Journaling

I start my new part time job today in a non profit company. 
Not nervous because it's part time. 
I am so glad I am no longer with the professor. 
I just want to be a ray of light and service 

Apparently I am trying Bouldering on Saturday.  With the upper body strength of a flower, this can only end well... right? 

Went to a writer's group meeting yesterday.  First time I've gone to this group's meetings.  Different from other groups I've participated in - this one was a series of prompts and exercises.  I was in a bit of a mood going in - Father's Day weekend for a recent widow is no laugh matter; several social/annoying things happened at Shabbat service in the morning, and one of our service leaders made a "somebody really should" statement of the writing variety and once I hear someone say "someone really should" I usually can't unsee the idea until I've had a try at it.  We did a word association map for one exercise, then wrote something based on part or all of the word map.  I picked a section of the map that had some references to knives and fancy dress balls to write from.  I'm pretty proud of what I wrote in 15 minutes but it's pretty clear that I was in a "mood."
 
 
The night of the long knives came and went as a plague on the first born of the land.  Men perfectly healthy went to bed only to be jerked from sleep with knives against their throats.  Here were the leaders of men, thrust against walls at the point of a stiletto, there the young men only following their orders, and over there again the family men who didn't exactly plan to pursue this path but perfectly content where they'd found themselves.  At the end of a blade, deep in the depression years, taking their payslips home at the end of the week feeling they'd done a good job, and a little extra for mother in the kitchen. The years of children, church, and kitchen. The good women. Most of them not owning a fancy pair of shoes or a party dress, for who had time?  The children needed their mothers at home, the men away at work.
The children of course, were not silent.  Soldiers burst into their homes, dragged their fathers out of bed.  Mothers clutching their husbands, children wailing for their papas. The ones who understood left quietly, reassuring the children on their way out - it's a special exercise, I couldn't know about it beforehand, otherwise I would have told you.  Hush child, I'll be home in a few days. They knew they'd be lucky to make it to the end of the block, of course, but let the children hope for a little bit longer, before all hope fell away and their eyes opened to the hatred their own fathers had taken part in.
Others didn't understand, resisted and fought against the soldiers who came into their homes.  They'd believed in the banners and flags, they'd stood and cheered, they'd enjoyed seeing fear cross the faces of those who understood.  Now they themselves fought back in fear. Fear of losing their lives for who could possibly know what comes next? Wagner wrote of Valhalla, their wives faithfully attended church; surely there was something to greet them when the heart stopped quivering, trying to pump blood flowing onto floors, and truck beds, and sidewalks.  

I'm hooked on Duolingo. It's more helpful than I initially thought.

Almost lost my little dog Molly today  Thankfully she seems to be ok but the next 24 hours are crucial. My ex husband came home to find her blanket wrapped around her neck real tight and she was just laying on the floor. He got her untangled and the blanket had blood on it and she had pooped and peed (probably so scared while it was happening) She started coughing up blood and her one eye is all bulged out and bloody. He called me and I told him to get her to the nearest emergency vet and I would meet him there. They said she's really lucky to be alive. They said to keep a close eye on her breathing the next 24 hours but after that if she's ok she should be fine. They sent her home with eyedrops and an anti-inflammatory medicine for her little neck. I'm so happy that she is ok but man, my heart is broken just thinking about how terrified my poor little baby was! I really really hope dogs have short memories so she doesn't remember this but even thinking about how she was most likely struggling just breaks my heart. I know she's "just" a dog so this is probably silly to alot of people, I totally get that, but she is my baby. I never had children. Molly is my baby. Everytime I think about how she was probably feeling I just cry. But I'm so glad she's alive.

Ch. 3 Sneak Attack
While in bed, two ants appear on my arm. Instead of approaching this logically, I spray the ant spray straight behind my nightstand.
Unventilated.
Immediately. Don't do that.

clueliss,I love your profile pic.
I have 3 torties.I have 3 tabbies and 1 black or tuxedo cat.

Got up at 6:30 and made kids’ breakfast before they went to work.  Cleaned up and laid back down for a second to plan what I was going to do this morning aaaaannnnndddd...
Just woke up a little after noon.  
Just me and the fur kiddos and I’m trying really hard not to follow sleeping in with a long nap.

It’s Father’s Day in the States today. I hope everyone celebrating has a lovely day and everyone having a difficult time - for any reason - has a peaceful one. ❤️

I hate cancer! Its like watching a shitty movie where you already know the end. He's lost more weight, is more unsteady on his feet and the seizures are more frequent. LIFE SUCKS