Sex Ed for Preschoolers (snarking on one of ours, perhaps)

[BravaAmica]

I agree that it's easier to explain why people have sex than it is to explain why people hurt each other. However, there is a difference between a hot and heavy kiss in the context of a loving relationship and the sex that goes on in Game of Thrones.

[freejoytoo]

I don't think there's anything wrong with her seeing her dad naked after a shower or her mother being open with her about sex, but Game of Thrones is far too explicit and violent for a small child. I also don't know if she should post about that stuff on her blog.

[emmiedahl]

Children naturally are curious about their bodies and it is good to be as honest as possible. A child who has only age appropriate experiences will ask only age appropriate questions. But letting your child see adult content takes away that innocence. A 3 year old should not know about forcible sex.

We are very middle road regarding nudity. If my preschoolers run around naked, I think it is super cute. If the children walk into my room while I am dressing, I don't get mad or rush to cover up. By the time they are old enough to be embarrassed by parental nudity, they are all also old enough to know that knocking before entering is a good idea. But this is an area where different families have different comfort levels. There certainly is nothing wrong with a child seeing a parent of the opposite sex naked and realizing differences between the sexes. It's important for more liberal to drive home the idea that outside of the immediate family, no adult should show a child their private parts and that absolutely no one should touch a child in areas covered by a bathing suit except for a small number of circumstances (like doctor's visits).

[Austin]

Children naturally are curious about their bodies and it is good to be as honest as possible. A child who has only age appropriate experiences will ask only age appropriate questions. But letting your child see adult content takes away that innocence. A 3 year old should not know about forcible sex.

We are very middle road regarding nudity. If my preschoolers run around naked, I think it is super cute. If the children walk into my room while I am dressing, I don't get mad or rush to cover up. By the time they are old enough to be embarrassed by parental nudity, they are all also old enough to know that knocking before entering is a good idea. But this is an area where different families have different comfort levels. There certainly is nothing wrong with a child seeing a parent of the opposite sex naked and realizing differences between the sexes. It's important for more liberal to drive home the idea that outside of the immediate family, no adult should show a child their private parts and that absolutely no one should touch a child in areas covered by a bathing suit except for a small number of circumstances (like doctor's visits).

I spoke to our family physician about this years ago, as our sons never did really develop embarrassment about parental nudity. They would come right into a room where I was changing or if I was in the shower and they wanted to talk to me, the fact that I was in the shower was not a deterrent. Our doctor said, "When they start covering up, you start covering up".

Well, it never really happened. I am a fairly modest person, and do not walk around the house in the raw, but my own personal sensibilities, to the extent I thought about it, was that rushing to cover up or being all indignant about them walking in would make it a bigger deal than it needed to be. So that's just how it is and I'm good with it. I know that others feel very uncomfortable about having their children see them nude or having seen their parents nude, but it's just not an issue to my family.

[Eoywin]

I've only seen the first episode of the Game of Thrones and there is no way I'd let my daughter, who will be 4 in a couple of months, see it. We are open and honest with her, but there are some tv shows that just aren't appropriate.

[Black Aliss]

As far as the vibrator goes, I would probably answer in pretty much the same way, although I probably wouldn't use the word vibrator. Just "this is one of mummy's private things. You have things you dont like other people to touch, and I don't like other people touching this. We have to respect other people's privacy."

I said, "It's for when mommy has a sore shoulder or back and daddy isn't here to give me a massage. See, this is how it works." and I held it to her shoulder and turned it on. She said, "It tickles!" and I said "yup."

And then I hid that sucker where she would never, ever find it again.

[emmiedahl]

Well, it never really happened. I am a fairly modest person, and do not walk around the house in the raw, but my own personal sensibilities, to the extent I thought about it, was that rushing to cover up or being all indignant about them walking in would make it a bigger deal than it needed to be. So that's just how it is and I'm good with it. I know that others feel very uncomfortable about having their children see them nude or having seen their parents nude, but it's just not an issue to my family.

Yeah, if they don't care and you don't care, then it is a non-issue.

I grew up with hippie parents and there were blocks of time when the nearby creek was our bathtub. We usually would go out there and bathe as a family. When we lived communally, there were other naked hippies. It did not bother me or anyone else. At some point I developed modesty but by then we lived in a normal family home and not a yurt/shack/bus/etc. Somewhere with running water and a locking door.

[itsnikki05]

That is not something I want my 5 year old to see much less a 3 year old. Yeah.

I guess... whatever. I answer any of Julia's questions matter of factly, I don't say things in a way that might make her feel ashamed of her body or afraid to ask me questions. But there are things that it's ok for a 3 year old to know... and things that you can probably be more vague with. I would believe "vibrators" would be under the vague category. And I would not be posting about all that for the whole world to see!!

[SquirrelySquirrel]

I have no problem censoring TV, though I definitely do it with my individual child in mind. I know what she can handle, and she enjoys a lot of scary movies that I never would've been able to handle at her age, but we don't purposely expose her to extreme violence or sex scenes. Plus we DVR our shows and watch them after she's in bed anyway. It's very rare for the husband and/or I to sit down and zone out to one of our shows while she's around. If we're watching as a family, it's a movie we've agreed on or something like Wipeout that we can enjoy as a family.

She will be 7 in a couple of weeks and shows no sign of being embarrassed by nudity: hers, mine, or her dad's. I know I didn't want my dad or brother to see me naked by about age 5. That could've been my mom's influence though, as she's a prude to the nth degree. We're just following her lead, though my husband has tried to keep covered around her for the past year or two. His choice, but he also doesn't freak if she comes in while he's showering or sleeping in the buff.

[dpndetfarm]

Ditto absolutely everything Austin said, right down to the children. TV was very limited as were computer games (ADD kids can have a tough time coming "down" when they spend more than about 1/2 hour watching a screen) although as they got older I would let them see a movie with a little t and a before I would let them see a movie with violence. Naked bodies have never been a big deal and questions have been answered honestly and in language they could understand. Now if only someone could convince them that just because there is no door on my bathroom yet they do not have automatic permission to enter if I am actually sitting on my throne!!! Showering fine, but peeing no fair, and anything else GET THE HELL OUT! Maybe I am being too harsh. They are, after all, only 19 and 21. :roll:

[Haligh the Liar]

I grew up in a home where TV and movies were strictly censored- I was the kid who wasn't allowed to see PG13 movies until I was actually 13. Books were fair game, though.

If I have kids, I hope to make sex ed an ongoing, age appropriate process, not "oh shit, they hit puberty, let me grab some condoms and have a talk". Also, I agree with the line of thinking that I'd expect my kids to grow up and have sex, but I would NOT expect them to engage in violence, so I'd prefer them to see the former.

[Minerva]

Idk if I'd want to teach my 3-year-old the word "vibrator" with zero context like that. Next thing you know, she's saying it at school.

I saw both my parents naked when I was little. I also saw other adults naked in change rooms (my dad would take me into the men's when I was a toddler - I believe I was expected to have no memory of those years). Social boundaries are not universal, and it was normal to see each other naked in my family. It also inspired many conversations about how "boys" and "girls" have different anatomy. I think knowing what naked adult bodies look like and knowing what isn't ok for people to do to you are two separate things. The latter is what's important in arming kids against sexual predators.

My first ever sex ed class was in junior kindergarten. We looked at drawings of naked people and learned the names of body parts, learned about which touches were inappropriate, and learned what to do if it ever happened to us. I had this class again in senior kindergarten and grade 1. One year, I can't remember which, the teacher read out scenarios (I'll never forget the one in which a friend's dad exposes himself to the protagonist) and we had to tell the protagonist what to do.

[Glass Cowcatcher]

Idk if I'd want to teach my 3-year-old the word "vibrator" with zero context like that. Next thing you know, she's saying it at school.

Exactly, at the very least that would be embarrassing for the parents to have to explain. I can imagine that it might be alienating for the kids--maybe some other parents might think a family that open it would be a bad influence on their kids--and at the very worst, might bring some attention from mandatory reporters.

[tigerchild]

I don't have a problem with how she handled the vibrator question.

I also don't have a problem with answering a child's question, upon accidentally walking in on a sex scene, of "what are they doing" by explaining what they were doing.

Then again, my kids have been going to UU or UCC churches since birth now, so they have gone through OWL (that doesn't start until 4/5 though so that wouldn't have helped in this case) and I have really had fun answering their questions about sexuality before and after that. (I love asking them what they think first, it's pretty interesting to hear how they parse things they've heard on the radio or whatever or their theories on things)

Hubby and I have a more liberal approach to books and music than most people we know. We do, however, moderate visual stuff quite a bit. It's one thing to read depictions of violence and hints of sexuality--another thing entirely to have it shoved in the kids' face in graphic detail especially by live actors. When I was a preteen I discovered Ender's Game for example, and loved it, that book changed my life. However, in no way would I have been able to handle a movie that portrayed the violence in the book. Same situation with my daughter and the Hunger Games or the mythology books she loves. She gets pissed that I won't let her see the film, but I know her tolerance level for actual visual depictions of violence, and it's not something I want to subject her to. I think that the visual vs. written draws attention to different things sometimes. All that blathering to say that I would bar my kids from seeing Game of Thrones until I felt they could handle the content visually, and had developed a strong enough context about sex and sexuality to understand that rape by one's spouse or anyone else is not something that should be seen as normal, or (in Dany's case) as okay because eventually she likes it and loves him. That kind of theme is the one thing that will get a book or series shelved in our house as well.