Mothers ban Dads from delivery rooms people get steamed.

[Coconut Flan]

Since that's all that matters? Not that it gives him any rights whatsoever. How about he has no say in how she wants to give birth or what medications or procedures she wants or doesn't want? And the simply doesn't want him around and doesn't owe anyone a reason?

[Hane]

When I was born, it was becoming the norm for fathers to be in the delivery room. My father was in the waiting room when I came screaming into the world. When I asked him why he wasn't there when I was born, he said "because your mother didn't want me there." My mom then piped up and said, hell, no, she didn't want him there, giving birth was hard enough without her having to worry about him too. My dad just laughed. I've somehow managed to bond with him just fine.

Back in the '20s and early '30s, my dad and his siblings were born at home. After Nonni had had a few kids, Nonno decided he wanted to watch one of the births. He fainted and fell against the light switch, plunging the bedroom into darkness. I don't think he opted to observe any more births (they had nine children).

[BravaAmica]

That he had the nerve to go to court or that she had to defend her right to decide who was present at the delivery is ludicrous.

And how does that bode well for co-parenting together? He's disrespectful as fuck all. Taking her to court, forcing her to testify by phone while in labor, is a dick move. What other boundaries does he disregard if they don't suit him?

[veron1que]

Gotta love the comments that claim she had sex with him, he doesn't need consent to see it again. Excuse me there, that sounds awfully like a your husband can't rape you comment..idiots

[Toothfairy]

Mom is the patient and admitted. It's her body, she's pregnant for nine months, she goes through labor. Not the father. I can't believe he took this to court.

[Toothfairy]

Gotta love the comments that claim she had sex with him, he doesn't need consent to see it again. Excuse me there, that sounds awfully like a your husband can't rape you comment..idiots

When men don't have control and when someone says no to them they can't handle it. Especially fundie men.

[Trynn]

It's not just seeing the genitals that's the problem; the problem is that the women is in pain, suffering, and possibly in drugs (morphine.) so even if that WAS a logical argument --several have already pointed out that it isn't, and they're right-- it still doesn't hold water.

When my mom was pregnant, she did not want my father, she wanted her mother. Unfortunately she didn't figure this out until she got to the delivery room. My dad ended up staying with her because grandma was too far away.

[2xx1xy1JD]

My sister (who had 2 natural births without epidurals) and I (who had 3 planned c-sections) both had the same birth plan: Our mother was not allowed in until after the baby was born, and we didn't want much other family coming in as spectators either. My job when my niece was born was to keep the other family members out of the delivery room, and then bring out the newborn for show and tell. I should add that we both love our mother and our inlaws - but recognized that they aren't great under stress in a hospital.

Birth really isn't about bonding or the "experience". It's about a child being born, and hopefully having both mother and child healthy.

A woman doesn't cease to have normal human rights simply because she is pregnant. Would any guy want his ex in the room while he passes a kidney stone or has a colonoscopy?

[Jana814]

I don't have kids!! If I ever did I would want my husband & medical personal in my room no one else.

[Burpies]

My mother tried to force her way into the delivery room for my last birth. I love her, but she totally makes me insane and I just knew it would be bad if she was there. She was a little butthurt about it, though, b/c my best friend and her girlfriend was in the room (along with my husband and two older kids), but they were my youngest child's support person.

[docmom]

If she has to accept his presence in the delivery room, does she then have the right to watch his court-mandated vasectomy?

[GeoBQn]

Totally. I can picture this asshat in the future, saying he shouldn't have to pay child support because his child's mother wouldn't let him in the delivery room and therefore, he didn't bond with the child. Or some such crap.

I didn't know that part of Bode Miller's recent history. It confirms my opinion that he's an egomaniacal ass.

"Scumbag" is too good of a word for Miller. He's even calling the baby a different name.

http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/ ... uling.html

[Not breaking because it's Slate]

[veron1que]

Also the title bothers me.

"Judge allows moms to ban dads from delivery rooms"

How about "NJ judge upholds rights to patient privacy"

"Or NJ judge denies father request for delivery room presence."

Geez, like women weren't allowed to ban dads before.

[GenerationCedarchip]

This is 100 percent about control. He is mad at her and wants to impose himself. Its clear as day. It actually reminds me of the Bode Miller case where he felt the entitlement to demand that his pregnant ex stay in CA while pregnant despite her scholarship to Columbia. It angers me that it even got far enough that they had to go to court, because OF COURSE she is allowed to decide who will be in the delivery room with her.

I agree. This seemed like a complete control issue to me. I do think that in most circumstances (i.e. non-rape, abuse,etc..), dads have a right to know where their child has been born and to build a relationship with the child, but the idea that he would get to control the mother before the child is born is pretty darn disturbing. I've seen way too many cases at work where moms give birth and put the child up for adoption without notifying the father, but letting fathers stalk them and intrude upon them in the L&D ward is not the answer to that problem.

[lilah]

I saw some good comments about women having their mother in law or mother force their way into the delivery room.

I read two and I had to stop because I could feel myself starting to RAGE...

It's scary how many people believe women's bodies are public property.

[Trynn]

I agree. This seemed like a complete control issue to me. I do think that in most circumstances (i.e. non-rape, abuse,etc..), dads have a right to know where their child has been born and to build a relationship with the child, but the idea that he would get to control the mother before the child is born is pretty darn disturbing. I've seen way too many cases at work where moms give birth and put the child up for adoption without notifying the father, but letting fathers stalk them and intrude upon them in the L&D ward is not the answer to that problem.

Right. Once the child is out of the womb, fathers should (usually) have the right to visit said child. While it is still In the womb, however, it is the woman's body, her choice.

[penguinagogo]

I did read the thread with steam coming out my ears.... its amazing how many people would like to see her as a grasping/controlling person without questioning what kind of man/control freak would prioritize getting his own way re the birth process to the point of putting the mother of this child he wants to bond with so much through a court case in the last few months of pregnancy, and likely causing long term difficulty in their relationship as co parents.

seriously - its a pretty pragmatic thing. The woman is giving birth, going through a procedure that can take anything between 2- 48hrs, that may be entirely straightforward or involve medical procedures, with little way to predict timing and intervention in advance. During this time her and the childs physical wellbeing, and her stress levels and emotions should be the priority, no one should come into the delivery room with her unless she wants them there, for her privacy and well-being. Having to inform the father is likely to be onerous on her, shes got enough to think about, and given that they are at court case stage I cant imagine that communication between them is easy (oh, wait, between contractions Ill just call my attorney...) Then theres what to do with the father if he wants to wait in another room while she delivers - most L&D wards do not have spare capacity going for someone not involved with their ex partners labour to occupy a room for however long her labour takes -visitors rooms and offices are used for various purposes throughout the day, eg communication with families etc. Plus who communicates with him while hes waiting- does he get hourly updates or what? Its a violation of her medical privacy as well as an extra burden on the staff caring for her. Not to mention that if they have had a poor relationship the thought that hes kicking his heels in another room waiting for her to deliver might add to her stress levels.

Its a baby, not a goose, its bonding, not imprinting! In other words, a process, not a moment, and while its lovely to be handed your newborn and be overwhelmed with love and affection, its not always possible, and its not a requisite for bonding to the child - speak to the parents of babies requiring rescusitation, NICU, those who adopt children. And the baby doesnt imprint onto the first caregiver seen. So while I support his wish to see the child, as soon as is safely possible in a neutral environment, I cant prioritise his wish to be at the birth over the practical concerns and privacy concerns of the first paragraph.

[2xx1xy1JD]

Also the title bothers me.

"Judge allows moms to ban dads from delivery rooms"

How about "NJ judge upholds rights to patient privacy"

"Or NJ judge denies father request for delivery room presence."

Geez, like women weren't allowed to ban dads before.

Good point.

I saw a comment on this case in a NJ law journal, which mentioned that this was a unique case on an issue that hadn't really been litigated before.

Umm, no. The issue of patient privacy is not unique. Maybe the reason that others hadn't brought lawsuits asking for this before is that their lawyers told them straight up that there is no "right" for a dad to be in the delivery room against the mom's wishes.

Here are some fun facts to consider:

1. Pooping during delivery is really common.

2. Puking during delivery is really common.

Many women don't want an audience around for that part - although this mom may have minded less if some of it managed to land on him.

Also, there's some pretty strong evidence that mom's state of mind can affect her physical well-being during labor and delivery. I know that my blood pressure stabilized and I stopped my intense shaking once I was able to hold my babies during my first 2 c-sections. Techniques such as hypnosis can reduce or eliminate the need for drugs during delivery. I'd think that the last thing anyone would want is anything that can affect blood pressure, oxygen levels, pain levels, etc.

[hapamama]

My husband wasn't there when our oldest child wasn't born because he was working 400 miles away. This didn't effect his bonding with our baby much. He flew back the first chance he got. He was there for the births of the rest of our children though.

[bumblebee]

Apart from all the main points about patient well being and patient privacy brought up here, I have a feeling this guy wouldn't sit quietly in a corner or try and support his ex as best he can, but be all up in everyone's grill about "*my* baby" and insist on being the first one to hold it etc.

Eh, I was an emergency caesarian and my parents didn't see me until several hours later and they weren't allowed to hold me for a few days, can't say it affected our bond much.

[RosyDaisy]

Unless the patient is a young child or unconscious, nobody has a right to be in an exam room or delivery room without the patient's consent. Period. End of discussion.

[twinmama]

You're not missing out on critical bonding time because you don't see baby being born or have to wait a while to meet him/her.

How do I know? Because I had to wait eight hours after my firstborn's birth to meet him. We've bonded just fine, tyvm.

Met mine 3 days later, didn't get to hold one for a day or two after that, didn't come home for 9+ weeks. They're toddlers now and I'd say we are just as bonded as any mom/toddler. Delivery room was a scary shit show for us, no one was bonding with anyone then, we were just trying to get out of that room with me and the babies all alive still. And we're all good now! It does not matter in the long run.

[Violet]

Met mine 3 days later, didn't get to hold one for a day or two after that, didn't come home for 9+ weeks. They're toddlers now and I'd say we are just as bonded as any mom/toddler. Delivery room was a scary shit show for us, no one was bonding with anyone then, we were just trying to get out of that room with me and the babies all alive still. And we're all good now! It does not matter in the long run.

I was born via emergency c-section, Mum had to have a general anaesthetic because the anaesthetist cocked up her epidural so it didn't work properly (he was a douche more concerned with his promotion than his patient who was 28 weeks pregnant with triplets and in active labour.) Consequently neither she nor my dad were "present" for our birth. Mum didn't get to see us until a few hours later and they couldn't hold me until I was 10 days old because I was too poorly. We have a fantastic relationship. It's not like the child even remembers it anyway! I only know what happened because my parents told me.

[Hane]

I saw some good comments about women having their mother in law or mother force their way into the delivery room.

I read two and I had to stop because I could feel myself starting to RAGE...

It's scary how many people believe women's bodies are public property.

When my daughter got pregnant, she tactfully but emphatically informed everyone that the only other family member who would be in the delivery room would be her husband, thank you very much. As her mother (as much as I would have been honored to be there), I found that directive entirely reasonable.

[LainieR]

What an asshole :wtf:

Around here, both the labour and delivery units and post partum areas are locked. She would have been made a confidential admission here. No identifiers visible, photos posted of who was allowed/not allowed to visit, and no confirmation of admission to anyone.