Matt Walsh Needs to be Respected Dammit Because he is a MAN

[Want More Babies]

themattwalshblog.com/2014/02/22/your-husband-doesnt-have-to-earn-your-respect/

Fundies love Matt Walsh. This is all over my FB feed right now.

Yes, need. We need respect, and that need is so deeply ingrained that a marriage cannot possibly survive if the man is deprived of it.

[Koala]

All people need respect, it's just that most of us expect to earn it, not demand it.

[apple1]

This 20-something know-it-all blogger has suddenly been popping up in my FB feed, also.

It is grating on my nerves.

[Firiel]

Ugh.

The stupid thing is that I (more or less) agree with a gender-neutral version of this blog post (or at least the idea behind it). People in general should not have to earn basic human respect. Though the personal chemistry of specific couples could totally allow for this, it's generally not good when one person in a relationship is constantly bad-mouthing and making fun of the other person. I dislike the common media trend as portraying men only lazy, domestically inept clowns who are somehow married to wonderful, hard-working respectful women. I dislike it for several reasons, one of which is the way it seems to imply that men aren't anything more than oafs and needn't strive to be anything more than oafs.

But why can't he just understand that the opposite is also true?! Why can't he write an article about people treating people in a certain way instead of needing to create stupid, non-existent gender dichotomies about who does what to whom?!

[Want More Babies]

It just seems that in Conservative Christianity, all we hear about is how much the man NEEDS respect. How about respecting the wife? How about respecting children instead of beating them 5 times before they even eat breakfast.

No, only the men are worthy of respect.

Several years ago I was as Conservative as they come but my husband would have no part of it. He thought the VF brand of religion was crazy. Once I let religion go, I am 100 times happier. Some of these people need to just let go of the dogma. They would be happier.

[Firiel]

Once I let religion go, I am 100 times happier. Some of these people need to just let go of the dogma. They would be happier.

Maybe letting dogma go would help Matt Walsh get that stick out of his arse and keep him from being such a dill hole. He's always so mean about everything.

[DomWackTroll]

Perry Coghlan links to him about a billion times a week, which is really all you need to know about the guy.

[ThisOlGirl]

Is this the same guy who blogging/thumping his chest about how we was so much better than everyone because he bagged himself a virgin bride?

[Jasmar]

I have a LOT of Facebook friends who love this guy. This particular post has been reposted over and over and over. I can't even read it - just the title was enough to give me a minor panic reaction.

My (estranged, emotionally abusive) husband spouts the same things, although he's smart enought to crouch it in crocodile tears about how he drinks (or checks out emotionally, or neglects us, or fill-in-the-blank) because he doesn't feel respected, so he haz a big sad that isn't his fault.

I seriously cannot even debate this with people I otherwise like and respect, because this insidious lie - that humans with penises need self-defined "respect" in a way the other half of us are hardwired to deny them and are too dumb to understand - is so stinking prevalent in conservative Christianity.

Edited the -ly onto an adverb

[2xx1xy1JD]

Ugh.

The stupid thing is that I (more or less) agree with a gender-neutral version of this blog post (or at least the idea behind it). People in general should not have to earn basic human respect. Though the personal chemistry of specific couples could totally allow for this, it's generally not good when one person in a relationship is constantly bad-mouthing and making fun of the other person. I dislike the common media trend as portraying men only lazy, domestically inept clowns who are somehow married to wonderful, hard-working respectful women. I dislike it for several reasons, one of which is the way it seems to imply that men aren't anything more than oafs and needn't strive to be anything more than oafs.

But why can't he just understand that the opposite is also true?! Why can't he write an article about people treating people in a certain way instead of needing to create stupid, non-existent gender dichotomies about who does what to whom?!

Agreed.

I don't feel like reading through all of his other posts, so maybe someone more familiar with him can tell me if he's written other posts telling men to respect their wives and just focuses on what wives need to be in THIS post, or if he is like Ken and Lori and truly believes that all women are cursed to be nagging bitches and therefore need to be controlled by men.

FWIW, I do think that there is a certain amount of disrespect which has become common in popular culture. Watch reruns of Everybody Love Raymond, see Deborah call Raymond an idiot for the zillionth time, and hear the laugh track. Watch Mom's Night Out, and see how allowing dad to watch the kids for one evening somehow results in complete disaster.

I'll admit that when I first got together with my husband, I thought that "jokes" at his expense were funny. He didn't. He found it incredibly disrespectful and was hurt, and asked me point blank why I would say something to embarrass him if I loved him. I had no good answer to that, so I stopped doing it.

At the same time, there are plenty of disrespectful images of women too. The gold digger, the bitch, the whore, etc. I can think of men I know who make nasty "jokes" at their wives' expense too.

Respect is not a zero-sum game. When you create a culture of respect, and actively challenge a culture of disrespect, you are more likely to treat everyone with respect. I'm pretty chill about a lot of things in my home, but respect is not optional.

Yes, I do believe that there is a certain amount of respect that you get simply for being human, including being treated decently. Respect for an accomplishment or additional respect and admiration for your character is, of course, something that is earned.

[Coco]

Before he remodeled his blog, he had a post up supporting his stay-at-home wife, called "What do you do all day?" or something like that. It's got to still be there but i'm not going to give him the page views to find it.

Cue parade by fundies.

He's just the latest incarnation of Josh Harris or Kirk Cameron, saying all the approved things while trying to be hip and controversial. :hand: Maybe i'm jaded, but any fad following always makes me want to run the other way.

[Firiel]

I don't feel like reading through all of his other posts, so maybe someone more familiar with him can tell me if he's written other posts telling men to respect their wives and just focuses on what wives need to be in THIS post, or if he is like Ken and Lori and truly believes that all women are cursed to be nagging bitches and therefore need to be controlled by men.

He's generally a self-righteous ass, and there was one post of his a few months ago that SERIOUSLY pissed me off. Generally, he likes to put up straw-men and then shoot them down in the name of conservatism. But in his defense, he does sometimes write posts about not being terrible dickheads to women. I mean, these posts about how to treat women are positively drenched in benevolent sexism and there are definitely plenty of posts he's written that lean towards the hostile sexism that so often accompanies benevolent sexism. But he's not like Cabinetman who scoops up the hostile elements of sexism and then berates anyone who pulls out benevolently sexist tropes.

[TrueRebel1]

I'm glad you started a thread about this. A week or so ago, the "Unconditional Respect" article came thru my news feed. I wasn't familiar with Matt Walsh, so I read it. Ugg.

I think the things that stood out to me most are this:

1) He uses a random experience (being in the presence of a wife that rolled her eyes at her husband) to prove his theory that men deserve unconditional respect. Now whether or not his belief is true, I don't care for that approach of using an isolated personal experience to say EVERYONE is doing this. That's the same format Lori of "Always Learning" uses, and it just isn't valid, IMO. Experiences to illustrate points are great, just not as the basis of proving one's fundamental beliefs.

2) Going to the later part of the article, he states,

"They both swirl in circles around the drain. He fails, so she gives him no respect, and then he continues to fail because he feels disrespected, and she continues to give him no respect because he continues to fail. And so on, and so on, and so on, all the way to the divorce attorney."

So basically, if a wife doesn't respect her husband, he won't be able to be a godly husband, and they will end up divorced, and it's her fault. Um, really???

3) He also implies that if a man is addicted to porn, it's because his wife didn't show him the respect he needs.

I asked my husband if he felt the need for unconditional respect. He said that although it's nice to feel respected, and that he hopes I respect him when he earns it, that having unconditional respect from me would not hold him accountable for his actions. He could get away with murder and still have my respect.

I read some of Matt's other posts, and it's clear that he's an alarmist, a black-and-white thinker. Just look at some of the post titles. I'm sure that he has some truthful things to say, but they're so boxed-in, with no room for acknowledging there are many different people with different situations that may apply that same truth in a different way!

[DGayle]

I can't stand that prick. His "all you need to have a good marriage is simply decide to not ever get divorced" post popped up all over my Facebook feed.

I've gotten into spats with that dickweed in his comments. He said I must be a bad wife with a husband who wishes he could get away from me. Kind of the opposite, when my husband has stayed through six years of a nearly sexless marriage while I try figuring out what's going on with my body, and accepting things may never change. He wouldn't stay if he thought I was a bad wife.

Matt Walsh is an insecure little wiener who needs to pretend he knows everything better than everybody.

[Coco]

3) He also implies that if a man is addicted to porn, it's because his wife didn't show him the respect he needs.

Wow. He's making absolutely no sense. What does he think respect means?

Maybe what he really meant was that a weak man gets addicted to watching abusive porn because his wife won't let him abuse her.

Honestly some of these guys (those rumors about DPIAT's computer) probably fall into that addiction BECAUSE their wives gave them total freedom to do whatever the heck they wished and never asked questions. Marriage partners absolutely have every right to demand the TRUE respect of accountability, whether they want to allow porn or not, they need to be on the same page about it and both know what's going on.

[Firiel]

I've gotten into spats with that dickweed in his comments. He said I must be a bad wife with a husband who wishes he could get away from me. Kind of the opposite, when my husband has stayed through six years of a nearly sexless marriage while I try figuring out what's going on with my body, and accepting things may never change. He wouldn't stay if he thought I was a bad wife.

Ugh. I ventured into the comments section of his blog once on a Hobby Lobby post. The whole content of my post was just pointing out that Plan B doesn't prevent implantation, and I got told I was a pro-abortion, baby-killing heathen who thought that others should support my slut habits or something along those lines.

It's funny because I am 100% pro-life for myself (wouldn't choose an abortion unless health mandated it) and am probably more conservative on the abortion front than most on this board. And I paid for my own IUD with nary a complaint because their insurance plan was grandfathered in and even if it wasn't, I would fully support the right of the religious non-profit I work at to opt out coverage they feel uncomfortable with because, well, they aren't a for-profit corporation.

I haven't ventured back into the comments since then. They like straw men too much, and it was a pain in the ass to become one of the straw men they knocked down.

[salex]

Aren't the men clamoring for unconditional respect for all men the same group, politically, who bitch and moan when everyone in some little league gets participation trophies?

[Mice]

Respect is not a zero-sum game. When you create a culture of respect, and actively challenge a culture of disrespect, you are more likely to treat everyone with respect. I'm pretty chill about a lot of things in my home, but respect is not optional.

I couldn't agree more and I've seen this many times in both work and family environments.

[Coco]

Aren't the men clamoring for unconditional respect for all men the same group, politically, who bitch and moan when everyone in some little league gets participation trophies?

haha yes! "No special treatment because of participation but special treatment because of appendage!"

[Othello]

If his post wasn't exclusively saying "women MUST respect men" and was saying instead "everyone MUST respect each other" I'd actually agree! People tend to be far too biting and always trying to put the other person down. Unfortunately, his post wasn't, and therefore I cannot agree.

Matt Walsh is in no way related to Josh Walsh of Provident Films, is he?

[Jasmar]

I assume from their website that Provident is run by evangelicals? If so, they probably aren't related because MW is Catholic (which I was shocked when he disclosed, because his brand of holier than thou is much more common in some parts of evangelical Christianity than in what I've seen of Catholicism)

[RosyDaisy]

Agreed.

I don't feel like reading through all of his other posts, so maybe someone more familiar with him can tell me if he's written other posts telling men to respect their wives and just focuses on what wives need to be in THIS post, or if he is like Ken and Lori and truly believes that all women are cursed to be nagging bitches and therefore need to be controlled by men.

FWIW, I do think that there is a certain amount of disrespect which has become common in popular culture. Watch reruns of Everybody Love Raymond, see Deborah call Raymond an idiot for the zillionth time, and hear the laugh track. Watch Mom's Night Out, and see how allowing dad to watch the kids for one evening somehow results in complete disaster.

I'll admit that when I first got together with my husband, I thought that "jokes" at his expense were funny. He didn't. He found it incredibly disrespectful and was hurt, and asked me point blank why I would say something to embarrass him if I loved him. I had no good answer to that, so I stopped doing it.

At the same time, there are plenty of disrespectful images of women too. The gold digger, the bitch, the whore, etc. I can think of men I know who make nasty "jokes" at their wives' expense too.

Respect is not a zero-sum game. When you create a culture of respect, and actively challenge a culture of disrespect, you are more likely to treat everyone with respect. I'm pretty chill about a lot of things in my home, but respect is not optional.

Yes, I do believe that there is a certain amount of respect that you get simply for being human, including being treated decently. Respect for an accomplishment or additional respect and admiration for your character is, of course, something that is earned.

The thing is women have been disrespected in real life and pop culture way longer than men. So, it bothers me very little that men are now get getting a dose of their own medicine. They deserve it for the disrespect they have shown women for years.

[susykt4]

My parents are lifelong fundies in their late 60s. My mom has given me crap my entire adult life because I have children and work full-time when a woman should stay home with her kids. However, she is/was the most bitter, unhappy person I've ever known. She is definitely the eye-rolling, belittling, disrespectful wife. My dad has a successful business and is one of those people everyone loves, but my mom has never said anything good about him. She is constantly and continually criticizing him about literally every little thing. He has never been abusive, he just basically worked as much as possible and stayed away from home as much as possible. They absolutely don't believe in divorce, but she has told me several times that if they did she would have left him. I don't have a clue why he puts up with this treatment but he always has. She also treated/treats her children this way so we avoid her as much as possible, but haven't cut her off because we all have a good relationship with our dad.

My goal as a wife has always been to be nothing like her. She is supposedly submitting to him because he is the breadwinner and she takes (mediocre) care of the home. I do sometimes struggle to not treat my husband this way but I know it's wrong. Obviously, respect should run both ways regardless of sex and I certainly don't believe in the whole submission thing, but my mother was not influenced by media or the way things are now. She is just a b!tch.

[2xx1xy1JD]

The thing is women have been disrespected in real life and pop culture way longer than men. So, it bothers me very little that men are now get getting a dose of their own medicine. They deserve it for the disrespect they have shown women for years.

I don't think anyone deserves to be disrespected.

Disrespecting men doesn't increase the respect that women get. It just breeds a culture where casual disrespect is seen as normal, which isn't good for anybody. It also breeds low expectations.

Furthermore, many of the anti-men put-downs just buy into a sexist world view that is ultimately harmful to everyone. For example, if you do a bunch of gags that assume that all men are lazy idiots incapable of doing even the most basic child care, you are reinforcing an expectation that only women care for children. IRL, that's not funny at all. It's the mindset of Lori and Ken, that insists that mothers and ONLY mothers are "naturally" suited to caring for children and that no mom should expect to ask the dad to ever help her and watch his own kids while she hops in the shower. It's the Lori/Ken/Mark Driscoll mindset that a stay-at-home dad is just a deadbeat, not worthy of any respect. It's also the mindset that sometimes keeps perfectly capable dads from applying for custody of their kids when the mother is clearly unfit. It's the mindset that makes some mothers completely paranoid about ever trusting the father of their children to have the kids overnight (in the absence of obvious signs of danger).

[Firiel]

I don't think anyone deserves to be disrespected.

Disrespecting men doesn't increase the respect that women get. It just breeds a culture where casual disrespect is seen as normal, which isn't good for anybody. It also breeds low expectations.

Furthermore, many of the anti-men put-downs just buy into a sexist world view that is ultimately harmful to everyone. For example, if you do a bunch of gags that assume that all men are lazy idiots incapable of doing even the most basic child care, you are reinforcing an expectation that only women care for children. IRL, that's not funny at all. It's the mindset of Lori and Ken, that insists that mothers and ONLY mothers are "naturally" suited to caring for children and that no mom should expect to ask the dad to ever help her and watch his own kids while she hops in the shower. It's the Lori/Ken/Mark Driscoll mindset that a stay-at-home dad is just a deadbeat, not worthy of any respect. It's also the mindset that sometimes keeps perfectly capable dads from applying for custody of their kids when the mother is clearly unfit. It's the mindset that makes some mothers completely paranoid about ever trusting the father of their children to have the kids overnight (in the absence of obvious signs of danger).

I agree with this. There are certain people in my life that I disrespect, but I try to respect everybody unless they prove to me that said respect is misguided. Even the people I don't respect, per se, I still try to treat respectfully, if that makes sense.

And I totally agree about negative gender stereotypes hurting both genders. The stereotype that men can't do housework can hurt women by forcing them into a role they are not personally excited about (if a woman believes men can't handle kids or housework, she'll take 100% of that load on herself). The stereotype that women should be the primary caretakers and raise the family can hurt men by making them feel like they need to work more demanding jobs to financially support said family, thus contributing to needlessly missing out on time with their family and hurting their relationship with the kids.