Counting on more pregnancies -- practical or presumptuous?

[TrueRebel1]

Today I was reading a post from Tricia about maternity wardrobes. Here's an excerpt:

"Yes, I still have a small collection of "Skinny" clothes--the clothes that I wear for a few months, when I've lost all the baby weight, but that "wardrobe" really doesn't need to be extensive, as I don't last in that size long before... I start growing a baby again."

littlehouseinthehills.blogspot.com/

This got me thinking: it seems presumptuous and arrogant for her to assume that she will get pregnant again and again. Even though she is quiverfull and trying to have lots of kids, isn't it imposing on God's gift of children to assume you'll get pregnant even one more time, let alone several more times? OR, is this a very practical outlook on life? Let's face it: the majority of those who want to be quiverfull do end up with back-to-back pregnancies. So thinking practically, you have to plan and assume you'll be pregnant every year or two, right?

Even though I tend toward being OCD and would be one to plan out all the details of my future pregnancies, I have to say that so boldly assuming you'll have more children just completely takes out the surprise and wonder of pregnancy, and the sense of gratitude to God for blessing you with a child.

[polecat]

I'd say practical ... although it strikes me as sad, too. **

After my oldest son was born, I kept my maternity things. I had no idea if I would ever have a child again or not (I'd had multiple miscarriages before getting pregnant with him and an extremely complicated pregnancy with him), but I knew that I wanted one. Donating the clothing may have been an option, but then I'd have to buy all new again -- and maternity wear isn't necessarily cheap, particularly since you need not just a sweater or pair of pants but an entire wardrobe.

That's just my experience, though.

ETA: ** It strikes me as sad because back-to-back pregnancies aren't healthy for mom OR baby. If it happens, it happens, but actually planning to have pregnancies that closely spaced seems reckless and unnecessarily risky.

[Firiel]

I think it's practical too, especially if she has reason to believe she will be quite fertile (previous pregnancies, family history, etc.).

But yeah, it's not exactly presumptuous to assume that sex will lead to babies. Biologically, that's kind of what it's there for.

[2xx1xy1JD]

Mostly practical.

Look, I kept maternity clothes, baby clothes and baby stuff from baby #1, and used them with baby #2. Why would you toss something that you might use again? I didn't give away anything until I was fairly sure that we were done.

We also bought a 4 bedroom house when we still had only 1 child, but were early in pregnancy with #2 and hoped to have more. I didn't plan to move with each birth.

[FakePigtails]

Practical. I'm trying for my first pregnancy and there's a good chance it would be my only one but just in case it's not, I'd keep any maternity clothes. I hate buying clothes, both the finding things that I like and that fit and spending the money.

[BrownieMomma]

I am going with both.

Practical because they are practicing quiverfull and that is what they expect - lots of pregnancies.

Presumptuous that she's going to get pregnant again and again. Her womb might close for any number of reasons.

[ILoveJellybeans]

Its practical to keep maternity clothes and baby stuff around if you are intending to have a large family, either by planning, or by not using birth control and letting babies happen naturally.

Obviously if you are at the point where your youngest kid is five, you have not conceived despite being able to have babies every other year for the last 20 years and are in your forties, time to give the baby stuff away.

[fun2beme]

I'd say both but the presumptuous part hits close to home. I've had many friends suffer from infertility or miscarriages, and it rankles me that people just assume that they'll be blessed with kids simply because they want them. Not everyone is that fortunate.

[DGayle]

I think it's both. If you have normal fertility, conceiving isn't hard, and if you plan on it, which they do no matter how they phrase it, then it makes sense to keep maternity clothes.

But it's also presumptuous since they see babies as a blessing, and they presume they're worthy of those blessings when all it is is being lucky to not have fertility issues

[Rescinded and Mended]

I'd lean more toward practical, but I have a childless friend who told me that she keeps clothing in several sizes above and below her current weight because her weight tends to fluctuate pretty regularly.

So I would say that even if you aren't planning for more blessings, it still makes sense to have clothes in a couple of different sizes just in case of bloating, or not eating due to stress, or hitting the all-you-can eat buffet on occasion.

[Four is Enough]

I'd say practical... because many people save the maternity clothing for a while after the first child is born.. as for saving it after the TENTH is born... that's a bit crazy, in my opinion, but ... Four is Enough for me! :lol:

[TrueRebel1]

I'd say both but the presumptuous part hits close to home. I've had many friends suffer from infertility or miscarriages, and it rankles me that people just assume that they'll be blessed with kids simply because they want them. Not everyone is that fortunate.

I think that's part of what hit me wrong too. Not only is it flaunting your fertility in the face of others who have trouble conceiving, but it assumes that you'll perpetually be able to conceive and carry babies with no trouble. And while that certainly happens for some, there's always the chance you'll have secondary infertility. I can understand the aspect of "we want more kids, and hope to get pregnant again" but the blanket assumption that you will be pregnant again in 6 months, and again in another 24 months, and so on, is just unsettling. I thought the whole idea of quiverfull is trusting God to bless you with the number and spacing of children that He deems best -- so how would you know if that means 4 kids or 12? Or all spaced 18 months apart or 4 years apart?

[August]

Well, fertility is a practical matter. You're infertile when you're proven to not be fertile. Since she's had multiple pregnancies, her fertility is pretty proven. It would take a change in the status quo for her to become less fertile. So she's not assuming pregnancy will happen based on no evidence.

So long as someone is humble about their fertility, it's not an unreasonable thing to assume a fertile person will remain fertile.

Now, people who think they can take credit for getting for getting pregnant for any other reason than damn luck and good medical management make me want to scream. You got pregnant because you were relaxed? Well, I got pregnant because my surgeon has magic fingers, fuck you.

But keeping maternity clothes is what everyone does. Even people with teflon uteruses keep clothes on the off chance they'll get to use them again.

[feministxtian]

I kept my maternity clothes until I had my hysterectomy. That's when I got rid of the maternity clothes and all the baby stuff. Prior to that, I hung on to all that stuff. I considered it practical. Why get rid of stuff when odds were pretty good I'd be knocked up again in a year or 2?

Now, once they removed the crib, I knew I was done.

[kpmom]

Yes, I agree with the majority that it is practical to keep maternity clothes 'til you're sure you're done.

I do think it's presumptuous for quiverful people to assume they're going to have a ton of kids because they are quiverful.

If they truly believe what they say they believe, their quiver could be full at 1 or 2 kids, or no kids. I see a lot of fundies we discuss assuming quiverful automatically means lots of kids.

[Georgiana]

Practical.

Around here, if you choose to get rid of your maternity/baby stuff and then get pregnant again, you're on your own for re-purchasing it. The custom is that you will receive gifts/a shower for the first baby, but only small things from close friends/family for additional children (except in extenuating circumstances such as my aunt who was born 12 years after my mom). The expectation is that you will keep most of the things from your first pregnancy/baby and reuse them.

All that stuff is expensive, and most people cannot afford to purchase it anew for each additional baby, especially if you aren't going to get showers to help offset the cost.

My mother always taught me that you keep everything unless you are 99% sure you will not be having any more children, whether by choice or by biology. Most people I know don't get rid of baby stuff until their youngest is 5-6 (though they might loan them to close friends if they aren't planning another right away). It's just risky, because that is a really big expense if you get rid of everything too soon.

[FJismyheadship]

I gave away maternity clothes (except for a shirt I really liked) and when my daughter outgrew her clothes I kept a few I really liked and gave the rest away. Some new mother at the women's shelter was very happy to get them I am sure. :-)

I don't plan on having another one. One is enough.