Lori and Ken Alexander's New Bestie, Cabinetman

[GeoBQn]

Lori lets frequent commenter Cabinetman write a guest post.

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2014/02/cabinetmans-story-of-headship-and.html

My wife was terribly unsubmissive for the first ten years of our marriage. To her credit, much of it was due to hormones {don't take birth control pills ladies, even if for a few months, but that is another story}, the rest from being taught by her mom.

Ladies and their crazy hormones, amirite fellas? Seriously, this makes me not want to believe anything else he writes because it is unrealistic. The friends I've had who got mood swings from BC pills didn't actually like mood swings and took the novel step of asking their doctors to try something else.

There have been times where I have disciplined her by not allowing her to go out with the gals, not spending money on items except necessary food and clothing for the family, not attending women's bible study {believe it or not...unless you have the right church anymore some can push women further way from their husbands than closer to them}, there was even a few times she had to sleep on the couch, a couple times I made her sleep in the cabin on our property when she was downright in complete anarchy against our marriage, family and God's Word. She's had to clean the house as a punishment.

He just ticked off a bunch of items on the "Is your husband an abusive asshole?" checklist. Also, in his acting as a quasi-parent to his wife, did he ever catch the parenting tip of not to treat chores as a punishment, because these are things we all have to do to live anyway?

But still to this day I structure her life and keep it low key. She doesn't do a lot outside the home. She homeschools and bakes from scratch and takes care of the home. I don't do this because I'm mean. I do this because very quickly she will become overwhelmed, depressed and exhausted and she knows it now. I saw it very quickly, within a few months of being married I had a pretty firm grasp of it but for ten years she fought me. I was considered mean, and controlling and everything evil in her mind. When all I wanted was what was best for my individual wife {I recognize that every wife is different and mine is not like most} and our marriage.

How convenient that you managed to marry the one woman who somehow can't handle a hobby or friends that take her away from you.

If we seem third world to you, well we just might be. But having traveled to the third world on missions work I can tell you that the ladies {and men} there are much happier than our modern enlightened America.

And a good dose of the "Noble Savage" for good measure.

Yes, my wife knows I'm "above her"

He and Ken are no longer even putting up the pretense of "separate but equal."

Then his wife gives her own response in which she insists that she is happy that Cabinetman made her start washing the dishes by hand and cooking everything from scratch, and that he is not abusing her.

[Koala]

It's like a "How To" abuse manual...

[sonja_kat]

My troll-dar is pinging on this one.

[Loveday]

My troll-dar is pinging on this one.

Mine's been pinging on 'Cabinetman' for awhile now, too. :think:

[Jana814]

It's like a "How To" abuse manual...

Agree!

[ILoveJellybeans]

There have been times where I have disciplined her by not allowing her to go out with the gals, not spending money on items except necessary food and clothing for the family, not attending women's bible study {believe it or not...unless you have the right church anymore some can push women further way from their husbands than closer to them}, there was even a few times she had to sleep on the couch, a couple times I made her sleep in the cabin on our property when she was downright in complete anarchy against our marriage, family and God's Word. She's had to clean the house as a punishment.

Discipline? DISCIPLINE?

You don't discipline an adult! That is for children.

No wonder she was apparently in anarchy against your marriage, she is married to someone who thinks she is a child, and who wants to be married to a guy who wants to be married to a child. Shes obviously married to a right douchebag.

[cindyluvs24]

Well of course Third World women are happier. Starvation keeps you calm and prevents "emotional" outbursts. They're not burdened washing dishes by hand because clean running water is in such short supply, who wants to waste it on dishes? Plus I doubt the dishes get very dirty to begin with( see starvation reference above. )

You sir are an idiot.

[Koala]

First rule of abuse? Isolate, isolate, isolate.

[tropaka]

I think she's been trolled - he's just too perfectly abusive.

[Jana814]

First rule of abuse? Isolate, isolate, isolate.

Yup!!

[Hisey]

This "man" works at home. His wife doesn't do much outside the home. The children are homeschooled. He structures her day. He "disciplines" her when she does wrong. She "cannot handle" outside commitments because of some mysterious ailment that no doctor can identify. The family travels with him when he needs to go somewhere, so she is never free of him.

I feel so sorry for that poor woman.

[NotALoserLikeYou]

I hope it's a troll, otherwise I'm sickened.

[GeoBQn]

Surely Ken (who is right in all matters by virtue of owning a penis) would not allow himself to be taken in by an internet troll. Why, they've exchanged e-mails!

When my cousin was little, he was mad at my aunt and wanted to call her a bad name, but he didn't know any swear words. So he called her a Cabinet (and he meant it, too!) Reading Cabinetman's post makes me want to popularize the use of Cabinet as an insult. Even if he is a troll, he is just believable enough for gullible people to take his bad advice.

[Gerialc]

Surely Ken (who is right in all matters by virtue of owning a penis) would not allow himself to be taken in by an internet troll. Why, they've exchanged e-mails!

When my cousin was little, he was mad at my aunt and wanted to call her a bad name, but he didn't know any swear words. So he called her a Cabinet (and he meant it, too!) Reading Cabinetman's post makes me want to popularize the use of Cabinet as an insult. Even if he is a troll, he is just believable enough for gullible people to take his bad advice.

That's adorable. It reminds me of when my cousin was really little and mad at his mom, he used to yell, "You're a bad grill, Mommy! A bad grill!"

[2xx1xy1JD]

I wish I could just say "troll" to this one, but I'm not sure. He could be a true MRA type, since he clearly posts on SSM too and has done so pretty consistently. That's a long time to keep up a fake story. Ken and Lori are clearly real, and SSM is likely real as well since we have pictures and audio.

I've had clients in real life who are scary guys with control issues.

Not all control freaks beat their wives black and blue (which is about the only thing that they would recognize as abuse). Isolation is a common technique. Cutting off contact with family or friends, and not allowing someone to socialize in the community. In one of my cases, the husband became livid when the wife got her own cell phone (and couldn't understand why the court didn't see this as proof that she was a whore, and therefore take away the kids and give them virginity tests). In too many cases, there are threats involving financial control - not "I'm going to make sure that we keep to a budget" but "I'll do everything to put you out on the street and you'll never get a dime". Not to mention the guy who tried the Not Without My Daughter scenario (you can argue about extending a family vacation, but if you happen to be in Iran at the time, that's pretty much parental kidnapping), or the one who thought it was perfectly normal to dump a pot of food on the floor when his wife failed to cook it properly.

Who knows what this wife, if she really exists, thinks? She's probably learned that resisting his control = no money, being forced out of the home, etc. because that's how he treated her for 10 years.

I know that some medical issues are harder to solve than others, but this seems a bit far-fetched. Woman goes on pills, woman goes crazy. Wouldn't most people put 2 and 2 together?

I know that not everyone is perfect - look at what I do for a living. In the rest of my life, though, I don't see women constantly going crazy. That's not normal. At some point, you've got to stop and think about WHY so many women you know are apparently out of control. Maybe that's what happens when you put someone together with a control freak?

Plus, for those cases of mine where wives were actually out of control (it happens, just like I have cases where husbands are out of control), responding with "discipline" and hyper-control would have been the worst possible option. And by "worst possible option", I mean "someone's going to get seriously hurt or killed or end up in jail".

On the bright side....even the most dedicated leg-humpers seem to be backing away slowly from this one.

[snarkyjan]

If Mr. Snarky tried this shit on me, I guarantee his nether regions would be a beverage after I got through with him.

[GeoBQn]

Cabinetman says in the comments that his wife has PMDD, and she didn't get better until they stopped listening to medical doctors and went to a naturopath.

Then he brought out this:

Please also understand, that I won't air dirty laundry on the internet so I will not go into any details except to say this. There was both emotional and physical abuse in our marriage, but it was not performed by me. I was the one living thru it and trying to be loving through it.

With that said, now that you know that, can you see how biased women's minds have become? I'm the abused, and yet still years later I am being accused! Do you understand what men are up against?

[Hane]

"First rule of abuse: Isolate, isolate, isolate." That's what gave me that "oh crap" feeling when my ex said, "I wonder where we'll end up when we retire"--I knew damn well he meant "somewhere your family and friends aren't."

And re "Cabinet" as a swear word? Reminds me if Ramona Quimby angrily yelling, "Guts !" because that was the worst thing she could think of.

[Childless]

Cabinetman says in the comments that his wife has PMDD, and she didn't get better until they stopped listening to medical doctors and went to a naturopath.

Then he brought out this:

Oh, bullshit. He was the one with a job. If he were being abused, he could have simply walked away. I call rubbish on his abuse claim. Given the attitude he's displayed in his article, I can't see him putting up with abuse. Its just an excuse for him to control his wife. I feel bad for this woman. She needs to run and run far.

[Black Aliss]

Surely Ken (who is right in all matters by virtue of owning a penis) would not allow himself to be taken in by an internet troll. Why, they've exchanged e-mails!

When my cousin was little, he was mad at my aunt and wanted to call her a bad name, but he didn't know any swear words. So he called her a Cabinet (and he meant it, too!) Reading Cabinetman's post makes me want to popularize the use of Cabinet as an insult. Even if he is a troll, he is just believable enough for gullible people to take his bad advice.

Steve Maxwell is a Cabinet. Doug Phillips is still a tool.

[2xx1xy1JD]

I don't know whether the abuse claim is BS or not.

I do know that I've had cases with this sort of dynamic - a controlling husband and an out-of-control wife. Those cases did not end well. Being overly controlling is about the worst way for a husband to handle the situation, and it's like pouring gasoline on a fire. I've also seen cases where the husband was very quick to claim "she's crazy" to try to discredit a wife, but there was absolutely no evidence to show this. In several cases, "she's crazy" basically meant "she must be crazy if she wants to leave me" or "she won't listen to me anymore" or "she finally started to push back and get counseling after putting up with years of control and abuse from me".

Once again, I'm hating how they lumped trivial stuff together with life-and-death issues.

Not willing to submit to authority? Being rebellious? Well, according to them, that would describe me and every other poster here.

Being out of control for 10 years and physically abusive? That's an entirely different thing. Do not lump them together.

[GeoBQn]

Emily

Honestly, this story just doesn't ring true for me. I wonder if it is just someone having fun with creating a story/hoax and selling it to Lori and Ken (not for financial gain). The pattern is almost a story written around a "10 Ways You Know He Is Abusive" List.

Cabinetman

Emily,

Unfortunately, you're right in one respect. I'm sure I check off half the list of "10 ways to know he is abusive". That's the sad part. Leadership by a husband is now considered abusive, really and truly. It's actually in the law in some states.

See, he knows he's abusive! It's just that the definition of what's "abusive" has been radically changed by Feminazis! Isn't that SAD?

[Childless]

Apparently, being a leader and treating people with respect are mutually exclusive now. :roll:

[dairyfreelife]

See, he knows he's abusive! It's just that the definition of what's "abusive" has been radically changed by Feminazis! Isn't that SAD?

Gee, who knew that abusing other people was against the law :roll:

[Arete]

I really believe that SSM and HG purposely court these MRAs for fun. I think this guy is either one of them or a Poe having some fun.

In other words, something about the whole submissive wife-MRA den mother blog screams "bullshit!"