Crazy Movie Review Site

[debrand]

I think you guys need a ticket to this - it caught my eye waaayyy back when Katharine Hepburn had just died (and BTW, their article on her is not to be missed):

traditioninaction.org/movies/movies.htm

Wow. That is a crazy site too

Children? Of course not. “I would have been a terrible mother. I’m basically too selfish,†Hepburn laughs, and this is what the fawning media presents as an admirable example of her frank and honest spirit.

I like Hepburn even more now. If you don't want kids it is selfish to have them just so that you look good to people around you or to up your status with religion. The writer imagines that she made a deal with the devil for her fame so that the devil could convince women to be masculine. :lol:

[Ralar]

Brace yourselves. She wrote a review of The Diary of Anne Frank.

Yes, surely this was the author's problem for creating such irritating characters. Who wrote this again?

It's about people who died in the Holocaust. How could things possibly get any fucking better?

But . . .but . . . but . . . why couldn't they have been cheerful and polite while they were hiding in that attic for 4 years, waiting to be taken to the death camps?

[Ralar]

That minced oaths list and another list I found on that site are crazy. I had no idea so many things really meant Jesus/God/etc. I mean maybe they do, but was Sylvester the cat *really* saying "Suffering Savior" when he would say "suffering succotash?"

This is their rather complete *ahem* list of standards. I can't think of any movie that would pass the test in all these categories. In fact, I can't think of much in life that would pass the rigors of this list :shock:

We are committed to: .............. ...Which means we are opposed to, or at least watching for:

Christianity

.......................................................Moralism

.......................................................Conspicuously Absent Christianity

........................................................ ....Irrelevant Christianity

.............................................................Works-Based Views of Heaven

.......................................................Humanism

.......................................................Darwinism

.......................................................Judaism

.......................................................Infidelity to Explicit Statements in Scripture

.......................................................Unorthodox Spiritualism

........................................................... .Unbiblical Angels

.............................................................Magic

.............................................................Ghosts

.............................................................Morally Responsible Mythological Creatures

........................................................... .Sourceless Spirituality

.......................................................Antinomianism

.................................................... ........Minimized Sin

..................................................... .......Legitimized Sin

Reformed Protestantism

.......................................................Roman Catholicism

.......................................................Pelagianism

.......................................................Dispensationalism

Purpose and Purposefulness

.......................................................Nihilism

.......................................................Anti-intellectualism

.......................................................Irresponsibility

Sexual and Emotional Purity

.......................................................Immodesty

............................................................Immodest Clothing

............................................................Immodest Posture and Demeanor

............................................................Compromising or Tempting Situations

.......................................................Physical Intimacy

............................................................Implied Sexual Intimacy

............................................................Kissing

............................................................Embraces and Touches

.......................................................Emotional Intimacy

............................................................Dating

............................................................Directionless Romantic Relationships

............................................................Psychologically Expressed Intimacy

............................................................Romantic Tension

.......................................................Idealism

Innocence

.......................................................Graphic Images

.......................................................Emotionally Intense Scenarios

Wholesome Language

.......................................................Swearing

.......................................................Slang (see "Minced Oaths and What They Mean," here)

.......................................................Insult

.......................................................Sarcasm

Honorable Humor

.......................................................Vulgar Humor

.......................................................Derogatory Humor

.......................................................Comical Pain

.......................................................Comical Sin

Christian Family Structure

.......................................................Socialism

............................................................Weak, Stupid or Immoral Fathers

............................................................Overly Wise or Correct Children

............................................................Missing Parent Syndrome

............................................................Community Contrasted Positively with Family

............................................................Friends Contrasted Positively with Family

.......................................................Feminism

............................................................Women with an Independent Mindset

............................................................Women with a Superiority Mindset

............................................................Women with a Career Focus

............................................................Unhappy Mothers and Housewives

............................................................Disdain for Former Models of Domesticity

............................................................Unbalanced Romantic Relationships

.......................................................Parent-Free Discipleship

............................................................Caricatured Parental Sheltering

............................................................Teachers Contrasted Positively with Parents

............................................................Public School Focus

The writer would get along well with Stevie if either one of them was allowed to have friends or leisure time. Or, maybe Stevie wrote the reviews under a pseudonym.

[JaChelle Sugar]

Oh my goddess this is even funnier than PluggedIn!

[dairyfreelife]

That minced oaths list and another list I found on that site are crazy. I had no idea so many things really meant Jesus/God/etc. I mean maybe they do, but was Sylvester the cat *really* saying "Suffering Savior" when he would say "suffering succotash?"

This is their rather complete *ahem* list of standards. I can't think of any movie that would pass the test in all these categories. In fact, I can't think of much in life that would pass the rigors of this list :shock:

We are committed to: .............. ...Which means we are opposed to, or at least watching for:

Christianity

.......................................................Moralism

.......................................................Conspicuously Absent Christianity

........................................................ ....Irrelevant Christianity

.............................................................Works-Based Views of Heaven

.......................................................Humanism

.......................................................Darwinism

.......................................................Judaism

.......................................................Infidelity to Explicit Statements in Scripture

.......................................................Unorthodox Spiritualism

........................................................... .Unbiblical Angels

.............................................................Magic

.............................................................Ghosts

.............................................................Morally Responsible Mythological Creatures

........................................................... .Sourceless Spirituality

.......................................................Antinomianism

.................................................... ........Minimized Sin

..................................................... .......Legitimized Sin

Reformed Protestantism

.......................................................Roman Catholicism

.......................................................Pelagianism

.......................................................Dispensationalism

Purpose and Purposefulness

.......................................................Nihilism

.......................................................Anti-intellectualism

.......................................................Irresponsibility

Sexual and Emotional Purity

.......................................................Immodesty

............................................................Immodest Clothing

............................................................Immodest Posture and Demeanor

............................................................Compromising or Tempting Situations

.......................................................Physical Intimacy

............................................................Implied Sexual Intimacy

............................................................Kissing

............................................................Embraces and Touches

.......................................................Emotional Intimacy

............................................................Dating

............................................................Directionless Romantic Relationships

............................................................Psychologically Expressed Intimacy

............................................................Romantic Tension

.......................................................Idealism

Innocence

.......................................................Graphic Images

.......................................................Emotionally Intense Scenarios

Wholesome Language

.......................................................Swearing

.......................................................Slang (see "Minced Oaths and What They Mean," here)

.......................................................Insult

.......................................................Sarcasm

Honorable Humor

.......................................................Vulgar Humor

.......................................................Derogatory Humor

.......................................................Comical Pain

.......................................................Comical Sin

Christian Family Structure

.......................................................Socialism

............................................................Weak, Stupid or Immoral Fathers

............................................................Overly Wise or Correct Children

............................................................Missing Parent Syndrome

............................................................Community Contrasted Positively with Family

............................................................Friends Contrasted Positively with Family

.......................................................Feminism

............................................................Women with an Independent Mindset

............................................................Women with a Superiority Mindset

............................................................Women with a Career Focus

............................................................Unhappy Mothers and Housewives

............................................................Disdain for Former Models of Domesticity

............................................................Unbalanced Romantic Relationships

.......................................................Parent-Free Discipleship

............................................................Caricatured Parental Sheltering

............................................................Teachers Contrasted Positively with Parents

............................................................Public School Focus

This is a joke site, right :evil-eye: I can't believe this is serious. Me thinks someone is pulling legs.

[Trynn]

When I first read Anne frank, I didn't know she died at the end... I honestly WAS expecting the book to get better :(

[medimus]

When I first read Anne frank, I didn't know she died at the end... I honestly WAS expecting the book to get better :(

I read that book when I was eight. Nobody warned me either. But I was eight, not a reviewer who can't be bothered to finish watching a movie.

[crazyforkate]

Her review of Casablanca seemed downright normal, if a tad conservative at first, but then she went into how everyone was so immoral - why are we supposed to think that only the Nazi is bad? Apparently, the fact that Rick changed his mind and redeemed himself meant nothing.

How is it that fundies can't accept anything more complicated than Jesus = good, everything else = bad? Sigh.

ETA: I should note here that it really baffles me how many classics she's included, including some fairly obscure ones. It just seems like a weird balance.

Oh, and we get this gem of a line from Hotel Rwanda:

"Paul’s clear use of deceit to save the lives of the Tutsi refugees in the Mille Collines may be offensive to some viewers."

I just...can't even...it's a troll, right? It has to be.

[Curious]

ETA: I should note here that it really baffles me how many classics she's included, including some fairly obscure ones. It just seems like a weird balance.

I was poking around there somewhere and I didn't find a place where it specifically said it, but I got the impression that at least some of the reviews were done by request.

So maybe there are fundies out there that pick those shows thinking they will be nice and wholesome, but little did they know there was EVIL lurking, after all.

Better stick with Winnie the Pooh. Pooh is not dangerous!

[medimus]

Aaaaaah!! I've been sucked in. I'm reading the Emma review (Jane Austen). She suggests they should have left out the wine, the low necklines and the dancing in a certain style, because they weren't specifically mentioned in the book and obviously they offend her. Yes of course they could have changed those things, but then the movie wouldn't be at all historically accurate. People drank wine all the time. And beer. Even children drank beer for long bits of history, because it was less likely to kill you than water. Aaaaaaaahhh

Sorry *calms self down*, historical inaccuraccy is a pet peeve of mine.

Also she suggests that making the movie four hours long was over the top. And I agree that four hours is long for a movie, but the version of Emma she's reviewing was a tv series.

[Trynn]

Sorry *calms self down*, historical inaccuraccy is a pet peeve of mine.

.

Me too. It's why I can't watch little house on the prairie. It's not the fact that the storylines veered from the books, it's the awful historical inaccuracy.

She said a 4 hour movie was too long? Oh no! She and I agree on something! Panics

[medimus]

Me too. It's why I can't watch little house on the prairie. It's not the fact that the storylines veered from the books, it's the awful historical inaccuracy.

She said a 4 hour movie was too long? Oh no! She and I agree on something! Panics

It's okay, she watched four hour-long episodes of a miniseries back to back and assumed it was a movie that was too long. At least that's what I presume she did because I don't know how else you mistake a tv series for a movie.

Part of me wants to see what she would make of Daens, it's full of historical 'colour' and is also specifically about the christianity of downtrodden people. Though they are all catholic, so she'd probably just dismiss it out of hand. :?

[SisterLilBunny]

Since we're going to see the new Captain America tomorrow, I had to read their review.

There is a mild potential hint at a humanistic frame of reference, with the emphasis on Steve (probably not a Christian character) being “a good man.â€

Someone really doesn't know their Marvel universe, do they?

[church_of_dog]

purityandprecision.com/2010/02/minced-oaths-and-what-they-mean.html

Please see the above (CRAZY SAUCE LONG) list of "minced oaths," which are apparently just as unacceptable as the real thing... :geek:

Minced oaths sounds like something I would like to sprinkle over my breakfast…

[church_of_dog]

But . . .but . . . but . . . why couldn't they have been cheerful and polite while they were hiding in that attic for 4 years, waiting to be taken to the death camps?

Well, as I learned from the Google after noticing jerkit's avatar earlier today -- Hasa Diga Eebowai! :lol:

[jerkit]

Well, as I learned from the Google after noticing jerkit's avatar earlier today -- Hasa Diga Eebowai! :lol:

:D

[Becket70]

This reviewer seems mentally disturbed to me. I do not say that about fundies as a group. I may find some of them misguided and I accept that some are adhering to deeply held beliefs. These things do not make them mentally ill. However, after reading a lot of the reviews she has posted, there is something wrong with this person. I don't know what her problem is, as I am not a mental health professional, so maybe someone in the Mental Health field could chime in. Her day-to-day life must be a living hell for her.

[Hane]

This reviewer seems mentally disturbed to me. I do not say that about fundies as a group. I may find some of them misguided and I accept that some are adhering to deeply held beliefs. These things do not make them mentally ill. However, after reading a lot of the reviews she has posted, there is something wrong with this person. I don't know what her problem is, as I am not a mental health professional, so maybe someone in the Mental Health field could chime in. Her day-to-day life must be a living hell for her.

My completely non-professional armchair opinion is that she has a tendency toward OCD and is somewhere far from neurotypical on the autism spectrum. (The male reviewers on the site are not nearly as rigid.) It's as if she's in an ultra-fundie family, has virtually no exposure to wider culture (as in, may not even leave the house), AND has something OCD/autistic going on--with no medical/psychiatric help available.

[ShadowyOne]

This reviewer seems mentally disturbed to me. I do not say that about fundies as a group. I may find some of them misguided and I accept that some are adhering to deeply held beliefs. These things do not make them mentally ill. However, after reading a lot of the reviews she has posted, there is something wrong with this person. I don't know what her problem is, as I am not a mental health professional, so maybe someone in the Mental Health field could chime in. Her day-to-day life must be a living hell for her.

I don't know that she (they? In my perusal there seemed to be at least a couple of reviewers) is mentally ill, but they are at least hopelessly deluded. If you want to totally isolate your kids from anything that might contain even the tiniest shred of something heretical, then just ban all screens in your house (à la Maxwells). If you can't take any of the infractions from the insanely long list of things that make a movie not worth watching, you basically won't have anything left (as has been pointed out in PP).

And I want to play the spoiler game, too:

Language:

Okay, so you don’t have to be all that objective to admit that there’s quite a bit of slang, minced oaths and name-calling in this movie. Slang: “shucks,” “stupid,” “shut up,” “son of a gun” (a few times each) and, of course, “hotdog!” Minced oaths: “gosh,” “holy mackerel,” “Sam hill,” a number of “doggone it”s, and a “Well, I’ll be…” that trails off into the wild blue yonder. The name-calling tends to be casual and flippant. Now, in my role as the villain in this review, I’m going to have to point out that some families have a problem with slang like that, and that there’s a reason why some of those phrases are called “minced oaths.”

Conclusion:

I had really thought when I started the review that I would be the villain by being objective and trying to pick up on all of the bad content in the movie, but for the most part, I think everyone would have agreed before I reviewed [movie name] that all of those things were in there. The list is pretty much complete, and I haven’t had to say anything hard yet. But the review isn’t over. There is still the question of a rating, and I know it would take serious objectivity (and maybe a bad guy) to give [movie name] anything less than an Enjoyable. And that’s what I’m going to do.

Maybe I haven’t had to be more objective than usual about what content there was in the movie, but I’m going to be objective about how much it really matters—to me, at least. I know the movie’s a classic, and I loved it, too, but if I’m going to be objective, I have to say that there are too many negative things in [movie name]—things like the language, the sexual content and the worldview—for me to be able to enjoy it as fully as I should be able to enjoy any movie I watch for pleasure. And if I’m not going to be objective about [movie name], I might as well just go ahead and give positive ratings to all the movies I liked, and negative ratings to the ones I didn’t—which would make film reviewing pointless. So here I am, playing the bad guy, and declaring that, despite the charms of the movie, [movie name] is a film I do not intend to watch again.

PURITY AND PRECISION RATING: NOT WORTH WATCHING AGAIN

It's a Wonderful Life

**large font emphasis in the original review!!!

http://www.purityandprecision.com/2010/12/movie-review-its-wonderful-life.html

[PennySycamore]

I thought the movie review was for It's A Wonderful Life just from reading the minced oaths. Doesn't George Bailey say hotdog every time he strikes the cigar lighter in Mr Gower's drugstore?

[Just_Jane]

I've now been sucked into reading these reviews. I just finished the ones for Lord of the Rings trilogy, The Princess Bride, National Treasure, and Pirates of the Caribbean. Talk about sucking all the fun out a movie. Of course I was taught that most movies are for entertainment and not for affirming life choices. If they were I'd want to be an elf or a pirate or a pirate elf.

[samurai_sarah]

I've now been sucked into reading these reviews. I just finished the ones for Lord of the Rings trilogy, The Princess Bride, National Treasure, and Pirates of the Caribbean. Talk about sucking all the fun out a movie. Of course I was taught that most movies are for entertainment and not for affirming life choices. If they were I'd want to be an elf or a pirate or a pirate elf.

A pirate elf would be awesome! I totally want to watch a movie about your life, as a pirate elf, now! Why aren't there more pirate elves in popular entertainment? (Except for Orlando Bloom.)

Also, yeah, all those reviews just sound like the reviewers just want to be miserable. I read a few, and constantly had to think about an anecdote someone told me, about watching an encounter between some sort of missionary and an older lady in Glasgow. Apparently, the missionary stopped her, and told her that he had a message of joy for her. Response: "Joy? No joy for me, I'm Presbyterian."

Considering that this happened in Glasgow, chances are that the lady was just messing with the missionary. But reading through those reviews kept me picturing the reviewers going "Goodness, someone might actually enjoy this! Quick, warn everyone!" and "That sounds like fun. How revolting!". :lol:

[Rescinded and Mended]

Well, of course Winnie the Pooh is acceptable and inoffensive by her standards. Eeyore, who is suffering from a severe form of depression, hasn't consulted an ebil, worldly psychiatrist and been put on medication to manage his symptoms so that he can live a happier, more productive live.

This clearly means that he has been praying to Jesus to make it all better, so that makes him a more Godly donkey.

And also that he might have been talking to Teri Maxwell.

[Burris]

I can’t bring myself to find that site funny. The reviewers’ comments aren’t merely wrong-heade3d; they’re the mutterings of morally deranged fuckwads:

When reviewing God's and Generals, that Fundie Favorite (and the one for boys 12 and up and girls 15 and up) he points out this bit:

Cultural Stumbling-Blocks:

Men of both sides smoke pipes and cigars. Whiskey, morphine and chloroform are given to dying men to ease their pain. :? Who is the audienced if the idea of cholorform for people dying agonizing deaths is iffy?

Apparently there are still people in the world who have not witnessed terrible suffering – a fact for which I would thank God were this nonsense not the result. (Proverbs 31:6 says to give wine to a dying man. I guess the reviewer is more holy than the Bible. Fucking idiot.)

That site actually succeeds in offending me on a moral level (which is damned near impossible).

[Snarknado]

This comment or maybe the way it was worded in The Dark Knight Rises Review made me quite literally laugh out loud.

There are a few off-color mentions of, or allusions to, balls.

'Allusions to balls' should be a new post count status.