Mom to Teen Girls: Don' t Call My Son Hot

[roddma]

She basically says don't call my son hot because we are teaching him to live a 'godly' life and teaching him to not look at your bikinis.

We are working really hard to teach our son to live a pure life. We are encouraging him to bounce his eyes away from bikini-clad bodies. We are raising him to be noble. We are praying for him to have integrity. We are advising him to look into a girls eyes and not cleavage. We are warning him about sexting. We are encouraging him by having these conversations with us about aggressive girls.

wearethatfamily.com/2015/06/to-the-middle-school-girls-at-the-pool-who-told-my-son-he-was-hot/

[polecat]

She basically says don't call my son hot because we are teaching him to live a 'godly' life and teaching him to not look at your bikinis.

wearethatfamily.com/2015/06/to-the-middle-school-girls-at-the-pool-who-told-my-son-he-was-hot/

The kid responds, "Like I care" when the girl calls him hot. He doesn't say thanks or anything like that, so I find it strange that mom insists, "No, we are teaching him to respect you." Well, when you respect someone, you don't respond, "Like I care" when they talk to you.

That said, I would find it uncomfortable to hear kids walking around telling each other they're "hot." But maybe that's my old fogeyness in finding "hot" more of an objectifying term than a compliment.

[Maggie Mae]

That mom sounds like an asshole. And she closed comments, with a not really apology about her post.

What I don't get is what the bikini had to do with anything. Or why girls talking to him "makes it hard" on the precious snowflake son who trying so hard to be godly. I feel bad for her future daughter-in-law.

[shedemei]

I have two separate thoughts on this:

1. She sure piled a lot of derision on those girls, with the duck face and godliness comments etc. High five, lady, you got their number and were totally Christ-like.

2. Tone aside, she does have a point about objectification. If the genders were reversed in this letter no one would have thought much of it beyond the eye rolling at her superiority complex. Parents can and should object to objectification of and unwanted sexual comments made towards their sons just as much as their daughters.

[GolightlyGrrl]

That mom sounds like an asshole. And she closed comments, with a not really apology about her post.

What I don't get is what the bikini had to do with anything. Or why girls talking to him "makes it hard" on the precious snowflake son who trying so hard to be godly. I feel bad for her future daughter-in-law.

She's a complete and utter asshole. And if her son was the one calling a girl hot, she'd probably totally slut shame the girl to pieces.

[DGayle]

She could have had a point about keeping your thoughts on the sexiness of others to yourself or within your group of friends, but she entirely blew it up with all her judgement of facebook and instagram pages she hasn't even seen. And how does other girls having an opinion make it harder for her son to live a "godly" life? Oh, that's right, it's all the fault of girls if a boy can't control what he does with his penis.

She also needs to lavish her son with enough compliments that he can handle an occasional "you're hot" comment instead of running away ashamed of being complimented. I'm pretty sure most of us here can handle it when we hear an objectified comment. We don't have to like it, but we also don't run away traumatized because any compliment is so shocking that it's unsettling. She needs to teach him how to accept compliments and then deflect further comment, like, "Thanks. I hope you're having a good day. I'm playing ball with my dad," then going back to what he was doing. Much better than him being so freaked out that he literally runs away.

I wonder what she'd do if the sexes were reversed and this was her daughter. She'd probably tell her daughter to cover the hell up so she doesn't bring shameful attention on herself. Of course the fault here is with the girl giving the compliment.

[TenderloinTrash]

Oh I have so many things to say about this.

Ok, for one those girls were middle schoolers. That's how the roll. They're still in the land where your best friend asks the person you like out for you. I'm sorry you didn't like their behavior and it made your son uncomfortable but give them a break.

Honey, it’s not okay to act this way. It’s not becoming. It’s not grown up and it doesn’t make my son want you. No, it makes him want to run.

See, I can look past your budding body and come hither eyes when you yell out my son’s name and see someone who is longing to be accepted.

THEY'RE LIKE 11 TO 14 YEARS OLD I HIGHLY DOUBT THEY'RE GIVING "COME HITHER EYES"! They're not adults?? They're children! They're in the middle of the most awkward stage of their life and your high and mighty blog post is doing absolutely nothing. It's not their job to control your son. It's yours.

I’ve closed comments on my post today due to a few personal attacks that I’m contributing to the “rape culture†and accusing me of being shameful and disgusting (you get the point).

Maybe that's because you are? You're shaming a bunch of young girls. Instead of telling your son "hey just ignore their behavior it's rude not godly" etc etc you're putting the blame on some young girls. And your condescending tone isn't helping at all.

I have to stop or else I'm going to be fuming all day.

[FundieFarmer]

Okay so...on the one hand...I get where she's coming from. That was probably really annoying for the son and to watch as a mom. And I see what shedemei is saying that if it had been a daughter in this situation followed around by two boys, it probably would've seemed kind of creepy.

Except, you know, for the part where they're in middle school, and middle schoolers are 12-13 physically and not much older emotionally. But overall and even at my age, I don't think there's anything weird about calling somebody hot. I probably wouldn't tell them directly nor would I stalk them around a pool to say so, but I've had guys say it to me (thank you! hahaha) and it is what it is. They're starting to notice each other and just because her son is too uncomfortable to say "thanks" and move along doesn't mean it isn't going to happen again. If he's cute, he's cute- and girls will keep telling him that as he grows up. One day, his future wife or husband might start a conversation like that (though bless his heart if it's a husband with a mother like that). Who knows?

She'd do her son a better service by teaching him how to deal with it without having to look to his father for help. Also, I'd hate to think of what would happen if those girls saw that post. I don't think it came across as uplifting or helpful as she theoretically meant it to be; to me, it read condescendingly, hatefully, and very much self-righteously.

[roddma]

Saying someone's hot isnt sexual harassment. I believe her son is going to be confused about good innocent compliments and true harassment and be some what a misogynist. I agree he could have said somethng like"Thanks Im not interested", or "Im playing ball with my family".Your parents can't fight all of your battles.

[latraviata]

She basically says don't call my son hot because we are teaching him to live a 'godly' life and teaching him to not look at your bikinis.

wearethatfamily.com/2015/06/to-the-middle-school-girls-at-the-pool-who-told-my-son-he-was-hot/

I tried to raise my sons like that, thank god it didn't work!!! LOL!!

Idiots!

[Four is Enough]

Good Lord, these people just go way beyond the norm. As others have said, it's much better to teach your kid to examine his response to being "tempted" or "enticed", or being called "hot".. and how to act upon that response in a mature manner.

Instead, it's all about making the kid's environment change so that HE isn't uncomfortable. No wait, so his MOTHER isn't uncomfortable.

[sense and nonsense]

I don't like the tone of her post at all. While I would understand if her concerns were of her son being objectified (though it's just a few words in passing by a couple of 12 year olds), objectification doesn't seem to be her concern at all.

These ‘defrauding’ girls are ‘tempting’ her ‘godly’ son by calling him hot. She is doing what we see all fundies do, blaming women for inciting desire in men. How dare females a) show that they have desires AND b) express those desires and tempt godly men and boys?

Because flirting in middle school always leads to the secks, right?

[2xx1xy1JD]

The mom has issues.

That said, I don't think that the boy is required to thank anyone for a comment that he doesn't want. I wouldn't expect my girls to feel like they had to thank a guy who called them hot. It doesn't imply a lack of respect for girls In general if he responds with "like I care" to that specific comment.

[MrsYoungie]

If she wants those girls to leave him alone, she should instruct him to respond with "thanks, but I'm in love with the Lord. Can I tell you about Jesus?"

They'll go away quickly I suspect.

[latraviata]

If she wants those girls to leave him alone, she should instruct him to respond with "thanks, but I'm in love with the Lord. Can I tell you about Jesus?"

They'll go away quickly I suspect.

You are not serious, are you?

[MrsYoungie]

You are not serious, are you?

It would put me off. :lol:

[eri]

We live in a world where it is considered OK to project your sexual preferences onto others, especially if you are a heterosexual man. This will probably NEVER change. The easiest fix for me is to normalize women doing it right back. And homosexual men. And gay women.

Equally rude sexual comments coming from all directions might actually get people thinking about the right we have to impose sexual compliments (or insults) onto others.

[ApologistsBeDamned]

The problem with parents like this is they can't parent and they can't accept they have faults.

They want everything to line up just perfectly and be just how they dreamed it would be but because that requires them to actually be parents andnthat is too difficult and fraught with failure they instead put all the work and blame on everyone else in the child's life.

It isn't her fault if her son lusts or goes astray or can't emotionally cope with his looks. It is the girl's fault naturally.

Mom is perfect and her son will be too and everyone else will do as she wants to make it so and if not well she isn't at fault.

[NoneandDoneinCali]

Gawd, this woman is insufferable. I look forward to the day her son dyes his hair and runs off with his boyfriend (I mean, if that makes him happy).

Picture this: It is a typical suburban mall in 1992. My best friend and I are about to enter the 8th grade in a month. The boy we both had a crush on in the 7th grade suddenly walks by. My friend tells me to talk to him. I push aside my crunchy, waterfall bangs and say "no! I don't even like him anymore," even though I do and am probably blushing like crazy. She says "talk to him, or I'll do it!" I turn scarlet. She yells "HEY (BOY'S NAME)! MY FRIEND THINGS YOU'RE CUTE!!" then collapses into giggles. He looks over his shoulder ... and sees nothing, because I have grabbed my friend's arm and power-walked into the nearest Contempo Casuals to hide. We both start cracking up like the pubescent idiots we are and shovel more jelly beans in our faces. That night, I write in my "secret" diary that I think he knew it was me and hope we have a class together when school starts. I fantasize about him asking me to a Cure concert and kissing me when they play Friday I'm In Love. I would not lose my virginity for 3 more years.

End scene.

NOW, imagine this scenario if his mother had been around and was a robo-bitch like this blogger, lecturing me, humiliating me, telling me her son isn't interested, pointedly eyeing the "sexy" cut-off shorts I was wearing because the temperature was in the triple digits. How horrible would that have been?! Thankfully, I wasn't exposed to many people like her when I was an awkward, shy teenager.

[FundieliciousTaterTot]

That mom sounds like an asshole. And she closed comments, with a not really apology about her post.

What I don't get is what the bikini had to do with anything. Or why girls talking to him "makes it hard" on the precious snowflake son who trying so hard to be godly. I feel bad for her future daughter-in-law.

Was totally skimming and misread what was getting hard here for a minute [emoji57]

Poor guy having a crazy mother. I'm sure he can't wait to fly the coop

[2xx1xy1JD]

We live in a world where it is considered OK to project your sexual preferences onto others, especially if you are a heterosexual man. This will probably NEVER change. The easiest fix for me is to normalize women doing it right back. And homosexual men. And gay women.

Equally rude sexual comments coming from all directions might actually get people thinking about the right we have to impose sexual compliments (or insults) onto others.

Or, we can say that 2 wrongs don't make a right, and teach our kids that it's not okay for either gender, period.

[MatthewDuggar]

Can we say loudly - "CHILL OUT!"? OMG we all get comments in life, be it compliments or rude remarks. Just ignore it if it goes against your lifestyle. If her son't that smokin' hot maybe she should keep him indoors.

What a total bitch for closing comments - don't write this kind of shit if all you want is praise.

[Pearl]

I really really hate the new fashion of writing "letters" to the world. I find them condescending and judgmental. Even if I agree with the person's position, I still get annoyed and have that childish desire to do the opposite of their request.

I really really hate the dear girl letters. In fact, I believe there are way more dear girl letters than dear boy letters. Although, I think the fundies are starting to write them because their eyes are being opened that girls *gasp* get turned on by sight just like boys do. Of course, it wasn't always that way (*snerk*), it's just because the world has become more evil. (Yeah, right).

Seriously, though, if the girls are in middle school, then they were behaving like middle school children. The following around, probably twittering, yelling out "you're hot" twittering some more, giggling. They probably don't even realize that they're "objectifying" her son. They're just trying to figure out their new bodies and how to interact with the opposite sex now that things have changed. My observation is the middle school age is when children start realizing their growing up and their practicing how to be grown up. Eventually, those girls will evolve and figure out how to talk to a cute boy.

Dear Judgmental Woman:

I am trying to raise my daughters to be pure and godly. Please assist me in this endeavor.

Apparently, your son is very good looking. Please dress your son in such a way as to not cause temptation for young women. If you had made sure that your son didn't leave the house looking cute, none of this would have happened. He should be wearing a long sleeve, not too tight shirt, and pants (not shorts) that aren't too tight. Please make sure he doesn't do his hair in the latest style, and perhaps, if necessary cover up his face. It concerns me that your son is going out into the world trying to tempt young women. Your son needs to be responsible for his part in causing these young ladies to look upon him with apparent lust, especially since he is trying to dazzle young women by gazing into their eyes (this is very provocative, you know).

Being outside, in public, and putting on such a display to show his athleticism and manliness is inappropriate. As you know, young women are biologically engineered to seek out virile and healthy young men as prospective mates. How are my daughters going to be able to be protect their purity by such a gross display?

Ultimately, I see through your son's obvious displays at procuring my daughters' physical attention as a cry for attention and an obvious longing to be seen as a man. Perhaps, you should be a better mother, and direct his attention to the Lord.

Very truly yours,

A concerned mother of daughters.

[Firiel]

We live in a world where it is considered OK to project your sexual preferences onto others, especially if you are a heterosexual man. This will probably NEVER change. The easiest fix for me is to normalize women doing it right back. And homosexual men. And gay women.

Equally rude sexual comments coming from all directions might actually get people thinking about the right we have to impose sexual compliments (or insults) onto others.

"The master's tools will never dismantle the master's house."

--Audre Lorde

[2xx1xy1JD]

Just to clarify in case I'm coming across as a pearl-clutcher:

I don't care if my kids look at other people at the pool or beach.

I understand that we are talking about middle-schoolers here, who tend to be silly.

MY focus, with my kids, is on how we treat others. Period. Talking to a boy or girl is fine. Making them uncomfortable is not. I was raised hearing the line "if a boy teases you, it means he likes you". That wasn't okay. Consent and basic respect for the other person are a big deal to me, and I think that if I ingrain that in my kids' skulls when they are young, they will internalize those values as they get older.

Tl:dr - some behavior is not a big deal now, but I choose to deal with it because habits and values are being developed that soon will be a big deal.