Lady Lydia- Un-Charitable old witch

[ladyamylynn]

If you have a strong urge to involve yourself in helping someone by looking after their children, cleaning their house, or running errands for them, have a look first, at your own situation:

Is your own laundry and ironing completely caught up?

Do you have unfinished mending and sewing?

Are your meals planned for the day, complete with necessary groceries?

Is your kitchen clean and available for meal preparation?

In general, are you satisfied with the condition of your house (i.e. your homemaking efforts, involving clean, orderly rooms--not perfect, but acceptable to you.)

Have you caught up on your correspondence?

Do you have regular rest time and leisure time? This could be jeopardized if it is used to engage in laborious tasks for people who have no interest in your home, or who are able bodied and can look after themselves, have relatives nearby, or who maybe even have more money than you do and could perhaps buy more conveniences which would help cope with the load of their own housekeeping.

If you have answered any of these questions with "no," you may be inviting unnecessary stress into your life by offering to help people who can help themselves, or by taking on other people's problems. There may be stages of life later on when you do not have as much responsibility in your own home, when you can take on other things, but if you are experiencing stress, this is one area that can be eliminated, if only temporarily. There is nothing offensive about informing people politely that you need to rest, or that you are guarding your health and your time and will have to decline an invitation or a volunteer job.

So basically women shouldn't volunteer or help outside the home whatsoever, because your own "leisure time" is more important than helping anyone else. The title of the post is "Living without Unnecessary Stress," which I guess is her term for helping the less fortunate. homeliving.blogspot.com/2011/09/living-without-unnecessary-stress.html This bitch is crazy, I love her blog, if you can't tell from my username!

[Kishiria]

I once left a comment on her blog about one of her innumerable pink-and-glitter kindergarten projects. I asked if she'd ever considered going to nursing homes and teaching craft classes to old ladies, since that would engage them and then give them something pretty for their rooms. She didn't post the comment, of course. Now I know why; cheering up old ladies would bite into the time designated for holding tea parties in her bedsheet forts!

[vicka]

huh. Could've sworn jesus said it once... don't help anybody if it interferes with your leisure time. ya. what is with this people being so inconsistent to the very scripture they profess to believe in?

[Austin]

So basically women shouldn't volunteer or help outside the home whatsoever, because your own "leisure time" is more important than helping anyone else. The title of the post is "Living without Unnecessary Stress," which I guess is her term for helping the less fortunate. homeliving.blogspot.com/2011/09/living-without-unnecessary-stress.html This bitch is crazy, I love her blog, if you can't tell from my username!

So in other words, she is advising other "Christian" women to make sure that everything is just so for the husband before she ever lifts a finger for anyone else. Ever.

Appalling.

I so often think when I read things written by these crazy fundie women that most of non-religious people I know have way more care and compassion and are more sacificial in their giving to others than any of her ilk.

[Brainsample]

Has Lydia ever shown up here on FJ?

[Austin]

Has Lydia ever shown up here on FJ?

I don't think so. . . there's not much pink here. . .

[ladyamylynn]

Has Lydia ever shown up here on FJ?

Somebody should try lighting a candle and chanting her name three times... Lady Lydia... Lady Lydia... Lady Lydia...

Now that would make for a scary Halloween!

[liltwinstar]

Erm, actually I don't find the bit you quoted to be too terrible...mostly because I grew up with a Mom who *would* take on everyone's problems before making sure she got enough sleep and had time for herself. And I don't mean that she was giving up her second nap or something - literally that she did so much for other people that she didn't always sleep much at night, and she would get so stressed that she would have backaches, migraines, etc, but yet she wouldn't tell someone "no, I can't do x thing for you."

Obviously, we should all pitch in if someone we know is going through a rough patch, but that's different from sacrificing your own well-being in order to take on someone else's chronic problems, you know?

Also, I think my perspective is a bit different because I also grew up in religious communities were there were "givers" and "takers" - givers were people like my Mom, sweet and well-meaning who just wanted everyone to be happy. The takers would literally bleed you dry - they needed rides to the airport. They needed babysitting for their kids. They couldn't afford a "modest" dress so could you sew them four for $20. Could you get to the church two hours early because there had been a water leak/ the bishop was coming/ the potluck needed to be set up. Could you wash the %$#(&* DISPOSABLE coffee cups because it was "too expensive" to buy more. Could you pitch in more for the building fund. Would you mind taking over the church books. And on and on and on. It was a long time before I realized that in normal relationships there is give and take - you might babysit the kids, they might give you a ride to the airport and collect your mail while you're gone. But I didn't see that in the religious communities I was part of, so it's jaded me a bit (erm, or more than a bit :) )

ETA: lest I sound heartless...the situations I mentioned above happened all the time, and they drove me crazy. Or really, my mom's inability to say no drove me crazy. The people who really did need help and who weren't jerks about it didn't drive me crazy. For example, there was a lady in our church who was going through chemo and she needed her house cleaned. I had no problem helping with that, in fact I was glad to do it - because she was clearly not able to do it for herself, nor was it a normal situation for her. There were other people who literally couldn't get their shit together for *years* and who lived in utter chaos of their own making and who would rely on the giving people to help them out all.the.time. That was bad.

[QueenNocturne]

So basically women shouldn't volunteer or help outside the home whatsoever, because your own "leisure time" is more important than helping anyone else. The title of the post is "Living without Unnecessary Stress," which I guess is her term for helping the less fortunate. homeliving.blogspot.com/2011/09/living-without-unnecessary-stress.html This bitch is crazy, I love her blog, if you can't tell from my username!

Well, at least she states outright what many supposed Christians I know secretly believe.

Also, ladyamylynn, you have the same name as one of my sisters, sans the lady part. :D

[Brainsample]

Somebody should try lighting a candle and chanting her name three times... Lady Lydia... Lady Lydia... Lady Lydia...

Now that would make for a scary Halloween!

She could dress up as Betty Bowers for halloween. Oh wait. We wouldn't be able to tell the difference unless she posted photos. LL does lace, and I don't think that's Betty's style.

[Extricated]

I'm all for reducing stress but then there's that whole "Do unto others..." part of the Bible.

Has the woman ever been sick in bed with dishes and laundry piled up and children bored out of their minds, or a broken down car and no groceries in the house? I wonder how different her article would be if she did and a friend told her "I was thinking of bringing you a pot of soup but then I remembered that I had emails to catch up on and a new book to read." I'm sure it would be all about self-sacrifice and serving others needs before your own wants.

[Austin]

Erm, actually I don't find the bit you quoted to be too terrible...mostly because I grew up with a Mom who *would* take on everyone's problems before making sure she got enough sleep and had time for herself. And I don't mean that she was giving up her second nap or something - literally that she did so much for other people that she didn't always sleep much at night, and she would get so stressed that she would have backaches, migraines, etc, but yet she wouldn't tell someone "no, I can't do x thing for you."

Obviously, we should all pitch in if someone we know is going through a rough patch, but that's different from sacrificing your own well-being in order to take on someone else's chronic problems, you know?

Also, I think my perspective is a bit different because I also grew up in religious communities were there were "givers" and "takers" - givers were people like my Mom, sweet and well-meaning who just wanted everyone to be happy. The takers would literally bleed you dry - they needed rides to the airport. They needed babysitting for their kids. They couldn't afford a "modest" dress so could you sew them four for $20. Could you get to the church two hours early because there had been a water leak/ the bishop was coming/ the potluck needed to be set up. Could you wash the %$#(&* DISPOSABLE coffee cups because it was "too expensive" to buy more. Could you pitch in more for the building fund. Would you mind taking over the church books. And on and on and on. It was a long time before I realized that in normal relationships there is give and take - you might babysit the kids, they might give you a ride to the airport and collect your mail while you're gone. But I didn't see that in the religious communities I was part of, so it's jaded me a bit (erm, or more than a bit :) )

I agree that it is healthy to have boundaries and be able to discern "givers" from "takers". However, if one would otherwise offer assistance but won't in the appalling circumstance of every item of laundry not being folded and put away or every email not answered, that's kind of pathetic.

I wonder what they think that teaches their children. I suppose they don't care.

[ladyamylynn]

Erm, actually I don't find the bit you quoted to be too terrible...mostly because I grew up with a Mom who *would* take on everyone's problems before making sure she got enough sleep and had time for herself. And I don't mean that she was giving up her second nap or something - literally that she did so much for other people that she didn't always sleep much at night, and she would get so stressed that she would have backaches, migraines, etc, but yet she wouldn't tell someone "no, I can't do x thing for you."

Obviously, we should all pitch in if someone we know is going through a rough patch, but that's different from sacrificing your own well-being in order to take on someone else's chronic problems, you know?

Also, I think my perspective is a bit different because I also grew up in religious communities were there were "givers" and "takers" - givers were people like my Mom, sweet and well-meaning who just wanted everyone to be happy. The takers would literally bleed you dry - they needed rides to the airport. They needed babysitting for their kids. They couldn't afford a "modest" dress so could you sew them four for $20. Could you get to the church two hours early because there had been a water leak/ the bishop was coming/ the potluck needed to be set up. Could you wash the %$#(&* DISPOSABLE coffee cups because it was "too expensive" to buy more. Could you pitch in more for the building fund. Would you mind taking over the church books. And on and on and on. It was a long time before I realized that in normal relationships there is give and take - you might babysit the kids, they might give you a ride to the airport and collect your mail while you're gone. But I didn't see that in the religious communities I was part of, so it's jaded me a bit (erm, or more than a bit :) )

ETA: lest I sound heartless...the situations I mentioned above happened all the time, and they drove me crazy. Or really, my mom's inability to say no drove me crazy. The people who really did need help and who weren't jerks about it didn't drive me crazy. For example, there was a lady in our church who was going through chemo and she needed her house cleaned. I had no problem helping with that, in fact I was glad to do it - because she was clearly not able to do it for herself, nor was it a normal situation for her. There were other people who literally couldn't get their shit together for *years* and who lived in utter chaos of their own making and who would rely on the giving people to help them out all.the.time. That was bad.

Fair enough, although judging from the amount of insane crap clogging her house, I seriously doubt she lacks time, energy or money. Taste, on the other hand...

[fundiefan]

Well, at least I know when I am lying around doing nothing because I'm too tired after working all week and dealing with other crap, I am pleasing the great Lydia. I am taking my leisure time, dammit, and everyone else be damned. Lydia says so!

She's a waste of space. The world has enough glitter and if her leisure is more important than helping someone in need, then she speaks clearly for herself, doesn't she? Selfish, lazy old hag with horrible taste and even worse horrible ideas about the world.

[wildflower]

Methinks Lady Lydia needs to take some of her precious leisure time and read the Bible.

[ladypuglover]

Erm, actually I don't find the bit you quoted to be too terrible...mostly because I grew up with a Mom who *would* take on everyone's problems before making sure she got enough sleep and had time for herself. And I don't mean that she was giving up her second nap or something - literally that she did so much for other people that she didn't always sleep much at night, and she would get so stressed that she would have backaches, migraines, etc, but yet she wouldn't tell someone "no, I can't do x thing for you."

Obviously, we should all pitch in if someone we know is going through a rough patch, but that's different from sacrificing your own well-being in order to take on someone else's chronic problems, you know?

Also, I think my perspective is a bit different because I also grew up in religious communities were there were "givers" and "takers" - givers were people like my Mom, sweet and well-meaning who just wanted everyone to be happy. The takers would literally bleed you dry - they needed rides to the airport. They needed babysitting for their kids. They couldn't afford a "modest" dress so could you sew them four for $20. Could you get to the church two hours early because there had been a water leak/ the bishop was coming/ the potluck needed to be set up. Could you wash the %$#(&* DISPOSABLE coffee cups because it was "too expensive" to buy more. Could you pitch in more for the building fund. Would you mind taking over the church books. And on and on and on. It was a long time before I realized that in normal relationships there is give and take - you might babysit the kids, they might give you a ride to the airport and collect your mail while you're gone. But I didn't see that in the religious communities I was part of, so it's jaded me a bit (erm, or more than a bit :) )

ETA: lest I sound heartless...the situations I mentioned above happened all the time, and they drove me crazy. Or really, my mom's inability to say no drove me crazy. The people who really did need help and who weren't jerks about it didn't drive me crazy. For example, there was a lady in our church who was going through chemo and she needed her house cleaned. I had no problem helping with that, in fact I was glad to do it - because she was clearly not able to do it for herself, nor was it a normal situation for her. There were other people who literally couldn't get their shit together for *years* and who lived in utter chaos of their own making and who would rely on the giving people to help them out all.the.time. That was bad.

You have me sitting here thinking long and hard about the volunteering I do. Yes, it's volunteer work but I am quickly getting burned out by getting the crap jobs behind the scenewhile the new head and her friends get the easy/fun/credit jobs. I'm not asking for a pat on the back as my reward is knowing that someone who couldn't before now can but damn, mix it up a little and allow some of us have a job that doesn't require me having to rip off a mask to throw up from the extreme grossness of the job. I am really starting to think I need a break and need to look for another volunteer job. :?

[starfish]

I thought this post was going to be about Lady Lydia's comments on the Stinkin' Fishwife's website. She posted this weird comment about the town oddballs that are mentally ill, but nobody minds.

I'm not sure what the point of it is, besides 1) every town needs village idiots

and 2) mental illness is fun! and quaint.

[fundiefan]

How did I do that? Tried editing a typo in my last post and got a new one. Nothing here but confusion.

[Brainsample]

I thought this post was going to be about Lady Lydia's comments on the Stinkin' Fishwife's website. She posted this weird comment about the town oddballs that are mentally ill, but nobody minds.

I'm not sure what the point of it is, besides 1) every town needs village idiots

and 2) mental illness is fun! and quaint.

That's quaint, unlike old ladies who wear baggy shorts and pants that look to Mr. Reverend Sherman like big pullups (why is he staring at old ladies hind ends at the farmers market anyway?) or the offensiveness of people who haven't dressed up to be on TV as they flee a hurricane and flood, just before their house and everything in it gets washed away.

[Brainsample]

How did I do that? Tried editing a typo in my last post and got a new one. Nothing here but confusion.

That's because God hates shrimp.

[wildflower]

Erm, actually I don't find the bit you quoted to be too terrible...mostly because I grew up with a Mom who *would* take on everyone's problems before making sure she got enough sleep and had time for herself. And I don't mean that she was giving up her second nap or something - literally that she did so much for other people that she didn't always sleep much at night, and she would get so stressed that she would have backaches, migraines, etc, but yet she wouldn't tell someone "no, I can't do x thing for you."

Obviously, we should all pitch in if someone we know is going through a rough patch, but that's different from sacrificing your own well-being in order to take on someone else's chronic problems, you know?

Also, I think my perspective is a bit different because I also grew up in religious communities were there were "givers" and "takers" - givers were people like my Mom, sweet and well-meaning who just wanted everyone to be happy. The takers would literally bleed you dry - they needed rides to the airport. They needed babysitting for their kids. They couldn't afford a "modest" dress so could you sew them four for $20. Could you get to the church two hours early because there had been a water leak/ the bishop was coming/ the potluck needed to be set up. Could you wash the %$#(&* DISPOSABLE coffee cups because it was "too expensive" to buy more. Could you pitch in more for the building fund. Would you mind taking over the church books. And on and on and on. It was a long time before I realized that in normal relationships there is give and take - you might babysit the kids, they might give you a ride to the airport and collect your mail while you're gone. But I didn't see that in the religious communities I was part of, so it's jaded me a bit (erm, or more than a bit :) )

ETA: lest I sound heartless...the situations I mentioned above happened all the time, and they drove me crazy. Or really, my mom's inability to say no drove me crazy. The people who really did need help and who weren't jerks about it didn't drive me crazy. For example, there was a lady in our church who was going through chemo and she needed her house cleaned. I had no problem helping with that, in fact I was glad to do it - because she was clearly not able to do it for herself, nor was it a normal situation for her. There were other people who literally couldn't get their shit together for *years* and who lived in utter chaos of their own making and who would rely on the giving people to help them out all.the.time. That was bad.

As another daughter of a Mom who couldn't say no, I definitely agree that church culture can suck some well-intentioned women dry. In fact, there are a lot of fundie women who definitely need to be reassured that it's okay to take a break.

Unfortunately, Lady Lydia doesn't care that those women need a break. In her world, it's only okay to take a break after you have cleaned house, mended clothes, and caught up on your correspondence. Her post has layers of passive-aggressiveness. I do have to say that she manages to capture the tone of a bad fifties documentary in her writing almost exactly.

[finleeport]

Its funny she's called Lydia, cause there is an 'Aunt' Lydia in the Handmaid's Tale, she's hypocritical and a master manipulator.

[starfish]

I had this idea that maybe Lady Lydia is "seeing" people that aren't really there....

I have no idea of why she and the Stinkin Fishwife are so close. The SF fancies herself a mash-up of Plato, Joseph Goebbels and David Duke.

Lady Lydia is the intellectual equivalent of Howdy Doody, with my apologies to Mr. Doody.

[starfish]

Lady Lydia doesn't want anyone to help others because then the women might get the "big head" that they are important and they need to be the slaves at home where no one has to thank them.

[BravaAmica]

So basically women shouldn't volunteer or help outside the home whatsoever, because your own "leisure time" is more important than helping anyone else. The title of the post is "Living without Unnecessary Stress," which I guess is her term for helping the less fortunate. homeliving.blogspot.com/2011/09/living-without-unnecessary-stress.html This bitch is crazy, I love her blog, if you can't tell from my username!

She lost me at "Is your ironing caught up?" I haven't owned an iron in over 10 years.