Never too early to learn to lead women

[kpmom]

A mother of a 20 year old , who is spending time with a lukewarm Christian woman, wrote this post on the CHF Web homeschooler's forum;

"My 20yos is spending time with a young woman who claims to be a Christian but knows pretty much nothing about her faith. I don't want to encourage (or necessarily discourage) the relationship but I have suggested he invite her to church and he has. I also told him that since his desire is to marry a Christian woman then he should be a leader to young women now. To that he asked, "how?". So, I'm asking you all. I have told him a couple obvious things like he needs to be right with God and obedient to Him himself. What would you advise?"

Some of the responses were all for this 20 y/o "learning to lead" this young woman;

"What a wonderful young man! What a great topic!

On the fly, a few things -

- He has to be seeking after God himself. He needs to be learning, just like would learn on any subject, but this one is just more important. Learn who God is and what does He have for your son's life? Read, pray, study, find an older man with a strong spiritual life and ask him to help him.

- Pray. Pray. Pray. Seek the Lord.

- Get under good preaching.

- Start serving somewhere. Volunteer, help at church.

All these things are about YOUR SON. Your son cannot lead her until God gives him that responsibility. All he can do right now is be a wonderful example of a growing Christian.

Bonnie"

A couple of responders saw the potential problems with a young woman having to submit to a boyfriend.

Wonder what the young woman will think of all this? You can see how a young, non-fundy woman could get slowly seduced into all of this leadership, authority, patriarchy crap.

ETA the link; chfweb.com/index.php?t=msg&th=84161&start=0&S=fcb7f44797e3c3f8ddf47f7327a819d5

[debrand]

The mother is encouraging her son to manipulate people to get what he wants. If mom and son were being honest, he would ask the young lady if she wanted to be led by him. That is not what they are donig

As a mom of boys and girls I totally get your thinking. My dds are naturally strong personalities and I can see how they might "take the reins" if it weren't for the fact that that is not a goal of theirs as Christian women.

Why can't they see how icky this is?

I think you hit the balance well. I think it's interesting that you used the word "journey," because my own dd have been involved with a male friend in a study he labeled, "Journey." They studied the Bible, went for walks or dinner...He was leader enough for her to follow. In the end, they are not in a romantic relationship, but it was cool to see how my excessively independent daughter could "submit" to the leadership of someone else who was worthy of following.

This makes me want to cry and it is all so dishonest and underhanded

[infooverload]

This just feeds into the inherent duplicity and ulterior motives of a lot of Christians in general. Please note I say "a lot" and not all. I was discussing this with someone the other day. Perfect example would be friendship. A lot of Christians can not just be your friend they have to try and save you and then lead you. Personally I think one should just be a friend and gage if religion is something that is going to help or hinder a situation. What I find interesting in this is it is the mom who states she doesn't think the girl knows enough about her faith. How did she determine this exactly? Also someone who is newer in their faith may pose tough questions her son hasn't thought of so they will both be learning and in that case they are equal. Then again the idea of equally learning is not considered okay, even though the couple is suppose to be equally yoked. The whole idea of being equally yoked I find to be interesting, if the man is suppose to lead and the women is suppose to follow this is inherently unequal.

[Florenz]

I could recommend some great bdsm books. Cause, honestly, this whole headship/helpmeet thing sounds like a (fucked up) version of D/s.

Those modest, clean Christians are kinkier than all of us together.

[OnceModestTwiceShy]

The mother is encouraging her son to manipulate people to get what he wants. If mom and son were being honest, he would ask the young lady if she wanted to be led by him. That is not what they are donig

Why can't they see how icky this is?

This makes me want to cry and it is all so dishonest and underhanded

Ok, what? I'm totally confused as to what actually went on there. I've gotten pretty good at decoding fundie speak, but this is fundie lite speak maybe? Anyway, did this girl and her "male friend" actually date? Were they doing a Bible study together to see if they were compatible? Or were they just being each other's "practice dominant" and "practice submissive"?

You're right, Florenz. :lol: ETA: The whole "safe, sane and consensual" mantra is repeated so much in the BDSM community that it's almost a joke...but seriously though, we say it because it is CRUCIAL. Without those components - especially CONSENT - it is very easy to find yourself on the wrong side of the play/abuse boundary. Of course, in order to have these components, you have to admit you're kinky. Instead, these assholes would rather put a "godly" gloss on it, but even worse, to force people to do it when it is against their nature. :naughty:

[stairway to heaven]

Do I ever feel sorry for the young woman. I hope someone sees what's going on and tells her to run like the wind. I've seen this movie before and it ends VERY BADLY.

Even if the boy isn't too far gone the effort to MAKE this young woman into a fundie-zombie will hurt both of them.

[already hungover]

Oh my god, I've been lurking on CHFWeb since I was a sophomore in high school; they were my gateway fundies. My friends think I have a problem because I'm always telling them what "the Christian homeschoolers" from the internet are up to. There sure are some...interesting personalities over there. Several of my (actual) favorite, more moderate voices seem to have stopped posting in the last few years, though.

(To be fair, at least one reply did say that the kid should just focus on his own shit and not get "all leader-y." Unfortunately I feel like the more moderate opinions are often drowned out on that board.)