Dating is pointless...except for me...and her...oh, and him.

[Koala]

http://www.thefatherknowsbest.com/2012/04/road-to-marriage.html

In which Kendal rants about how worthless dating is. :roll:

Besides the fact that the "sign" assumes A LOT (and is pretty much complete and utter bullshit), what I'd like to know is this:

How did Kendal (and other 1st generation fundies) meet their husbands? Surely is was through courtship right? :whistle: I mean surely all of these marriages didn't spring from dating.

I know dating didn't work for my grandparents. They dated and then married. Stayed that way for the next 54 years (when they died).

It didn't work for my husband and I either. We've been married almost 11 years. We have 2 kids and well, that's beside the point because DATING DOESN'T WORK :roll:

[contrary]

omg. practice for divorce? perpetual recreation?

HAHAHA. kendal is so dumb, she's funny. she's one of my favorite dumb, smug, nutjobs.

zsuzsu scares me, because she's crazy AND smart. kendal is just a total dumbass.

edited just so i could use "dumb" one more time in this post.

[Koala]

omg. practice for divorce? perpetual recreation?

HAHAHA. kendal is so dumb, she's funny. she's one of my favorite dumb, smug, nutjobs.

zsuzsu scares me, because she's crazy AND smart. kendal is just a total dumbass.

edited just so i could use "dumb" one more time in this post.

It's like it hasn't hit her that that's how she and most of her moronic little fan girls got where they are now.

Gee, if one didn't know any better one would almost guess that "courtship" is all about controlling women. :roll:

[contrary]

but they WANT to be controlled, so they aren't really submitting, because they agree to submit, see?

oh. you don't see? yeah. me either.

[Ja Rule]

Dating might be pointless, but at least I'm not marrying the first guy I meet just so I can have sex, like SOMEPEOPLE we know.

[Dhani_C]

I think that dating is essential for any future long-term relationship. It allows you to see what you do and don't like in a person and can help you find the one that is right for you in the long run. Plus, you learn a lot about what you are willing to compromise and what you aren't (EX: you may want kids and he doesn't, if you feel strongly about having children then you know that it's not going to work out).

[contrary]

well, good point there, Dhani, but we all know that in kendal's circle, whether or not to have kids is a non-issue.

as is what YOU may want, because once you marry, you only want what HE wants.

[MonkeyMomma]

If you are going to let your teens date, then shame on you! Yup, I said it!

Oooh, AND I'm going to let my kids go to college if they want. I know, I know, I'm the WORST PARENT EVAR. How will my children ever be able to function in socie--

Oh wait.

[delilahdog11]

What scares me the most is how willing these women are to guide other women and their daughters into slavery and submission. Many fundy families become fundy because of the wife that strikes me as odd because it is not a choice I could imagine making.

[Minerva]

I still don't see the difference between dating and courtship. You can date someone without kissing or fucking them - think awkward junior high relationships. And courtships can be called off. Is it the chaperones that make the difference? Or do fundies just call dating something else so they can feel special?

[pomology]

I still don't see the difference between dating and courtship. You can date someone without kissing or fucking them - think awkward junior high relationships. And courtships can be called off. Is it the chaperones that make the difference? Or do fundies just call dating something else so they can feel special?

Yeah, I've seen enough fundies with failed courtships to know that it doesn't do a thing about protecting your heart. And, honestly, having my heart broken was one of the most valuable experiences of my life which will allow to be more mature and whatnot about relationships in the future.

[delilahdog11]

I still don't see the difference between dating and courtship. You can date someone without kissing or fucking them - think awkward junior high relationships. And courtships can be called off. Is it the chaperones that make the difference? Or do fundies just call dating something else so they can feel special?

Agreed. I don't see a huge difference between the two. With the exception of the chaperones and the fact that it seems the girl is kept in the dark until the actual courting happens. Dating and courtship don't always work out and both can result in hurt feelings and broken hearts. Dating allows for the two people to actually figure out if they are compatible enough to make a relationship work and if they have similar goals when it comes to family, careers, etc. I don't see how this would happen during a courtship?

I guess all that matters is that the boy and the girl both come from families with the same religious backgrounds because, of course, all their values and goals would be compatible. Even if their personalities aren't.

I wouldn't like a courtship over dating because, although, dating can sometimes suck. It comes with the added bonus of kissing and maybe some fucking. Dating worked for me because once I met my husband. I knew he was the one because of all the ones that didn't work out. Once you meet the person you are suppose to be with. You understand why all the other ones didn't work.

[FJismyheadship]

Its official. I am buying an I Love Kendull shirt.

Dating has been around forever! When a boy buys your cake or pie cause he likes you, when he walks you home from church... even going for a ride in his buggy! Its been around FOREVER. Someone please tell her that her parents, grandparents, GREAT grandparents and all of their friends throughout time probably dated. I would but Im not letting her blog freeze my phone.

[Funky Chicken]

Maybe Kendull thinks dating is bad because it caused her to end up with her husband...

[debrand]

My grandmother used the word, courting to mean dating. And she dated/courted a couple of men before she married my grandfather in the early 1940's. The way the fundies use the word courting would have been unrecognizable to her.

Perhaps fundies look at relationships before the 20th century and assume that the marriages were happier because they didn't often end in divorce. What they don't take into account is that it was much harder to get divorced. Women could loose their children if they divorced. However, just because marriages stayed together, doesn't mean that the couple loved or even respected one another.

[Buba]

I still don't see the difference between dating and courtship. You can date someone without kissing or fucking them - think awkward junior high relationships. And courtships can be called off. Is it the chaperones that make the difference? Or do fundies just call dating something else so they can feel special?

Agreeed. I also don't see any difference between coursthipd and a relationship without kissing. I used to work at this fundie-lite summer camp in my home country and they brought few americans to work with us. There was this sweet seventeen-year-old girl who was virtually in touch with one of our volunteers and was going to meet him for the first time at the camp. She told me he was her "special friend". I didn't really understand what she meant by that, so she explained they were in a courtship.

Well, immediately after seeing him in person she got desperate and wanted to cancel the whole thing (he was the least attractive guy in our staff), but she was supposed to spend the following two weeks after the camp with him and his family. She couldn't stop crying, started calling her parents in the US, etc.

I don't really know how it ended with this guy, but later someone told me she was going to get married to a pastor-to-be she had met in my country.

[dairyfreelife]

What is the phrase? Oh, yeah. "There's nothing new under the sun."

Heard the dating is practice for divorce a hundred or so times from these types of people. Yawn. They run out of things to say. I'll take dating over courtship because I get to pick who I want to date and why and who I break up with and why, when, how and whom I marry. My father doesn't get to decide anything. That's the issue though with these people. Their daughters aren't intelligent enough to make their own decisions. Based on what I've read from Raquel's guy interviews, most of the guy's feel they don't need their parent's involvement, but the gal's parents are supposed to be really involved in the process. Apparently young women are far less mature and capable than their young male counterparts to make decisions about whom to date and being able to know what they want and what to look for in a mate.

I've not really dated yet, but I'm choosing it over parent-controlled, arranged-marriage style courtship.

[desertvixen]

honestly, having my heart broken was one of the most valuable experiences of my life which will allow to be more mature and whatnot about relationships in the future.

It sucks to have your heart broken, but it is one of those valuable experiences. There's not really much in my dating history I would do over again, if only because they helped me realize important things about myself. Plus, sadness is part of life - it can't all be perfect and wonderful and happy all of the time - that's fake as all hell IMO.

[debrand]

The picture that she is using came from a story on LAF.

I wish that I could post it because the bullets are interesting.

Dating is

>random

>goal is romance

>unnatural settingof perpetual romance

>>Practice for divorce

>unprotected

se colored glasses

Courtship is

>Deliberate

>Goal is marriage

> Protected

>training for marriage

Natural setting of real life and family

>Magnifying glass

[LucySnowe]

Dating is an unnatural setting of perpetual romance, huh? So really, the answer is that you should move in together and then you get that 'natural setting of real life and family' right away. Solved!

I remember YLCF's Gretchen saying for the first year or so of her marriage, possibly longer, that she wanted every day to be a honeymoon at the Little Pink House. Talk abouy unnatural perpetual romance! I can't remember how many children she was up to before she stopped saying that. :)

[ellerigby]

Dating has been around forever! When a boy buys your cake or pie cause he likes you, when he walks you home from church... even going for a ride in his buggy! Its been around FOREVER. Someone please tell her that her parents, grandparents, GREAT grandparents and all of their friends throughout time probably dated. I would but Im not letting her blog freeze my phone.

Exactly. So, anecdote. My mom was digging around in my grandma's basement and found my great-grandfather's journal from when he was in his early 20s, teaching at several schools in small town Indiana in the 1910s. OMG. It's pretty much the best thing ever. My great-grandfather got around! His journal details how he and his friends took Ethel and Florence on a buggy ride on Friday, then met Mary and Elizabeth on Saturday to go ice skating, and then he took Rose to the church picnic on Sunday, etc, etc, etc. My mom thinks he dated every eligible girl in the three surrounding counties. After a few "wild years," he married my great-grandmother (who also got around in her youth- I've heard stories about some epic buggy races...), fathered a couple daughters, and had a successful career in education.

The fundies seem to forget that dating is so not a new thing. They seem to think that life partners will drop out of the sky for their children, when that's so not how it worked for them (or anyone...). So sad.

[GeoBQn]

It's amazing that my grandparents were able to stay married for 58 years when they started out on what was clearly shaky ground. They met at Walgreens, where my grandfather was the pharmacist and my grandmother was--GASP!--working as a stock girl. Then my grandfather sat next to my grandmother for lunch every day for a week, without even asking her parents about it first!

My husband's grandparents were even worse. They met when his grandfather got a job as a receptionist at a dance studio, and his grandmother was one of the dancers (that hussy!) JimBob would not approve at all. Clearly, their 50-year marriage was just a fluke.

My great-grandparents, I'm not exactly sure what form their relationship took, but they definitely met on their own. I found their marriage certificate--either medical care for premature babies was a lot more advanced in 1909 than I thought it was, or my great-grandmother was 2 months pregnant when she got married. And for the sin of premarital sex, they were cursed with a 50-year marriage.

[CanadianHippie]

I found their marriage certificate--either medical care for premature babies was a lot more advanced in 1909 than I thought it was, or my great-grandmother was 2 months pregnant when she got married. And for the sin of premarital sex, they were cursed with a 50-year marriage.

Oh, don't you know? Back before things like birth control, first babies cooked faster!

[browngrl]

Maybe Kendull thinks dating is bad because it caused her to end up with her husband...

Yeah, this! :lol:

[fluttershies]

I'm not having sex before marriage and I CANNOT imagine not dating. I don't understand why fundies don't understand that dating doesn't necessarily involve sex or even oral/manual sex. Considering the ease with which fundie courtships can be broken off (eg Jocelyn Dixon), you may as well let your kids date.