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Duggars by the Dozen 41: Marrying off the Kidults at the Speed of Light


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Continued from here:

What is causing this latest rush of marriages and rumors of future weddings?  Is Jim Bob ill?  Michelle can't stand having so many people around?  Jana started courting and they realized they had to cull the herd in the house quickly?

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I imagine the manboys are sick of sleeping in a dorm style room with zero privacy and want to have sweet fellowship without the guilt. The boys are the ones who are able to pursue courtships while the girls had to wait around. The boys have more choices and they are choosing to marry young and become “adults” in fundieland.

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3 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I imagine the manboys are sick of sleeping in a dorm style room with zero privacy and want to have sweet fellowship without the guilt. The boys are the ones who are able to pursue courtships while the girls had to wait around. The boys have more choices and they are choosing to marry young and become “adults” in fundieland.

I think this is it- the girls had to wait to be ‘matched’ with someone who completed JB’s checklist, or at least seen to be as pursuing someone they like would have been frowned upon by their patriarchal BS. I do think the boys have a bit more freedom to look around and call the pace. Plus as these last 2 don’t appear to form part of any TV special they can go at warp speed and not worry about filming, Interviews etc. If the TV money is drying up then there’s no real benefit to being at home- they can remodel a house, work for JB and have someone to look after them, have sex with them and probably shill skincare, hair products and whatever else they hawk on Instagram for extra income.

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If Jer, Jason, James and Jackson get out at the same pace, then it could well be possible for the youngest four girls and Tyler to end up experiencing a far more 'normal' teen reality - two parents with just a handful of kids in the house. That's something none of the other kidults ever experienced, even in Josh's earliest memories Michelle was popping the babies out and the house must have been increasingly cramped and chaotic every year.

But the youngest ones might actually experience a calmer pace of life. Assuming JB and M are at all capable of being invested in their kids as individuals, they will have far more time for them than they ever did previously; even if they can't ever get to know them, things will be more chill. JB hasn't got so much to prove any more, not chasing a political career or hustling to get his family on TV, or building a gigantic house, or working on the next blessing with Mama. Michelle isn't constantly pregnant, nursing or trying - she might actually get to engage with her children.

Life for the older kids must have been A LOT right until the day they left home. The lost girls don't have buddies, they don't run homeschool, they don't have to bake bread for 20+ people. Their jurisdictions must be far less extensive now the household has shrunk, everyone's capable of greater independence, and they are financially more than comfortable. I wonder if Johannah, Jennifer, Jordyn, Josie and Tyler will actually get more of a chance to just be?

I'm interested to see how this new season of life will pan out, I guess.

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48 minutes ago, AprilQuilt said:

If Jer, Jason, James and Jackson get out at the same pace, then it could well be possible for the youngest four girls and Tyler to end up experiencing a far more 'normal' teen reality - two parents with just a handful of kids in the house. That's something none of the other kidults ever experienced, even in Josh's earliest memories Michelle was popping the babies out and the house must have been increasingly cramped and chaotic every year.

But the youngest ones might actually experience a calmer pace of life. Assuming JB and M are at all capable of being invested in their kids as individuals, they will have far more time for them than they ever did previously; even if they can't ever get to know them, things will be more chill. JB hasn't got so much to prove any more, not chasing a political career or hustling to get his family on TV, or building a gigantic house, or working on the next blessing with Mama. Michelle isn't constantly pregnant, nursing or trying - she might actually get to engage with her children.

Life for the older kids must have been A LOT right until the day they left home. The lost girls don't have buddies, they don't run homeschool, they don't have to bake bread for 20+ people. Their jurisdictions must be far less extensive now the household has shrunk, everyone's capable of greater independence, and they are financially more than comfortable. I wonder if Johannah, Jennifer, Jordyn, Josie and Tyler will actually get more of a chance to just be?

I'm interested to see how this new season of life will pan out, I guess.

I want to - hopefully- throw Jackson in with that group. He traditionally was grouped with the little girls instead of the middle boys, and while we don’t see that much anymore, I hope they don’t push him to grow up before he’s ready.

That aside —- This is the only context people would be talking about

“ ONLY 5 teenagers at home, how calm and chill” 😂😂😂😂

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56 minutes ago, AprilQuilt said:

If Jer, Jason, James and Jackson get out at the same pace, then it could well be possible for the youngest four girls and Tyler to end up experiencing a far more 'normal' teen reality - two parents with just a handful of kids in the house. That's something none of the other kidults ever experienced, even in Josh's earliest memories Michelle was popping the babies out and the house must have been increasingly cramped and chaotic every year.

But the youngest ones might actually experience a calmer pace of life. Assuming JB and M are at all capable of being invested in their kids as individuals, they will have far more time for them than they ever did previously; even if they can't ever get to know them, things will be more chill. JB hasn't got so much to prove any more, not chasing a political career or hustling to get his family on TV, or building a gigantic house, or working on the next blessing with Mama. Michelle isn't constantly pregnant, nursing or trying - she might actually get to engage with her children.

Life for the older kids must have been A LOT right until the day they left home. The lost girls don't have buddies, they don't run homeschool, they don't have to bake bread for 20+ people. Their jurisdictions must be far less extensive now the household has shrunk, everyone's capable of greater independence, and they are financially more than comfortable. I wonder if Johannah, Jennifer, Jordyn, Josie and Tyler will actually get more of a chance to just be?

I'm interested to see how this new season of life will pan out, I guess.

This doesn’t take into account age and what that does to one’s pace and willingness to sustain a constant effort. JB is edging closer to 60 and Meechelle is right behind him. They seemingly haven’t had much to give for years. I can’t imagine them all of sudden finding the energy to actively parent 5 teens. In addition, these kids likely have not been disciplined like Jana or JD.
The more likely scenario is all the girls being farmed out to older sibs to act as sister aunts, and giving daughters and DILs the task of parenting those remaining teens. The males probably foisted onto brothers to work the used car lots or clean toilets in poorly maintained commercial buildings or vacant rental homes.

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I totally agree with you @AprilQuilt.  The older girls had look after babies and toddlers, cosleep with them and brush their teeth.  We saw them doing that in the early specials in addition to homeschooling them and have them tag along on dates.  Even when it's time to court for these girls, the chaperones will be each other or maybe the occasional double date with an older sibling and their spouse.  No more situations where 10 yr old James is learning his multiplication tables with Jill and then being encouraged to try hummus on a damp rock next to Derrick.  No more dates where a potential suitor comes over to a dozen little ones running around the big house and having to go hide in a closet with JB to ask to court Jessa.  Even with being asked to help out with nieces/nephews they get to only get themselves ready in the morning and are only responsible for their own chores.  

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If Jana and Stephen are courting, then what type of timeline do you guys think they'll be on in terms of courting/engagement/marriage?  It seems like it's around a year or less for most of the Duggars.  I think Justin "dated" Claire for longer but they were both really young.  The Wissmann's seem more private in general so it's hard to tell if/when they'll comment publicly.  I'm just wondering when they might make an announcement or if they'll even make one.  Especially considering that Jed's was never announced and there's been no mention of a new season of Counting On yet.  No one appears to have denied a courtship at this point which they normally do when it concerns Jana.

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So we didn't find out about Claritin until just prior to the engagement and Katydid until just prior to the wedding (and that was unintentional), do we find out about Jana a year from now when she is in labor? 

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1 hour ago, AprilQuilt said:

But the youngest ones might actually experience a calmer pace of life. Assuming JB and M are at all capable of being invested in their kids as individuals, they will have far more time for them than they ever did previously; even if they can't ever get to know them, things will be more chill. JB hasn't got so much to prove any more, not chasing a political career or hustling to get his family on TV, or building a gigantic house, or working on the next blessing with Mama. Michelle isn't constantly pregnant, nursing or trying - she might actually get to engage with her children.

It is very difficult to built a parental bond with a teenager you haven't raised and you have vastly ignored for years. The young girls were enterely raised by their sisters. With the howlers, the sistermoms were still young and I suppose Michelle had to intervene a little, but Jackson to Josie, they had no other moms than Jana&Co. Josie may be Michelle's favourite, but her mom has been Jana since she left the hospital (she was an extremely weak preemie but Michelle travelled abroad without her... Mother of the year).

Michelle looks so distant! I think she needed to "disconnect" to survive. JB is only interested in his children "modest" behaviour and obedience, not in their interests or feelings. I don't see any of them trying to built any relationship with the young kids.

Frankly, I think the majority of us (or all of us, probably) wouldn't have the energy to reconnect with our 15th child. 

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34 minutes ago, JMO said:

So we didn't find out about Claritin until just prior to the engagement and Katydid until just prior to the wedding (and that was unintentional), do we find out about Jana a year from now when she is in labor? 

They will eventually announce Janaphen. They know it’s ratings gold and won’t pass that up. 

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53 minutes ago, JMO said:

So we didn't find out about Claritin until just prior to the engagement and Katydid until just prior to the wedding (and that was unintentional), do we find out about Jana a year from now when she is in labor? 

No way I think Jb knows cinderjana is the only one he may get back into tlc money with. Her wedding will most probably be good for ratings. 

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1 hour ago, SassyPants said:

This doesn’t take into account age and what that does to one’s pace and willingness to sustain a constant effort. JB is edging closer to 60 and Meechelle is right behind him. They seemingly haven’t had much to give for years. I can’t imagine them all of sudden finding the energy to actively parent 5 teens. In addition, these kids likely have not been disciplined like Jana or JD.
The more likely scenario is all the girls being farmed out to older sibs to act as sister aunts, and giving daughters and DILs the task of parenting those remaining teens. The males probably foisted onto brothers to work the used car lots or clean toilets in poorly maintained commercial buildings or vacant rental homes.

I'm not really thinking that JB and M are going to spring into parenting action - I profoundly doubt it. Maybe I didn't make that clear. But like @JMO says, the lifestyle for the younger girls will be so so different. They won't be sister-momming to the same level. No adult will depend on them so profoundly as Michelle depended on her 4 eldest girls, even if they do go to live with their older siblings*. 

The family is atomised. The married kidults may still be part of the Duggar borg, to a greater or lesser extent, but they are out of the TTH, with their own households, and the shape of the family is no longer a frantically-working machine of 21 individuals all cooperating towards one common purpose. They are not intertwined and dependent for the day-to-day as they were. The little ones from the howlers down to Jordyn have certainly suffered from being part of an overlooked rabble for the entirety of their lives, and I don't think they will have escaped that unscathed, emotionally speaking. But they've already passed the age at which Jana and Jill stepped into full mothering roles. Leaving aside whether their parents give a shit about them, they will grow up with a far greater abundance of all kinds of resources: money, space, leisure and privacy for starters; getting to come of age as one of only five or six kids at home vs one of nineteen. Not saying it will all be golden for them, but this exploding of the family as one entity affords EVERYONE greater freedom and individuality - that's why half the kidults get married in the first place - and the emptiness of the TTH may also effect that for the younger kids.

 

*which I actually think is unlikely - excessive ad hoc babysitting maybe, but Anna has her own sistermom to help out, Jessa doesn't currently have space for live-in help and doesn't seem like she'd want it. Jill and Jinger are doing things differently, Jana is still unmarried, Joy and Austin pull in help from all over, and the only Duggar wife to be producing babies at Michelle's pace, Kendra, seems to have support from her own family. By the time she has her own laundry room breakdown and needs a live-in pair of hands, many of the lost girls may already be off starting their own families, or at least old enough for this not to define their growing-up experience.

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I don’t know if I would wish the younger kids more attention by JB and Michelle. I mean this would definitely lead to more indoctrination and probably more doubling down on religion. 
I am conflicted if the kids wouldn’t built a close relationship just because they were neglected for so long. Kelly Bates very much only has close relationships from teenager age onwards. Those Fundie parents create themselves as God like (just think about how not obeying your parents is the same as not obeying Jesus) at home and those kids crave their attention. 

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9 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

It is very difficult to built a parental bond with a teenager you haven't raised and you have vastly ignored for years. The young girls were enterely raised by their sisters. With the howlers, the sistermoms were still young and I suppose Michelle had to intervene a little, but Jackson to Josie, they had no other moms than Jana&Co. Josie may be Michelle's favourite, but her mom has been Jana since she left the hospital (she was an extremely weak preemie but Michelle travelled abroad without her... Mother of the year).

Michelle looks so distant! I think she needed to "disconnect" to survive. JB is only interested in his children "modest" behaviour and obedience, not in their interests or feelings. I don't see any of them trying to built any relationship with the young kids.

Frankly, I think the majority of us (or all of us, probably) wouldn't have the energy to reconnect with our 15th child. 

This is what I think happened with Justin. There are rumors he felt ignored  and JB and Michelle forgot one of his birthdays. So his parents set him up with Claire and the Spiveys, who have more energy since they have a smaller family. He seems to have become a part of their family.

The sister/sisters-in-law picture from Claire's wedding is telling. Katey and Jed! got engaged on Valentine's Day. Her engaged status got her into the picture. If any of the other Howlers were engaged, their fiancees would have made the picture. 

I'm not sure Jana is engaged. I wouldn't be suprised if the wedding was in July. The first Friday or Saturday after his birthday so she's 31 and he's 28 instead of 27. 

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The ongoing media silence is just so weird. It must be negotiations with TLC that is causing it, and maybe that's why Anna hasn't announced her pregnancy either (if she's pregnant).

Over on reddit snarkers think there might be a scandal about to break. I don't know.

I am way too invested in this.

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Jana will not get married as long as covid restrictions apply. They will want to have the full tv coverage from start to end.

 

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27 minutes ago, CarrotCake said:

Jana will not get married as long as covid restrictions apply. They will want to have the full tv coverage from start to end.

 

Maybe this is one of the reasons why they are being so secretive about everything lately, I mean Jb is probably still negotiating with Tlc for the coverage and taking time until the restriction are easier so that they could show the various trip Jana and Stephen have taken to spend time together and then show the search for the perfect dress and all before the wedding. This way they could milk it without having to fear too much backlash for having gone on their lives as if nothing has changed and there was no Covid

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1 hour ago, CarrotCake said:

Jana will not get married as long as covid restrictions apply. They will want to have the full tv coverage from start to end.

It depends on how long the pandemic lasts.  I think either Jana will be married by the end of this year or she and Stephen will break up. I could see a summer wedding if the restrictions don't let up. 

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2 hours ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

It depends on how long the pandemic lasts.  I think either Jana will be married by the end of this year or she and Stephen will break up. I could see a summer wedding if the restrictions don't let up. 

September wedding, outdoors.

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9 hours ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

The sister/sisters-in-law picture from Claire's wedding is telling. Katey and Jed! got engaged on Valentine's Day. Her engaged status got her into the picture. If any of the other Howlers were engaged, their fiancees would have made the picture. 

Or they just took another photo with Hannah Wissman in it and told everyone not to post it on social media.

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I don’t think Hannah and Jeremiah are engaged yet. My hypothesis is that Janaphen will get engaged before Hannamiah. I do think that JB will want to announce once Janaphen are engaged. I wouldn’t be surprised if they announced Janaphen around the same time as Hannamiah courting. 

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Jim Boob would try to milk at many seasons as possible out of a Jana wedding. Season one- the courtship proposal. Season two- the courtship itself. Season three- the engagement proposal. Season four- the dress. Season five- the decorating. Season six- the oh so painful to watch bachelor/bachelorette "party." Season seven- the rehearsal. Season eight- the wedding day. Season 9,10,11, and 12- the honeymoon. Season 13-20 gazillion- Jana's pregnant. She'll be a grandmother by the time he's done milking it for all its worth. 😒

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1 hour ago, fluffernutter said:

Jim Boob would try to milk at many seasons as possible out of a Jana wedding. Season one- the courtship proposal. Season two- the courtship itself. Season three- the engagement proposal. Season four- the dress. Season five- the decorating. Season six- the oh so painful to watch bachelor/bachelorette "party." Season seven- the rehearsal. Season eight- the wedding day. Season 9,10,11, and 12- the honeymoon. Season 13-20 gazillion- Jana's pregnant. She'll be a grandmother by the time he's done milking it for all its worth. 😒

That might be Jim Bob's desire but I'm not sure that TLC will go for it. I wonder if they might be getting tired of the Duggars at least on their regular cable broadcast. I agree with others that it's quite possible contract negotiations are going on right now causing everything to be especially locked down. 

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