Katie (the cool) Botkin's spoof fundy personal ad

[Marian the Librarian]

Pompous Homeschooled Zealot Seeks Handmaiden With No Ideas Of Her Own

19-year-old patriarch-in-training desires helpmeet to provide things Mom has taken care of up until now. She must be a chaste, quiet keeper at home who will dutifully satiate me at all times using sexual intercourse within the bonds of covenant marriage. Any other kind would damn me eternally into the Non Virgin Pew at the back of the church.

Username: Quick_quiver_giver

Turn-ons: Modesty, giving up goals and aspirations to raise younger siblings.

Turn-offs: Sin. If you’ve ever touched another man in any way whatsoever, keep your filthy self away. See also if you’ve ever purchased anything with a credit card, listened to any secular or mainstream Christian music, ever used slang, or plan on using any form of birth control to prevent our God-ordained right to reproduce.

Body type: Extremely manly.

Perfect first date: Our wedding. Your father will walk you down the aisle and transfer his authority over you to me. Once we are wed in the sight of God and our community, we will share our first embrace.

Can I pleeeeease be a mouse in the corner when the Other Botkins first read this? :pray:

kbotkin.com

[Palimpsest]

:lol: Thanks. I love Katie Botkin!

[Howl]

I soooooo enjoy the Rockin' Botkin. She is awesome in every way that causes Geoffrey Botkin to bloviate and the Botkinettes to sit on their hope chests and stifle their sobs with yellowing lingerie.

[MamaJunebug]

I was dismayed to read that she's already 36 (or was that just for the fun of her female personals ad?) --- I've been hoping she'd be able to raise a couple more sensible, feminist daughters to continue to offset the Batsheet Botkin lineage from her uncle's family. I know women become mothers later and later and of course she can adopt and mentor.

She's simply well worth reading, thought-provoking and approaching profound. Want to know there will be many more like her in the world.

[Marian the Librarian]

I was dismayed to read that she's already 36 (or was that just for the fun of her female personals ad?) --- I've been hoping she'd be able to raise a couple more sensible, feminist daughters to continue to offset the Batsheet Botkin lineage from her uncle's family. I know women become mothers later and later and of course she can adopt and mentor.

She's simply well worth reading, thought-provoking and approaching profound. Want to know there will be many more like her in the world.

Fear not, MJB. Intelius and other public record sources put Katie The Cool's age at 33. I think she's just having some fun listing a more advanced age for the sake of the fictional.

[ThisOlGirl]

To quote Kelso from That 70's Show:

BUUURRRRN!!!

[Pater Noster]

Kool Katie Botkin strikes again!

[Coldwinterskies]

It's obvious that intelligence runs in the Botkin family. I think the reason Katie is so interesting is that she shows what the Botkin sisters could have easily become if they were raised by normal people.

It's too bad that the other Botkin girls are wasting their intellect and talent on nonsense. Maybe someday they will decide enough is enough.

[FJismyheadship]

I thought Katie was in her late teens/early twenties!

[Howl]

Katie slays it with more adventures in honest dating profiles. I just scrolled down her blog and she has a lot more of these. This is a seriously funny woman. Just go there. Now. http://kbotkin.com/

I have six venereal diseases and a bad case of scabies and I'm definitely healthier than you

47-year-old hippie seeks energetic, enlightened partner with non-working nose for polyamorous marriage and help weeding the garden. Must be a passionate fan of using human waste as compost. Must also have capability of actually engineering this because so far nobody in my house has.

Username: HeartChakraGuru.

Turn-ons: Patchouli, hydroponics, sexual chi.

Turn-offs: Corporations, non-organic food, people who deny their human nature by refusing to be just like me.

Hobbies: Shamanic healing, using bodily fluids in the spaghetti sauce, telling everyone I meet that showers waste water.

Body type: Personification of the Buddha.

Ideal first date: Our eyes meet across the singing circle. You lift your hands, palms up, and walk to me until our auras merge. We do not touch, but we let our energies cycle in and out until we have come to know one another completely. This is our spiritual union and ensures that we will love each other eternally.

Then you surprise me by saying you are independently wealthy and that my other partners and I no longer need to rely on selling human-hair dreamcatchers at barter fairs to make a living. We consummate our union by light of the full moon.

[ILoveJellybeans]

Hahaha that is wonderful :D

Has she heard of the naked roast sitter, I wonder?

Katie Botkin is awesome.

[DomWackTroll]

Once we are wed in the sight of God and our community, we will share our first embrace.

:lol: A little specific dig at David and Nadia! Not first kiss-- first "embrace."

[Howl]

Hahaha that is wonderful :D

Has she heard of the naked roast sitter, I wonder?

Katie Botkin is awesome.

I just looked up the thread on the naked roast sitter and I will regret it every day for the rest of my life. Brain bleach won't even touch the "ick" factor.

I need a brain erase and I'll just start over from scratch.

[CallmeChaCha]

I just looked up the thread on the naked roast sitter and I will regret it every day for the rest of my life. Brain bleach won't even touch the "ick" factor.

I need a brain erase and I'll just start over from scratch.

Ha! Thanks for sharing your experience. I was going to go find this thread. Um, I guess not lol. I think I can find something to watch on TV instead. No brain bleach needed.

[RosyDaisy]

Go, Katie! This how you stick it to fundie relatives.

[ILoveJellybeans]

Ha! Thanks for sharing your experience. I was going to go find this thread. Um, I guess not lol. I think I can find something to watch on TV instead. No brain bleach needed.

Sooooooooo nobody wants meat marinated in period then?

[BrownieMomma]

Fell down her rabbit hole today, wow she's good! I really enjoy her blog.

I read some of her patriarchy articles, um do Uncle Geoff and Co speak to Katie these days? She tore it up!

[RosyDaisy]

I get the impression there is mutual hatred between Katie's family and her Uncle Geoff's family.

[lawlifelgbt]

This is really awesome! Katie reminds me of Rachel Maddow, and if you know how much I admire that woman, do not take that compliment lightly.