My fiance's best friend proposed to his girlfriend during our wedding ceremony

[Mela99]

This was on Dear Prudence today and seemed apropo with the JoKen/JoyStin engagement. Asshole level eleventy! 

Q. My husband’s best friend proposed to his girlfriend during our wedding ceremony: My husband and I started dating, got pregnant, had a child, moved in together, bought a house, and got a dog in that order. Our friends and family have asked us for years why we weren’t married yet. We always pushed it off to build better lives. We’ve done really well for ourselves and finally reached a point where we could afford a huge blowout wedding to celebrate our lives with everyone we know and love. My husband’s best friend, “John,” was the best man/officiant. The setting was beautiful, everyone seemed happy, our families were overjoyed. My mom may have used the phrase hallelujah a few dozen times. The entire atmosphere felt moving. So moving in fact that John stopped midceremony to propose to his longtime girlfriend, “Jane,” and reveal her pregnancy. I couldn’t even hear the vows my husband wrote or the rest of the ceremony over the noise of Jane’s happy sobs, her very surprised family who were also guests, and people seated nearby congratulating her. Even the videographer cut to her frequently during the ceremony, and you can’t hear anything over the chatter. When John gave his toast, he apologized for being caught up in the moment, and then proceeded to talk about he and Jane’s future with nary a mention of us. During the reception John and Jane became the primary focus of our guests. John even went out of his way to ask the band for a special dance for just him and Jane on the dance floor. I’ve never been an attention hog, and I wouldn’t even have minded if he’d proposed after the ceremony, but weeks later I am still seething. I am so shocked and angry that I keep asking myself if this is real life. My husband hasn’t spoken to John since the wedding, and our mutual friends think what he did was rude but that my husband should just get over it. My husband has joked that he’ll resume his friendship when John and Jane give him a $40,000 check for “their half of the wedding.” Do you think John’s behavior warrants the end of a long-term friendship, or are we angry over nothing?

A: I think it merits a fight! In between “getting over it” and “never speaking to John again” is the happy medium of “having a difficult conversation with a longtime friend who did something selfish and self-absorbed on your wedding day.” He’s your husband’s best friend, so your husband should tell John just how upset his behavior during your wedding made him. Maybe John will apologize and the two of them can have a meaningful reconciliation and build a better friendship as a result. Maybe John will double down and dismiss your husband’s feelings, and things will naturally fall apart between them. Whatever the outcome, there is definitely at least one step in between “seething silently” and “cutting John loose forever,” especially since the two of them have been best friends for a long time

[mstee]

Wow that's awful! I can see being able to forgive him if he proposed at the reception (without asking first), but in the middle of the ceremony?! No way! That's beyond rude. And then he continued to make it about him and his life. Heck no!

[Escadora]

Proposing at the reception is something I can get behind if the person proposing had already cleared it with the bride and groom (who agreed to it out of genuine happiness a the idea and not because they don't want to seem impolite) and did it in such a way that didn't take attention away from the couple getting married. 

But proposing during a wedding ceremony, completely out of the blue, and then making the reception about themselves is ridiculous and so insensitive and, well, ugh I can't think of what to cal it other than it's just suuuuuuuuch a dick move. I don't understand why someone would do that. even taken away with emotion and all. I'd be mortified if someone were to propose to me during someone else's wedding. 

I really hope this is a case of someone making up a situation and submitting it as a what-if kind of question. 

Also now I'm questioning why I've gotten myself all angry over this when it's about as much to do with me as I don't know, something that has absolutely nothing to do with me. 

Can't even do words now. Ugh.

[Mela99]

The more I read it the more I wonder if this is fake. How could he be both best man and officiant? I need video

[Carm_88]

If I were to get married and that happened. I would bitch slap the shit out of that guy, chances are the woman would be widowed before she'd be married. 

*all this is banking on IF this is true!  

[RosyDaisy]

Has anybody seen the fights on My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding? I would be tempted to pull a Sandy Harris in the middle of the ceremony. Stunts like that are far, far beyond rude and disrespectful. Now that I think about it, it's strange that this popped up as we were discussing Joe's proposal to Kendra at Joy's wedding.

[ADoyle90815]

If this were actually real, a best man could also be the officiant if he were an ordained minister or had become ordained online through the ULC  in order to do the ceremony. Even then, you don't typically have the best man as the officiant, as the wedding I went to last year where a friend of the couple was the officiant, another friend of the groom's was the best man.

[Jug Band Baby]

Either this is fake, or that husband has the worst friends and he needs to dump them.  But I think it has to be fake.  The officiant's fiance isn't connected to the bridal party other than dating the officiant.  So why is her family all there?

[Imagine20]

Shitty thing to do. A wedding is a celebration of the uniting of a couple and their families. The center of attention should always be on the couple. 

If this is real, the husband shouldn't have to explain anything to the friend. Just stop talking to the attention whores and move on. 

[Mela99]

More to the point , I would be PISSED if that was my proposal and he announced that I was knocked up in front of an audience

[nausicaa]

19 minutes ago, Mela99 said:

More to the point , I would be PISSED if that was my proposal and he announced that I was knocked up in front of an audience

Oh Good Lord, yes. This guy is so clueless, self-absorbed, and emotionally unintelligent. That woman needs to run.

Also, besides the fact that I would be humiliated that my fiance is so crass, it's completely unromantic and such an afterthought. Gee, glad that I got to share such a special moment in my life with the friends and family of ANOTHER couple on THEIR most romantic day that THEY had planned all the details of for THEMSELVES. How special for me...

Who on earth would do this? I just don't get it. 

[Four is Enough]

During the reception? Ok.. sleazy but ok.

During the service? Aw, Hail Naw.

[Mela99]

http://6abc.com/society/bride-upset-after-wedding-officiant-proposes-to-girlfriend-during-ceremony/2077213/ and we have CONFIRMED VIDEO That this was not a hoax ... Holy shit , I hope this moron gets his behind handed to him

[PianoPounder]

On 6/5/2017 at 0:46 PM, Four is Enough said:

During the reception? Ok.. sleazy but ok.

During the service? Aw, Hail Naw.

Eh, we were subtly encouraging one of the groomsmen to propose during our reception. He ended up proposing after they left the wedding. We were just excited that they were engaged.

 

I agree though -- if someone proposed during the CEREMONY, there'd be hell to pay.

[Childless]

Sad to say, but my husband had a friend who totally would have done something like this.  He's that self-absorbed.  It's why he's no longer our friend.  I'm not shocked to see something like this happen.

[batuityma]

On 6/20/2017 at 7:50 PM, Mela99 said:

http://6abc.com/society/bride-upset-after-wedding-officiant-proposes-to-girlfriend-during-ceremony/2077213/ and we have CONFIRMED VIDEO That this was not a hoax ... Holy shit , I hope this moron gets his behind handed to him

This isn't confirmed video. It's just a montage of stock footage from several different weddings. The reporter doesn't seem to have confirmed the veracity of the story, she's just reporting on the adivce column article itself.

[Mela99]

Aaah, that sucks. I should have looked first. Friend sent it to me and said "ITS TRUE".

My bad.