Man whines bc mother doesn't raise child

[Imrlgoddess]

I did a search here on this & didn't find a hit so hopefully it hasn't been covered. I also wasn't exactly sure where to put this, so I picked a generic forum.

I stumbled across a good child free page on FB and found an article about a man & women who'd unintentionally made a child together. The woman had made it clear that she wanted an abortion but the fellow talked her out of it saying he'd raise the child. She held him to his word, birthed the child, signed over all her rights, & pays more than her court appointed child support obligation. The fellow is apparently in over his head. He goes to Reddit for advice believing he can beg the court to force her into parenting & gets his crap handed right back to him.

I have found many MRA site comments from men stating that women who don't want the babies should just give them over to the father to raise. While there are probably some who could & will step up & do well in the role... there are many who wouldn't. 

I submit exhibit A, as to why women shouldn't be forced to have children they don't want.  Second only to the fact that we aren't mindless brood mares & it's just wrong. 

 

https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/5b79z4/nm_i_got_a_girl_pregnant_and_she_wanted_to_get_an/

 

[tabitha2]

She was not forced though. She allowed herself to be convinced  probably against her better judgement and That was a bad choice on her part. But this guy is a deluded flake and I feel for a child that no one seems to want 

[Imrlgoddess]

Hmm. 

 

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

What a tool.

[Maggie Mae]

I remember when this first howed up on r/legaladvice 

 

It gets linked a fair amount. I'm not sure it's ever been verified as true, but if it is, it's a great reminder to not have a child you don't want. 

[tabitha2]

You would think a woman like this would be on BC and still definitely make sure the dude was wrapped up tight before she got anywhere near him. Most of this story is missing. 

[Imrlgoddess]

1 minute ago, Maggie Mae said:

I remember when this first howed up on r/legaladvice 

 

It gets linked a fair amount. I'm not sure it's ever been verified as true, but if it is, it's a great reminder to not have a child you don't want. 

I'm always a little behind the curve ? 

This did pop up at the right time for me though. I recently made some artwork referring to the difficulty of young women obtaining tubal ligations. 

[PumaLover]

1 hour ago, Imrlgoddess said:

This did pop up at the right time for me though. I recently made some artwork referring to the difficulty of young women obtaining tubal ligations. 

I would love to see that if you would be willing to share! I got mine done in my early 30s. I knew I never ever wanted babies or children*. In my years where I was married to my fundie ex, I usually doubled up on birth control because I was so afraid of an unwanted pregnancy. I know that if I had gotten pregnant, he and the church would have forced me to have it and I could see my young, impressionable self in the very same situation as this man. It's a horrifying thought. 

Even after I got my tubal, I still used birth control until recently. One of my best friends told me she wouldn't judge me for having an abortion if I got pregnant after getting my tubes tied, but I still didn't want to take that chance. I am lucky to live in liberal blue California, where I didn't have to wait 30 days, or write a letter to the child I would never have, or any of that BS like my friends in more conservative areas had to. If you don't want a kid, don't have that kid!!

*The ironic thing is that I'm now raising a relative's child, and am a mentor to my nieces and nephew, who seemed to be an afterthought to their parents (who are apparently letting tablets raise their children). There are so, so many ways to prevent unwanted pregnancies and it pisses me off to no end that there are still people who keep having kids "just because." Then they leave others to raise them for them. My kid's bio mother is one of those. She has had so many kids but is only parenting the youngest two because the others have been placed or taken away. Like seriously, please just stop!

[Imrlgoddess]

@PumaLover Sure!  I will PM you the pics of my most recent pieces.  I was married when I got mine done.  My first husband and I both agreed that we didn't want children.  Well, that didn't exactly go as planned, birth control not being 100% and all that.  So we settled for one and done.  The flack I've gotten over the years for having had just one is frustrating.  I asked my OB about tying before I gave birth, immediately after the C-section, and again at the 6 week appointment.  She blew me off each time until that 6 week appt.   She went as far as to shame me and ask "what if both your daughter and your husband die and you remarry and he wants kids??"  I told her he'd be s.o.l. or we wouldn't be together.  She still flat out refused.  Thankfully the USMC had no issues tying them for a troop.  Babies are a hell of a lot more expensive for them and I was guaranteeing I'd be available for deployment.  

ETA:  ages.  I was 22 when I had my daughter and 26 when I had my tubal. The biggest argument was I was too young to make that decision and would regret it later.  I've NEVER regretting having them tied.

Ironically I did divorce and remarry but he understood that the combined two we have are all we're going to have and he was good with that.  He doesn't understand my relief though at having my daughter out on her own.  There's been some struggle in that department, he can't fathom being depressed about having a child.  

I firmly agree there are so many options to prevent!  Use anything it takes and if it still happens, there are options there too!

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

29 minutes ago, Imrlgoddess said:

ETA:  ages.  I was 22 when I had my daughter and 26 when I had my tubal. The biggest argument was I was too young to make that decision and would regret it later.  I've NEVER regretting having them tied.

That was an advantage I had when I had my tubal at 40. No one suggested that I was too young to know what I wanted. It sucks that it can be so hard for people to believe that a younger woman really does know what she does and doesn't want. 

[Briefly]

I think I was about 36 or 37 when I had mine done.  I had a child, she was 6 or 7. We did want another one but it hadn't happened and we decided to go ahead and get my tubes tied so that we didn't wind up pregnant in my 40's our so.  Mom was nearly 39 when she had me, and that was not something I wanted to do. Maybe my age was why it was so easy to get?

I agree, if you do want them then fine.  If you don't want them then that's fine, too.

[Glasgowghirl]

This guy is an idiot, the man I am currently dating is fighting to get custody of his child because his ex signed custody over to her brother before she got him took off him. They were both young parents and when they split up she used the child as a weapon against him and neglected her responsibilities. If this is true then he needs to suck it up and take care of his son and maybe use some of the child support he is getting to hire a babysitter if he wants a break. The birth mother made it clear she wasn't wanting to raise a child but was willing to let him raise the baby, he may have hoped she changed her mind but he should have thought through the consequences if she didn't change her mind afterwards. He is not putting the child first if he wants to force him to go with someone who didn't want him in the first place.