Take Your Wife. Even Sicker Than Usual

[pimpom]

Actually (and depressingly) the predestination thing is quite simple to understand.

You don't know whether you're predestined or not.

If you're not predestined, you're going to hell

If you are, yet DON'T stick to the rules, you'll still go to hell.

So you can never gain salvation, you can only lose it.

Hurrah.

No wonder there are areas in Holland where 'smiling is a sin'. I even know of a girl who grew up in this faith, who needed extensive therapy because she found this so scary and worrying and sad-making.

[Anise]

Sounds like the first "successful" marriage to come out of Father, Son and Holy Spiritship®: quivermen.blogspot.com/2011/08/father-son-and-holy-spiritship_26.html

Frightening when a parody becomes reality.

:cray-cray:

[debrand]

This is so true. There is no reasoning with them. Trust me, I've spent the last 3.5 years of my life trying and all it does is make the husband pout at me for anywhere from a few hours to a few days. People like that cannot be reasoned with.

My sympathy. I've gotten in online discussions with Calvinists and they think that they are very logical but they just go in circles.

[curlytoes79]

"While we had initially intended to consummate our marriage after today’s symbolic ceremony, we instead did so secretly after private scripture reading, prayer, and mutual foot-washing."

Huh? After going as far back in time as possible with the super-strict, puritanical interpretation of the Scriptures w/ regards to marriage, they still end up fornicating. Although I guess if they're following Exodus 22:16, they're still okay. Do you think he paid her dad 50 shekels of silver?

[MamaJunebug]

This is so true. There is no reasoning with them. Trust me, I've spent the last 3.5 years of my life trying and all it does is make the husband pout at me for anywhere from a few hours to a few days. People like that cannot be reasoned with.

So .... if a non-Presbyterian were to audition to sing in a Presby choir, would s/he not burst into flames most services???? Enquiring minds need to know. Because there's that invitation on a certain desk, which makes its recipient very happy. But it also worries one to think that s/he might either self-combust OR slide out of her/his pew in embarrassment/confusion with palm permanently attached to face ... please advise. The person could ask an old college chum about it, but doesn't want said chum to wonder, and well, that's all.

Stated more concisely: Will a non-Presbyterian be able to sit through a Calvinistic sermon without eye-rolling off the Richter scale? NB: It *is* a church that ordains wimmenz. KtxTIA!

[salex]

Depends on the church. OUr Prebyterian church was liberal and never talked about Calvinism in the traditional sense.

[bionicmlle]

Wow! How romantic.

Anyone find it odd that he even wrote about the consummation in terms like "WE originally intended," using "we" several times? It almost seems like "they" made a decision together but then I questioned who the "we" was - probably daddy and husband. Ex-gay, indeed??

[eightykatie]

This is extreme. I feel so sorry for this poor woman. Can you imagine being married to this douche for the rest of your life? And possibly spending eternity with him also?

[MamaJunebug]

Depends on the church. OUr Prebyterian church was liberal and never talked about Calvinism in the traditional sense.

Thank you, salex - why didn't I think earlier to visit its website?!

:geek: going there straightaway!

[mlady]

I'm with the commenters who think this is a Poe. It's trying to hit too many buttons for me to take it seriously.

[HeckBound]

I would dearly love to know what "mutual foot washing" looks like to this freak. Poor girl indeed.

[thoughtful]

Because if you're not conforming to the rules and regulations, it means you not actually saved!! But if God elects those who are saved anyway, how can anything you do make a difference? But who, if they really believe that hardcore calvinist line, would want to admit that they're not one of the elect? Nobody says, "I believe that only those chosen by God go to heaven, and unfortunately I'm not one of the chosen."

Don't try to look for logic in it. There is none.

I now have an image of Landru singing The Song That Doesn't End in my head.

[EmiGirl]

So .... if a non-Presbyterian were to audition to sing in a Presby choir, would s/he not burst into flames most services???? Enquiring minds need to know. Because there's that invitation on a certain desk, which makes its recipient very happy. But it also worries one to think that s/he might either self-combust OR slide out of her/his pew in embarrassment/confusion with palm permanently attached to face ... please advise. The person could ask an old college chum about it, but doesn't want said chum to wonder, and well, that's all.

Stated more concisely: Will a non-Presbyterian be able to sit through a Calvinistic sermon without eye-rolling off the Richter scale? NB: It *is* a church that ordains wimmenz. KtxTIA!

See I'm not sure about this part. The church we go to (my homechurch) is not Calvinistic at all. Our preacher is a Calvinist, but he doesn't preach it from the pulpit. I only know because we're good friends outside of church. I have to say I went to my in-laws church and when I could keep my eyes open, I was rolling them. Of course then afterwards I got (Literally) cornered by the preacher's wife while she told me how wrong I was for NOT being a Calvinist. Needless to say I have not stepped foot back in that church since.

[dramallama]

Depends on the church. OUr Prebyterian church was liberal and never talked about Calvinism in the traditional sense.

And the most right-wing rabid gung-ho Calvin-worshipping theocrat I've ever encountered is also a Presbyterian (PCA, not PCUSA). Funny how there's such a spectrum.

[alaeangelorum]

I'm with the commenters who think this is a Poe. It's trying to hit too many buttons for me to take it seriously.

Yeah I'd be more inclined to believe it if there was a link to a blog or a clearer source but it just seems to have appeared on reddit. It's the last line that makes it seem off to me, I can't see a serious fundy admitting to pre-martial sex.

[Sola]

QTF

This is one of the arguements I use when my husband goes off on one of his Calvinism rants to me (which completely ruined our Christmas this past year). It really pisses him off which makes me giggle.

And if predestination is indeed the case, why bother prosletysing? I am an atheist, obviously I am not one of the chosen few. Even if you* harass me to the point where you wear me down, it won't make a bit of difference as I'm bound for hell anyway. So leave me alone and let me get on with my evil sinning ;)

*you = street evangelists and door knockers.

[Irishy]

Are we sure the sex was premarital? Maybe the foot washing bible session came after the marriage service. Would they even have been left alone with no chaperones beforehand? If so, this is a good ad for why not to y'all!

[Mellanya]

Her dad had agreed so they were married (after all the ceremony was just symbolic) and if they are married, well, obviously, he can't rape his wife.

There is a reason women learned which herbs healed and which ones killed, back inthe day.

You're right. Forgot about the "You can't rape your wife" twist.

[happy atheist]

Yeah I'd be more inclined to believe it if there was a link to a blog or a clearer source but it just seems to have appeared on reddit. It's the last line that makes it seem off to me, I can't see a serious fundy admitting to pre-martial sex.

Here is a thread (actually 2 merged threads) about this guy, from sept 2011:

viewtopic.php?f=8&t=2920

It has links that might help trace it to a source.

[alaeangelorum]

Here is a thread (actually 2 merged threads) about this guy, from sept 2011:

viewtopic.php?f=8&t=2920

It has links that might help trace it to a source.

Thanks. I take it back, maybe it is real...

As for the premarital part, I assumed because he said 'today's symbolic ceremony' that it must have occurred some other time than today. Also it looks kind of like a letter given out either to wedding guests or those who couldn't attend or something, so it would be pre-written.

[RosyDaisy]

Christianity and marriage is about free will, at least that's the way I was raised and still believe.