Debi Pearl-Worship That Man Or He Will Leave

[debrand]

nogreaterjoy.org/articles/created-for-him/

When you smile at him as he enters the room…your smile is an honor to God. If you are married to a worthless lump of selfish so and so, your smile may be a sacrifice but that makes it all the more a service to God. Your calling in life is to learn to listen with all joy to him; talk of his projects, plans, ideas, and hopes instead of directing the conversation to your interests and needs and visions. Your life should be dedicated to helping him realize his full potential, or limited potential, as it may be.

Right wing Christians discuss the danger of creating idols. Isn't this a blatant case of husband worship? Why isn't the husband required to do the same for his wife?

God set the rules into place, obviously for a variety of reasons; many I have yet to learn (and I am old). One very good reason is to maintain order. Someone has to be central and the other a follower. It is too bad that the best and most capable is not the leader, but as in any company or corporation, ability does not a president make

In your employment, you can leave your job, complain to a superior or-in some cases- eventually become your boss's boss. In the Pearl's world, women can never leave their marriage, expect any limits on their husband's power, or become the boss.

Men are fallen sons of Adam, and as such are totally selfish. As far as I know, most all men are fleshy, given to animal appetites. Some men are so cruel that regardless of what a wife does they still will be cruel. But all unfulfilled men, whether evil or good, are confused. Down in their souls many of these confused men really want to cherish their wives, but they struggle. They struggle because they were created to be honored, obeyed, and to have a help meet that helps them achieve their dreams

This is very insulting to men.

Apparently, if your husband is an abusive cruel jerk, the Pearls believe the woman can fix him with love, cheerfulness and constant obedience.

The lack of having a proper help meet affects men in the strangest ways; almost like lack of nutrition or a disease weakens the body, causing organs or limbs to fail; so then, different parts of a man fail when they lack a good help meet. Some men just never mature, thus remain silly boys all their lives. Other men spend their lives frustrated (shows up as anger), which disrupts their ability to follow through with what they start. Often men, who don’t have an encouraging help meet will become despondent, thus will lack any drive to succed. A great majority of these struggling guys simply lose interest in their wives (and eventually their children).

:violin:

A help meet is not first a cook, cleaner, or even a mother. A help meet’s first ministry is to her husband, how she may PLEASE her man. If cooking healthy, being a super-neat housewife, or even being involved in a ministry (even if it is where people are REALLY getting saved) interferes in ANY way with your first, and foremost ministry of pleasing your man, then you are not pleasing God.

and

Wolves are looking for lonely women with cute kids and you will soon find yourself so tired of being alone that you will consider a man, some other woman rejected, who is half the man of the husband you once scorned.

Being alone is an ugly phrase, a dishonor to God. It will not matter how poorly everyone thinks of your husband for leaving you for another woman…being alone is not what you want. B

Think, the Pearls bought their daughters up to believe this crap

[NoneandDoneinCali]

And my response? Don't let the door hit him on the way out. Any person insecure enough to need "worship" is not emotionally ready for a serious relationship.

[PinkPrincess0213]

And my response? Don't let the door hit him on the way out. Any person insecure enough to need "worship" is not emotionally ready for a serious relationship.

IMO, this is exactly Michael's problem.

[Hane]

I don't want to be alone? News to me. I have a supportive family and friends, none of whom expects to be worshiped.

[doggie]

IMO, this is exactly Michael's problem.

prime example of why this advice is so wrong.

[AuntCloud]

Why am I supposed to worship someone who is completely incapacitated without me, as per Mrs. Pearl?

If everything and anything that can befall a man is a woman's fault, doesn't that make him a helpless little twit? How insulting to both men and women. My husband would function just fine without me in his life, I'm sure about that. He's with me because he wants to, not because he's a delicate little flower or a befuddled little boy who won't be able to wipe his butt without a woman's worship.

[SpeakNow]

If that's what I'd grown up believing that marriage should be like, I would never ever ever want to get married.

[debrand]

I don't want to be alone? News to me. I have a supportive family and friends, none of whom expects to be worshiped.

I wonder if Debi Pearl is terrified of being alone and this is why she remains with Michael. A couple of times in my life, I've met older, abused women who seemed to always blame the wife for any problems in a relationship. I wonder what causes someone to identify with the victimizer even though they were once the victim?

We can't diagnose her, of course, but perhaps she suffers from some sort of dependent personality disorder?

[RachelB]

Interesting how men in Debi's world are simultaneously super-powerful, take-charge beings and intensely fragile creatures who will break if you look at them funny.

Interesting, too, that Debi doesn't treat men as people, any more than she treats women as people.

[hoipolloi]

Men are fallen sons of Adam, and as such are totally selfish. As far as I know, most all men are fleshy, given to animal appetites. Some men are so cruel that regardless of what a wife does they still will be cruel. But all unfulfilled men, whether evil or good, are confused. Down in their souls many of these confused men really want to cherish their wives, but they struggle. They struggle because they were created to be honored, obeyed, and to have a help meet that helps them achieve their dreams

The bolded portion sounds like Debi's honeymoon experience with Mike.

What a twisted piece of work Debi Pearl is. I'd be sorry for her -- because, by their own words, she's a victim of Mike's abuse -- yet she is a full partner in the abuse he's peddled all these years.

[Hisey]

Who the hell would want to get married if this is what they had to put up with?

[RachelB]

I wonder if Debi Pearl is terrified of being alone and this is why she remains with Michael. A couple of times in my life, I've met older, abused women who seemed to always blame the wife for any problems in a relationship. I wonder what causes someone to identify with the victimizer even though they were once the victim?

We can't diagnose her, of course, but perhaps she suffers from some sort of dependent personality disorder?

The "just world" theory, for one, which seems to me to be all over the place in fundiedom (and contemporary conservative politics, too):

The need to see victims as the recipients of their just deserts can be explained by what psychologists call the Just World Hypothesis. According to the hypothesis, people have a strong desire or need to believe that the world is an orderly, predictable, and just place, where people get what they deserve. Such a belief plays an important function in our lives since in order to plan our lives or achieve our goals we need to assume that our actions will have predictable consequences. Moreover, when we encounter evidence suggesting that the world is not just, we quickly act to restore justice by helping the victim or we persuade ourselves that no injustice has occurred. We either lend assistance or we decide that the rape victim must have asked for it, the homeless person is simply lazy, the fallen star must be an adulterer. These attitudes are continually reinforced in the ubiquitous fairy tales, fables, comic books, cop shows and other morality tales of our culture, in which good is always rewarded and evil punished.

http://www.scu.edu/ethics/publications/ ... world.html

My brother and I grew up with one rather volatile parent. I was extremely quiet and compliant; my brother was cheerfully non-compliant and got a lot more negative attention than I did. When I was young, I blamed my brother for not being able to tell when it was important to make himself silent and invisible, because I wanted to believe that my relative safety stemmed from my good behavior. I couldn't bear to think that someone who was in partial charge of our well-being could be hurtful and unjust for no discernible reason. And I thought that siding with the person who had more power would protect me.

Since we have grown up, I have apologized to my brother, because I wish that I had been more supportive and understanding to him. When I first read about the "just world" theory, I felt a shock of recognition-- This is how I thought when I was a 10-year-old.

[mlady]

I don't get where this is coming from God at all. The crazy way people try to tie everything they want into a god thing is fascinating but scary too.

[louisa05]

So the short version of everything Debi writes is "men are horrible selfish immature barely functioning creatures that women must defer to in all things".

Can she even see how nonsensical it all sounds?

[2xx1xy1JD]

You know what my actual husband likes? Along with a wife who acts like a real human being with thoughts and feelings, he happens to like respect. Real respect, not a show of submission while then going off and making him sound like an asshole to others.

It would never occur to me to write some of the things that Debi and Lori and Treasures from a Shoebox post constantly.

Here are some of the things that I've said in public out my husband:

Positive: Loving husband, loving and hands-on father, caring and devoted doctor, fundraiser for disabled children and orphans, goes out of his way to help others and hates saying no or offending anyone, lacking an evil bone in his body, good sense of humor

Negative: can't load a dishwasher, has bad handwriting

Let's compare that with their writings, shall we?

Positive: Bossy so he must be a real man/King type, sure that if he's so strong that he'd be the type to fight Hitler, finally stopped being unfaithful (as far as she knows), hasn't divorced her, by putting up with him and submitting to him wife may be rewarded by God for her suffering

Negative: Always NEEDS to be right and can't tolerate any disagreement or correction, practically rapes wife on honeymoon and completely disregards her needs, advocates hitting very young children with plumbing line, believes that women should go back to a child molester husband after he gets out of jail, totally selfish and immature, tells other men that they should order their wives to submit to them because God says so, tells the general public that wife had problems with intimacy, says that a woman who loads the dishwasher the wrong way should get a spanking from the husband, likes to have wife declare that she's been a "naughty girl", cheated repeatedly, killed her dog.

[Hane]

My brother and I grew up with one rather volatile parent. I was extremely quiet and compliant; my brother was cheerfully non-compliant and got a lot more negative attention than I did. When I was young, I blamed my brother for not being able to tell when it was important to make himself silent and invisible, because I wanted to believe that my relative safety stemmed from my good behavior. I couldn't bear to think that someone who was in partial charge of our well-being could be hurtful and unjust for no discernible reason. And I thought that siding with the person who had more power would protect me.

Since we have grown up, I have apologized to my brother, because I wish that I had been more supportive and understanding to him. When I first read about the "just world" theory, I felt a shock of recognition-- This is how I thought when I was a 10-year-old.

RachelB, you and I had the same childhood. I was the compliant one, and my cheerfully non-compliant middle sister was the almost constant butt of our mother's wrath and abuse. Household misery was always made out to be "my sister not behaving," rather than "Mom being a scary psycho bitch."

[debrand]

The Just World Theory makes sense. A lot of victim blaming appears to be based on the fear that the rules don't always work

[RachelB]

RachelB, you and I had the same childhood. I was the compliant one, and my cheerfully non-compliant middle sister was the almost constant butt of our mother's wrath and abuse. Household misery was always made out to be "my sister not behaving," rather than "Mom being a scary psycho bitch."

I'm sorry, Hane. That really stinks.

*offers gentle hand-squeeze of commiseration*

[TinyDancer87]

Wow. This is everything that my marriage is NOT. And I am happily married.

I think Ms. Pearl is trying to supress her true feelings with this crap... what do you thinK?

[kpmom]

nogreaterjoy.org/articles/created-for-him/

Right wing Christians discuss the danger of creating idols. Isn't this a blatant case of husband worship? Why isn't the husband required to do the same for his wife?

She has actually told women they should reverence their husbands. Reverence! I can't imagine revering another human being. Love and admire, sure. But reverence? Shouldn't that be reserved for whatever deity you might believe in? Isn't that making a husband the equal to God?

[Arete]

You see, I was taught that a woman's first responsibility was to her children, not her husband. Because a husband by definition was a grown assed man who could take care of himself, where children needed to be guided and protected. If your children needed to be protected from your husband, it was your duty to get your husband kicked to the curb.

Idolatry. The Pearl's practice idolatry in its most malignant form.

[MamaJunebug]

I worship God. Alone.

[curlytoes79]

She has actually told women they should reverence their husbands. Reverence! I can't imagine revering another human being. Love and admire, sure. But reverence? Shouldn't that be reserved for whatever deity you might believe in? Isn't that making a husband the equal to God?

Yes it is. But men are the architects of this whole belief system, so it's no surprise they'd want to make themselves into mini-gods. Actually, I figure anyone who'd take it into his mind to create a new faith, or think of himself as a messenger of god, probably has a god complex.

[Burris]

I think there’s an element of truth to the argument that spouses should be generous with their praise of one another, and with forgiveness for errors large and small. There’s a difference between encouraging a person, however, and exposing him to a steady stream of empty flattery. The latter is dishonest and more poisonous than open insult for all the damage it can do to the person being flattered.

Michael Pearl is an excellent example of what happens to a person who surrounds himself with yes-men – and, in this case, marries a yes-woman who fills his private time with coddling and bootlicking: Pearl’s response to the legitimate concerns and complaints of critics – to pretend he finds their comments merely amusing – is that of someone who has had his every notion flattered for so long it has corroded his ability to accurately assess personal weakness.

[thoughtful]

We've often mentioned how Pearl's method of raising children is a recipe for Stockholm Syndrome. It seems Debi has it, as well.