Pregnant at 49

[dawn9476]

Saw this and thought people here would be interested because we all know that fundies like Kelly Bates and Michelle Duggar wouldn't be this logical when it comes to approaching a pregnancy at that age.

http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2012 ... ant-at-49/

[gustava]

I read this. I don't know to what extent it's logical or to what extent it's gut feeling, but I to sense her struggle, both before and after the miscarriage.

[Jana814]

I read the article she is a wonderful writer. I notice how well she wrote about worrying how her kids would handle having to take care of a sibling is they were disabled. Both the Bates & the Duggar families do not take into consideration the impact their choices to have more kids on their other kids.

[NoQuiverNoCry]

Very sobering to read! I can't fathom the emotions she must have dealt with trying to resolve being pregnant at 49, yet her words are logical, responsible, and clear. She's gifted to be able to write that well despite everything. I love that she focused on her family's quality of life and the very real effects of advancing age as she sorted through each choice. Very different from anything we might hear from a quiverful woman in the same situation.

Thanks for posting the link! I'm definitely sharing this.

[Common]

Excellent. I appreciate how she doesn't give any credit to the exceptions some politicians would call themselves compassionate for. I like that this isn't the classic favorite argument on 'extrme case' of rape or incest. I like that this isn't an arugment on thier (anti-choicers) turff. As many so called pro-choicers rather apologetically do.

[fundiefan]

A woman I work with had a baby in March, her first. She is 52 years old. No one asked but I am guessing there was some IVF/fertility treatment going on there. Because of her age and rare situation, having babies at a late age is a big topic of conversation at times. I've been asked what I'd do if I 'ended up' pregnant. I've answered "I'm 45 years old, I'm single, I'm poor as hell, I'm still only partially pulled back up after a protracted, life/emotion/money sucking divorce process, I have no insurance for myself or any child; I could't afford to have the baby much less care for it if, especially if it suffered issues simply by being born to a 45 year old mother...what do you think I'd do"?

I have the utmost respect for this woman. She is very matter of fact without pushing any agenda; it's all personal to her and she tells it well.

[anniebgood]

The mom of one of my daughter's students is 47 and she has a 2 year old. She felt her bio clock ticking and married a 26 yr old and they have this one child. My daughter deals with the parent daily because the mom can't bear that she has to leave the child at the preschool. Granted her office is 1 block away in the same complex, and they encourage the parents to come in whenever, but this woman is pushing the boundaries.

I couldn't imagine getting pregnant at 40 when I had 2 kids under the age of 5 then. Husband got snipped.

[CrazySister]

The mom of one of my daughter's students is 47 and she has a 2 year old. She felt her bio clock ticking and married a 26 yr old and they have this one child. My daughter deals with the parent daily because the mom can't bear that she has to leave the child at the preschool. Granted her office is 1 block away in the same complex, and they encourage the parents to come in whenever, but this woman is pushing the boundaries.

I couldn't imagine getting pregnant at 40 when I had 2 kids under the age of 5 then. Husband got snipped.

Granted I've got a ways to go before I hit 40 but it already occurs to me there's almost a 100% chance that if I ever get pregnant, I'd be over 35 and even the thought of having a 5 year old (at the oldest) at 40 is overwhelming!

[lovefromgirl]

Hell, the thought of dating a 26-year-old at 45 is pretty daunting. O.o They're still little boys until they hit at least thirty...

[doggie]

Was listening to nightline and there was a 60 grandma who carried her daughters baby for her.

[flojo]

My mother had my sister at 41, and me at 21 (couple of brothers inbetween, but much closer to me).

She was a midwife at the time (the certified, registered kind - not SODRT type, we have a midwife based maternity system in NZ), and found that as a result a lot of her clients ended up being teenaged mothers because she faced similar stigma, and related well to them.

My mothers good friend, with 5 children between 7 and 21 had surprise triplets at 43. They're 3 now.

[Sola]

My Great-Grandmother had her last baby (her 17th - all singletons, bite me J'Chelle) when she was 50. Sadly she died of breast cancer just two years later.

[AtroposHeart]

My mother was 42 and hade me naturally. My 74 year old grandmother never went through menopause and I still had to deliver pads to her until she died.

[Kitchen Princess]

I just turned 50 and have 3 grandchildren. Still fertile although waning. At some point in the last year, I realized abortion would definitely be an option on the table at this late stage. As a 20 year old, pregnant by accident, it never was.

[dirtyhippiegirl]

My mother was 42 and hade me naturally. My 74 year old grandmother never went through menopause and I still had to deliver pads to her until she died.

That is so weird about your grandma!

I have a lot of siblings. Mom had the first batch fairly young (early 20s) and then had the last batch of us at 40, 42, and 44. All natural. I think she may have miscarried at 46, as well. (Vague memories. Never bothered to ask her before she passed. I never bothered to ask about her thoughts on having so many kids later in life and now I'll never know. Bleh. It's too early in the morning to be this depressed.)

[DistantStar]

One of my great-uncles was born when his mother was 46 or 47 (I am drawing a blank on which right now), and was about ten years younger than the others for a total of six. This was long enough ago that she didn't have a choice, I'm sure, once she found out she was pregnant.

[luckystone]

One of my great-uncles was born when his mother was 46 or 47 (I am drawing a blank on which right now), and was about ten years younger than the others for a total of six. This was long enough ago that she didn't have a choice, I'm sure, once she found out she was pregnant.

Same here, she was 49. All was fine both pregnancy-wise, birth-wise and the child-health-wise, but it easily couldn't have been. In fact it's quite an amazing story as she worked right up to and right after the birth! (Don't tell fundies who think women didn't work in those days.)

[jenny_islander]

Granted I've got a ways to go before I hit 40 but it already occurs to me there's almost a 100% chance that if I ever get pregnant, I'd be over 35 and even the thought of having a 5 year old (at the oldest) at 40 is overwhelming!

41 here and my youngest will turn three just before Christmas. You learn to pare everything down and plan for maximum ease. For example, we have a small stack of diapers and a container of wipes in every room in the house. Kid stinks, grab kid, change kid, done.

Late nights are a lot harder than they used to be, that's for sure. Pre-planning for that helps too. By number 3 you get to know the signs that somebody's going to be up late with issues. In between trips in with the thermometer and tissues, wash your hands and lay out something for breakfast. That kind of thing.

Also, a general note for readers: An "elderly primipara" is simply over the average age at which an American woman (not sure about other countries) has her first child. Being an elderly primipara is not an automatic risk factor! The "elderly" age began at 33 when I was a teenager. Now it's 35. This does not reflect advances in medical knowledge. It's just that American women are increasingly delaying their childbearing years.

[Common]

Mom had me via natural birth a couple months before her 40th, desipite finger wags from doctors on the high-risk due to maternal age; I had a perfect apgar score. Her sister had her only child at 43, I am banking on it running in the family because I haven't made plans and I just started 'ticking' about a year ago.

[JesusFightClub]

Fantastic article. It showed clearly the struggles women face.

If I ever got pregnant (highly unlikely) I would abort the child. Everything is against me keeping it. I have no money, no partner, no love for children, no job that allows a Significant Other to keep me and baby, various psychological and other health issues, a rackety lifestyle that involves being prepared to up sticks and go when I need to, and generally if you drew a picture of "a woman who should not have kids" it would strongly resemble me.

Why, then, would anything helped by me keeping another child to grow up like that?

[gimlet]

Ugh. I'm 37 and a friend said to , "So you're not having kids? It's not too late!" I just looked at her and said, "I'm 37. I don't have a husband, a boyfriend, or a serious relationship. I don't date. I have no money, and barely a job. No, I am not having kids."

Geez people, some of us are just not going to get the chance to pass on our genes. It's sad, but I'm practical.

I am very grateful that my stable, married sister took the plunge to have her children. I adore them, and they are great kids. I told my sister when her first was 6 months old that I would be happy to follow her and her husband around and be their backup set of hands to help with their kids.

[hellishfairy]

Wow. I read this and cried. Literally. This is unusual for me because I am really not that prone to that kind of emotional outburst.

As a woman who literally just turned 31 yesterday (and celebrated my 6th anniversary on the same day), I have struggled with a lot of the same questions that this wonderful woman posed, but not because of the reason of age. Four years ago, after literally 103 doctors telling me that I was crazy over the course of 6 years (lack of insurance for part of this time caused sub-par medical care), I had a Rhumy confirm something that my Fundie Family tried for YEARS to convince me was all in my head: I am sick, very sick, it's in my DNA, rare (double mutation), I passed the worst of it onto my son (his, because I was FINALLY diagnosed when he was 6 is VERY manageable) and feel guilty as hell about it, and that it was a good thing that I went with my instincts when, after I had my second preemie at 21 and almost lost my life (and hers too) I got a tubal (imagine the outrage in Fundie Land - needles to say the decision caused my divorce - how DARE I choose MY life and having the children that I have have a mother, right?) to prevent myself from having another unplanned pregnancy.

As I write this, I am staring at a PILE of paperwork from the fertility clinic that, after 4 YEARS of discussion between my now dear husband and I and a LOT of prayer on my end (I am still spiritual, he, a former Mormon, is not, but he respects my views) may be able to give us the dream of a child (or two) between us. But we aren't going to torture ourselves over it. If, after two tries it doesn't take or risks my life too much, we're done.

I wonder what the Republican platform would be for me, a woman who, due to lack of access to proper health care (that they are now SCREAMING over the fact that it is being 'forced' like the requirement to get *gasp* car insurance is if you continue to exercise your right to live in this country) has had a heart attack and is nearly crippled some days due to parents who used 'God will provide' as an answer v. the doctors and MEDICATIONS that GOD ACTUALLY PROVIDED, chose to get pregnant and then had to abort the child after a HEART wrenching decision to do so due to maternal or fetal health reasons? What if this were their mother, daughter, wife? Abortion for any reason (if you have a heart) is a HORRIBLE thing to have to go through both emotionally and physically, and following me before or after I would have to have the procedure would most likely wind me (or DH) in jail and the person who did it in a coma.

Now, please understand - abortion isn't for me unless under the most EXTREME conditions, and I don't believe that it should be a primary means of birth control - but birth control DOES fail - even when used right - but I don't judge anyone for having to make that decision. My heart breaks for them. But HOW IN THE HELL should it be up to some rich white dude to decide if the quality of my child's, family's or personal life is worth saving?

My heart goes out to any of you who have ever been in this position - I know how hard it is to have to make these choices.

[DistantStar]

Same here, she was 49. All was fine both pregnancy-wise, birth-wise and the child-health-wise, but it easily couldn't have been. In fact it's quite an amazing story as she worked right up to and right after the birth! (Don't tell fundies who think women didn't work in those days.)

I know just how hard this great-grandmother worked. This was during the Depression, and they didn't have money at all. There's a family story about her finding a fifty-cent piece one day when there was next to no food in the house, and she was able to buy an improbable amount of stuff like flour and potatoes with it to feed her family. They got by, but not by much. But they did manage to educate their kids, even -- gasp! -- the daughters, at actual schools. The same great-grandmother also wrote a letter that my mom still has talking about how the Good Old Days kinda sucked.

I wish I'd known her better, but she died when I was eight. She was something.

[caito]

Let's think about this. If I were to get pregnant at 49, my daughter would be 29.

I would have an almost 30 year old adult child, and an infant.

Oh hell naw.

[Glass Cowcatcher]

I haven't seen anyone bring this up but it's the obvious reason why I woulnd't have a kid 40+. I'd be old. Theoretical kids would probably have to deal with loosing their parents at 30 or below, and they very well might have a lowered quality of life if one of the parents starts to suffer from chronic age-related diseases while they are still a minor.