Separate bank accounts? Not in God's plan for marriage!

[Destiny]

ladiesagainstfeminism.com/uncategorized/divided-we-fall-the-great-dance-part-2-of-stained-sheets/

While God has declared that the two should become “one flesh,” many husbands and wives have separate bank accounts and split the bills; many have individual careers and social lives, which sometimes include close friendships with those of the opposite sex. Sadly, there are Christian couples who attend separate churches and even sleep in separate bedrooms. Millions of couples share an address without ever truly sharing the joy of the one-flesh relationship that God intended. For many, oneness in marriage may sound sweet and romantic, but it doesn’t really mean anything.

And here I thought my husband and I were avoiding one of the huge pitfalls of marriage: fighting over spending money. Also, I guess I am going to have to stop being friends with my male (gay, not that it matters, my hubby trusts me) BFF. The sleeping somewhere else on the (rare) occasions when I am contemplating smothering him because he snores too loud? Gotta stop that too. Dammit. :oops:

I'll never understand why they think that being married means you have to stop being you. I think a quote that we used in our marriage ceremony sums my feelings up nicely:

This bond, this joining is not meant to be a fetter. A joining is a partnership, not two people becoming one. Two minds cannot fuse; two souls cannot merge; two hearts cannot keep to the same beat. If two are foolish enough to try this, one will overwhelm the other and that is not love, nor is it compassion, nor responsibility.

You are two who choose to walk the same path, to bridge the differences between you with love. You must remember and respect those differences and learn to understand them for they are part of what made you come to love in the first place.

There's a lot more to it, but to me, that's love. That's a partnership. That's what marriage should be.

[valsa]

I suppose it's easy to have one bank account when only the man earns any money and the woman has been brainwashed into being grateful for any leftover scraps her husband may be "convicted" to throw her.

[Nothing2CHere]

My husband and I have a joint account. But guess who's in charge of the money in our house? On our Catholic pre-marriage "compatibility test," finances were the one area where all our answers matched - I was going to be in charge of the money. :twisted:

edited for riffle :o

[Destiny]

Because I just read my rant again, to clarify, I'm in no way knocking on people who chose to share money. Mister Destiny31 and I realised early on in our relationship that money could be an issue for us, so we made the choice to have a joint account for household stuff that we each put a predetermined amount of money in, and the rest of what we make is ours to do with as we see fit. It works for us, and might not work for another couple. My issue was just the "because you aren't doing it my way, don't have a proper marriage" tone of her post.

[browngrl]

Since the ladies against feminism seem to find offence when a woman just has a separate opinion from their husband it is no wonder that separate bank accounts/separate friends have those ladies clutching at their pearls. :roll:

[Doomed Harlottt]

Our original plan when we got married was to have 3 separate accounts: one for him, one for me, and one to which we both contributed for joint bills. The concept was that we wouldn't get lots of overdrafts with us both drawing money from the same account. But it was way to complicated, so we went with one account and risked the overdrafts.

It works for us but, if you're a really frugal fundie family living close to the bone, it seems risky for both partners to be drawing from the same account. What if you decide to go out to lunch the same week? Oh yeah, I forgot. That's one of the many reasons the wife doesn't get to do stuff like that without permission.

[Wolfie]

Just a warning- if you only have a joint account and one spouse dies- there is a good chance that the account may be frozen for a while until stuff is figured out. This happened to my grandma in the 1960's. Somebody had given my other grandparents warning of that, so both of them had their own accounts too.

[Doomed Harlottt]

Of course, LAF would be horrified that my happily married husband and I often take separate vacations! I go on a girls trip to Europe every year without him. He goes hunting without me, although I might crash his hunting trip next year. Hey, it works for us.

[Witsec7]

If women aren't allow their own email accounts why should the patriarchy permit them to have their own money? :roll:

Wolfie: in Oregon we have a designation that is called POD, payable on death, and the individuals account can legally go to someone other than a spouse, just by providing ID and a death cert. I just went though this last Aug when I separated.

[BlackHawk]

Meh.. I guess my partner and I are doing it better than most fundie couples! Woohoo, score one for gays! I mean, shit, we even have one account cause only one of us is working at the moment. AND I get an allowance, so are we truly living the fundie lifestyle now?

To clarify, my partner works his ass off so I can go back to school. I had a job for a long time but it was taking too much time for me to work and go to school... and really when I graduate I can be making a shit ton more money than I was. So it made sense for me to leave the working world and concentrate on one thing at a time. And because I no longer had direct deposit, my bank started charging me a fee to have an account with them... so it made sense to just go down to one account. In order to stay within our budget we both take out a predetermined amount of "spending money" for the week. But you know what? If I really want to spend a little more, or buy something that I feel I/we/he need, I just give a quick check online to see if the bank account holds the amount, and I buy it. We both set up a system that works for us (anything over 50 dollars we need to consult the other person before buying it)... but the key there is we BOTH set it up. We talked about it, played around with the figures, and BOOM, compromise that fits our choices in life. I bet no fundies ever do that!

I hate the one size fits all approach fundies are using in regards to everything. Not everyone is the same, not everyone is able to be the same... why are we trying to fit everyone in to a damn box?

[Witsec7]

Blackhawk, I think if you cover your head you could be in the running for a fundy couple, you are leaving it up to god regarding filling your quivers aren't you? :lol:

[Childless]

The first thing my dad did when his father died was rush his mother over to the bank and have her draw all of her money out before the account was frozen. If you know that they'll do it, it's easy to beat them to the punch.

[Wolfie]

If women aren't allow their own email accounts why should the patriarchy permit them to have their own money? :roll:

Wolfie: in Oregon we have a designation that is called POD, payable on death, and the individuals account can legally go to someone other than a spouse, just by providing ID and a death cert. I just went though this last Aug when I separated.

That's a good thing to have, I don't think it exists everywhere, though. It probably was to prevent cases like my grandma who found herself widowed with 4 teens and no access to money.

[Avalondaughter]

I knew right away that my husband and I should not have joint accounts. We have very different spending habits. He also makes more money than I do and I don't want to be taking too much out of what he earns to pay off my own debts or deal with my own silly expenses. For example, as a child-free woman I have the luxury of plenty of time to cook and a large-ish grocery budget. My husband loves my cooking, but he would faint if he saw how much I can spend at Whole Paycheck if I have a bug up my butt to cook a certain dish. :shock:

This isn't about one-ness dear anti-feminists. It's about making sure a woman has no control over her life and is powerless in the relationship. Without money of her own, she can't escape to easily.

[Wolfie]

The first thing my dad did when his father died was rush his mother over to the bank and have her draw all of her money out before the account was frozen. If you know that they'll do it, it's easy to beat them to the punch.

I think a lot of people don't know that they will do it. That's what happened to my grandmother. Other times you might not be able to do that- I know somebody who was in another country when they were hit by a drunk driver and her husband was killed. The survivors were medivaced to another country for medical care. There was no way that she could have gotten to a bank to take care of it. In other words, you can plan, but things happen.

[BlackHawk]

Blackhawk, I think if you cover your head you could be in the running for a fundy couple, you are leaving it up to god regarding filling your quivers aren't you? :lol:

We sure are, but he just doesn't seem to be blessing us! I don't understand what we're doing wrong! :lol: ;)

[BlackHawk]

I think a lot of people don't know that they will do it. That's what happened to my grandmother. Other times you might not be able to do that- I know somebody who was in another country when they were hit by a drunk driver and her husband was killed. The survivors were medivaced to another country for medical care. There was no way that she could have gotten to a bank to take care of it. In other words, you can plan, but things happen.

My understanding, and please correct me if I'm wrong, is that a will will take care of this problem. When my aunt passed away, the bank froze her and my uncles account... so other family members began setting up wills. When a different aunt passed, because she had a will, my uncle was able to proceed like normal with banking and all that. I dunno if that's the only reason, or perhaps they used a different bank (which I feel is highly unlikely as they both owned land in the middle of nowhere next to each other and did everything together), but that's what I took away from the whole thing.

[lilah]

I wonder what these ladies would think of my mother in law's church, where their pastor is married to a pastor so not only do the husband and wife not go to the same church but they're always busy leading separate congregations. No professional minister's wife in this congregation!

My husband and I have a joint account for household expenses and for long term savings goals but we keep some money of our own so that I can pay off my student loan debts and car loans, he can pay off his car loan and we can have spending money to use as we please. It works great for us. We have almost identical spending habits but we both really like our own banks and don't see a reason to change that.

[BravaAmica]

ladiesagainstfeminism.com/uncategorized/divided-we-fall-the-great-dance-part-2-of-stained-sheets/

And here I thought my husband and I were avoiding one of the huge pitfalls of marriage: fighting over spending money. Also, I guess I am going to have to stop being friends with my male (gay, not that it matters, my hubby trusts me) BFF. The sleeping somewhere else on the (rare) occasions when I am contemplating smothering him because he snores too loud? Gotta stop that too. Dammit. :oops:

I'll never understand why they think that being married means you have to stop being you. I think a quote that we used in our marriage ceremony sums my feelings up nicely:

There's a lot more to it, but to me, that's love. That's a partnership. That's what marriage should be.

^This

Oh, and each partner needs her/his [or his/his or her/her] own money. Not just for fun, but for an emergency. My parents get the same amount each month for personal spending. Dad and Mom are good savers. My dad keeps his in the joint account. My mom's is separate. My mom calls her personal savings account her "Screw You" account. Dad being a douche and she wants out? Screw You account! Dad died and the joint and other accounts are frozen? Screw You account! Mom wants to buy herself/ pay for something that falls out of the purview of the household or joint account? Screw You account!

We all need our own personal Screw You accounts [if/when economically feasible].

[Wolfie]

My understanding, and please correct me if I'm wrong, is that a will will take care of this problem. When my aunt passed away, the bank froze her and my uncles account... so other family members began setting up wills. When a different aunt passed, because she had a will, my uncle was able to proceed like normal with banking and all that. I dunno if that's the only reason, or perhaps they used a different bank (which I feel is highly unlikely as they both owned land in the middle of nowhere next to each other and did everything together), but that's what I took away from the whole thing.

That will eventually take care of the problem, but it depends on the state, and often they will freeze the accounts until it is shown in the will who gets what, so that could take a few weeks to months.

Then there is the complication in that my dad had a joint account with my grandmother. When he notified them that she had died, they closed the account and marked him as dead on the credit report.

[Maul the Koala]

Of course, LAF would be horrified that my happily married husband and I often take separate vacations! I go on a girls trip to Europe every year without him. He goes hunting without me, although I might crash his hunting trip next year. Hey, it works for us.

I stayed at a hostel that was owned by a married couple. They would take turns traveling around the world by themselves. I thought it was pretty cool.

[Marian the Librarian]

Heeeere's Stacy McDonald, at it again, telling women the One True And Approved Way to conduct every aspect of their lives.

Mercy, but the financial structure Mr. MtL and I have would really put her knickers in a twist! Hubs and I combined financial forces with a joint account when we married, but I chose to keep the account I'd long held with a different bank. (I'm one of those worst-nightmare weirdies she really loathes - single, professional, working and self-supporting for decades before finally "legitimizing" myself by marrying.)

A substantial portion of my paychecks is deposited to my account: instant savings. Mr. MtL has no wish for a separate bank account of his own. (If he did, I'd be fine with it.) And, with my headship's full blessing and boundless gratitude, I am on top of :whistle: every financial and tax-related aspect of our wedded bliss.

[liltwinstar]

See, this is one area where my life looks like the LAF-ers, but it isn't really like that at all. My husband does all of our bill paying and financial stuff - most of my paycheck goes into our joint account and Mr. Liltwinstar pays all the bills and such from that. It works for our relationship, since Mr, LTS is waaaaay better with money/bills than I am. I *love* the fact that I don't have to remember when rent/water bill/etc is due - he really does a fantastic job of taking care of that stuff for us, just like I do a great job of making sure we have clean underwear available at all time :) Also, thanks to him, we have a significant savings cushion that helps with rough patches and car repairs and the like.

That said, before we married, I did pay my own bills, so I know I'm capable. Also, I'm on the accounts and have passwords and stuff so if something happened to Mr. LTS I could take care of the necessities. Also, I have friends in my payroll dept so if something went south with Mr. LTS (which I don't anticipate) I would have access to my paycheck.

Basically, he pays the bills and manages the money because he's *good* at it - not for any other reason. And, I have full access to our accounts and he gives me a summary every month or so of where we are with our savings goals, etc. Any major purchases are agreed upon before-hand, and we trust each other with the daily stuff (like lunch out, misc clothing purchases, etc).

We also do take separate vacations - I (usually) go visit Antifundie (my twin) once a year or so, and Mr. LTS takes a little trip on his own. We also go on vacation together once a year, too, so we spend plenty of quality time together...but Mr. LTS would not be enthusiastic about the thrift store shopping and cupcake-eating that Antifundie and I do, so it's good for us to have separate vacations sometimes :)

Anyway, I think it's beyond dumb to dictate what makes a happy marriage. What makes a happy marriage is what works for the couple in question, period.

[JesusFightClub]

"Friends of the opposite sex" ? God forbid.

Fundies must be the horniest people in history if they can't even have friends of the opposite sex due to temptation. I have friends of the opposite sex, and I am bi. I have managed not to fling myself on their penises and beg for sex.

Can fundies not relate to other adult humans without a sexual element?

[Peas n carrots]

I don't get why they can't get it into their pointy heads that couples do what works for them. DH and I have separate accounts, and I pay certain bills and he pays certain bills. I also make a lot more than he does, work outside the home, use BC, and have male friends so I'm a lost cause to begin with.

For a group that is usually obsessed with small govt they sure care a lot about the intimate details of other peoples lives.