Dear Prudence Chat

[GeoBQn]

This was in today's Dear Prudence chat at the Washington Post:

Q. Help My Parents Are Religious Nuts!: Please help me ... my parents are super-conservative religious. They converted when I was 10. I'm 15 now. I never really felt the same, but I pretend to go along, or else I'd be in a lot of trouble. Their new religion is really conservative about anything to do with sex. Well, I totally messed up. I'm a guy, and well, my mom walked into my room one night when I was masturbating. OK, I wanted to die, but she screamed and went and got my father. They were really mad, lectured me about how wrong it is, and just won't let it go. They told they pastor, and he has recommended that they send me to the country for a while. His brother has a farm, and I'd be expected to do a lot of manual labor in addition to going to school. I don't want to leave my friends, and I don't want to work on a farm, just for doing something that the health books I peeked a look at (at a friend's house) says is normal behavior. How do I get out of this!

A: You've let it go, and now they won't. You should not have to be sent away because you're engaging in behavior that is totally normal. It is so normal that parents should be more concerned if their teenage son doesn't start handling such urges himself. I hope you have some relatives who have not converted to this punitive religion who might be able to intervene on your behalf. If not, I think you should go to your guidance counselor at school and explain that you are in danger of being kicked out of your home and you want to be able to continue at the school. It could be that you might be able to live with a generous friend's family until your parents develop more compassion for their own child.

[snarkbillie]

Can't he just fake-repent? It's not ideal, but geez.

[clibbyjo]

Sorry, I just saw Dear Prudence and thought of my old cat who was named after The Siouxie and the Banshees version.

[Witsec7]

Sorry, I just saw Dear Prudence and thought of my old cat who was named after The Siouxie and the Banshees version.

One of the best.

[themadapple]

Poor guy. Unfortunately I doubt there will be a family, even that of a close friend, who will have the means or desire to just take him in for the long term. That's asking quite a bit.

Fake repenting would be horrible to do, but if it were between that and some sort of sick and twisted reeducation camp, it would seem to me the better alternative. He'd at least have the benefit of some familiarity and even the tiniest bit of control. If left with no other option, I'd probably try my best to tough it out for three more years and run like hell.

[NurseNell]

So his parents never masturbated? I don't believe it. Hard to believe any parent would get that upset, even fundies. If I were the Mom I'd be almost as embarassed as the son. I'd close the door and never say anything. I guess in this case I'd repent, and be a lot more discreet.

[CanadianHippie]

So his parents never masturbated? I don't believe it. Hard to believe any parent would get that upset, even fundies. If I were the Mom I'd be almost as embarassed as the son. I'd close the door and never say anything. I guess in this case I'd repent, and be a lot more discreet.

Hard to believe, but unfortunately true. Heck even my fairly liberal parents took issue when they found out that I had discovered the joys of self exploration. I will never forget my mom telling me that it was dirty and never do it again. It took a great deal of time for me to stop feeling guilty about it. It didn't help that I encountered others in my life who expressed the same views. Thank God for The Sunday Night Sex Show and my own personal TV. Sue Johanson may not be perfect, but her responses to the callers helped me get over the "its wrong" mind set.

[HOTW]

A customer and I were chatting about all things sex the other day and he reminisced about the time his Dad sat him down to have the "talk" Now mind you he was already active although his Dad was not aware. So his Dad gets to the point of slef indulgance and how he could go blind. He said to his Dad "Really how about I stop when I need to wear glasses?" His Dad turned red got up and left and never spoke to him about sex again!!LOL

[grovelina]

Is anyone else surprised he has access to newspapers, let alone a friend who is liberal enough to have health books if his parents are so nuts they are thinking about sending him away for masturbating? I am a little, but also grateful since it means he has some knowledge that self exploration is a normal and healthy thing. Perhaps that friend who has the health book can give him a temporary place to stay.

[Peas n carrots]

The Atheist podcasts I listen to always recommend teens who are in situations with anti-gay/religiously nutty households to tough it out until you can get the hell out of Dodge. I think this is really his only option.

However, it sounds as if (and it isn't totally clear I admit) he may have fake repented, but his parents won't let it go. Now we have another issue. I'm worried for this kid...once again, I don't get how parents can choose dogma over a child.

[Peas n carrots]

The Atheist podcasts I listen to always recommend teens who are in situations with anti-gay/religiously nutty households to tough it out until you can get the hell out of Dodge. I think this is really his only option.

However, it sounds as if (and it isn't totally clear I admit) he may have fake repented, but his parents won't let it go. Now we have another issue. I'm worried for this kid...once again, I don't get how parents can choose dogma over a child.

[snarkbillie]

So his parents never masturbated? I don't believe it. Hard to believe any parent would get that upset, even fundies. If I were the Mom I'd be almost as embarassed as the son. I'd close the door and never say anything. I guess in this case I'd repent, and be a lot more discreet.

You'd be surprised. I read a book when I first got married that said masturbating would cause a man to go impotent if not completely get him addicted to sex and cause him to cheat on you repeatedly. Masturbation ruins families was the major point of the chapter. Of course, women don't masturbate in that world so we were warned against fantasies about other men. Not sexual ones, but like "don't think about how your life would be better with the neighbor man's dishwasher and don't imagine your wedding with a celebrity" because all women think about is wedding dresses and appliances. :roll:

[Closed Womb]

This breaks my heart. I knew a couple that would (physically!) punish their very young children for masturbating; really, just exploring at that age (under 5). They felt like the "devil got a foothold" if children learned that sexual activity was enjoyable.

[Katydid]

I <3 Prudence! She called out a mom who was freaking out about her 16 year old becoming an atheist the other day (Did I read that here? I think I might have). Anyways, Prudence is great!

[B5SnowDog]

I think that was Carolyn Hax.