Now this is art! WTF Religious Paintings

[ThisOlGirl]

I laughed until I cried, I cringed, I...I can't with these.

http://www.cracked.com/article_19947_th ... tings.html

[thoughtful]

To paraphrase an old chiche, I don't know much about art, but I know what cracks me up!

I liked the caption:

Once you've had stigmata, most body modification seems pretty tame.

Some of those were new to me, but we have discussed McNaughton before, if you want to see more hilarity:

viewtopic.php?f=223&t=3944&start=20#p86474

[ladyamylynn]

Comedy. Gold.

[Coco]

I laughed until I cried, I cringed, I...I can't with these.

http://www.cracked.com/article_19947_th ... tings.html

Boxing Jesus with gloves stamped MERCY!!! Here's some MERCY for you! (how does that even make sense? lol)

i bet Jan and Paul Crouch are chomping at the bit to have those gilded and put on display at the Holy Land Experience theme park.

and in the painting of the modern Christian on the Via Dolorosa... wait, is that Roy Orbison there between Henry VIII, Vlad the Impaler and fist-pump Hitler?

Just awesome. Ron DiCianni gone wrong.

[Grimalkin]

Thanks for that! A good way to start my day. I never knew Jesus looked so much like Favio.

Seriously what do you think the Duggars would think of this art?

[Savoring Samsara]

So many white Jesuses.

[Rebelwife]

I was literally crying over "heroin Jesus" and the picture of Obama and the Constitution. "Dude! Obama! What the hell!" :lol:

[keen23]

I did not know that Jesus was man we have to thank for the Mullet (aka Hockey Hair). Business in top, party in the back.

[Lisa]

Boxing Jesus with gloves stamped MERCY!!! Here's some MERCY for you! (how does that even make sense? lol)

i bet Jan and Paul Crouch are chomping at the bit to have those gilded and put on display at the Holy Land Experience theme park.

and in the painting of the modern Christian on the Via Dolorosa... wait, is that Roy Orbison there between Henry VIII, Vlad the Impaler and fist-pump Hitler?

Just awesome. Ron DiCianni gone wrong.

I'll mercy your face!

[Lisa]

So many white Jesuses.

Will the real one stand up?

Oh, wait, it can't be any of those sandy-haired dudes!

[Mary C Doates]

Thanks for that! A good way to start my day. I never knew Jesus looked so much like Favio.

Seriously what do you think the Duggars would think of this art?

I thought several of the Jesuses looked exactly like Barry Gibbs from the BeeGees. Perhaps Jesus has a side gig doing disco?

[ViolaSebastian]

This is how the Bill & Ted reboot would end if it were directed by Kirk Cameron.

I laughed at this and I tried to stifle the laugh and it came out more a bark...

[ThisOlGirl]

I thought several of the Jesuses looked exactly like Barry Gibbs from the BeeGees. Perhaps Jesus has a side gig doing disco?

See, I was going to say that the Jesus in those paintings would have fit in well at say, a Van Halen concert. But Barry Gibb works too. He's a Jesus for all musical genres.

[twin2]

How could Jesus be talking to Adam and Eve, he wasn't born yet?????

#5: Jesus does look like he is in a shampoo commercial.

[PennySycamore]

I thought the boxing Jesus looked a bit like the Dude himself, Jeff Bridges, so it was funny that the writer of the Cracked piece mentioned Jeff when writing commentary about a later picture.

The Dude Abides, man!

[Howl]

#11. The Introduction by Nathan Greene looks like Adam is trying to explain why he's just not that into Eve, and he wishes God had made Evan out of his rib instead.

http://www.cracked.com/phpimages/article/2/1/2/137212_v2.jpg

[DGayle]

I took a look at Stephan Sawyer's site. I don't get it. He's got some pieces that we actually well-done and that show some talent (I'm not seeing talent worth $100/hr for art instruction though), but then he doesn't think through the blocking for a lot of his pieces, and some of them look like elementary school painting projects.

For #5: ""The anguish that God experiences while His children are abused is the cumulative experience of all the abused children since the beginning of time compressed into one eternal moment.""

If it's such an anguish to god, then put the game of humanity into god-mode and remove that little glitch that makes people decide to abuse kids. Just make it one of those things that's as abhorrent to all humans as the thought of sitting there cutting up our own calves forkful by forkful. Shouldn't be that hard for an omnipotent god.

[thoughtful]

I can spell "cliche," honest -- don't know how I hit "h" twice!

As one of the comments pointed out, the one thing missing from that article is the Jesus Molesting Scott Bakula During a Croquet Game painting:

Maybe he is finally taking him on . . . the leap home!

[Grimalkin]

#11. The Introduction by Nathan Greene looks like Adam is trying to explain why he's just not that into Eve, and he wishes God had made Evan out of his rib instead.

http://www.cracked.com/phpimages/article/2/1/2/137212_v2.jpg

This one is my fave. But I think it looks like the start of a porno movie. Like Jesus is going to direct them on whT to do.

[Geechee Girl]

My local Adventist hospital had a huge Nathan Greene in the lobby depicting Jesus in the operating room. I snickered every time I walked by it. Those creepy, stalker Jesus pics are a hoot. If I saw those as a child, no way would I be saying bedtime prayers.

[HarryPotterFan]

This one is my fave. But I think it looks like the start of a porno movie. Like Jesus is going to direct them on whT to do.

All I can say about Adam is "hubba hubba." Daaaaaaaaaaaaaymn he's hot.

[JBsHairspray]

So many white Jesuses.

Just wondering....isn't the plural Jesi ?? :shifty:

[bumblebee]

These are all hilariously awful, I get the (heartfelt?!) idea behind them, but no. Execution fail at the very least and in the case of Adam, Eve and Jesus awkward start of a porno, Bible comprehension fail. Although I guess he’s going for “co-equal and co-eternal†there.

But seriously, what possessed that artist to draw Jesus kneeling behind a little child, nose buried in her hair with a rapturous expression on his face. That’s not a proud parent teaching or watching their kid to pray in any way.

[Grimalkin]

Just wondering....isn't the plural Jesi ?? :shifty:

I guffawed loudly at this.

[Grimalkin]

#11. The Introduction by Nathan Greene looks like Adam is trying to explain why he's just not that into Eve, and he wishes God had made Evan out of his rib instead.

http://www.cracked.com/phpimages/article/2/1/2/137212_v2.jpg

Ok last joke on this one. This is the real cover of the sex tape Jimbob gave Josh on the night of his nuptials.

I have always been fascinated by religious art. On my 18 th birthday I was visiting my dad in Chicago and on a whim we decided to go to the Art Institute. It was close to closing time and we ended up in the section of religious art. Even though I was an atheist then I was so drawn to it.

It was nothing like this stuff!