Tedd and Margy Tripp -- "Shepherding a Child's Heart" etc.

[mirele]

I'd never heard of these two before, however, a friend in Sweden says that they may start whining about how their books are being censored. Apparently the Tripps also believe in beating kids, and my friend says spanking's been illegal in Sweden for 30+ years.

The negative reviews of the Shepherding a Child's Heart book on Amazon are instructive. Apparently he believes that to be a good parent, you MUST spank your kids. Asshat.

http://www.amazon.com/Shepherding-Child ... addOneStar

[debrand]

Shepherding a Child's Heart doesn't get discussed often but I've heard that it is really bad. Unlike the Pearls' book, To Train Up A Child, I can't find the Tripp's book free online, so I haven't read it.

[Little_Eyes]

I actually visited their church once, a long time ago. The book was on the table as I was leaving. I didn't know about it, and I was completely horrified. I was glad I hadn't placed any money in the plate to go toward that abuse. Basically, he writes that "if you don't spank" in the way he says you should "then you are not following God" Not direct quotes, but you get the idea. As an aside, he personally gave me the creeps.

[Effie]

I'd never heard of these two before, however, a friend in Sweden says that they may start whining about how their books are being censored. Apparently the Tripps also believe in beating kids, and my friend says spanking's been illegal in Sweden for 30+ years.

The negative reviews of the Shepherding a Child's Heart book on Amazon are instructive. Apparently he believes that to be a good parent, you MUST spank your kids. Asshat.

http://www.amazon.com/Shepherding-Child ... addOneStar

Yup it has been illegal my whole life and more than that. But why, is the Tripps' book being released over here? How could that be possible?

I searched through their book for the word "spanking" and got 26 results... I don't have access to actually read the book though.

"Daddy has spanked you, but you are not sweet enough yet. We are going to have to go back upstairs for another spanking." (p.149)

[mirele]

Yup it has been illegal my whole life and more than that. But why, is the Tripps' book being released over here? How could that be possible?

I searched through their book for the word "spanking" and got 26 results... I don't have access to actually read the book though.

"Daddy has spanked you, but you are not sweet enough yet. We are going to have to go back upstairs for another spanking." (p.149)

Holy crap! I have to not read FJ while eating. I nearly sprayed the monitor with food from the shock of reading that.

And yeah, Tedd Tripp, if you're reading this, fuck you too, buddy. That sounds way too much like the FLDS "Keep Sweet" and we know where that went.

ETA: One of my male, secular Jewish friends just commented, "That reads like porn." EEK!

[Little_Eyes]

Holy crap! I have to not read FJ while eating. I nearly sprayed the monitor with food from the shock of reading that.

And yeah, Tedd Tripp, if you're reading this, fuck you too, buddy.

You said it better than I ever could. There's a bit about him over on GCM, btw. I linked the article, but didn't want to clutter up my posting with all the forum links. Let me know if you want them, though. Just add the www. on the front for the link below.

ETA:

gentlechristianmothers.com/weblog/archives/2011/02/tedd_tripps_she.html

[hoipolloi]

Tedd Tripp is about as bad as the Pearls. IIRC a commenter on Amazon or somewhere else wryly called the book Sheperding a Child's Butt. "Christians" often recommend this book to one another since they somehow believe that Tripp's ritualized abuse protocols are "biblical." Seems to me instead that Tripp is a spanking fetishist.

A quick google shows that Tripp is also a featured speaker at homeschool conventions & parenting seminars.

[AnnoDomini]

Ewwww. 'Not sweet enough yet'? I HATE 'spank the kid until he has the attitude you want'.

[aubrietta]

There is a thread on the other forum with a whole bunch of quotes from the book. I'm on my phone and the Yuku sight isn't working for me for some reason. Maybe someone else could try and copy them over here? The book has some truly horrific things.

[slickcat79]

"Daddy has spanked you, but you are not sweet enough yet. We are going to have to go back upstairs for another spanking." (p.149)

In other words, "The beatings will continue until morale improves." I never thought I would find anyone who could take that seriously :shock:

[AnnoDomini]

I tried to find the whole book on Google books but almost nothing was available to sample.

[TVR]

I have it, I hate it and I won't lend it or recommend it to anyone.

[Burris]

There is a thread on the other forum with a whole bunch of quotes from the book. I'm on my phone and the Yuku sight isn't working for me for some reason. Maybe someone else could try and copy them over here? The book has some truly horrific things.

Here's a LINK to what I assume is the thread in question.

I'm prettu sure the followuing quotes, compiled by Mamavee, are from this book and not TTUAC.

"Acquaint your children with authority and submission when they are infants, This training starts the day you bring them home from the hospital" p 156

"The function of the rod and communication is rescue. You must move your child from the peril of rebellion and disobedience back into circle of safety. The child has not just disobeyed mommy or daddy. He has disobeyed God." p 158.

"Obedience defined...

without challenge

without excuse

without delay" p 160

"It is easy to think unclearly about obedience. When you say to your child 'Dear, I want you to go to bed now.' there is only one appropriate response. It is not 'May I finish coloring this page?' It is not 'Why do I have to go to bed so early?' It is not to ignore you entirely. There is only one obedient response, it is to go to bed without delay. If you accept any other response, you are training your children to disobey. Remember what is at stake; that it go well with your children and they enjoy a long life." p 161

"When they disobey, they are moving out of the circle of God's blessing into a place of grave peril." p 162

"When does a child need a spanking? When you have given a directive that he has heard and is within his capacity to understand and he not obeyed without challenge, without excuse or without delay. He needs a spanking. If you fail to spank, you fail to take God's Word seriously. You are saying you do not believe what the Bible teaches about the import of these issues. You are saying that you do not love your child enough to do the painful things that God has called you to do." P 171

"The "How" of Spanking

1.Take your child to a private place where he can be spoken with in privacy.....

2.Tell him specifically what he has done or failed to do....

3.Secure an acknowledgment from the child of what he has done.

4.Remind him that the function of the spanking is not venting your frustration or because you are angry, but to restore him to the place in which God has promised blessing....

5.Tell the child how many swats he will receive. (this is an important signal that you are in control of yourself)

6.Remove his drawers so that the spanking is not lost in the padding of his pants. This should be done at the last possible moment. They should be returned as soon as you are done. It is best to lay the child across your lap rather than over a bed a chair. This puts the spanking in the context of your physical relationship....

7.After you have spanked, take the child up on your lap and hug him, tell him him how much you love him, how much it grieves you to spank him and how you hope it will not be necessary again. This keeps the spanking referenced to restoration, not retribution. At this point, there should be complete restoration between you and yoru child. If he is mad at you, if he refuses to receive your affection, then something is wrong....If the discipline has not yielded a harvest of peace and righteousness, it is not finished. On some occasions we have had to say to our children "dear, Daddy has spanked you, but you are not sweet enough yet. We are going to have to back upstairs for another spanking." p 173-174

"When is my child old enough? When your child is old enough to resist directives, he is old enough to be disciplined. When he is resisting you, he is disobeying. IF you fail to respond, those rebellious responses become entrenched. The longer you put off discipline, the more intractable the disobedience will become. Rebellion can be something as simple as an infant struggling against a diaper change, or stiffening out his body when you want him to sit on your lap. The discipline procedure is the same as laid out above. You have no way of knowing how much of what you say to a child a year or less can understand, but we do know that understanding comes long before the ability to articulate does." p 176-177

The quote that got my attention is this:

It is easy to think unclearly about obedience. When you say to your child 'Dear, I want you to go to bed now.' there is only one appropriate response. It is not 'May I finish coloring this page?' It is not 'Why do I have to go to bed so early?' It is not to ignore you entirely. There is only one obedient response, it is to go to bed without delay. If you accept any other response, you are training your children to disobey.

That's ridiculous. There's nothing wrong with a child's politely asking for a later bed time. Negotiating with an authority figure is not, in itself, disobedience. It's only when the child disobeys or quibbles at the answer that it becomes a problem.

A parent could respond with, "The coloring will be here tomorrow" and not lose face with the child, who should then go to bed; or the parent can even allow ten more minutes awake on some occasions.

But to threaten punishment - and not just any punishment, but spanking with a rod, taking a minor situation from zero to sixty for no good reason - is such overkill that I can't help but to think parents who do this are trying to compensate for their own weaknesses.

Children are gifts while in the womb. After birth, they're subhuman little assholes who deserve to be punished harshly, and starting at infancy, for things no sane person would see as “disobedience.â€

Yes, it's important to teach kids about obedience – and first-time obedience when it comes to things such as crossing the street – but when a parent turns every single thing into a life-or-death struggle over the forces of evil, then that's selfish: It's designed to do absolutely nothing more than make the parent's life easier no matter whether the punishment stunts or even physically harms the child.

And all of that just so the parents can show off their plastic Stepford children at church.

The people who sell this horseshit use scare tactics with potential buyers, claiming children raised in any other way become leeches and law-breakers.

That's pure nonsense, of course, and the only people who would believe it are fundies who have isolated themselves from the rest of society to the point where they'll believe any number of cock-and-bull stories about anyone outside their bubble. (I mean, did you know Pepsi is made with aborted fetuses???!!1!!1!1!!!)

[SimplyMe]

I have, unfortunately, 2 copies of Shepherding a Child's Heart. We read the book as a bible study in our small group. I HATED about 90% of the book. There were a couple thoughtful parts about communicating with your children, but the rest was horrible. My husband read 1 chapter and refused to read the rest. I read the whole thing and alternated between mad, disgusted and confused. It made for some very colorful conversation during our small group. There were 2 couples who loved the book, the rest of us, not so much. I used a lot of information from thy gentle Christian parenting site in my arguments. The thing about the book is that Ted Tripp is absolutely emphatic about spanking-- according to him, you CANNOT raise a respectful, Godly child if you don't spank. You are also made to feel like you as a parent are not a true Christian if you don't spank-- you are biblically mandated to do so. I'll try to dig up some quotes from the book along those lines.

Here's one: "The rod is a responsibility. It is not the parent determining to punish. It is the parent determining to obey. It is the parent, as God's representative, undertaking on God's behalf what God has called him to do. He is not on his own errand, but fulfilling God's." p.106

Im sorry, Ted Tripp, I am a Chrisitian mom who is raising 4 pretty terrific, God-honoring, well mannered and respectful children who have never been spanked and will never be spanked. Thank you very much!

[SimplyMe]

Another quote: (sorry for any typos, I'm on an iPad).

"the rod is a rescue mission. The child who needs spanking has become distanced from his parents through disobedience. The spanking is designed to rescue the child from continuing in his foolishness. If he continues, his death is certain. Thus, the parent, driven by love for the child, must use the rod. P. 106

[SimplyMe]

I'm on a role now...

"God has commanded the use of the rod in discipline and correction of children. It is not the only thing you need to do, but it must be used. He has told you that there are needs within your children that require the use of the rod. If you are going to rescue your children from death, if you are going to root out the folly that is bound up in their hearts, if you are going to impart wisdom, you must use the rod." P.104

And...

"The use of the rod is an act of faith. God has mandated its use. The parent obeys, not because he perfectly understands how it works, but because God has commanded it. The use of the rod is a profound expression of confidence in God's wisdom and the excellence of His counsel." p. 105

[aubrietta]

"The use of the rod is an act of faith. God has mandated its use. The parent obeys, not because he perfectly understands how it works, but because God has commanded it. The use of the rod is a profound expression of confidence in God's wisdom and the excellence of His counsel." p. 105

So young children are supposed to understand why they are being disciplined but parents don't need to understand how it works? That is the most fucked up thing ever.

Yes Burris, those quotes are from Shepherding...I typed them up from my copy of the book, I had a different user name on the old board.

My mom used to give this book as a shower present. She frequently tells people that it is "the best parenting book EVER.". Ugh. Makes me sick. It is also very bizarre to me because my mother was incredibly loving, not abusive in any way. And yet, she cheerfully promotes this shit. But then she's always spewing submissive wife stuff too and is the least submissive woman that I know. She's a walking contradiction.

[AnnoDomini]

6.Remove his drawers so that the spanking is not lost in the padding of his pants. This should be done at the last possible moment. They should be returned as soon as you are done. It is best to lay the child across your lap rather than over a bed a chair. This puts the spanking in the context of your physical relationship....

The entire spanking thing is in tune with the fundy ritualistic punishment, but point 6 is what nonplussed me. First, who in heck uses 'drawers' these days? That's a Victorian term for Victorian undergarments. Second, why should they be removed 'at the last possible moment'? Lastly and most importantly, why is it important to put the spanking 'in the context of your physical relationship'? What does that even mean?

[AnnoDomini]

Another thing--this weird fundy obsession with spanking as a way to 'rescue' the child, or not being spanked puts the child in grave danger of 'death', that smacks of a works-based gospel. Maybe my Calvinism is showing (ok, it's definitely showing) but 'by grace are ye saved through faith, and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God.' These fundies are acting like a child can gain or lose or regain his salvation based on if his parents 'make his heart right' by spanking the daylights out of him, naturally.

[apple1]

The Tripps are no better than the Pearls.

The Tripps just present themselves as more educated and literate, and maybe appeal to a slightly more upscale demographic.

[Kaylee]

Another thing--this weird fundy obsession with spanking as a way to 'rescue' the child, or not being spanked puts the child in grave danger of 'death', that smacks of a works-based gospel. Maybe my Calvinism is showing (ok, it's definitely showing) but 'by grace are ye saved through faith, and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God.' These fundies are acting like a child can gain or lose or regain his salvation based on if his parents 'make his heart right' by spanking the daylights out of him, naturally.

This is one of the big arguments I use with other Christians against many of the books that advocate spanking. There are a few out there who actually go so far as to say that the spanking "cleanses" the child's soul or removes the "sin of disobedience". Funny, I always thought Jesus was the one who cleansed our souls and removed our sins, but I sometimes forget that many fundies replace God with patriocentric father worship.

As a side note, I really don't understand how so many of the patrio families claim to be Reformed or Calvinist, yet seem to think they can affect or influence their child's future salvation by their parenting practices.