Dating is pointless...except for me...and her...oh, and him.

[dairyfreelife]

I'm not having sex before marriage and I CANNOT imagine not dating. I don't understand why fundies don't understand that dating doesn't necessarily involve sex or even oral/manual sex. Considering the ease with which fundie courtships can be broken off (eg Jocelyn Dixon), you may as well let your kids date.

Plus dates don't have to turn into anything. You can go on a date and just have fun. Go out to eat and see a new movie and just more or less "hang out". Things may grow from there. Most people only have sex after they've dated for awhile. Dating is just a way to get to know another person and develop an intimate, romantic relationship. Intimate relationship does not equal sex of any type. As others have said, my great-grandmother courted my great-grandfather. Courting was basically dating in their time though. He took her out and while she did have a chaperone often, they did more than old hands (no sex though). Married for avery long time. My grandparents on both sides dated. Married for a long time. I think almost 60 years for my maternal grandparents.

[CanadianHippie]

Plus dates don't have to turn into anything. You can go on a date and just have fun. Go out to eat and see a new movie and just more or less "hang out". Things may grow from there. Most people only have sex after they've dated for awhile. Dating is just a way to get to know another person and develop an intimate, romantic relationship. Intimate relationship does not equal sex of any type. As others have said, my great-grandmother courted my great-grandfather. Courting was basically dating in their time though. He took her out and while she did have a chaperone often, they did more than old hands (no sex though). Married for avery long time. My grandparents on both sides dated. Married for a long time. I think almost 60 years for my maternal grandparents.

But you're still giving pieces of your heart away and won't be able to love your headship enough when you find him. Just because more kids = more love doesn't mean that more men/women = more love.

[dairyfreelife]

But you're still giving pieces of your heart away and won't be able to love your headship enough when you find him. Just because more kids = more love doesn't mean that more men/women = more love.

I got my first kiss in kindergarten so I'm already "tainted" in fundie world. ;)

[ladypuglover]

My grandmother was a young lady of 16 and was with her sisters and friends at the skating rink when she saw this young man skate by with his friends. She thought to herself that that was the man she was going to marry. Somehow she got in front of my grandfather and managed to "fall" in front of him and clearly needed help. Being the clueless young man my grandfather helped her up and started talking to her. By the end of the skating party my grandfather asked my grandmother if he could see her again. I don't know how long it was they dated but it couldn't have been to long as my grandfather found out theat his new bride wasn't 21 like she said but a child of 17 but it was too late as not only had they said their vows but my grandmother had stolen his heart. He knew something must have been up because not only was my grandmother the most athletic woman he ever met but she was the smartest. So he took her mistruth about her age as being doing whatever it took to catch her man. Funny thing is my grand mother remembered it as my grandfather plowing her down and she fell in love with him because he was so helpless, not her. She admits to lieing about her age as he was a much older man and wasn't about to let some chippy get him.

They were married for over 60 years and they always said that they were still newlyweds on their honeymoon.

Dating can and does works even if you have to mow the lady down.

[pixydust]

I still don't see the difference between dating and courtship. You can date someone without kissing or fucking them - think awkward junior high relationships. And courtships can be called off. Is it the chaperones that make the difference? Or do fundies just call dating something else so they can feel special?

I think that the differance is who is in control. When dating one person aproaches another and asks them out on a date. With courting a guy asks his DAD, then prays, then asks her DAD (or dad 1 asks dad 2), then DAD prays and tells the guy (or other dad) yes or no, then DAD (hofully) asks his daughter what she thinks of young-fundy-guy and she says yes or no. So the dads are in control with courting.

I've now typed "dad" so many times I think it's a bizarre word.....might have to ban the kids from ever saying it again!

[Grace]

I am LOVING everyone's Grandparent stories! They are so sweet. I think I Need to call my grandma and have her tell me some stories.

[Swamptribe]

I've never understood this 'giving away pieces of your heart' stuff. Do they really believe that one has a finite amount of love to give in their lives? If so, what does this say about having lots of children. You love each existing child a little less when a new one comes along?

Also, this whole idea of the headships having to approve of any courtship first because the participants aren't responsible enough to decide for themselves? What's up with that? First of all, in the fundie world, it doesn't matter if you realize you made a mistake in choosing a partner after the fact, because they don't believe in divorce? To admit a mistake would be going against the will of god according to their reasoning.

[freehannie]

I think all of headship approval is precisely because they don't believe in divorce. They have kind of painted themselves into a corner. On the one hand, marriage is this ideal relationship God has planned for you if only you wait and do what you are supposed to do. At the same time, lots of people get divorced including "good" Christians. They have to explain that in some way. So it must be that people dated, didn't get Daddy's approval, etc. rather than question the institution itself. I don't think they realize though that creating these unrealistic expectations for marriage and family as the ultimate fairy tale are part of the problem. But of course if happiness and fulfillment could be found outside of marriage and family, people might make other choices and we can't have that.

I find the whole courtship obsession just bizarre. All this waiting around for a man to show up. Frankly, I think young girls have lots of better things to do with their time.

[FJismyheadship]

So what happens in the current generation that is of marrying age, when courtship marriages end in divorce?

[pixydust]

So what happens in the current generation that is of marrying age, when courtship marriages end in divorce?

I would assume that the fundies won't divorce for any reason (affairs/abuse/hating each others guts with a passion brighter than the sun) . Could you imagine a Morton divorce? Maxwell? Duggar? Nope, they will plaster a smile on their face and keep sweet no matter what happens, even if it kills them.

[LucySnowe]

I wasn't on the old Yuku board for the thread where Natalie Nyquist turned up, but she's a very good (?) example of what happens when a courtship marriage blows up. Her second marriage was to a bigamist/liar/general con artist, and she's now a single mother who's been through two divorces. The last I saw of her online, she seemed to be doing pretty well, but this was clearly not the result she'd been led to expect - and she did absolutely everything right - and this is absolutely not what the proponents of courtship want to promote.

[Swamptribe]

Ya know, as somebody who has worked with abused women. Including women whose parents couldn't understand what the problem was because 'he' was such a nice guy. Yes, a lot of women's parents blame the women instead of the abuser, it's disgusting. I cannot fathom the whole 'getting daddy's' approval nonsense.

But gosh. I guess if Daddy makes a mistake, it's simply what god wanted. So misery is just want god intended for your life. Buck up little camper, put a smile on your face and 'keep sweet'.