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America's Next Top Model C20 - Guys and Girls!


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so this started on Friday and since I've finally found a way to watch mainstream US TV from the UK, I can dive right in! I'll attempt to do a recap for the benefit of those who, like me in days of yore, languish around until a kind soul rips that stuff!

Be gentle with me, I have never re-capped a thing.


Intro by Tyra, blablabla all different, she goes to the early auditions because this is SO EXCITING YOU GUYS! She seems to have swung back to her "I'm down with the homies" attitude of earlier cycles, none of that wise matriachs thing she had going on for a while .She calls up the semi-finalists herself and DAMN, some of those boys are FINE!

They get to LA and the first runway and the first time the guys and girls meet is a lingerie masquerade runway where they have to kiss each other at the end. Le sigh. Here I had been hoping that that inevitable sexual tension would be allowed to develop naturally, but what was I thinking? It's ANTM. All the pre-runway talking heads are salivating over each other.

They get to pick alternatingly.

Lots of blabla about how they want to stand out. One of the guys - Reginald? Ronald! - is all "it's time for MEN to show y'all how it's done and ugh, he comes off all MRA-Vibey. We'll see.

There's a transwoman, that'll probably stir things up. she picks the bearded guy *be still my beating heart there's a bearded guy*

OOOOOH the super-feminine gay guy, Cory, decides not to choose one of the girls, but picks a guy! meow. Getting major bitch-of-the-house vibes here.

Lots of weird carp-mouth kisses. One girl doesn't kiss the guy, doesn't even turn to him, leaves him planting an awkward kiss on her temple.

One of the guys decides to "be a gentleman" and takes two girls, both with Khryativ spellings. Girl a (saydi?) snubs his kiss, more temple action. The other one SNOGS HIS FACE OFF.

Two girls last, one of them a lovely plus size who wants to be "the female Diddy." alrighty then.


Jeremy the good Christian kid, bullied as a kid because he was overweight, got into swimming. Gets some tips from Rob, cute guy.

Alexandra, FL hipster, another sob story: Mum had BC, dad lost his company, yadda yadda. She's boring.

Ronald! cocky as f*ck. Tyra tells him to calm down, he says he was groomed for high fashion by DJ Stokes (??) They laugh at him and send him off.

Marvin from the Bronx was embarrassed his dad was a janitor and he and his seven brothers grew up poor.

Mike, whom Tyra casted from his work at an ice cream van. yum yum.

Jourdan, who I can see going far. she's got that balance between all-american and high fashion ANTM loves. Her dad was an addict, so he drug-tests her and her sisters. She also got married and divorced at 18.

then we skip several and only see cooky bits - can't walk, hula hoops, smacking bums.

Chris H. wins sob story of the day; he returned one day to find all the stuff in their house gone, thought they had been robbed. Was informed by the owner of the house that his mother left now that he's 18. Was homeless and slept in libraries.

Phil the *swoon* bearded guy. Sadly rather a bad case of hipsterdom, comes with ducktaped shoes. Being - probably unintentionally - rude about trans* Virgg, whom he kissed and subsequently found out was "not really a girl". Le sigh. He's cool with it though.

Virgg's turn! She's really pretty. She was inspired by Isis from cycle 11 to move forward with her transition and audition for ANTM.

Cory le bitch is a wedding singer! I love it.

Don, all tattooed up. Says his most important things are money, women and attention. The judges are unimpressed.

Backstage there's a soul train going on, the sexual tension is palpable through the screen.

Kanani opened up a candy store on her front lawn to get here, has a 1.5yo daughter.

They get carted to the house, which is in the hills and from the outside looks beautiful.

First cut! Masks on a wall, if you see your face, you're in. They get cut down to 26, to my surprise Don is in! Ronald isn't and no one was sad. No big emotional breakdowns.

The remaining 26 are going to spend the night in the house before the final cut down to 16.

Part 2

Mansion time! Bryanboy is a terrible public speaker.

The house is full of clicheé sayings on the wall (don't hate the playa, hate the game...) and kinda youth hostel-ish. not as lush as others have been.

We see a photo of bearded Phil without his beard. He looks like Kevin Costner. He has a girlfriend, which is just setting him up for all kinds of trouble.

Alexandra's face looks sun-damaged. She grew up rich, her family lost all their money in the economic crisis and she had to sell her house. She annoys the others ( and me, frankly)

Quirky Nina is like Luna Lovegood. A bit like good old Alison.

Virgg only just started HRT two months ago. Woah, that's going to be tough. Cory has a sweet chat with her.

Tyra and Rob swing by, give them "one on one" girl and guy talks.

One on one is actually one on thirteen. Tyra rambles on about how women can sell more stuff because hair, then actually says "A man wants a woman that is like an antelope in the African jungle, running and making him work for it." ... :wtf:

Rob gives much more practical advice, take care of your body, don't get swept up in the lifestyle.

One of the girls (Jiana maybe?) says she flirts a lot, "be it man, woman or child" double :wtf: ?? She has her eye on Phil. Cue reality TV drama.

Chris H. runs around and jokingly punches other guys in the balls. Is that a thing? They do not appreciate it and Phil almost decks him.

First photoshoot! It will be projected on a huge building behind them while they're doing it and passers-by get to vote for them. They're all dressed up in skimpy, fetish-reminiscent leather outfits.

Jourdan doesn't do so well, blames her lack of confidence on her short lived young-age marriage.

Delten, the Alaskan plumber, is one hot piece.

Back at the house, Jourdan implies Jeremy has a bit of a crush on her and follows her around. He says he just wants to be friends, then leaves in a huff and says in a talking head "what's the point in being nice to girls if they're going to be like that?" uh-oh, NiceGuy! Or 19 year old sheltered boy who knows no better.

Marvin calls his dad the janitor and cries.

Chris H. and Nina, the token weirdos, hang out. Nina is super-sweet. Chris' mum had him when she was 15, neglected him a lot. He's socially super-awkward.

All the guys are working out, the girls are being rather defrauded.

Virgg is doubting herself, the HRT is beginning to wear her down.

Judges deliberate, includes a killer line from Kelly Cutrone: "She looks like Kurt Cobain's illegitimate lovechild from Seattle"

Virgg decides HRT is too much and she leaves, deciding to prioritise her health. Good choice.

They're going to be doing a runwalk for Guess. Two big flags along a building, no runway. They're totally going to have to abseil.

Tyra comes to call the names.

The first name she's going to call is....

Alexandra! (ugh.)

Mike (humina)

Renee (Miss Tobago or something like that)

Cory (meaow!)

Jourdan (so pretty)

Don (playa, he won't survive)

Jiana (of course, they need the sexual tension!)

Chris S. (the "short" guy at 5'8". really pretty)

Chlea (plus size, cute lisp, wants to be the female diddy)

Jeremy (mr NiceGuy)

Nina (Luna)

Phil (beardy goodness)

Bianca (erm... utterly not memorable)

Chris H. (the "other weirdo")

Kanani (with the daughter. Cute girl from Chicago)

and the last spot goes to...


It was kinda between him and Delten. Shame hot plumberboy had to go, but Marvin's sobbing call to his dad earlier kinda gave it away.

CALLED IT! They'll have to abseil for the catwalk. BUT

in part 3. Seriously?? When was a season opening ever strung out SO much?

I'm looking forward to it. Not enjoying how much they're playing up the sexual aspect of it all, but we'll see. Some good folks in there. Makeover will be dull for the guys, but at least less high-pitched screeching this season!

I miss the Jays.

Gosh, Buzzard, whole new level of appreciation for your recaps!

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Runway time! It's their first challenge. Scoring will work like last season, with those pointless and annoying social media scores added in.

Marvin wants Bianca, Bianca wants Mike, Mike wants Bianca. DRAMA AHOY!

Don has a fear of heights - convenient - and PTSD from a "brutal attack" on him.

Chlea already pisses of Kelly Cutrone by telling her that maybe her delivery is a bit harsh sometimes. Kelly C is a bitch, you go Chlea! She has the cutest lisp.

It's pouring with rain, the view down looks pretty terrifying. The girls fall a lot because they're wearing heels. Chris S., Cory and Renee are killing it. Bianca and Mike do badly, Marvin and Renee are top. Renee wins the night in the Tyra Suite.

Quote about the Tyra suite from Renee "There's this big boom-chicka-wah-wah bed." Foreshadowing?

Marvin tries to get with the girls. Chlea: "Marvin has noooo game." Word. It's painful to watch.

Alternative weddings photoshoot! Jourdan "I married and divorced at 18 and am now 19" is freaking a bit.

All this season's photos will be "flixels". I know those as cinegraphs: still photography with moving bits. iwdrm.tumblr.com does amazing film stills ones.

Tyra "will be doing makeup this season". So we can see she knows it all, y'all! She dabbles around with two people, talks shite.

Jeremy the Christian virgin and Jourdan the 19 year old divorcee get paired as nudists getting married. Don't actually have to be naked. As was to be expected, Jourdan gets her act together.

Mike and Alexandra: shotgun wedding. She kills it, he's dull.

Kanani and Jiana: lesbian wedding. Meh.

Cory and Chlea: biracial bikers. Cory is way too feminine for this theme.

Chris H. and Don: gay wedding. Both not thrilled about it, but they KILL it.

Phil: "objectophilia"?? poor guy gets given a TV remote to pose with. WTF.

Nina, Marvin and Bianca (with three extras): polygamist wedding. Clever editing with his poor flirting skills the night before!

Chris S. and Renee: Conneticut debutante marries hip hopper. Erm. Okay. Chris S. is so adorable.

Back at the house, Mike gets drunk and kisses Bianca in the confession booth. She giggles and runs off, he falls asleep in the confession booth.

Panel time! Chris S. gets told he looks like a butch lesbian *sadface*

Chlea gets slammed by Kelly for being rude. Pot, meet kettle. Kelly gives her the lowest score of all, what a bitch.

We don't see the judges deliberate and all the scoring is fairly quick. Hallelujah for that. Judges Score + Challenge score + fan score is what ranks them.

Best photo: Marvin. Tyra says he "outshined" the girls. Ugh.

then in order: Don, Chris H., Jiana, Alexandra, Cory, Jeremy, Renee, Nina, Jourdan, Kanani, Chlea, Phil.

Bottom three: Bianca, Chris S. and Mike.

Out are: Bianca (I guess no more Marvin - Mike - Bianca drama then!) and Chris S. *sniff*

I hope they'll have individual shoots, too, not always shoots in pairs. We'll see. I'm sad to see my Texan boo Chris S. go home early, but at least I got this:


next week is makeover and manscaping week and it looks like Phil will get a weave :mrgreen:

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You know, I really give credit to Chlea for standing up to that nasty hosebeast, Kelly Cutrone. I would buy Chlea's liquor and go to her club. Kelly can go die in a fire. What a loathsome woman.

And next episode is the make-over episode. I wonder which one will be honored with a jacked up weave.

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You know, I really give credit to Chlea for standing up to that nasty hosebeast, Kelly Cutrone. I would buy Chlea's liquor and go to her club. Kelly can go die in a fire. What a loathsome woman.

And next episode is the make-over episode. I wonder which one will be honored with a jacked up weave.

Definitely! And Kelly's vindictive scoring of Chlea later on just showed off how nasty she is.

I think it's Phil; that's what the preview video hints at anyway.

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Definitely! And Kelly's vindictive scoring of Chlea later on just showed off how nasty she is.

I think it's Phil; that's what the preview video hints at anyway.

Ah, yes. Phil is the honoree with the jacked-up weave. I like long hair on dudes, but Phil almost looks like a Geico cave man.

I'm not sure how I feel about Cory being shaved bald. He looks almost alien-like. And I thought he was going to break out into "I Will Survive" when he mentioned he was scared...and he was petrified during the judging panel. If he did that then he should be declared the winner of this co-ed clusterfuck.

A majority of the guys' make-overs did nothing for me. Bleaching, highlights? Meh. But I did crack up during the manscaping scenes. First, manscaping is still a thing? I thought guys were being more natural these days. Secondly, boys you think manscaping is a harsh mistress? Try childbirth.

Nina has gone from looking like a meth addict to being quite stunning with her new red hair.

I like Jiana's black bob. But I just like her. She is gorgeous!

Food trunk Mike looks like a cross between Ed Helms and Seth Meyers, both decent looking guys, but not model material.

I'm not seeing the specialness in Jourdan. And the pee'd on snow blonde hair is not attractive. But if you cut Jourdan's hair to a bob she's fit right in on Fox News.

I'm loving Kanani's pixie.

Chlea looked so generic with her bargain basement Beyonce look. And I knew she was doomed when Kelly offered a mea culpa (er, chlea culpa?) during the make-over scenes. Too bad. Chlea kept it real and I really wanted to try her liquor.

What else?

Yes, I know I was impatiently waiting to find out if Tyra and Rob Evans were an item. Snooze.

The moving gifs of the black and white bondage photos were positively amateurish. The photos could have been very Helmut Newton-ish but looked like something your kid posted on his Facebook page in 2010.

Bryan Boy can leave any time. And I hate the social media aspect of this of a show. Social media is not God.

Kelly needs to take a bath. I bet she smells like poo.

Marvin needs to wank off into a sock and get it over with. His desperation is embarrassing.

Next week the models will try to defy death "walking" a swirling catwalk. Damn, I hope this show has good insurance. Tyra, there is nothing "fierce" about maiming your contestants.

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Thanks, I was ill!

I don't know wtf is going on with that weave. the colour doesn't match his skin tone at all! As soon as Chlea said "If I go home, at least I got the hair", I knew she was out.

and Tyra? The rumours aren't because of the "chemistry" you guys have in pictures. They're because you tweet pictures of you two in bed together.

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