"Dear Future Husband" blogger is now depressed

[LynnGrey]

I highly recommend reading her entire archive, as it is incredibly entertaining:

allformyfuturehusband.tumblr.com/

Basically, she has bought into the "God will bring you the perfect husband if you stay pure" myth:

I am confident in the man of God you’ll be to me enough to say this before I’ve even met you.

You’re more to me than just a man I love. You’re my best friend. My comforter. My counselor. My lover. You’re everything that I want and more. You are the man that builds me up. The man that corrects me. The man that loves me in spite of. You’re the one that intercedes for me. The one that guides and directs me. You’re the head of our home and you’re the head of my life. You’re the protector of my heart and the lover of my soul. You pour into me as God pours into you. You allow me to walk beside you, hand and hand, as husband and wife should. I willingly submit to you, because I have faith that you are being led by God. I have faith in you because I know that my God will provide.

She appears to be thinking about her imaginary future life with him all the time, so much so that she isn't living life to her fullest; she's waiting for it to begin. So it's no wonder she's depressed and feeling forgotten when she's been waiting so hard for so long.

I have been crying for about an hour now, off and on. I can’t explain why I feel the way that I feel right now. I cannot explain the shortness of breath. I cannot explain the overwhelming feeling of sadness. I cannot explain the pain in my chest that I am feeling at this very moment.

I want to say it is because of you, but I know that God will bring us together in due season. I know that God has not forgotten about me. I know that will not be forever alone. I know that we will find eachother, I just know it.

[docmom]

I'm going to show this to my daughter to remind her that she should not base her life on waiting for someone else to come to her. She will need to chart her own course, doing something that she likes to do, making friends and having relationships that she initiates. Because if you plan your life around doing nothing other than waiting for Mr. Right, you may have no life at all.

[Claddagh]

I'm going to show this to my daughter to remind her that she should not base her life on waiting for someone else to come to her. She will need to chart her own course, doing something that she likes to do, making friends and having relationships that she initiates. Because if you plan your life around doing nothing other than waiting for Mr. Right, you may have no life at all.

So very true!

I really feel sorry for these people that feel that if they just sit around Mr. Right is going to show up on their doorstep. Sure, sometimes being single isn't fun but you can't sit on your butt and just wait.

Go out, go to work, have fun. If you do what you enjoy you have a much higher chance of meeting someone who has similar interests who just might be "the one."

[JenniferJuniper]

Doesn't the Lord make spinsters as well?

[LynnGrey]

Doesn't the Lord make spinsters as well?

In my experience, they do believe that God intends some people to be single, but none of them want it to happen to them. Everyone pities the Lord's chosen spinsters. ...which is probably why she was crying all night.

[Closed Womb]

I remember buying into this line of thinking (although not so extreme; I was a mainstream-ish Christian, certainly believed in dating and kissing, at very minimum. I had a career, traveled, had a house of my own...) I remember being depressed when I never met my knight in God's armor. I remember being pissed when I realized most of the couples getting married where having the secks (and realizing that the Christian menz were hella shallow and self serving.)

I remember when I decided to date, gasp, secular dudes with whom I was not "equally yoked." Five years married to my lapsed-Catholic of a husband and I can guarantee that God can bring about the perfect husband if you don't limit Him.

I can't snark on her. I just can't. But I so wish she would follow my lead and live.

[ladyamylynn]

These girls always remind me of the quote by Emo Phillips: “When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn’t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.â€

Seriously- even Steve and Terri Maxwell met in a college class!

[sacrilicious]

That's so sad. These poor women, who are raised to believe that their only purpose is to marry and make babies. It's disgusting what fundiedom does to women. Well, men too, but in different ways.

[happy atheist]

How would she react if some creepy guy knocked on her door one day and told her that god sent him?

[Ex 2x2]

I'm going to show this to my daughter to remind her that she should not base her life on waiting for someone else to come to her. She will need to chart her own course, doing something that she likes to do, making friends and having relationships that she initiates. Because if you plan your life around doing nothing other than waiting for Mr. Right, you may have no life at all.

What age would you do this? My daughter is young (8), but she is already interested in boys. I want to do everything I can to keep her from ever waiting around on Mr. Right and thinking she can't be happy without him. At her age now, I mainly just talk to her about her interests, career goals, etc. (She has lots of those!) I would be devastated if she ended up like this girl...miserable and thinking she needs someone else to make her happy!

[LynnGrey]

How would she react if some creepy guy knocked on her door one day and told her that god sent him?

Haha, good question. But you know, she has envisioned her future husband so thoroughly, that she'd probably refuse to believe him. Even if God does have a man planned out for her, she probably wouldn't like him very much if she met him now. She'll need to dispel a bunch of the fantasy before she's able to accept someone right for her.

[Closed Womb]

Haha, good question. But you know, she has envisioned her future husband so thoroughly, that she'd probably refuse to believe him. Even if God does have a man planned out for her, she probably wouldn't like him very much if she met him now. She'll need to dispel a bunch of the fantasy before she's able to accept someone right for her.

Uh, only good looking people with decent earning potential are from God. Every fundie knows that.

[ladyamylynn]

Uh, only good looking people with decent earning potential are from God. Every fundie knows that.

People with decent earning potential, a penchant for matching church-wear (especially if it's pink), don't require privacy in the bathroom, and love the TV show Criminal Minds!

Maybe X-gay Greg is looking for a sister-wife for Dede??

[salex]

What age would you do this? My daughter is young (8), but she is already interested in boys. I want to do everything I can to keep her from ever waiting around on Mr. Right and thinking she can't be happy without him. At her age now, I mainly just talk to her about her interests, career goals, etc. (She has lots of those!) I would be devastated if she ended up like this girl...miserable and thinking she needs someone else to make her happy!

My family told me I'd be going to college before I ever went to school. My sister told her children that they would most likely meet their spouses in college (as opposed to the tiny town where they live) before they were in school--in part because she heard one of the neighbors was pointing out their house when they drove past and telling her preschool granddaughters "your future husbands live there....."

Talking about what is involved in making life plans as you are doing seems sensible to me, as you are already directing her future path.

[Wolfie]

So very true!

I really feel sorry for these people that feel that if they just sit around Mr. Right is going to show up on their doorstep. Sure, sometimes being single isn't fun but you can't sit on your butt and just wait.

Go out, go to work, have fun. If you do what you enjoy you have a much higher chance of meeting someone who has similar interests who just might be "the one."

Shouldn't it be simply, "sometimes life isn't fun?" Because sometimes relationships can be a mess too.

[mockingbird]

Oh, this makes me kind-of sad. (Some of her expectations for her future husband are a little off-putting* but just the fact that she has no self-worth outside of this nameless guy is what makes me sad.) I just went on a date about a week and a half ago that didn't work out and I came away happy that I was single, because I didn't want to be in a relationship with someone I didn't click with or who didn't meet my standards, just to be in a relationship. I don't know if a fundy girl could ever feel that way because their whole worth is built upon being a wife and mother. That sort of situation would be a failure to them... or chances are, she'd just end up with him anyway because for them to be on a "date" they'd probably be in a daddy-approved courtship with the guy already.

The lack of a fundy dating website or matchmaking service has been brought up before but I don't understand how fundy parents think their daughters are going to meet people if they are not allowed to do anything outside the home. Something like that would help. I thought recently that I would like to date more and haven't had luck in real life for awhile so I decided to join a dating website. I just figure it's better to put myself out there than sit at home waiting around for My Future Husband .

*She needs to not put all her eggs in one basket and realize that one person cannot be everything to her. It also sounds like she is expecting abuse (but what would probably be a normal fundy marriage?). The "who corrects me" thing made me think of BDSM though she probably doesn't intend that.

[Claddagh]

Shouldn't it be simply, "sometimes life isn't fun?" Because sometimes relationships can be a mess too.

That's very true. Yours about life not always being fun sounds a great deal better.

[salex]

How old is she? I know that I expected/planned to not get serious about a guy/ married until I was about 28 and out of grad school (instead, I married at 20, and went back to grad school at 28, LOL) I sort of assumed I'd get married, but it was not a priority to me (until suddenly it was).

Does she work? Is she a sahd? Does she volunteer? Clearly she needs something in her live beyond dwelling on some unknown guy

[ceg045]

How would she react if some creepy guy knocked on her door one day and told her that god sent him?

Isn't that what the "Satan was trying to trick me" line is for?

[rward]

First of all, she's having panic attacks, she needs medical help, poor thing.

Secondly, she's never getting married. (a) Who's she going to meet in her kitchen? (b) She's built up her future husband to such a degree there's no man on Earth who could live up to him. Nor would any emotionally healthy man wish to.

[Joan of Snarc]

She should go to ChristianMingle.com and find God's match for her!

Because I guess God needs the internet in the 21st century to bring people together.

:?

[Change]

Do any of you see arranged marriages as the future solution in the SAHD world?

Seriously all other societies like this where the women are closed off from the world, are married through arrangements.

Otherwise the majority of them will not marry because they simply will not have contact with another men.

No, I do not support arranged marriage.

This weird sitting at home and waiting for the prince to come in on a white horse, is unrealistic. What's wrong with those parents, don't they get that?

[cjsmom]

Do any of you see arranged marriages as the future solution in the SAHD world?

Seriously all other societies like this where the women are closed off from the world, are married through arrangements.

Otherwise the majority of them will not marry because they simply will not have contact with another men.

No, I do not support arranged marriage.

This weird sitting at home and waiting for the prince to come in on a white horse, is unrealistic. What's wrong with those parents, don't they get that?

I think the parents get that, which is why Sarah Maxwell is still in, er Maxhell, and why Duggarlings have not been married off yet. It's the SAHD's that don't get the critical thinking skills that a decent education would give them, get brainwashing instead, and who believe that God will hand them a husband. Very sad.

[mlady]

"Do any of you see arranged marriages as the future solution in the SAHD world?"

Yes. I think we have already seen that happen in most families where patriarchy rules, including fundie families. Usually it's disguised by things like: guy spots girl at church/conference/etc and "prays on it" until god tells him to go for it, then talks to the dad (headship) about it who then introduces the idea to the girl. Or the parents just full on arrange for kids to spend time together knowing that they will obey whatever the parent say, and knowing it's the only member of the opposite sex they are likely to come in close enough contact with to marry.

However we also get the guy-meets-girl the regular way and then it's "spun" to fit the mold of the above, for testimony purposes, and to save face (especially if someone has a premee 7 months after the wedding..hehe). Testimonies are mostly fairy tales and I've enjoyed watching some evolve into more and more elaborate "god did it" types of things.

[dairyfreelife]

First of all, she's having panic attacks, she needs medical help, poor thing.

Secondly, she's never getting married. (a) Who's she going to meet in her kitchen? (b) She's built up her future husband to such a degree there's no man on Earth who could live up to him. Nor would any emotionally healthy man wish to.

Exactly. She's not going to find anyone with the way she is living. I wanted a boyfriend too, but I didn't sit at home and do nothing but dream about a fantasy future and man. I was going to school and working and while I sometimes joke that I have no life, I read about women like her and realize that compared to them my life is not so bad after all. I just really cannot imagine what it would be like to be at home all day everyday. And if she is having anxiety attacks and crying spells for no reason, she needs to go the doctor and get help asap! Before it gets worse and as someone who's had both, it will get worse.