Franicia White tells us how children should lose weight

[usedbicycle]

I couldn't find an active thread for the insufferable Tim and Franicia White, and have something I need to discuss NOW!! 

Quick background info: the family is well-known on here and good friends with the Bates and Duggars. They're an army family who lives in Chattanooga TN, into their guns and Trump, but eat all organic. Franicia is from Saipan, a Pacific island. She spectacularly transformed from a normal working girl with boyfriends to the fundiest of fundie moms. https://www.instagram.com/timandfranicia/ http://www.timandfranicia.com/ 

Remember their oldest daughter Heistheway? I used to feel bad for her as the oldest daughter and the only one in her family with an atrocious name. Well it gets worse. Her mom apparently put her on a diet when she was 12, and now wants to write a book about it. 

 

I'm speechless and don't even know where to start... It just reeks of body shaming and double standards, where men can be big and strong but women have to be teeny-tiny. Her husband is a huge guy. She should have thought twice before mating with him if she wanted tiny kids. And how does she know it's unnecessary weight? Her kids don't go to the doctors (she's an essential oil/chiropractor kinda gal), so this "diagnostic" is just what mom thinks a girl should look like. Heistheway looks perfectly healthy to me in pictures from a year ago (left in pink). Not to mention she was 12. 12!!!! Does her mother realize the damage she is doing to her? 

Anyway, these parents deserve the snark treatment. Let's make it harsh.

 

[Chocolatedefrauded]

Decided to lose weight on her own? I read that as parents nagged her til she gave in & restricted her food intake like crazy! Way to create an eating disorder in a young girl...

it is hard for parents to see kids eat badly and be overweight but that is not always related. Some kids are just built bigger, more stocky. And 12-13 is a rough age for girls. She could have grown out of the baby fat on her own.

[imokit]

12 is the age where puppy fat is piled on, ready for a teenage growth spurt and hormonal changes.

Kids are yo yos - babies are meant to be squidgy, then little kids who've just become mobile are charging around grow up for a while, then they lay stocks again pre/early puberty ready for the final push.

And @usedbicycle I agree in that pic she's a slim 12.

 

But what do you expect of a couple who named a girl heistheway?  Spurge has an amazing name in comparison.

[hoipolloi]

Pushing a preteen/tween/teen girl into weight loss through body-shaming, punishment & various other negative reinforcements is a recipe for disaster.

Eating disorders can kill, something many affected families don't realize until it's too late.

[JermajestyDuggar]

12 is the age where your hormones and growth are all out of whack. Often girls will gain a bit of fat during puberty or pre puberty.  Boys do too. It's normal! That 12 year old doesn't look overweight. She looks like she's going through puberty and has a round face like her mother. This makes me so sad. This is how eating disorders get started in juveniles. I feel so bad for this girl.

[BabyBottlePop]

I was chunky growing up, and my mom did pressure me a bit about it- shaming, telling me to "portion control"-- but she never went as far as dieting. By the time I grew out of it through puberty, I was a healthy weight (even skinny!) but thought I was fat all throughout my adolescence. I still struggle with bad self image.

Poor Heistheway. I'm sure they frame it as looking good so a man will want to marry you someday. 

[polecat]

Going by the pink picture, her face is round, but many people have a round face without being heavy -- and especially at that age. Her arms don't look particularly heavy and neither does the rest of her. I don't understand why she was pressured to lose weight. If she had bad eating habits, okay, fix that. But dieting? Shouldn't have been necessary. 

[DaniLouisiana]

The poor child looks great!! My GrandGirl IS overweight. Her mother and maternal grandmother are morbidly obese(gm had gastric bypass-didn't work).I try very hard to only model good eating habits and not to body shame. That child looks just fine, her mother is crazy.

[hoipolloi]

Franicia got into the US Naval Academy but dropped out after two years because she wanted to be a SAHM.

 

[Grimalkin]

A lot of kids tend to grow out, then up. That girl looked perfectly healthy in the photos. So what is her success story going to be? Who will find hope in this? If she could do it so can I! Wait, what did she do?

[Chocolatedefrauded]

46 minutes ago, imokit said:

12 is the age where puppy fat is piled on, ready for a teenage growth spurt and hormonal changes.

Kids are yo yos - babies are meant to be squidgy, then little kids who've just become mobile are charging around grow up for a while, then they lay stocks again pre/early puberty ready for the final push.

And @usedbicycle I agree in that pic she's a slim 12.

 

But what do you expect of a couple who named a girl heistheway?  Spurge has an amazing name in comparison.

Thank you for this explanation about kids & weight. My daughter is chubby now at 12 & getting teased a little. I plan to tell her what you said, to see if it helps her. We tell her bodies change over time but your statement is so clear. Thank you!!!!

Hard part is some of her friends are on ADHD meds and super skinny. Their parents want them to gain weight.

 

[Carm_88]

That breaks my heart. She's just a child who is dealing with all the hormonal changes, she shouldn't have her Mom making comments. And yes, girls around that age do gain weight due to hormones. It's normal. Poor kid. 

[Lurky]

Wow, body shaming and pressure to lose weight is stressful enough for teens/tweens, but I can't even begin to imagine the pressure of tying it into godliness and spiritual warfare and all of that nonsense.   Just

[Terrie]

Certainly there are kids that age who are heavy enough that they actively need to lose weight. This gurl? Not even close. If they thought her weight was on its way to being an issue, then they should not have had her lose weight, but simply focused on eating healthy and getting enough activity.

[DaniLouisiana]

@Terrie, exactly! That's what I do with GrandGirl. When she's here, we take Sam for a walk after dinner, have a salad (no dressing) for lunch if we are going to have a big dinner.

[polecat]

2 hours ago, Chocolatedefrauded said:

Thank you for this explanation about kids & weight. My daughter is chubby now at 12 & getting teased a little. I plan to tell her what you said, to see if it helps her. We tell her bodies change over time but your statement is so clear. Thank you!!!!

Hard part is some of her friends are on ADHD meds and super skinny. Their parents want them to gain weight.

 

 

All bodies are different, too. Weight and even BMI aren't great measurements of what a kid or adult should "be." Waist measurements, waist/hip measurements, neck measurements, waist/height measurements and things like that are better, but even at that, it's always best to discuss those things with your doctor. One kid could be built like a football player/weight lifter. Another kid could be built like a runner/ballet dancer. Neither one is necessarily over- or underweight. They could both be in totally healthy ranges. But sadly, society has given us these narrowly defined beauty ideals that make only SOME body types okay. 

[Anonymousguest]

Wow, so sad. A few of my kids gained some weight just before  puberty and then thinned out the next year. A couple have put weight on as adults, but those early teen years were lean. I would say general, healthy diet and self control are good things, but unless a child is grossly overweight they shouldn't actually lose. And I think the damage of an eating disorder is far worse than bit of"unnecessary fat". 

And no child who had lost weight at 12 is qualified to write a diet book!

[Rachel333]

Kids shouldn't be losing weight unless they are very obese. For overweight kids the best thing is to maintain weight as they grow rather than continuing to gain weight, so their bmi decreases without any weight loss.

I don't believe parents can cause eating disorders per se, but if you've got a kid who is already biologically susceptible to an eating disorder than this would be a great way to trigger it to start.

[Milly-Molly-Mandy]

2 hours ago, Terrie said:

Certainly there are kids that age who are heavy enough that they actively need to lose weight. This gurl? Not even close. If they thought her weight was on its way to being an issue, then they should not have had her lose weight, but simply focused on eating healthy and getting enough activity.

Do you know I thought I was going to see a picture of a plump girl that many in FJ would be claiming was super skinny (seems like we all have different views on weight) but she is actually a slim girl. 

As part of one of my nursing job we have been learning more about kids and BMI and they showed us images of kids, 90% of nurses didn't correctly identify which child sillloute was overweight. So even medical professionals have skewed views of weight. I was correct but I come from a skinny family and have a skinny toddler we are trying to put weight on. 

TL/DR this girl is perfect. The mother is insane. 

[JMO]

F#ck Franicia.  I work with kids and one became anorexic after her mom publicly shamed her for hitting 100 lbs.  Mind you the girl was actively growing and tall enough that if she was under 100 she'd be considered underweight.  I didn't see her for a while and the next time I saw her she had grown another 2 inches but lost 10 lbs and was scary thin.  She refused to gain weight and the mom didn't think it was a big deal since "everyone in my family is thin".  Even if Heistheway doesn't develop an eating disorder she will definitely develop disordered eating and emotional/self image issues.  If, for some reason, she did want to lose weight and it was done without parental pressure, blasting it on line that your daughter "lost a lot of unnecessary weight" is not the positive way to go about discussing it.  She's at one of the most sensitive ages.  F#ck Franicia.  

[Walking Cat Bed]

Reminds me of how Michelle Duggar "encouraged" at least one of the older girls to go to Weight Watchers. 

If kids are taught healthy habits to begin with, any weight gain in puberty will level out. 

And FFS, not everyone has the same figure/frame. 

[formergothardite]

3 hours ago, DaniLouisiana said:

When she's here, we take Sam for a walk after dinner, have a salad (no dressing) for lunch if we are going to have a big dinner.

There are ways to make a healthy salad dressing. I stick to a mostly SOS high carb, low fat vegan diet, but I would revolt if I had to eat a salad with no dressing.  

That poor girl did not look like she needed to lose weight at all and not only did she have to go through that, she had to write a book with her mom about it. 

[HarryPotterFan]

4 hours ago, Chocolatedefrauded said:

Thank you for this explanation about kids & weight. My daughter is chubby now at 12 & getting teased a little. I plan to tell her what you said, to see if it helps her. We tell her bodies change over time but your statement is so clear. Thank you!!!!

Hard part is some of her friends are on ADHD meds and super skinny. Their parents want them to gain weight.

 

Poor kiddo. Hopefully that explaination will help her! That age is so tough and kids that age can be so mean.

1 hour ago, Walking Cat Bed said:

Reminds me of how Michelle Duggar "encouraged" at least one of the older girls to go to Weight Watchers. 

If kids are taught healthy habits to begin with, any weight gain in puberty will level out. 

And FFS, not everyone has the same figure/frame. 

I remember hearing about that. I remember being shocked, none of those girls are overweight or ever have been. 

[Meridae]

When I was her age I was very overweight and ended up going on a diet/exercise regimen with the support of my parents and doctor. I lost 30 pounds over the course of several months (a lot for a 13 year old) going from 160 to 130, and have been able to maintain myself at roughly that weight ever since. So I firmly disagree with the notion that children should never go on diets lest eating disorders develop or be left to eat as they please. My experience was entirely positive and completely self-driven; other than cooking for me my parents were very hands-off and allowed me to do my diet my way (which I'm very grateful for, as it made me feel trusted and in charge of my body and health). However, it's important that an overweight child WANTS to lose weight and can be motivated to do so for reasons other than looks/God/finding a husband. And it goes without saying that the child actually needs to be overweight- this poor little girl is nowhere close.

[Chocolatedefrauded]

As a parent, i find it a difficult balance. Not saying she needs to lose weight but discussing it if she wants too. Our MD said to focus on not gaining more instead of losing & eating right & exercising. Girls can be fragile at this age. We got an exercise bike & are talking about eating properly. Still not there yet. I can't push her cause I refuse to make her feel worse about herself.