Duggar Parents And Behavior

[ljohnson2006]

Let's face it. Boob and Mullet's kids (Especially the younger boys) are out of control. They have no respect for other's property, and have no sense that the world doesn't revolve around them and when they want to do things. We've seen other families on the show, that have children who act civilized. You'd think Boob and Mullet would see that their kids do not have typical behavior, and do something about it. Are they so dense that they'll excuse anything, and let their kids get away with acting like monkeys in public?

[GeoBQn]

I think the issue is that the only way they know how to discipline children is to hit them, which they know they can't do while the cameras are there. As the camera crew became a constant present, they couldn't resort to their favorite method of discipline, but they never found any other method to replace it.

[JenniferJuniper]

Let's face it. Boob and Mullet's kids (Especially the younger boys) are out of control. They have no respect for other's property, and have no sense that the world doesn't revolve around them and when they want to do things. We've seen other families on the show, that have children who act civilized. You'd think Boob and Mullet would see that their kids do not have typical behavior, and do something about Are they so it.dense that they'll excuse anything, and let their kids get away with acting like monkeys in public?

Jackson and Hannie actually made monkey gestures when they were talking about the behavior of all the kids in the capsule hotel.

I don't think Boob and Michelle are oblivious. I think they are so far over their heads with all of these kids they don't know what to do. And they aren't spring chickens anymore.

The most telling scene I ever saw was from the puppy-sitting episode. The youngest kids were feeding the puppies cheese and eggs and the dogs were puking everywhere. No buddies were around. Michelle had told them not to do it, they just ignored her and she couldn't get them to stop doing it.

Maybe Michelle has left the child-rearing to others for so long that she has no clue how to manage young kids. She reminded me of my grandmother when she'd babysit for us and my brothers took advantage. She'd wring her hands and quietly plead with them to behave and then she'd just count down the hours until my parents returned, hoping no fatalities took place in the interim. That's the sense the viewer got with Michelle; that she was desperate for Jana Buddy and Jill Buddy to return to take care of their little brats.

[Inky]

For all their talk of loving children, Jim-Bob and Michelle don't seem to interact with anyone elses children, with the frequency or the way a typical family does.

For example, growing up, my kids had a lot of friends their own age, with varying degrees of behaviour. They noticed when someone was acting like a fool, and would usually comment on it later. The Dugger parents don't have much to compare their children to, or to show them what proper behaviour looks like at a given age.

[ILoveJellybeans]

I dont think Michelle has done any parenting since Josh learned to wipe his own butt. She doesnt know how kids are supposed to behave.

Also the only discipline tactics they can use on camera are gently telling them "No Jackson, we dont smash the house up. Mommy doesnt like it when you play with Daddys power tools". Before the show they used to yell at the kids and beat them, but they cant do that anymore.

Someone needs to send Michelle a gentle parenting book, so she can discipline her kids on camera and doesnt have to hit them. She would probably not bother though, cause it requires too much effort on her part, its easier to let them run wild.

Although then again, are there any parenting books that can help a mother of 19, or deal with still immature and bratty 20 year olds.

[ljohnson2006]

Was Josiah the baby that Michelle had her infamous breakdown after he was born? The Duggars don't rely on books. They send their children to camps to make them sweet, when they misbehave. J'Chelle acts like she's the greatest mother in the world. It's obvious that she has no idea how to parent her kids, because she has the older girls to do it for her. What is she going to do when the inevitable day comes when the J'Slaves begin to resent her for taking their lives away?

[Rowan]

Don't they get often told when they are making an appearance on a show or something that the kids are "so well behaved!"

DimBulb and Mullet have no reason to think otherwise because to recognize the behavior issues means they would have to do something about it. And we know that won't be happening ever.

[ILoveJellybeans]

Id be incredibly suprised if none of them already do resent her for taking their lives away.

[Justme]

I'd rather see them run wild than be beaten with plumbing line.....

[fundietrashcan]

parenting young kids requires a lot of energy that bob and mullet are too old to have. So this leaves the older duggar girls picking up the slack of the parenting. I suspect that the youngest few will not be raised nearly as strictly as the oldest were because the parents just didnt have the initiative to stop having kids they did not have the energy to raise. The oldest on the other hand had all personality and ability for self thought beaten out of them. In fact I would not doubt that the oldest kids probably resent the youngest for this. If anything when it came to behavior it seems that all of them lacked good manners on their last trip. It seems a few had a problem with doing the customary bow in Japan. Very rude!

[laura oz]

I had a longer post written, but I realized I could say what I needed to without using so many words. Any compliment the Duggars get on how well behaved their kids are -even if they're really not- should be given to their older girls that have done the majority of the work. I really hope that the cracks that are showing in the facade are the first steps to TLC throwing them under the bus and showing what they are really like and really believe. Eh, I can hope :shrug:

[daniee]

Let's face it. Boob and Mullet's kids (Especially the younger boys) are out of control. They have no respect for other's property, and have no sense that the world doesn't revolve around them and when they want to do things. We've seen other families on the show, that have children who act civilized. You'd think Boob and Mullet would see that their kids do not have typical behavior, and do something about it. Are they so dense that they'll excuse anything, and let their kids get away with acting like monkeys in public?

It's not bad behavior....as Mullet always say "little boys have so much ENERGY"

Every time she says that I want to scream.

Let's send Jojo from Supernanny there to teach Boob and Mullet how to do time-out's etc. You know Jojo would tell them like it is and wouldn't hold back.

[ljohnson2006]

They would never do a Supernanny type show. J'Chelle and Boob think that they know it all when it comes ot parenting. There's a difference between your kids having energy and not knowing how to properly behave. J'Chelle and Boob don't know the difference. All of the blanket training has sure paid off. These kids are afraid of what acting out will result in. It's sad.

[Culottes]

I had a longer post written, but I realized I could say what I needed to without using so many words. Any compliment the Duggars get on how well behaved their kids are -even if they're really not- should be given to their older girls that have done the majority of the work. I really hope that the cracks that are showing in the facade are the first steps to TLC throwing them under the bus and showing what they are really like and really believe. Eh, I can hope :shrug:

This sums it up exactly. Any "parenting" is being provided by the older girls.

[Joan of Snarc]

Don't they get often told when they are making an appearance on a show or something that the kids are "so well behaved!"

DimBulb and Mullet have no reason to think otherwise because to recognize the behavior issues means they would have to do something about it. And we know that won't be happening ever.

I feel like this is an urban legend that's taken on a life of its own -- even though evidence points to the contrary.

[freethemall]

I feel like this is an urban legend that's taken on a life of its own -- even though evidence points to the contrary.

Agreed. Past the appearances you see their leghumpers repeating it over and over again as the ultimate reason why the duggars are the Most Perfect Family Ever (so encouraging!), which I think is less from their actual observations and more from what they have heard about them.

I will say even the howlers have some admirably quiet moments on show appearances and such, but that may be because they've been warned and terrified about will happen if they don't keep extra sweet.

[August]

I think the issue is that the only way they know how to discipline children is to hit them, which they know they can't do while the cameras are there. As the camera crew became a constant present, they couldn't resort to their favorite method of discipline, but they never found any other method to replace it.

I think you've hit the nail on the head. In her book she says to never hit in public.

[lilith]

Agreed. Past the appearances you see their leghumpers repeating it over and over again as the ultimate reason why the duggars are the Most Perfect Family Ever (so encouraging!), which I think is less from their actual observations and more from what they have heard about them.

I will say even the howlers have some admirably quiet moments on show appearances and such, but that may be because they've been warned and terrified about will happen if they don't keep extra sweet.

It's really not hard to bribe all the kids over three to sit still and quiet for a quick television appearance, especially when they've been doing it all their lives. And we know they put a DVD on behind the camera to keep the little ones quiet.

[alba]

I think you've hit the nail on the head. In her book she says to never hit in public.

:shock: So it's OK to hit in private, then?

I think a big part of the problem with the kids' behaviour is that they're being parented by women who are, effectively, teen moms several times over, and they've been stretched too thin for far too long. This also means that several years down the road the lost girls are going to lack the support system that older siblings can offer, because they effectively don't have older sisters, just moms, and for many teens there are things they can talk to their siblings about but not their parents.

[Mind UR own uteress]

In the most recent episode, JimBob cries when Jana and Jill leave for their midwife visits. I suspect his tears weren't from his daughters growing up and doing their own thing, but because they are minus two J-slaves when the girls leave. Makes more work for him and Michelle, hence the tears.

[NjoyingNsanity]

I think in theory some of their parenting ideas aren't terrible having older siblings help younger ones isn't bad unless you start to count on them doing it all the time as if they were the parent. My oldest two help with my six year old, but it's simple things like helping her zip up a coat, or like when we were all helping her learn to tie her shoes they helped her by reminding her what the next step was. My oldest daughter likes to play "little Momma" sometimes with the baby she'll want to change her diaper or dress her. I let her when she feels like doing it, because yeah it is good practice for when she's older and decides she wants to have kids. Even if she decides she never wants kids of her own it's still a good skill to have in case you ever find yourself being asked to babysit for someone due to an emergency. Thing is my daughter isn't told it's all she's good for and my 17 year old son can take care of a baby just as well as she can. We never forced either of them we just used their natural excitement and curiosity over any new cousin or sibling as a teachable moment. I would answer whatever questions they had and explain what I was doing and why. Teaching future parenting skills to your kids doesn't have to be as in depth, or as time consuming as fundie parents like to pretend it is. Your kids can learn valuable parenting skills just be playing with and entertaining a younger sibling. I help my six year old daughter with her reading and memorization skills by having her read her sight word booklets from school to her baby sister or by reciting nursery rhymes to her. It makes my six year old feel like a big girl, and I'm squeezing in a few extra minutes of having someone read to her for the baby.

Michelle could get the older siblings to help out a little without turning them into substitute mothers if she wasn't so lazy and self-absorbed. I think she had to have put in some considerable effort with the oldest kids or things would probably be even more of a madhouse than they already are, but at some point she just checked out once the oldest girls could keep the younger ones from dying of neglect. As far as behavior goes if your kids have never acted up in public to where you wanted to slink off somewhere and hide then you're really lucky or an amazing parent, mine have had meltdowns in Walmart, or acted like they'd been raised by a pack of wolves in a restaurant. Sometimes despite being raised better kids act up. With Michelle's brood though there's a couple of kids I would have had checked for ADD/ADHD if I were their mom. One of the Howler boys acts like my middle daughter did before she was diagnosed, and we got her on meds.

[laura oz]

I think in theory some of their parenting ideas aren't terrible having older siblings help younger ones isn't bad unless you start to count on them doing it all the time as if they were the parent. My oldest two help with my six year old, but it's simple things like helping her zip up a coat, or like when we were all helping her learn to tie her shoes they helped her by reminding her what the next step was. My oldest daughter likes to play "little Momma" sometimes with the baby she'll want to change her diaper or dress her. I let her when she feels like doing it, because yeah it is good practice for when she's older and decides she wants to have kids. Even if she decides she never wants kids of her own it's still a good skill to have in case you ever find yourself being asked to babysit for someone due to an emergency. Thing is my daughter isn't told it's all she's good for and my 17 year old son can take care of a baby just as well as she can. We never forced either of them we just used their natural excitement and curiosity over any new cousin or sibling as a teachable moment. I would answer whatever questions they had and explain what I was doing and why. Teaching future parenting skills to your kids doesn't have to be as in depth, or as time consuming as fundie parents like to pretend it is. Your kids can learn valuable parenting skills just be playing with and entertaining a younger sibling. I help my six year old daughter with her reading and memorization skills by having her read her sight word booklets from school to her baby sister or by reciting nursery rhymes to her. It makes my six year old feel like a big girl, and I'm squeezing in a few extra minutes of having someone read to her for the baby.

Michelle could get the older siblings to help out a little without turning them into substitute mothers if she wasn't so lazy and self-absorbed. I think she had to have put in some considerable effort with the oldest kids or things would probably be even more of a madhouse than they already are, but at some point she just checked out once the oldest girls could keep the younger ones from dying of neglect. As far as behavior goes if your kids have never acted up in public to where you wanted to slink off somewhere and hide then you're really lucky or an amazing parent, mine have had meltdowns in Walmart, or acted like they'd been raised by a pack of wolves in a restaurant. Sometimes despite being raised better kids act up. With Michelle's brood though there's a couple of kids I would have had checked for ADD/ADHD if I were their mom. One of the Howler boys acts like my middle daughter did before she was diagnosed, and we got her on meds.

But isn't the whole point to train the girls so well that the mother becomes redundant? Mothers are essentially training themselves out of a job. Michelle has done amazingly well at this.

[DuggarsTheEndIsNear]

The problem isn't that they dont know how to parent, so much as they dont know how to behave. They CONTINUALLY model the wrong behaviors for their children. Children are what they witness. Michelle and Jim Bob are obnoxious, close-minded, holier-than-thou, judgmental, irresponsible, ignorant, self-absorbed, and disrespectful. Their children have very few friends outside the Duggar household whom they're allowed to be around for long periods of time. So, without constant outside influences, these kids aren't going to know any better. And, you cant honestly say they're camera crew is going to teach them anything their parents aren't already. Their camera crew is looking for things to put on TV, regardless of how uncomfortable it can be for the subject or the audience. Hardly exemplary behavior.

Yes, having new ways to discipline kids, having a better structure, having consistent rules and consequences, not being rewarded for bad behavior, etc would help to lead to better children. But, you cant expect a child to learn a good habit if you're not able to model it.