To train up my child?

[Drina Adams]

The lord has laid it on my heart to seek help. Its my fault, I'm a bad wife and mother and didn't know about blanket training and the blessed discipline of the plumbing line before my sweet blessing arrived, but here we are.

My child has taken to dancing. She's 14 months old and no matter what happens when she hears a song, or a jingle, or music of any kind she starts twirling. I have a new blessing on the way and don't know what to do about this ungodly behaviour. Good people of freejinger, do I just write off this child and begin things properly with the second blessing? Is it too late to begin training? What would the Pearls do, or Steveus?

edited for atrocious grammar errors.

[julie paradox]

No, no, she's just moving her body in the joy of the Lord.

....[ETA]..aaand I've just realised that sounds really squicky...

[nelliebelle1197]

Why are you listening to music she ENJOYS? Before you start beating her, please remove the BEAST of music from your home and replace it with good Christian music that no one could possibly ever call FUN. Sit the baby on her blanket and play her Joseph Maxwell's greatest hits. I can guarantee she will never leave that blanket again.

[walnut]

She's preparing herself to become a stripper. Grab a cane and whip the stripper out of her. She is plotting to cause men to sin and bring devastation unto your community. She needs to kneel down and fold her hands in prayer instead of trying to reach out for the nearest broomshaft and strip vigorously.

Did she start putting coins in her little diaper already? I will have her in my prayers.

[August]

Music? MUSIC? Why is your headship allowing music in the house? My headship has had it laid upon his heart by the lord that music is the heartbeat of satan. He has me shop online so that I am not exposed to it.

[latraviata]

The lord has laid it on my heart to seek help. Its my fault, I'm a bad wife and mother and didn't know about blanket training and the blessed discipline of the plumbing line before my sweet blessing arrived, but here we are.

My child has taken to dancing. She's 14 months old and no matter what happens when she hears a song, or a jingle, or music of any kind she starts twirling. I have a new blessing on the way and don't know what to do about this ungodly behaviour. Good people of freejinger, do I just write off this child and begin things properly with the second blessing? Is it too late to begin training? What would the Pearls do, or Steveus?

edited for atrocious grammar errors.

I always rely on this nice booklet "The good old dark closet" written and published in the 18th century by a Dutch christian who fled to the USA.

It only takes a few hours in the closet and it will alter her behaviour for ever. If this doesn't work, well stone her with pebbles of course.

[rward]

I couldn't even tell this was snark until the second paragraph. :?

[walnut]

Yes, indeed.

Your family needs to gather together and make a decision regarding her fate. She has brought shame upon your family and probably triggered thoughts in your head to urge you to record her and upload it to youtube. Through her arousing diapery twirls, the devil has spoken to you and implanted an idea in your feeble mind, an idea that'll bring defraudery upon other babies watching her and 15 years later get every single females they are not married to, pregnant.

[Jana814]

I couldn't even tell this was snark until the second paragraph. :?

Same Here!

[Nothing2CHere]

Oh, Drina, my sister in Christ, I feel your pain! For my 14 month old child has decided that he no longer wants to lie still for a diaper change, and wriggles and screams as if possessed by the devil (which he MUST be for behaving in such an ungodly way!) when I try to lay him on the changing table. And foolish, foolish me, instead of pulling out the plumbing line, I instead figured out how to diaper him while he stands in his crib. I will have no one but myself to blame for his future fall from grace!

[uber frau]

If she's made it to 14 months without a beating, it's too late and her soul is eternally lost.

You have failed. You may as well give up now and resign yourself to years of public school and a steller career as an axe murderer/abortionist/pole dancer. She might even vote Democrat.

[NoneandDoneinCali]

You must pray that your Headship has it laid upon his heart to forbid music. Though you know that Enjoyment of any activity other than the most Godly of pursuits is a cardinal Sin, it is equally sinful to reject submission and forbid these things yourself. All you can do is keep a Pleasant Countenance for your headship, submit to Sweet Fellowship on command, and beseech the lord to bless you with a full quiver so your wayward daughter shall have no recourse but to spend her days in the toil of caring for 15 younger siblings. I hope your shoulders are broad, Dear Sister in Christ, because the burden placed upon them by your wickedness is heavy. Remember that Pain is the Cleanser, and spareth not the Plumbing Line of Righteousness.

Annnnnnd I just officially freaked myself out :pink-shock:

[docmom]

What's so scary about all these is that they could be quoted verbatim from so many of the sites we frequent.

[rene76]

In public, you need to gently distract her and remove her from the demon music. Don't forget to praise her more than you correct her.

In private, she needs a child training boot camp. Get your plumbing line ready, play the devil's music, and whip her if she dances. Teach her to sit still! Remember, she has to stop crying when you tell her or she gets the plumbing line again!

Please don't make this same mistake with your second blessing!

IRL this makes me sick to think of the stupid forums that give this advice seriously!

[Many_Spaynes]

Swaddle her tightly till she's 18, then hand her off to her new headship/husband.

[Drina Adams]

Some good suggestions. All I can do is pray the lord lays in on my headship's heart to see how evil music is.

[nelliebelle1197]

Some good suggestions. All I can do is pray the lord lays in on my headship's heart to see how evil music is.

Sometimes, when you lay on your headship, the spirit moves him a little more quickly.....

[Drina Adams]

Sometimes, when you lay on your headship, the spirit moves him a little more quickly.....

I will have to pray that the lord lays it on my heart to lay upon my headship.

[Miggy]

The lord has laid it on my heart to seek help. Its my fault, I'm a bad wife and mother and didn't know about blanket training and the blessed discipline of the plumbing line before my sweet blessing arrived, but here we are.

My child has taken to dancing. She's 14 months old and no matter what happens when she hears a song, or a jingle, or music of any kind she starts twirling. I have a new blessing on the way and don't know what to do about this ungodly behaviour. Good people of freejinger, do I just write off this child and begin things properly with the second blessing? Is it too late to begin training? What would the Pearls do, or Steveus?

edited for atrocious grammar errors.

I remember a Duggar girl-baby dancing to the Reith family's music at the Bates house. She must have been about the same age as your baby. Perhaps you should contact J'chelle for advice. We have never seen a J'girl dance since then so J'chelle obviously knows how to stop that appalling behaviour.

[SoybeanQueen]

I want you to see what happens if you let your little one dance. Dancing leads to tantrums. I let my toddler dance ONCE, and look at him now! Laying on the sidewalk, screeching, because his sister faux-mother asked him to come inside.

Obviously, you're going to nip this problem in the bud. Your eldest daughter must be prepared for absolute obedience so she can effectively train up your next offspring. See how well my oldest daughter is managing her child-rearing duties? She's standing there reading a page of Mad Libs the Bible for discipline inspiration and additional encouragement in her daughterly responsibilities.

I did not let her dance. In fact, she does a hilarious spot-on imitation of Ozzy Osborne not even know what music is.

[Ariel]

I will have to pray that the lord lays it on my heart to lay upon my headship.

:worship: :worship: :lol: :lol: :lol:

I'm dead now. You win the internet.