blog by former VF mom

[ladyamylynn]

ladywhysblog.blogspot.com/

This is a pretty interesting read. The Martin family were WAY into VF a few years back. Mom Angie wrote a blog called Where the Kudzu Grows, and her elder two daughters wrote a blog called (if I'm remembering right) stayathomedaughters.com. The second oldest daughter went through a courtship and married at 19. Anyway, lots of things have happened to their family in the past few years, including the fall of the Tool, and they've taken a turn away from the Patriarchy movement. It's an interesting peek into the lives of a family who were never necessarily a part of the VF elite and how they've been affected by what happened.

[FloraDoraDolly]

I remember a stay-at-home-daughters blog where the family had several girls and one boy who was either the youngest or the second youngest. All the kids were blond. Is this the same family?

[ladyamylynn]

This family has 2 older girls, then one boy, then 2 more girls and 2 more boys. Some blondes and some brunettes. The girls were really pretty.

[browncoatslytherin]

it's actually pretty refreshing to see someone come out and say they were wrong and furthermore apologize.

[danvillebelle]

I can relate VERY well to what she says. Thank God, my husband never drank the kool-aid the way I did and I found my way out right as our older two were hitting their mid-teens and the youngest was 8.

I thank God every day that I got free of all that bondage. It was keeping me from recognizing the SERIOUS mental illness I was suffering from, also. I am so much happier and healthier now.

[divadivine]

Seems that her oldest daughter has the same clotting disorder as Erin Bates Paine.

[treemom]

Seems that her oldest daughter has the same clotting disorder as Erin Bates Paine.

There are multiple clotting disorders that can cause miscarriage so I'm not sure that's accurate.

[Buzzard]

~because we attended church with the pedophile, things transpired that caused us to leave our church of eight years.

~several pillars of the faith that I highly respected and probably borderline-idolized were exposed as adulterers and/or child molesters.

~a minister that I worked for 15 years ago and who baptized one of my children stabbed his wife to death so he could marry his gay lover. Allegedly. Trial/plea deal still pending.

What the hell crazy church did they go to? Child molesters, pedophiles, murdering ministers?

[ladyamylynn]

What the hell crazy church did they go to? Child molesters, pedophiles, murdering ministers?

First church of Peyton Place? Seriously, the drama made me raise an eyebrow. I presume #2 is referring to Dougie, but #3 got me reeeeally curious, so I just did some google digging and found this:

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/nationa ... -1.1583026

[Buzzard]

First church of Peyton Place? Seriously, the drama made me raise an eyebrow. I presume #2 is referring to Dougie, but #3 got me reeeeally curious, so I just did some google digging and found this:

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/nationa ... -1.1583026

Shahan was cornered by Homeland Security as he tried to board a flight to Frankfurt, Germany, from a Nashville airport. He was reportedly making his way to Kazakhstan via Germany and had plans to eventually settle down in the United Kingdom.

Well that just sounds like a brilliant plan! Oh, and he was the youth pastor. Thats awesome.

[NachosFlandersStyle]

Oh, her post on her mother's death got me a little choked up. And she brings up a good point-- now that she's out of the cult she can just say what she damn means instead of sugar-coating things. I looked up her old blog and it's amazing how much clearer and punchier her writing is now that all the "what a blessing!" church- speak has been removed.

[NachosFlandersStyle]

First church of Peyton Place? Seriously, the drama made me raise an eyebrow. I presume #2 is referring to Dougie, but #3 got me reeeeally curious, so I just did some google digging and found this:

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/nationa ... -1.1583026

WTF, I googled that when I read it too, and found a different Alabama pastor! This one makes no mention of a gay lover, though, so you must have the right one. http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/2462502

[Jana814]

it's actually pretty refreshing to see someone come out and say they were wrong and furthermore apologize.

Agree! I wish some others we discuss will do the same thing.

[browncoatslytherin]

Oh, her post on her mother's death got me a little choked up. And she brings up a good point-- now that she's out of the cult she can just say what she damn means instead of sugar-coating things. I looked up her old blog and it's amazing how much clearer and punchier her writing is now that all the "what a blessing!" church- speak has been removed.

that post got me a little teary, too. i'm glad she now feels like she can write as she feels and not censor it with flowery christianese like a lot of christian mommy bloggers.

**warning, rant ahead**

it really is restrictive, the more you think about it. even just saying something like, "this person died" isn't truly acceptable, like she noted. to my grouping of christians, and presumably hers as she indicates, people never "died". they "went home to be with the lord". at most graphic, they "passed away" but i mostly heard the former. i get the feeling that maybe some people had trouble dealing with death so much that they couldn't even say it. not to discount their personal troubles, but i've had trouble accepting death as well. 2013 was the first year since 2006 that my family didn't experience a death. but not even allowing myself to say the word, i think, hinders the grieving process. it hinders the acceptance portion. yes, you may see them again on the other side, but not accepting that they are in fact gone in this plane holds you back in healing. i think it's part of denial. maybe at first you want to church it up because it hurts, but when you keep churching it up, that doesn't mean the hurt goes away, it just means it lies dormant. in order to heal and move on, you must first hurt. and hurt it does, i won't lie one bit on that. but moving into acceptance and moving on becomes that much easier.

once you get out of something like that, you really realize how much language regulation really does hold you in. the grieving process is inhibited because it's hard to come to acceptance without fully acknowledging facts, so you dig deeper in the "faith" to limp along and function without actually processing it and moving on. it just gives you more crutches to lean on instead of letting you heal so you can walk on your own. at that point, that "faith" is just plain unhealthy.

[MissBitters]

it's actually pretty refreshing to see someone come out and say they were wrong and furthermore apologize.

Before she shut down her old blog (Where the Kudzu Grows) she wrote a post about how she apologized to her two older daughters for not letting them attend college and promoting the SAHD lifestyle. She also talked about buying a television and allowing her younger children celebrate Halloween. You could tell she really regretted her actions.The oldest daughter has since graduated college and worked outside the home. The married one seems like a normal young housewife who doesn't spew the VF party line about being a helpmeet. It's refreshing to see such a big change in a fundie family.

[BobTheWalrus]

do you know what, I can relate to this woman a little bit. We were never in fundie-land as deep as them, but we did the whole homeschool, wifely duty, no contraception thing for a while. I can understand what she wrote about being sucked in by the promise of "just do this and your kids will turn out like this". But the thing I found is that your life ends up being ruled by fear. You end up so fearful of doing anything because it might not be godly, God might get mad at you, or you might mess up your kids' future because you let them watch something on TV. Well guess what, life happens and there are bad things in it, but God is bigger than that. Thank God we got into a pentecostal church which is full of life and joy and love and support. And one day I realised that I didn't know a single homeschooler that I wanted my little son to grow up like, but if he turned out like the pastor's son - school-educated, degree- and job-having, lived abroad, godly, mature and generally lovely person - then I would be absolutely stoked. That helped me see that I wanted a full, enjoyable life full of love and celebration for my kids, not the miserable hell that trying to fit the fundie mold of life and marriage was for me. I honestly think that so many of these families are just absolutely terrified of getting things wrong and terrified of the world, and that makes me think they don't understand what God is like at all.

[nelliebelle1197]

What the hell crazy church did they go to? Child molesters, pedophiles, murdering ministers?

Yeah, that shocked me, too. It sort of reminded me of Flora Jessop, where obviously bad things happen, but it is all so extreme.

[blessalessi]

it's actually pretty refreshing to see someone come out and say they were wrong and furthermore apologize.

So many seem to disappear, and maybe they are right to preserve privacy for their gazillion childrens' sakes, but I agree when someone apologises it feels more just and right than to just disappear.

[16strong]

So many seem to disappear, and maybe they are right to preserve privacy for their gazillion childrens' sakes, but I agree when someone apologises it feels more just and right than to just disappear.

Honestly, apologizing publicly isn't just apologizing to your community and letting them know that you made mistakes and lead them astray. It's apologizing to your kids, too. It's advocating for their well-being.

By not apologizing, these families are all setting bad examples for their kids. When they could be going door to door and blogger to blogger to make amends and display remorse, they don't. And their kids see that. Where they could teach kids honesty and humility over pride and vanity, they don't. Every person they don't apologize to that they affected is one more way that they haven't apologized to their own kids. It's also one more way that they are showing their kids that treating others poorly until it is no longer gainful is acceptable. Shameful.