having friends/family/close acquaintances in the clergy. No, I do not want to be used as a sermon anecdote; that is gross and dehumanizing, and usually a betrayal of trust. Blegh.

[teacherjane]

I have one good friend from childhood who is very anti-gay. She's a conservative catholic and very anti-same-sex marriage, equal protections, etc. Mostly we don't talk about it and we don't see each other often enough anymore to warrant much discussion (we're in completely different states). I'm used to people not agreeing with my sexuality and relationship, so mostly I just ignore it and hope that one day she'll come around.