Another Homeschooling Death Linked To the Pearls

[Guest Anonymous]

The news article can be found here. http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/l ... hs02m.html

On a Yahoo group this was posted on Tuesday.

I have a friend that I used to homechurch with that recently lost their 13

year old girl they adopted from Ethiopia 2 years ago..

She died May 12 but now they took all the 8 children from the home. They say

it was suspicious and the girl was starved and left outside and she died of

hypothermia. Well I have a hard time believing it was hypothermia in May

here but whatever.

I saw her in May and she was telling me how much she HATED this little girl.

She said she was ruining her family. :( I remember thinking how harsh she

sounded. She was a Pearl Method fallower.

But I think took it to the extreme.

I am asking for prayer because I thought of calling her today as the local

news has it all over the place. honestly I really have always suspected

harsh discipline with her kids. I remember my sons telling me they felt

uncomfortable around their kids because they said they seemed like scared

little robots.

So I pray the truth is exposed.

Thanks

The comments were very telling. These are conservative Christian homeschooling mothers who basically went after this poor woman who sent in the "prayer request".

This is very sad heart-breaking news, and unfortunately, not the first time a death has happened to an adopted child. But I would like to give some food for thought. As an adoptive mother of eleven (5 RAD, 6 reforming Attachment Disorder), I know the pain a family can experience which does not only include rebellious children but many more devastating actions/experiences pre- and post-adoption. All of our children have lived in fear of what ‘people’ would do or say ‘if they found out’ making it ‘seem’ that we were doing something wrong. In fact, five years ago, except for two families, a whole church (300+ members) turned against us believing we were ‘abusing’ our children at the testimony of one of our daughters. Those two families stuck by us because the same thing had happened within their families at other churches and they could see it for what it was. Now our daughter’s testimony has been reveal for what it was, lies, and by God’s grace fellowship is being restored one family at a time. But our children (birth and adopted) are still ‘gun shy’; if someone ‘defends’ or ‘seems to defend’ one of their rebellious siblings they pull away...fast...they do not feel safe with a person who does not know, and probably doesn’t really want to know, the truth.

Many adoptive parents seeking to bless God by adopting an orphan soon learn the depths of sin as listed in Romans 1:29-32. This child of hope and promise (Matt 19:14, 25:37-40 and James 1:27 to name a few) is now wreaking havoc in their home. And there seems no way to stop it, or to protect the other children. Many parents are delighted with the joy of blessing an orphan by bringing them into their family, making them a son/daughter, giving them an inheritance; but not many parents are prepared or equipped for the level of the sin-nature rooted in that child’s heart from years or even a decade-plus of unbridled, unrestrained self-indulgence along with negative influences and experiences. I know we were not!

Now God is faithful and equips us through His Word and by the Holy Spirit; however, God also created us to be in fellowship with other believers. There is often no one in the Church community who will seek to truly understand or to come along side to help with the very dirty job of ‘turning a sinner into a saint’. The prevailing thought of those watching the adoptive parents is, if they only ‘loved more’ or ‘prayed more’ or ‘demanded less’ then the children would become the little darlings birth-children can be. Well, there are no perfect children let alone perfect parents “all have sinned and fall shortâ€. But adopted children no matter the age, (infants are not exempt) come with so much more to deal with than a birth-child, be it pre-natal or post-natal or childhood neglect. There is also the psychological factor of the many ‘why’ questions lurking in the heart of that child as soon as they are able to understand how they came to join the family.

All of us are capable of hate, especially when we do not get what we want. It requires God’s transforming work in our hearts to see and know what love is, a choice and an action (1 John 4 and 1 Cor 13). But God also tells us to hate evil (Ps 97:10) Often what is happening in the hearts of adoptive parents is, they get the ‘love and grace’ part of parenting but not the ‘suffering and testing-faith’ part of parenting; so when ‘evil’ happens at the hand of a child anger and a sense of betrayal occurs leading to hate and rejection of the child and quite possibly abuse; instead, what should happen is understanding the child’s sin, teach and use God’s Word to name that sin and to explain/teach the godly expectation/behavior...over and over again. Oh, is this work, daily and yearly; but there is always fruit even if the child grows up to reject Christ.

I echo ___ advice. Your friend probably believes she cannot trust anyone and that no one would ever truly understand. She is probably feeling very frightened and alone. She and/or her husband could very well be going to prison.That is sad, too.

I will be praying for her and you as you minister to her as the Lord leads your heart.

Then the lady who initially sent in the email said this:

I think the hard part here is that everytime I saw her or even any of her

close friends saw her she would go on and on and on about how much she hated

having these kids. She basically said ALL THE TIME that they were making her

life a living hell. It was obvious she had no idea what she was getting

into.

She did tell me some things that I thought were harsh punishment. The 13 yo

would pee on the carpet, refuse to eat then steal food in the middle of the

night. She did all sort of odd behavior.

being a foster mom myself I KNOW how hard it is. I had a child with RAD for

4 years and honestly I couldn't stand her much of the time. :( She totally

disrupted my family. I had her removed eventually. But I never abused her.

But last month when my friend and I were talking I told her I can relate to

alot of the frustration she was telling me but I saw in her eyes ANGER and

much bitterness like no tomorrow. Apparently I am not the only one she has

shown her frustration too. I just found out that there were several reports

recently about how their family treated the adopted kids. So I KNOW there is

abuse of some sort to their adopted kids. I do not believe they abused

their 7 bio children however. What a HUGE price to pay for trying to do

something right in the eyes of God. They messed up and now they are loosing

all their children and may spend time in prison.

I feel so sorry for the girl that died. She used to say how much she wanted

to go back to Ethiopia.

My friend adopted these children when she heard about Nancy Campell and

other AR ladies adopting children from liberia and ethiopia.

She couldn't have any more of her own children due to her tubes being taken

because of ectopic pregnancies. so she wanted to adopt. She had good

intentions.

This is so sad for both parties. I know she has done some wrong and there is

NO excuse for it but my heart also goes out to my friend who will never have

her children again likely and she did have such a heart for children. Its

tragic.

There were a few ladies who said how horrible this was and said they didn't know what the Pearl's taught (hardly could believe that!).

A moderator then said this:

I think you need to stop. You have tried and convicted this woman, and you

*do not know* what went on in their home. She shared things with you that

you thought were harsh...maybe they were, maybe you just thought they

were. She said things she maybe shouldn't have...she must have thought you

were a safe person to share with.

I am not excusing what she said, I am not excusing things that may have

been done wrong...or criminally. But the point is: we DON'T know. How

would you feel if this was your family? What would you think if you knew

that someone you had shared some of your life with was sharing those

things world wide? You may have had a child with RAD in your home for a

time, that doesn't mean that you understand what she was dealing with.

Just today, we've heard of varying degrees of how it affects children ~

and the families they are a part of.

We need to be careful that when we share prayer requests, we are not

gossiping. It is very easy to share more information than we ought. Or to

share a prayer request and then give commentary. We want to be certain

that the things we write, as well as what we say are God honoring.

If it is determined that there were criminal things going on, the law will

step in. This family needs prayer, not condemnation and judgement.

This lady then left the group.

The news has not said anything about this being a conservative, Christian, homeschooling family. Another Lydia Schatz. How many more children have to die from the Pearl's teachings before it stops???

[GenerationCedarchip]

My first thought was that this "prayer request" should be sent to the authorities in Skagit County. I wonder if it would also be helpful for someone knowledgeable about the Pearls and their book (beyond my knowledge gleaned from time at FJ about their methods sounding awfully abusive) to send along information about them to Washington. Surely one of these days an enterprising prosecutor will connect the dots and try to go after these awful people!

[antifundie]

Please send that to the investigators! I hope those women who knew the little girl in question could also contact the authorities.

[maybeizfundie]

:( So horribly sad.

[antifundie]

Isn't there a way to make a webpage that would come up when people google the Pearls? Or TTUAC? Or No Greater Joy?

I'm thinking it needs links to the news stories of the deaths of children, discussion and explanation of why their teachings are un-Biblical?

I don't know how to do it, or I would. I'd be willing to help.

I'm thinking of a website like this:

http://ezzo.info/

Or this:

http://www.pokrov.org/

Or even a Blog with links and info on the children who have died and/or been injured? I'm thinking it would useful for law enforcement as well, if they happened to do net research on Michael and Debi Pearl.

ETA: Just started a WordPress Page:

http://beatenwithplumbingline.wordpress.com/

Suggestions Welcome.

[Austin]

OMG.

So disturbing. I love how these "lovely Christian" people who abuse these poor children with the Pearls trash present themselves as the real "victims".

The first commenter (actually, the second commenting on the first) and the moderator are disgusting. So this woman told her friend over and over that she hated the child, the friend knows that the woman beats her kids because she is a self-professed Pearl follower and then the child dies in unnatural circumstances, to say the least. . . no, definitely don't want to pass any judgement. I love that exhortation from someone else who probably beat her kids senseless (just guessing), going on this part of her comment:

but not many parents are prepared or equipped for the level of the sin-nature rooted in that child’s heart from years or even a decade-plus of unbridled, unrestrained self-indulgence along with negative influences and experiences.

WTF? Ethiopian children are commonly self-indulged?

She sounds a lot like The Most Despicable Fundie Mom Ever: Emma.

Plus according to the article reported that the temperature was 42 degrees for part of that particular May day. Yeah, hypothermia can happen in 42 degree weather. Duh.

[doggie]

I think we really see the problem of doing what you think will please god. that is no reason to adopt children. sucking up to god is not going to make you happy or make you able to take care of these children. children should nto be used as brownie points to please god.

[LynnKaboom]

FUUUUUUUUUU-

I fucking hate the Pearls.

[ElphabaGalinda]

This story makes me sick. I can't believe there are people who would do that to an innocent child, and I can't believe so many commenters defended her.

[Austin]

This story makes me sick. I can't believe there are people who would do that to an innocent child, and I can't believe so many commenters defended her.

I think they're defending her because they're probably beating or abusing their kids, too.

[doggie]

I think they're defending her because they're probably beating or abusing their kids, too.

also if your pleasing god you can't really do any wrong.

[PhoenixFeathers]

www.whynottrainachild.com is another good anti-pearls site.

I loathe them. They make me physically ill when I hear about the crap they preach. You wouldn't treat a dog they way they say to treat children.

[bananacat]

Ugh! If you starve a child enough, she can die of hypothermia during May because she has no body fat to regulate her body temperature. But I think even a healthy person could risk hypothermia in May under the right circumstances. Where I live, right in the center of the U.S. (latitude-wise), it can get into the 50s or even 40s at night during a cold snap in May. If you spend a few hours in that temperature with very little clothing, it's not that unlikely.

[SunnyAndrsn]

"I KNOW how hard it is. I had a child with RAD for

4 years and honestly I couldn't stand her much of the time. She totally

disrupted my family. I had her removed eventually. But I never abused her.

But last month when my friend and I were talking I told her I can relate to

alot of the frustration she was telling me but I saw in her eyes ANGER and

much bitterness like no tomorrow."

After reading that quote, my stomach sank. When you can't love the children you're caring for, it's time for help. In a big way. This woman's bitterness and anger were apparently visible for many people to see and NO ONE stepped in to protect this child? HORRIBLE.

When a RAD child successfully makes a parent resent and hate that child, the RAD wins. I had to tell myself that over and over during our years as foster parents. If we found ourselves frustrated and feeling angry, it was time for a respite weekend so we could recharge ourselves. It was necessary to maintain perspective and separate the hurting child who needed love and support from the angry attachment disorder.

*Stepping off the soapbox now*

FWIW, we had snow flurries during the beginning of May, so it is cold enough to make hypothermia a risk.

[emmiedahl]

I live inland from them in a MUCH warmer area of Washington State and in May it can get down to freezing here. We keep our tomato plants inside at night until the middle of June most years. This spring was particularly cold. It is absolutely possible for a child to get hypothermic outside at night in May in the PNW even if they are healthy.

[Wolfie]

Ugh! If you starve a child enough, she can die of hypothermia during May because she has no body fat to regulate her body temperature. But I think even a healthy person could risk hypothermia in May under the right circumstances. Where I live, right in the center of the U.S. (latitude-wise), it can get into the 50s or even 40s at night during a cold snap in May. If you spend a few hours in that temperature with very little clothing, it's not that unlikely.

It snowed here in mid May this year- where I live it was enough to cover the ground and stick, but higher up it was a blizzard. There was still enough snow to ski on the 4th of July. It also is regularly in the 50's at night here all summer long.

[Lillybee]

Thank you for posting that and welcome to our world.

[Sola]

Sick, sick, sick.

When are the authorities going to come down on the Pearls? How many more children are going to die before the Pearls are prevented from spreading their bullshit.

[JesusFightClub]

Disgusting and disgraceful. Poor wee girl.

[IReallyAmHopewell]

More important, perhaps than the authorities getting involved, when will parents who want to "save" children be stopped from adopting. I know first hand how difficult it is for a child to change cultures and parents--I have two such kids. It can take years and years of counseling (and searching for a counselor who "connects" with the child and has the right experience). Things like RAD are not helped by punishment. You do not beat, starve, pray or freeze a child into submission. You have to build TRUST. These parents have failed in every possible way. I hope the other children are removed from the home and that they can't adopt another child.

[finleeport]

What is the Pearl's theology? Do they believe that children are born evil like the Puritans believed once?

[PhoenixFeathers]

To some extent yes. But they also believe you can attain sinlessness here on earth, which is why you must beat your children. In order to cleanse them so they too can be sinless.

:evil: <--- my angry face.