More crayzee from 7XSunday: Grandparent/Pedophile

[emmiedahl]

This started when he was around 2 years old for no apparent reason. I will say that my dad molested my sister when she was 14 one time. He was molested by an aunt when he was young. Ever since my son was born he has worshipped the ground he walked on and this started around the time he had spent some time with Joseph. Joseph acted a little shy of my dad for a little while but then went back to normal. He says his " grannanny" is his best friend at this point. My husband and I have suspected that maybe something has happened but ds would not remember it now and I hate to ask and put thoughts in his head. Plus my dad has repented of the act with my sister and I can't just accuse him with no proof, can I? We use to notice that after he would come back from his grandparents it would be worse. So why do you say it is not normal? I know alot of worldly people who tell me thier son did that and he will grow out of it. He is not in any sort of daycare situation and we do not live around any family so other than when we are visiting family he is not alone with other children at all. If this has happened, any suggestions as to what to do about it? I will keep him from being alone with my Dad although it is very hard because he acts like we are being terrible for keeping him from his grandson. I mentioned this to my mom and she just cried and didn't know how we could think such a thing and she KNEW that he would never do anything like that. I appreciate anyone trying to help. I know this is a sensitive subject but we really don't have anywhere else to turn. I just love my son and I want to break this cycle of sin in my family. Thanks for letting my ramble :-)

It's on the second page of the Parenting Section, ironically called Children Exploring Their Bodies, Training Issues. Their site is set up so you cannot directly link.

[Austin]

What were the 7x psychos' response to that one? :shock:

[valsa]

First of all, if this guy really repented what he did to his daughter, he would have turned himself into the cops and served out his prison sentence. Secondly, hell yes you can accuse a child molester of molesting your kid without proof, if you have a reasonable basis for thinking they might have (the child acting odd/out after visiting the house of the molester would be a pretty good basis) Third- this lady's mom is an enabling bitch. The dad/grandfather should have been both shown the door and reported to the authorities when he molested his daughter.

This story is doing nothing to make me change my mind that religion of this flavor is a means to control the vulnerable (typically women and children) and protect the powerful and fucked up (men like this guy).

[ElphabaGalinda]

What were the 7x psychos' response to that one? :shock:

I'm a bit frightened to hear their response to that. I have a feeling it would be even worse than that question itself. .

[emmiedahl]

At first, a few people reacted in horror that she would let her son around the grandfather. Once it was pointed out that only one person was molested despite him being around kids all the time (sigh. I think we know that more kids were in fact molested), the talk turned to training him out of the sinful behavior of touching his private parts. Oh, and several people think it is from too much estrogen in milk--obviously unaware of the effect of estrogen on the male sex drive. Some quotes:

If you are 100% sure that your Dad did not touch him, then I would suggest looking into eliminating any soy or grocery sold meats, dairy, and eggs in his diet which contributes to an excess of estrogen. Too much estrogen will build up until they have a need to release it, so to speak. There is an article on the NGJ website that can be found under soy in the search engine

we talked about how Satan likes to take what God has made and pervert it. We talked about addictions to things that God meant to be used for good -- drugs and foods. We talked about how the enemy wants us to miss the best God has for us by perverting natural use into an unnatural use. It is in this context that we talked to the boys about the "m" word. We pointed out how that this can become a lifelong habit that imprisons those who give themselves over to it. It didn't take many trips in public for our boys to spot grown men who unconsciously grab themselves. That was enough to convince them of the truth of our words.

Then, we set about reinforcing what we taught. Whenever we see a little one absentmindedly exploring, we remind him that that's not a toy, and that isn't what God made it for. We tell him that God made him for great things. We never ignore the behavior, but we don't get excited over it either. We approach it as a matter of educating and training the child, redirecting the behavior.

We have had one child that tested the limits, disobeying us. When we knew it was disobedience, we treated it as we would disobedience in any other area. For nightime behaviors, I started playing Cd's at night with sermons, scripture and/or Christian music. Believing that there are spiritual influences at work, we also prayed over our children when they were sleeping. Of course, if the child is determined in the behavior, you will have to use measured responses, depending on the circumstance.

One more thing, maybe he should start sleeping in your room. Don't give him a moment away from you (literally). Have him by your side at all moments. Like SC said.. don't make it dirty. Just explain with facts. The devil does exist! Warn your children about satan and the way he will try to manipulate.

Several people brought up that this is something you need to "train" your children out of and TTUAC was referenced several times, so I think we can see what they think should be done.

[Letgo]

I have not read the site yet, but this makes me ill. WHY, WHY, WHY would anyone allow a child to be around any person who had ever molested a child? Repenting is great, but that is not a reason to ever trust the man again. And did the man actually repent? Or is he just sorry he got caught? And he molested his daughter only once? Yeah, right. A child psychologist told me one time that it is not because there are so many child molesters around that we hear about it so often and that so many children are molested. It is that they are so prolific in their efforts to molest. One guy can have hundreds of victims.

And those parents should pay attention to their child. His reluctance to be around Gramps is a clue. I mentioned to the psychologist that my son, age 2-3 at the time, was very fearful of an elderly retired man who hung around the small local shopping mall. He was in his 80s and talked to small children and adults on a daily basis. Many people hung around the mall because it rained a lot where we lived and it was the place to go to meet friends and to walk. So for this man to be at the mall so often was not really that odd. My son disliked him and would cry if the man approached us. My son was never alone with this man and was never even touched by him. When I told this to the psychologist, he got an odd smile on his face and told me that I should listen to my son's instincts since they were good ones. I did.

I recall reading an advice column several years ago in which a young mother said she was sure that her father-in-law would be fine around her kids after he was released from prison. After all, he was going to be 65 and anyone that old would no longer be thinking of sex. Advice columnist blasted her, of course. I think of this letter every time I read the arrest records in our local paper and some senior citizen is arrested (again) for sex crimes against children.

Okay, I just went to the site and read a few of the posts. And got a clue from the title of the subject! Duh! The kids is two and is exploring his body? Has it ever occurred to the parents that some exploration is normal for all children? There are some rational posts. And maybe the kid is exploring to the exclusion of other activities. Try not to make a big deal of it and still keep him away from Gramps!

[Cassandra]

I'm sorry but if I found out one of my family members had molested another family member (or anyone else) I would cut them off with no guilt. I certainly wouldn't bring innocent children around the 'former' molester.

There are certain actions that, in my opinion, require a zero tolerance policy.

[emmiedahl]

I would absolutely cut them off. I recently found out that an elderly relative was inappropriate with his daughters when they were teens. He didn't molest or rape them, but he was getting there. Moreover, he knew that his own father was a molester and allowed the girls to be around him, even spending long vacations at his house. Apparently it has been a family secret for some time.

I have no intention of ever seeing him again. Another relative brought up, what if he is falsely accused. Yeah, all three girls waited until they were in their forties and then brought it up when he was around neighbor children, just to be assholes to an innocent, loving father. They're all lying. Sure.

[Mommy22alyns]

I'm sorry but if I found out one of my family members had molested another family member (or anyone else) I would cut them off with no guilt. I certainly wouldn't bring innocent children around the 'former' molester.

There are certain actions that, in my opinion, require a zero tolerance policy.

Absofuckinglutely.

[emeraldskull]

My grandpa was a child molester... he messed with my brother... so my parents put him in jail. They were the ONLY ONES out of my dad's whole (conservative, patriarchal) family who wanted to. Everyone else wanted to just hush it up. Plus, they knew he had molested some of his own sons and other grandchildren... nobody did anything, until my parents found out he molested my brother. I haven't seen him in 10+ years. I COULD, since I am over 18... but I really have no desire to. :-P And I agree, whether or not there is "repentance", there are, and should be, consequences for certain actions. I will never let my children or any children I am watching near my grandfather. It's just not worth the risk, repentance or no.

[tinuviel]

You can bet there'd be no question if a woman had molested a child. She'd be kicked out faster than you could say the words. But you know...when it's grandpa we hush it up. >.

[valsa]

You can bet there'd be no question if a woman had molested a child. She'd be kicked out faster than you could say the words. But you know...when it's grandpa we hush it up. >.<

I don't know about that. I honestly have a hard time trusting that these fundies would ever believe that a woman could rape or molest anyone.

[Feberin]

My uncle-in-law is currently doing time in prision for kiddie porn. The day will come when he'll be released and for certain things like my grandparents-in-laws funerals we can't not attend because he's there. Luckily my son will be 14 and way to old for him (he likes them under 8) but if we have younger children we will just have to keep them right next to us. Right before he went to prision his mother got upset when we didn't invite him over for a BBQ that would include our neighbors three young children. Since he hadn't actually touched anyone. He might not have but he had a lot of pictures and he's creepy. He always had a camera with him so I don't believe that he wasn't responsible for taking any of his pictures. My MIL actually wanted us to send him pictures of our son while he's in prision!!! Sorry to go off on a personal rant just something that bothers me. The situation above is disgusting.

[tinuviel]

Feberin, that sounds crazy. I can't imagine letting him be around little kids or sending pictures!

I don't know about that. I honestly have a hard time trusting that these fundies would ever believe that a woman could rape or molest anyone.

I suppose that's true, what with women being pure virgins or pure receptacles in the fundiverse. I still think it's the case that a woman could do something much less vile and disturbing and still get a LOT more hell for it. I think it's telling that lots of fundies won't let their younger kids associate with older sisters or cousins who have children out of wedlock or live with their boyfriends, but it's still okay to hang with the "repentant" child molester. Ugh.

I know some fundies have more sense than this...I'm just hoping that some of them will reply to the 7x thread. Maybe the OP will take some advice from fellow fundies that she wouldn't take from heathens like us.

[emmiedahl]

The first few comments were "OMG! Why did you let your child around a pedo?" and then they were smacked down by a mod and the whole discussion changed to training the child out of it.

The wimmins are shocked that so many among them have children who touch themselves. And I'm thinking... no shit, I bet they touch their ears too. Just tell them that private parts are called that for a reason and that they need to take it out of public view. Beating them (as suggested) seems like a recipe for later perversion and sexual dysfunction.

[alphaeta08]

My dad's uncle molested his younger sisters (my aunts), and once my grandparents found out, the uncle was never around the kids again. He was barely allowed to go to my grandpa's (his brother's) wake last year. He did show up, but he was careful to be there when the immediate family wasn't around. There are some situations that don't merit a second chance, and this is one of them.

I freaking love 7xSunday. The most recent topic in the Parenting section right now is about a father who want to know everything about his 14-year-old daughter's life, including her period. Mom is asking if this is an appropriate topic of conversation between her husband and daughter, even though the daughter is obviously uncomfortable with it. Really? :shock:

ETA: Aaaand just saw there's a whole thread about this. Whoops!

[Alecto]

I am very surprised no one has blamed the daughter for "tempting" her father. Isn't it usually the woman's fault?

[fundifugee]

At first, a few people reacted in horror that she would let her son around the grandfather. Once it was pointed out that only one person was molested despite him being around kids all the time (sigh. I think we know that more kids were in fact molested), the talk turned to training him out of the sinful behavior of touching his private parts. Oh, and several people think it is from too much estrogen in milk--obviously unaware of the effect of estrogen on the male sex drive. Some quotes:

Wow, that is one for fstdt.com . Crazylicious.

[Kaylee]

I would not let him anywhere near my kids, especially not alone. I'm sort of dealing with this now. I've had 3 different members of my husband's family tell me never to let my father-in-law around because he molested them as children. My husband just sort of blows it of as "my dad is a perv, but he's my dad", but we have a strict rule that he is never to be alone with our son, and one of us will be with him at all times. Personally, I will be happy when the old bastard drops dead and I never have to see him again (he's got more issues than even that and has seriously screwed up my husband's life ever since he was a little kid).

[ladypuglover]

This has eaten at me and I wish I had never read this post.

Back when I was 7-9 years old, my next door neighbor who was in high school raped me several times. I didn't tell anyone because I was afraid but still everyone found out that I was hurt but no one knew who. I wouldn't tell anyone because I believed his lies. I held it all in until I started screaming out in my sleep his name and not to hurt me. At that time we hadn't seen this family in years. My father knew who raped me. years later my father divorced my mother to marry my rapest's mother. Turns out my dad had been having an affair with her since I was 3 years old. I was now 20. My dad knew that his snow step son raped his youngest child and left her nearly destroyed for most of her childhood but he didn't care. When I had my 3rd son, my dad asked me to bring my newborn son by his house to meet him. I was still spineless and did so. Turns out that rapest was there along with my dad's second wife's entire family. My dad took my baby out of my arms and handed him to the boy who raped me and they both tried walking away with my son. I started shaking but these people blocked me and my little family in the foyer where we could move without knocking someone down. I had a full blown panic attack and started to scream, whine, whistle and pass out all at the same time. My husband started shoving little old people out of his way and lept over the built in planter. Dh grabbed our son and told my dad if he ever pulled such a shitty trick ever again that he would personally see that my dad never see me or our sons again. He then grabbed me and our 2 little boys and got us out of there. almost 18 years later I still feel the panic and the horror of seeing the person who hurt me so much holding my newborn.

I am literally chocking back vomit trying not to lose this but this "mother" of this child needs to do everything in her power to protect her child. She can not allow this monster even in the same house with this child and she needs to bring all of this to the police. He needs to be in jail, even if he is family he is destroying children's childhoods. I want to scream. If I knew where this man was I would call the police myself. Why doesn't she love her son enough to want to protect him?

I'm going to go smoke a cigarette and take a walk. I knew I shouldn't have read this one.

[emmiedahl]

Oh Heavens. I am so sorry that this happened to you.

[synchroswimr]

Oh, my goodness, ladypuglover. I am so sorry that happened. I cannot imagine ever letting a child rapist near a child, especially his own grandchild (in front of the victim). Oh, God. I cannot even imagine.

[Patsy]

((((((hugs)))))) if you come back to the topic.

[valsa]

Ladypuglover, I am so sorry that happened to you *sends lots of positive thoughts and wishes to you*

[ladypuglover]

Thanks everyone but all the crappy things that have happened to me doesn't define me. I know each of you really do care and I love that about this board. Yes, I have a wee bit more crap/abuse in my life than average but really I'm no different than everyone else. I just can't stand sexual abuse or any abuse in any form. i can't read about, see it in movies or even sometimes talk about it without my airways shutting off and turning violent inside my head. I just can't understand why a mother wouldn't do everything to protect her child. My mother would have and did but I wouldn't give her the name. I really think she would have killed him. Anyway, I was blindsided, but this mother isn't. She needs to be told that she is the only one who can protect her child. She has to do it for him and if anyone gets mad or upset, then they can come talk to me and all the other survivors of abuse. Again, I know where to hide things.