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Have to return my dog to rescue. :(


Terrie

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Sadly, it is clear that as much as I love my doberman, and as wonderful as she is, my home is not the right fit for her. I have a tiny Papillion as well, and Sadie just does not have the control to live with small dogs. Over the weekend, she tripped over Boomer while running around the yard, and left a massive scrape and bump on boomer's head. 

It breaks my heart, but I contacted the rescue to say it's just nto working. I know they will find her a great home that will suit her better, but it's still really, really hard.

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Aw, this is really hard, I know.

Years ago when I wanted my first dog, I found a beautiful yellow lab at the humane society.  She was two years old, big and strong, and went after my two adult cats wildly.  I had a bad back and trying to restrain her on a leash in our own yard for however many months it might have taken for her to settle down would have been dangerous to my health.  She also cringed when I raised my hand, suggesting abuse in her past, and I just didn't have the skills to deal with that.  She was beautiful and I'm sure she found another home and I hope it was a happy one.  

I had her about a month and then sadly brought her back to the shelter.  A mere week or two after I took her back, some friends found a puppy alongside a road and asked if I wanted her.  Starting with a puppy who was physically smaller than the cats worked perfectly for her learning not to bother them even after she was bigger than them.  That dog was a keeper, that's her in my profile.  I had her for 12 years.  

They're all gone now and I've been petless for nearly 2 years, and I'm starting the process over again now -- getting kittens in a few days, then next year after they're settled and mostly grown, I'll probably look for another puppy to join us.

I know how hard it is not to feel guilty, but you're doing the right thing.  And Sadie will find a good home too!

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So hard when it isn't a good fit (for whatever reason).  My heart breaks for you.

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thanks, all. Right now, we're waiting on a foster home that can take her. I'm just trying to get through these days. 

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@Terrie,  :hug: to you all: dobie. Pom and you!  Some rescues just don't work out.  May she get into a foster home quickly and may she find the perfect forever home.

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@Terrie I'm so sorry to read that you have to return your pup to the rescue group. I'm sure your heart is broken, but you are doing the right thing. If she can't live with small dogs, then the group will find her a home without them.

My first dog (as an adult) had lived with the family who bought her from a breeder until she was seven years old. When they had a family situation that prevented them from keeping her, they kept trying to get friends to take her, hoping they could still see her from time to time. She was not an easy dog, she had major health issues that needed careful management and extremely expensive medication. She was apparently passed around between three of their friend's homes before they realized it wasn't going to work. They gave her up to an all-breed group, which is where I found her. I had the right situation and was okay with the health concerns. Even though she was obviously happy with me right away, after about a year, there was a major change where I could tell she realized she was staying. I know they thought they were doing the right thing, but if they had given her up to the group early on, she wouldn't have been passed around and would have settled quicker. My current dog is also a bounce back to the rescue. His first home was just not a fit for him, but he's very happy here.

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She went to her new foster home. I'm sad and I miss her, but she has another big dog to play with and seems to be happy with that. 

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Sometimes the right thing to do is to admit that it is not a good fit.  Thank you for doing that - although I know it must have been very hard.  

I think most rescues would rather you say so sooner than later.  No-one wants a bad outcome.

:group-hug:

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Its hard, but any rescue worth their bones will acknowledge when a situation genuinely doesn't work out. We do mostly singular rescues (the strays that find my daughter every 6 months or so) and while we screen new homes very carefully, we will still accept animals back if necessary. It tends to be a better for all involved, including the animal. 

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  • 3 months later...

Just wanted to say thank you to all of the posters who replied to this post with genuine care and understanding. We just adopted our first dog on Sunday and unfortunately are planning to return him tomorrow.

My husband and I talked about adopting for months and we made sure we were in the right place (finally owning our own home with a yard, financially stable). Unfortunately we brought him home and I started having an allergic reaction and it hasn't really gotten better and my anxiety is through the roof.

He is such a good boy and he deserves a goodness home but I am not compatible with a pet apparently. The shelter we adopted from has a grace period and amazing stats for re-adoption, so I feel confident that he will find a new home. I just feel so guilty and ashamed. He's a perfect dog. :my_cry: 

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Oh, @Jana'sHairScrunchie, I'm so sorry.  You sound like perfect adopters who did all the right preparation too. :(

Please don't feel guilty or ashamed about having an allergy to the dog, you can't help it.  I'm sure he will find a good home soon.

Now if you were returning a dog after 5 years because you redecorated and the perfectly well behaved black and white dog no longer goes with your decor, I'd be grumbling.  Yes, that actually did happen.  

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Some people are just awful to animals. It breaks my heart. I'd love to have a pet to give a good home but I want to make sure they are happy and cared for and in the best environment for that to happen. I suppose my dream of adopting is going to be replaced by donations to the shelter. Whoever adopts him for the long haul is lucky. Thank you for being so understanding... It can be hard to be when people make a commitment to a pet and then back out, for whatever reason. 

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@Jana'sHairScrunchie : sometimes it just isn't meant to be. It sounds like you did everything you could do to prepare. You are right to return to the dog sooner rather than later. An adoption group I work with had a dog that was returned after two years because of allergies. The poor dog spent most of the two years in the basement, to not set off the person's allergies. The dog struggled to get used to "regular" life in his foster home, because he was so under socialized. I knew the adopter really wanted him, but keeping him that long was really selfish; it wasn't the best life for the dog. The dog was later adopted by a wonderful couple and was given a wonderful life until he died of cancer at age 11.

BTW, @Palimpsest is correct, too many animals are returned following a redecoration or because the human doesn't want them getting fur on the new furniture. I wish I was kidding.

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7 hours ago, Jana'sHairScrunchie said:

He is such a good boy and he deserves a goodness home but I am not compatible with a pet apparently.

I'm sorry this dog wasn't the right fit for you. I'm sure he'll find a good home with someone else. Meanwhile, I hope you don't have to give up on pets just yet. There are certain dog and cat breeds that are much less likely to cause an allergic reaction. I know a family that always had poodles for this reason; I'm sure there are other breeds too, I just don't know what they are. Maybe that could be an option for you? Or you could try foster-to-adopt until you find a dog that doesn't cause a reaction.

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10 minutes ago, zygote373 said:

There are certain dog and cat breeds that are much less likely to cause an allergic reaction.

I don't know about dogs but I think there are some breeds of cats that are essentially hairless -- silly-looking little things! -- but I think much less likely to trigger allergic reactions.  I bet zygote is right that there are also dog breeds for whom this is true.

I had to return a dog to a shelter once too -- she was a full-sized labrador who wanted to chase/eat my cats, and was too strong and too big for me to control (I was having back issues at the time too) and had been mistreated in the past so needed extra special treatment while being trained, and I just didn't have the physical strength nor the special skills to deal with her, and was afraid my cats wouldn't live through the process if I were to try.

I comforted myself that she was a physically beautiful 2-yr-old yellow lab and her chances of finding a home with someone who did have the strength and environment in which she could learn safe behavior was high.

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I'm sorry, @Jana'sHairScrunchie. That's a terrible situation. 

As for non-allergic pets, if I remember correctly, hair-less cats can be even more allergic for some people than regular ones. The allergy may be caused by both hair and something in cat's skin (?). I don't remember much, it's been years since I read it. But I know people who had to give up hair-less breed kitties because of allergies. 
There are some breeds that are less likely to trigger allergies than others, but that's not because of their hair. The recommendation was to check your individual reaction to the breed before getting a kitty though. 

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Thank you, everyone. Today is the day we plan to take him back... He's currently curled up by my feet. He's been an angel and I still don't know how I'm going to do this.

On the bright side, when we brought him home he was post-op from being fixed and having a really hard time with the itching and pain/discomfort, but we gave him a comfy, loving place to heal up and he's doing much better. The shelter we got him from has really nice facilities and lots of kind volunteers, so he'll be in good hands. He is incredibly well-mannered and one of the few non-pit mixes available there so his chances of being re-adopted are great.

I just dread the moment of taking him back and him feeling betrayed, and letting go of our dream doggy friend. That said, I am looking forward to seeing myself in the mirror sans tiny shriveled raisin eyes and a nose so raw it's bleeding.

ETA: My husband just cried and we haven't even taken him back yet. He never cries. Uuuuuugh.  

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((((Hugs)))) I am so very, very sorry. I understand how heartbreaking that situation is. We recently had to get rid of Guinea pigs that we had for a year. They have to have a constant supply of hay, and my husband's hay allergy got worse and worse the longer we had them. I bawled for two days straight. We got them for our 11 year old daughter, and I had no idea that I would fall head over heels in love too! We found a wonderful family who lets us check in, and sends occasional pictures, so that helps ease the pain. It sounds like your sweet dog will be able to find a new home soon. I hope that you are able to find a pet to love that won't bother your allergies. My hubby is also allergic to cats, but can tolerate some dog breeds.

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I'm so sorry, it's heartbreaking, indeed.

I grew up with Labradors, had them all my life. We had a steady stream of dogs in my family (both of origin and after marriage), including mixed breeds and a beautiful, loving German Shepherd. Suddenly, due to circumstances, we were dogless. Suddenly I found out what unencumbered breathing felt like.

Some years later (the G.S. broke my heart; when we lost her, I never wanted another dog again, selfish of me, I know), I gave in to our kids' pleading for another dog. One of them immediately started calling around to get our name on rescue lists for hypoallergenic dogs. We figured out, basically by petting other people's dogs, that I could handle poodle mixes (labradoodles, goldendoodles), poodles, and most terriers).

Our first hypoallergenic rescue was the best dog ever, and we had her for seven all-too-short years before she died. The kids wouldn't let us go so long between dogs again, so we have another of the same breed now.

Some Siberian Forest and Norwegian Forest cats are hypoallergenic. It has to do with the protein content in their saliva and dander. Many people who are allergic to cats can tolerate those breeds -- unless they are also allergic to horses. Something about those cats' protein make-up is similar to the protein in horsehair and horse skin.

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I grew up with dogs so I didn't think there was any risk if being nice allergic, but I haven't lived with a pet in over a decade and around the time I turned 27 I started developing other allergies. I tend to keep our home very clean because any amount of dust makes me sneeze. It is, for lack of a better word in my ultra bummed state, dumb.

Thank you again everyone for the kind words, thoughtful suggestions, and for listening. I'm a very sensitive person and this helped immensely. I don't post much but I read around the forums every day because this is a pretty jazzy community. Good peoples. 

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@Jana'sHairScrunchie If it helps, I recently found out that my girl Sadie was adopted -- by the foster family that took her in after I had to return her. They fell in love with her (I could have told them that would happen -- love was never the issue and she was super easy to fall in love with) and they have a standard poodle for her to play with. It's a good, though bittersweet, ending. 

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Thank you, @Terrie. I am glad Sadie is in a loving home and that she has a new buddy to play with. Our little pal went back up for adoption today and I plan to keep an eye on his listing to see if he finds a new home. My husband misses him terribly, but I'm relieved that my symptoms have already greatly improved.

On a happy note,the little stray dog that followed my husband home a month ago (after trying to find the owner with no success, we took him to the same shelter we adopted from) was adopted. It is so nice to know he is safe and loved. 

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