Heaping coals on those who abuse you **Trigger warning**

[Koala]

There isn't much I can say about this post, because for the most part I am just speechless. I find this troubling beyond words.

http://lorialexander.blogspot.com/2013/04/a-story-of-redemption.html

Joyce was sexually abused by her father all of her growing up years. She said she had no childhood. She grew up, accepted Jesus as her Savior, got married, and had four children. The Lord has completely transformed her life. She forgave her dad even when he didn't ask to be forgiven.

He became sick later in his life and Joyce and her husband, Dave, had to buy a home close to them for her parents to live in. They bought them a nice, little home. They moved her parents into the home and furnished it for them. She shopped and brought groceries for them every week. She took her father to the doctor numerous times.

After three years of living near them, her mother called Joyce and told her that her father had been crying for the past three weeks. Could she come over and talk with him? She went over with her husband who had always treated her father with love and kindness even after knowing what he had done to his wife.

She went to her father and her father told her that what he had done to her was wrong. He asked her to forgive him. She overcame evil with good. She heaped burning coals upon his head by feeding her enemy. She forgave him.

She then asked him if he wanted to accept Jesus into his heart. He wanted to and lived the rest of his life knowing and loving Jesus.

This is a story of redemption. God restored all the years the locusts had eaten in Joyce Meyer's life. She has a strong, solid marriage, four children who walk with Jesus, and a ministry that she loves. All things are possible with God. He promises to do abundantly more than we can even think or imagine. He is so good. So very, very good.

It terrifies me that this could possibly sway women whose children are being abused to stay with their husbands and "heap burning coals on their heads". It terrifies me that she thinks women are so worthless that she finds beauty in a woman serving her abuser.

[debrand]

She allowed her children to be around this couple also. Even if he couldn't physically abuse them, there was probably a lot of mental and emotional abuse that he was capable. And so freaking what he converted? Lots of people who call themselves Christians do evil things.

The issue of forgiveness annoys me. Everyone from Oprah to my close friends believe in the power of forgiveness. Why? Granted, you shouldn't let anger rule your decisions but I don't see any reason that I should feel pressured to forgive someone who has done harm to me. People have assumed that not forgiving means that anger rules your life or that you think about the other person all the time. I don't think about certain people but I don't forgive them either. I want them out of my life and I don't think remaining pissed about what they've done ruins my life. Forgiveness just seems like a simple band aid fix for what can be complex situation. Maybe instead of forgiveness we should teach people to put anger in its proper place in their lives.

[GeoBQn]

1. There is no reason to forgive someone who hasn't apologized.

2. A survivor should NEVER be obligated to forgive her abuser.

3. Forgiveness is not an adequate substitute for holding the abuser accountable under the law.

[Trynn]

Holy cow, she moved her child molester father into a house... WITH CHILDREN?!?!?!?!?!

No. Just, no. It's perfectly acceptable to forgive your abuser, however, forgiveness does NOT mean you let him play with the grandkids.

[Mama Mia]

I think the creepiest part is the absolute obsession that Lori Alexander has with posting abuse=good stories.

Every time she comes up that seems to be the theme. She has some serious issues I think, and not just in going overboard with a 'forgive the sinner' way. She seems to delight in finding the most horrific examples of abuse, I think she is a not-so-closet sadist masquerading as a masochist.

[merrily]

Lori should run her own Hell House on Halloween with all the fire and brimstone she's spewing. She makes even a volcano jealous.

[Hisey]

I find it hard to believe this story is real. Who is Joyce Meyer?

[LynnJ0516]

Holy cow, she moved her child molester father into a house... WITH CHILDREN?!?!?!?!?!

No. Just, no. It's perfectly acceptable to forgive your abuser, however, forgiveness does NOT mean you let him play with the grandkids.

I couldn't agree more! If you want to and are able to forgive your abuser, then I applaud you for doing something that seems difficult and almost impossible to me. But you don't move him next to your children! What the??? :o How is this Godly behavior??? It is just unsafe!!!

[debrand]

I find it hard to believe this story is real. Who is Joyce Meyer?

joycemeyer.org/

I'm pretty certain that I've seen her preach on tv

[ILoveJellybeans]

Are they making these kind of stories in the hope that it will inspire their children not to hate them and stick them in a crappy home when theyre old, despite all of the abuse they did to them as children.

[MrsYoungie]

I find it hard to believe this story is real. Who is Joyce Meyer?

Joyce Meyer is an evangelist who is heard on Christian radio and seen on tv etc. She is notable for her flashy glittery clothing choices.

The abuse story is part of her testimony. No idea how much of it is true. Christians are known to embellish their testimonies to make the story better.

[Mama Mia]

Joyce Meyer is a very popular television preacher.

I don't know the details, but it's very possible her children were grown and out of the house by the time her father was elderly and in need of care.

My parents are just past retirement age, and in very good health, and their youngest grandchild is over 21.

I certainly hope she didn't put her children at risk by being alone with her sexually abusive father. Even if she chose to forgive him and care for him, hopefully she would realize that didn't make him a safe person to be around children unsupervised.

[Marianne]

I don't know what to think. Forgiveness can help in the horror. Faith also.

But... Have a pedophile in liberty... Leave a pedophile with her children...And others that have been raped ? I hop she told him about it. I hope especially that she separate her children of her father... by security...

So, I understand also that she don't file a claim. With death penalty... I don't know, but in its place (and i was in her place there e few year), i wouldn't take the risk of condemning my father to death...

I really really don't what to think.

[Dysfundamental]

They bought a separate house nearby for the parents, they didn't move the parents into their house. Lori's write up is confusing here. One of my cousins is a Joyce Meyer fan so I have read up on her a bit. She is Not For Me, but.

I have a good friend (mum of one of my BFFs) who took amazing care of her emotionally and physically (though not sexually) abusive mother for many years in the mother's old age (she lived to be >100). She is an atheist and a very distinguished psychiatrist, so she wasn't doing it out of religious dogma. I still don't get it fully, but I think part of my friend's reasoning was that she was going to be a generous and compassionate person as always, even to her terrible mum.

Marianne, the death penalty in the US is only for murder and treason. Rape of any kind, including child rape, hasn't been punished with the death penalty since the Supreme Court ruled it unconstitutional with the case of Coker versus Georgia in 1977, which was affirmed in Kennedy versus Louisiana, 2008. Between 1977 and 2008, some states passed laws making the death penalty an option for child rape, but nobody was executed under those laws, which were ruled unconstitutional in the 2008 decision.

[lilwriter85]

I think there are some things that aren't forgivable and I know a few people who are victims of sex crimes. They will never completely heal. I have to wonder if this story about Joyce Meyer's father has made her lose followers. I remember hearing something that she lost followers after her ex-bodyguard was convicted of killing his wife and two sons.

[Bloo]

This makes me wonder if Ken hasn't done something heinous to their kids. Disgusting.

[Dysfundamental]

I think there are some things that aren't forgivable and I know a few people who are victims of sex crimes. They will never completely heal.

I'm sorry to hear your friends haven't found healing. For myself, as a victim of childhood sexual abuse, I do feel that I have healed those wounds completely. That said, my abuser wasn't a parent, which adds another layer of betrayal.

[Marianne]

Marianne, the death penalty in the US is only for murder and treason. Rape of any kind, including child rape, hasn't been punished with the death penalty since the Supreme Court ruled it unconstitutional with the case of Coker versus Georgia in 1977, which was affirmed in Kennedy versus Louisiana, 2008. Between 1977 and 2008, some states passed laws making the death penalty an option for child rape, but nobody was executed under those laws, which were ruled unconstitutional in the 2008 decision.

Thank you very much for the explanation =) This changes a lot of things for me.

[kb2]

Maybe it's Lori's interpretation, but I dislike more of the details of the story than the overall summary of events. I don't think taking care of an abusive parent in old age would be for everyone but if someone chose to do that then that's their decision. But crying for three days? Try, you should be crying every day for the rest of your life if you do something horrible like that to your child, and that is a pathetic amount of time to have your little feelings hurt by your own mistakes. The idea that if someone cries and says they're sorry they've "repented" and have 100% genuine believable feelings and can totes be trusted not to do it again? Is complete bull. Coming over at the drop of a hat because your abuser wants to discuss your abuse with you? Not a requirement to be a good person. The idea that if you are nice to your abuser someday they'll pay you back in kindness--like by saying they're sorry, if that would even help--is also bull.

[PennySycamore]

I find it hard to believe this story is real. Who is Joyce Meyer?

Joyce Meyer is a very popular Xtian writer and TV evangelist. She appeals primarily to women. Joyce is a big promoter of the prosperity gospel and is a Charismatic. She has been criticized for her extravagant lifestyle and has even faced Senate investigation. She was cleared of any financial wrong-doing. I do like Joyce a little bit. She wears pants sometimes, wears a tasteful amount of makeup and has short hair. These things would be anathema to the Holiness woman. I also like her working class St Louis accent.

[yewchapel]

I believe in forgiveness but holy crap, it is not a substitute for justice and forgiving someone doesn't mean you have to like them or even have them in your life. It just means you're not letting them live rent-free in your head anymore. Case in point - my bio dad (not the person I mean when I talk about my dad, who is really my stepdad) is a closeted self-loathing alcoholic who has been violent to me and I suspect to previous partners (not my mum though). I forgive him. I still want nothing to do with him and still think it's totally right for him to be in jail, and would never have him so much as look at any child of mine - and he's not even sexually abusive. Meyer and Lori completely misunderstand what forgiveness means. Forgiveness is purely for the benefit of the person who has been wronged.

[hywelis]

The issue of forgiveness annoys me. Everyone from Oprah to my close friends believe in the power of forgiveness. Why? Granted, you shouldn't let anger rule your decisions but I don't see any reason that I should feel pressured to forgive someone who has done harm to me. People have assumed that not forgiving means that anger rules your life or that you think about the other person all the time. I don't think about certain people but I don't forgive them either. I want them out of my life and I don't think remaining pissed about what they've done ruins my life. Forgiveness just seems like a simple band aid fix for what can be complex situation. Maybe instead of forgiveness we should teach people to put anger in its proper place in their lives.

Emphasis added.

Thank you for this. Thank you, thank you. I'm so sick of the whole forgiveness thing. Thank you for pointing out what you said.

Hywelis

[Koala]

Comments:

Joyce's story truly exemplifies the power and mercy of Christ. How wonderful that she could, not only forgive, but love her father as Christ loves us. I wish more stories of abuse would end this way, but I don't think many victims could be that strong and many abusers able to repent. Unfortunately, my childhood was similar, except the abuse was from my grandfather (my mother's father). My parents are divorced and I lived with my dad; he pressed charges against my grandfather and I never saw him again (he died when I was 10). I have forgiven him and have forgiven my mother for not protecting me. I don't, however, allow my mother to keep my daughter unsupervised (actually no one, but my dad and step-mom have ever and will ever be trusted to keep my daughter. I know that my mom would never hurt her, but I cannot risk the possibility that she might not stop abuse. Knowing that I have a generational curse of abuse (and divorce, for that matter) has me on my knees praying that God will break those chains and end that cycle. Praise God because my husband and I do not struggle with either of those. I was curious if you would share your feelings on the biblical reaction to child abuse and any scripture references. Is it biblical to press charges (for yourself or your child? Even if it's a family member?)? Does God ask abuse victims to keep their abuser in their lives? If so, how do you protect any children involved? I would appreciate any insight. I truly enjoy reading your blog. In fact, my husband has requested that I extremely limit my online time (to focus solely on our family and to be more productive), but he told me that not only does he not mind me reading your blog, he insists that I do!

[Hisey]

I have two things to say about this heinous post.

1. People who abuse children are often manipulative liars. When they need help, they lie to get it. They often realize they need help when they become elderly, and will "apologize" to their adult children for self-serving reasons.

My own father was horribly cruel to my brothers throughout their lives. However, in his last weeks, he realized he needed help, as he was getting weaker and weaker. He started telling my brothers all the things they'd waited to hear all their lives. He wanted to make sure they'd be around to help him. Sadly, at least one of my brothers believed him and reported proudly that dad had said these nice things to him. I didn't say this to my brother, but I doubt my dad had suddenly changed and become a kind human being.

2. People have been sexually abused often have problems with boundaries. I knew two women who had been sexually abused as children, who allowed their abusive dad to come visit them and stay in their house! Where there were children!

On one occasion, I was friends with this woman and I knew she had been sexually abused as a child. One day she had a birthday party for one of her kids. I went to it,and noticed an older man there. I just figured it was somebody's grandad, visiting from out of town. I found out after the party that it was the pedophile father of this woman. My children was at that party and although they were not harmed by this man (the party was at a playground and I was there the whole time) I was still furious. Absolutely furious, that this man (who had never been charged or received therapy) was allowed to be around my children and others. The mom wasn't trying to be mean, or expose my kids to danger, but she had grown up in a family with poor boudnaries, and hadn't learned to enforce boundaries as an adult. Still, I was mad.

[longskirtlotsakids]

Joyce Meyer also fails to recognize that this woman also committed a crime, in some areas a felony. CPS would see this as a situation of immediate danger and would remove the kids. As long as the mother fails to protect her children she would be seen as a danger to her kids, and lose custody.

Of course, then Meyer could write a story about the mother bringing donuts and treats into the CPS office every morning. You know, heaping coals and all that.