Fundie Fam question on Dear Prudie

[Mela99]

I like reading Slate's Dear Prudence, and today there was a question about a super religious family's kid who wants to watch cartoons

slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2013/11/dear_prudence_our_son_s_best_friend_is_forbidden_by_his_religious_parents.html

[Khan]

I can see how this could be a problem for the hosting family. The rules these parents are enforcing upon this child are atrocious, but if one agrees to abide by them during play dates, there isn't a whole lot to be done. I wouldn't rip a book out of a child's hands but I wouldn't take him to see a movie he might discuss where his parents could hear about it. Poor little one. He's going to have serious problems when he gets older.

[crazyforkate]

I think Prudie's advice was nice and balanced. Don't hover over him, but don't do anything overt, either. The kid's going to get a big awakening just being in a more permissive house.

[Jana814]

Couldn't get the link to work. Can someone tell me what the letter was about.

[Koala]

Couldn't get the link to work. Can someone tell me what the letter was about.

me either, and I am kind of curious about it now... :D

[CynicMom]

Summary: The family's son was good friends with another boy who comes from a very religious family. Friend is not allowed to watch cartoons or read fiction, but family notices that Friend is very curious about these things and is trying to sneak them in while at their house. They've 'caught' him reading Harry Potter, and he requests cartoons to be turned on at their house for example. They were planning on taking the boys to see a movie but were cautious since they know the other parents wouldn't approve. This is because they themselves do not want their kids seeing something that had overt sexuality or violence and would be livid if their son saw these things while at a friends house. This makes them uncomfortable with the double standard associated with encouraging Friend to break the rules. Prudie says you can't police everything the boys do while at your house but taking them to a movie where you know the parents wouldn't approve is crossing a line.

[keen23]

Here's the link- http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear ... rents.html (a live link, because Slate is a news outlet, and doesn't care where their traffic comes from, nor will they flounce)

[Jana814]

Thanks so much!! I feel really bad for the kid's friend. Also w/ the movie thing I don't think this woman's husband would take the boys to a movie that would be unsuitable for their son. It seems from what this woman had said (without using the words) that she feels bad for her son's friend.

[dolcecigno]

I'll never understand what is so evil about Harry Potter... Any fundy that has taken the time to actually read the books will see that they convey a very literal conception of good and evil and there are many who believe that they're a Christian allegory. The magic in the books is mechanical, hardly a practice of the occult. Is it the sheer concept of imagination that fundy parents so afraid of their children developing?

[Childless]

I'll never understand what is so evil about Harry Potter... Any fundy that has taken the time to actually read the books will see that they convey a very literal conception of good and evil and there are many who believe that they're a Christian allegory. The magic in the books is mechanical, hardly a practice of the occult. Is it the sheer concept of imagination that fundy parents so afraid of their children developing?

What confuses me is that many of these anti-Harry Potter people let their children read the Chronicles of Narnia. My sister was virulently anti-Harry Potter, but allowed her children to watch Star Wars, which is basically the same damn story!

[Sydney Fox]

I'll never understand what is so evil about Harry Potter... Any fundy that has taken the time to actually read the books will see that they convey a very literal conception of good and evil and there are many who believe that they're a Christian allegory. The magic in the books is mechanical, hardly a practice of the occult. Is it the sheer concept of imagination that fundy parents so afraid of their children developing?

This is very topical to my daughter right now. She takes an on-line Latin class and the kids were chatting before the class started this week about the new Hunger Games movie and also about Harry Potter. Some of the kids were forbidden by their parents from seeing and reading the books and movies. These are teenagers I'm talking about, so it makes me roll my eyes. Do they really think their children will turn out like Voldemort? My daughter doesn't understand it either, since we are anti-censorship. I personally think the parents have control issues and don't want their children to grow up. Since they trust their kids so little, I half expect some of them to go on their kids' honeymoons as well.

[Ariel]

I think it's better that this kid is getting a chance to explore the world in a safe environment with his friend and his friend's parents-who seem to care a lot. I also think it's good that this fundie kid is getting to experience a more 'normal' family.

[Mama Mia]

I don't think it really matter what the issue is. If a kids parents tell you the kid isn't allowed to go to the movies, and you KNOW they wouldn't approve of the movie choice, it would be messed up to take the kid to the movie.

The kid will obviously come across new and different ideas over time, but lying to the parents, and setting both kids up to lie, is fucked up.

If the kid is sneaking reading Harry Potter while he's supposed to be playing Legos, there's not a lot the parent can prevent. The kid is 11, not 2, so it wouldn't be reasonable to expect an adult to be watching his every move. And it wouldn't be reasonable to expect the other boy to rearrange his room or hide his belongings every time his friend comes to visit. But the parents purposefully doing an activity that they are aware the kid isn't allowed sends a bad message to both kids.

[chissprincess]

On the plus side, the kid's family actually let him have friends outside of their religious circle (or at least outside of the more restrictive/conservative circle within their religion -- they might very well allow him to be friends with the LW's son because they go to the same church or something, who knows). I agree with Prudie that taking him to a movie would be crossing a line, but at the same time, when you send your kid to someone else's house you kind of have to know that they might encounter things that aren't done exactly the way you do it at home. That's why my mother wouldn't let me sleep over at my best friend's house -- she knew the family believed in spanking and didn't want me to be around it.

[nokidsmom]

This is very topical to my daughter right now. She takes an on-line Latin class and the kids were chatting before the class started this week about the new Hunger Games movie and also about Harry Potter. Some of the kids were forbidden by their parents from seeing and reading the books and movies. These are teenagers I'm talking about, so it makes me roll my eyes. Do they really think their children will turn out like Voldemort? My daughter doesn't understand it either, since we are anti-censorship. I personally think the parents have control issues and don't want their children to grow up. Since they trust their kids so little, I half expect some of them to go on their kids' honeymoons as well.

It's control issues but also I think it's distrust, not so much of the children, it's distrusting their own parenting. No matter what they have done to instill the proper values / beliefs / teachings in their kids, they still think that the minute their kid gets exposed to Harry Potter, Twilight, Hunger Games, etc. that the kid will just fall immediately under whatever evil influence they think exists in these books / movies. They aren't willing to let the kids see / read this stuff and make judgements for themselves, which, by the time they are teenagers, they should be doing some of that anyway.

Reminds me of when I was forbidden to read comic books by my parents because it was believed at the time it contributed to juvenile delinquency. Managed to read a few anyway, thanks to my cousins with whom I often saw and stayed with and never entertained the thought of becoming a juvenile delinquent. Comics got a bad rap by "concerned" parents very much like HP does today. Funny, once I read them I wondered what the heck was the problem with my folks thinking they were so bad and maybe that's what some of these fundie (or fearful or controlling) parents also don't want to deal with.

Back to topic, think the advice from Dear Prudie was spot on.

[Jana814]

I think it's better that this kid is getting a chance to explore the world in a safe environment with his friend and his friend's parents-who seem to care a lot. I also think it's good that this fundie kid is getting to experience a more 'normal' family.

Agree! Well said.

[upsidedownjelly]

What confuses me is that many of these anti-Harry Potter people let their children read the Chronicles of Narnia. My sister was virulently anti-Harry Potter, but allowed her children to watch Star Wars, which is basically the same damn story!

Well, cs lewis was a christian writer, and while he didn't intend to make the chronicles of narnia into christianity 101 for kids, he did. I was obsessed with those books as a kid, and remember connecting the dots in church/catholic school. So I could see how those are considered ok.

But Star Wars? Science is the next worse thing after magic!

[chissprincess]

Well, cs lewis was a christian writer, and while he didn't intend to make the chronicles of narnia into christianity 101 for kids, he did. I was obsessed with those books as a kid, and remember connecting the dots in church/catholic school. So I could see how those are considered ok.

But Star Wars? Science is the next worse thing after magic!

I was raised Catholic, and I remember that right around the time on of the prequels came out, our priest gave an entire homily about how "The Force is a farce" (he really said that) and how dangerous Star Wars was. Our church was tiny and mostly filled with people old enough to be my grandparents. At the time I was pretty sure I was the only person there who watched Star Wars so I took it kind of personally, and very defiantly plopped my Star Wars baseball cap on my head before leaving church that day...which earned me a "Just don't take it too far" or something like that from the priest.

Well, I guess he was right about one thing...I'm about as far from being Catholic as it's possible to be these days. But it sure as hell isn't because of Star Wars.

[church_of_dog]

Science is the next worse thing after magic!

This baffles me, because to me, most religious beliefs ARE beliefs in magic. The difference is only that mainstream magic is visual illusion and religion is mental illusion. But they both are about defying the laws of nature (ie, science).

I find it very telling when someone says, in other words, "MY kind of magic is real, but anyone else's kind of magic is not only not real, but evil."