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Franicia White tells us how children should lose weight


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Trying to remember here....at about 13 I got kinda chunky...maybe 140lbs at 5'3"....the summer between 9th and 10th grade it ALL came off and I started 10th grade at about 120lbs and an inch taller. That was about the time I got my first period and all that stuff. Weight-wise, I'd always been on the "heavy" side even though I didn't look it. I was a competitive swimmer, fairly large framed and muscular. Up until recently, I stayed at 160lbs, but wore a size 10-12 bottoms (we won't discuss the XL tops to go around the shoulders and D cup boobs). I've gained quite a bit of weight in the last few years and it's due to some metabolic/hormonal crap that I'm working on getting straightened out (with my doctor's help)

My daughter at 13 wasn't even 5 feet tall and was maybe 80lbs. I do remember she could eat a football player under the table though..

 

Edited by feministxtian
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Franicia is perhaps the smarmiest and most annoying of the Duggar/Bates fundie circle. This does not surprise me one bit, but it does infuriate me.

I was 130 pounds in 5th grade. I was also 5'8".

There is no one size fits all approach to appropriate weight for children. 

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I went on WW at 13 with my mom's encouragement.  But she also did it as did my best friend and I never felt singled out or shamed.  My mom also would have never blogged about it.  I needed to lose the weight but wasn't successful at that time and my mom never made me feel bad about it.  Sometimes kids are overweight and need to learn better habits but in the end all parents can do is encourage and support.  If HTW (I need to abbreviate from here on) had written a guest post and it was clear that this was all her idea and she was very happy and settled in how she felt then I would back off on my ire for her mom.  But, considering how HTW is being raised I would still give it the side eye because she wouldn't be allowed to be anything but joyful and sweet and obedient in general and especially about her parents. 

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On 12/8/2016 at 1:41 PM, Chocolatedefrauded said:

Thank you for this explanation about kids & weight. My daughter is chubby now at 12 & getting teased a little. I plan to tell her what you said, to see if it helps her. We tell her bodies change over time but your statement is so clear. Thank you!!!!

Hard part is some of her friends are on ADHD meds and super skinny. Their parents want them to gain weight.

 

Hugs to your daughter. I was never skinny, though I wasn't too big until I graduated from college. The pre-teen and early teen years were really rough, though. Lots of bullying that made me feel worse than I should have. I was a size 12-14, but had a round face and a J-Lo backside. One class was especially bad because we had assigned seats and the obnoxious boys behind me used to call me Porky Pig and make squealing noises. I'd love to run into them now and smack both of them after telling them to shut the flip up.

A good friend's daughter was 13 when she came to a Christmas party for our office. She was already somewhat tall for her age (about 5'7") and fairly chunky, though not huge. You could tell it was just puberty weight. Well, I was standing there, talking to her, and some coworker's wife came up and said to her, "Blair, you are really getting big". I could see she wanted to cry, so I got her to come look at the fish tank. I hugged her and said, "she didn't mean what you though, she was talking about your height." I know she believed me to a point, but it stuck with her. In about six months, she shot up another few inches and she was then thin for her height. She also focused on eating better, heavy on the vegetables and light on the sugar. She told me a couple of years later that it meant so much to her that I understood how much the comment hurt.

Edited to add: Francia needs to shut her mouth. Her poor daughter looks just fine.

Edited by GreyhoundFan
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21 hours ago, Chocolatedefrauded said:

As a parent, i find it a difficult balance. Not saying she needs to lose weight but discussing it if she wants too. Our MD said to focus on not gaining more instead of losing & eating right & exercising. Girls can be fragile at this age. We got an exercise bike & are talking about eating properly. Still not there yet. I can't push her cause I refuse to make her feel worse about herself.

I agree. It's so difficult. I was overweight at this child's age and was relentlessly bullied because of it. I was extremely sensitive about my weight. I would have loved to lose weight but if my mom or dad had pushed me to lose weight I would have flipped. I was already dealing with too much related to my weight. I wouldn't have been able to deal with my parents also weighing in on the topic (pardon the pun). I eventually lost the weight as an older teen but it was all me. No parental pushing necessary. 

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Poor Heistheway! When I was 10 I started eating a lot (and put on a few pounds) because I was getting ready for a growth spurt, and my Mom and my Aunts would shame me for it, saying things like "You're going to be the size of a house by the time school starts" and "You're going to have a belly like [cousin who always been heavy] pretty soon!" A few months later I hit my last growth spurt and "evened out," but I still have issues with disordered eating to this day. 

I feel for the poor kiddo. She's cute and does NOT need to lose weight. Eating disorders are a hard row to hoe. :-(

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On 8.12.2016 at 10:40 PM, Walking Cat Bed said:

Reminds me of how Michelle Duggar "encouraged" at least one of the older girls to go to Weight Watchers. 

If kids are taught healthy habits to begin with, any weight gain in puberty will level out. 

And FFS, not everyone has the same figure/frame. 

I think it was Jana that was sent to the WW meetings.

And when it comes to healthy eating habits - I always wonder how none of the Duggar kids is really overweight. There diet was so poor, especially before and at the beginning of 19KAC. Nowadays it seems to improve.

And Franicia White is a piece of work and super annoying.

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What I also worry about with these girls is that if a kid with a good school/homeschooling community is looking like they might become overweight, the parents can do things like encourage them to get involved in a sport/dance or other activity (like cycling or skateboarding) that they might enjoy, without linking it to the kid's weight.  So ideally the kid becomes more active, plus they make friends (with kids that are also active), and gain in confidence (I know, this is the ideal scenario, not all scenarios).  I'm lucky, I'm a city kid in an area with with a lot of resources, and my schools all offered a lot of activities, but even if, I dunno, trampolining lessons are too expensive, there were lots of low/no cost activities around.  It's easier for kids with a school that is a hub of stuff like this, but I know good homeschooling families can get their kids into sports too.

BUT, with the Fundy-homeschooling models so often seeming to be weirdly against team sports (except for watching college football?), especially for girls, and being all about isolating their children from the wrong elements, it would be super-hard to take this route.  So no subtle ways to get the kids to be more active, just "pray for strength to resist the temptation to eat too much" etc etc.

(The other thing I don't understand is that while I can completely get how kids going to school can become unhealthily overweight, despite good food etc at home (all those chances to only eat pizza and chips at school, and grab bad food on way home etc) is how this happens in homeschooling?  I do NOT think Heistheway looked overweight at all, but if eg it was one of the Duggars, surely the solution wouldn't be to pick on her, but to look at what they're eating, and make whole family changes?  I HATE the model where the "fat kid" is eating a salad, while the rest of the family eats the super-unhealthy food that got them there - surely the best way is more healthy foods for everyone, and more family activities, like walks, games, etc?)

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4 hours ago, Lurky said:

BUT, with the Fundy-homeschooling models so often seeming to be weirdly against team sports (except for watching college football?), especially for girls, and being all about isolating their children from the wrong elements, it would be super-hard to take this route.  So no subtle ways to get the kids to be more active, just "pray for strength to resist the temptation to eat too much" etc etc.

Another reason I've heard is "you might have to practice/play on Wednesday and/or Sunday, when you should be in church," and some discourage following college/pro teams because idolatry.

Edited by smittykins
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Not the Duggars - they like the Razorbacks (or another team not sure which).  The irony of supporting a college football team while actively preventing your kids going to college...

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5 hours ago, smittykins said:

Another reason I've heard is "you might have to practice/play on Wednesday and/or Sunday, when you should be in church," and some discourage following college/pro teams because idolatry.

I've also heard that it takes the focus away from the family and God. 

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That too.  I've also heard the JW party line is that it takes time away from "Kingdom things"(meetings, studying the Bible/Watchtower, field service, etc.)

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11 hours ago, imokit said:

Not the Duggars - they like the Razorbacks (or another team not sure which).  The irony of supporting a college football team while actively preventing your kids going to college...

it burns so much.. but the Duggars are so full of themselves, they'd never notice.

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On ‎11‎/‎12‎/‎2016 at 0:07 PM, ophelia said:

I think it was Jana that was sent to the WW meetings.

And when it comes to healthy eating habits - I always wonder how none of the Duggar kids is really overweight. There diet was so poor, especially before and at the beginning of 19KAC. Nowadays it seems to improve.

And Franicia White is a piece of work and super annoying.

Maybe they aren't eating crap food in a big enough supply to be overweight (especially before TV fame, there was a lot of mouths to feed for a home with only one parent working), and I am sure they get plenty of exercise doing chores and parenting eachother while their parents fuck eachother in desperate hope of #20.

It certainly isn't genetics, Josh seemed to double his weight after leaving home.

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I guess before the TV fame there were lots of nights where these poor kids went to bed with an empty stomach.

Even with the best genes you'd probably double your weight if Chickenetti is the only thing your wife can cook. But I can't judge. Though I know a thing or two about nutrition and like healthy food, I LOVE junk food and crave it regularly.

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Ok, so we have established the poorly named girl was nowhere near overweight to begin with and should not have been put on a diet right before her growth spurt. 

So how about the book? In my opinion that is a whole new level of rediculous. To encourage other people? What kind of people? Other slim 12yos who want to be even thinner 13yos? Or do they really think middle aged woman with 100 pounds excess weight will find encouragement in the story of this girl? :confused2:

And it is not like no other diet books have ever been written or this teen has some revolutionary new perspective. I doubt this book is her idea, but if it is, her mum should encourage her to journal and wait another 5 years or so and then see if she still wants to share her story with the world.

And then, her FIRST book? How many will her mother force her to write before she is married off? At 13: 'How I overcame my normal weight to attract a top quality headship.' At 14:  'Serving with joy; developing a servant heart' At 15: ' Single but not desperate; how I learned to trust my father to find me a mate'. At 16: 'Learning obedience; how my sixteen years of training prepared me for helpmeetship.' At 17: 'When perfect is not enough; being all you can be for your future prince Charming!'. At 18 ' Off the shelve at last; what God taught me through my journey through singleness' 

Poor girl. That mum should really cool down and let her be a child.

 

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3 minutes ago, foreign fundie said:

So how about the book? In my opinion that is a whole new level of rediculous. To encourage other people? What kind of people? Other slim 12yos who want to be even thinner 13yos? Or do they really think middle aged woman with 100 pounds excess weight will find encouragement in the story of this girl?

The thing that really bothers me about this is that the girl is still growing and developing, and if she puts out a book about how to be slim now, and does put on weight later in life, that's going to hang over her.   It's just such an incredibly awful thing to do to a young girl - if she ever puts on weight in the future, she'll have all the pressure of "but you are a role model now" on top of the "skinny = godly" bs.

I'm just wondering what Franicia White's endgame is - is she hoping for her own tv show, or Fundy fame? 

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1 hour ago, Lurky said:

The thing that really bothers me about this is that the girl is still growing and developing, and if she puts out a book about how to be slim now, and does put on weight later in life, that's going to hang over her.   It's just such an incredibly awful thing to do to a young girl - if she ever puts on weight in the future, she'll have all the pressure of "but you are a role model now" on top of the "skinny = godly" bs.

I'm just wondering what Franicia White's endgame is - is she hoping for her own tv show, or Fundy fame? 

I think she hopes that a lot of her kids marry into fundie-tv-royality aka into the Bateseseses or Duggars.

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Hey, maybe Francia could get a job as Santa, since she's being the weight police...

Quote

Anthony Mayse took a seat on Santa’s lap, looked into his eyes, and told the elderly chimney-hopper exactly what he wants this Christmas: an iPod touch and a drone.

But at the end of their friendly chat, the 9-year-old boy says that Santa decided to give the rosy-cheeked lad something else: an earful of Christmas-crushing body shame.

“When he got done, he said, ‘Lay off the hamburgers and french fries,’ ” Mayse told ABC affiliate WLOS. “And that really just disrespected me, and I felt awful.”

Mayse said he felt so awful, in fact, that as soon as he got a few feet away from the bad Santa he burst into tears.

As the night wore on, the child told the station, his world continued to unravel.

“It affected me so bad that I was crying until I went to bed that night,” he added. “And I want to say to him, ‘You don’t want to disrespect a 9-year-old. Even though what shape and size you are, it doesn’t matter.’ ”

In a final act of mic-dropping, body-affirming defiance, he even tore up the photo he took with the Kris Kringle-turned-Krampus.

The exchange allegedly occurred Saturday at an annual holiday fair in Forest City, N.C., where a crowd of  children had gathered around a miniature brick house to sit on Santa’s lap to take pictures and make gift requests, WLOS reported.

The Santa in question is employed by the town of Forest City, the station reported. He wasn’t identified by the station, but he was last seen wearing an oversized red suit, a woolly cap and a smug look on his face (we can only assume).

Ashley Mayse, Anthony’s mother, told the station that she took her son and his cousin out to have a festive time that included a carriage ride, ice skating and a chance to sit on St. Nick’s lap. She said she expected the man to spread holiday cheer, but instead he seemed as if he “didn’t want to be there to do the job.”

“Very rude,” Mayse told WLOS. “I’ve never seen anything like it. What set me off is when he started crying.”

“I was just mind-blown,” she added. “I wished a million times that we never went.”

After her son was bullied, Mayse told WLOS that she confronted the town manager, who forced Santa to apologize to Mayse and her son.

“When he went to apologize to me, he didn’t even mean it,” Anthony noted.

Mayse would like Santa to be fired, but WLOS reported that the manager declined to reveal whether Santa was punished.

“I’m hoping he’s fired, because I don’t want any kid feeling like he did Saturday,” Mayse said, adding that she would never return to Santa again. “I mean, it destroyed him.”

WLOS anchor Larry Blunt noted that there could be long-term consequences for Anthony, as well.

“The boy was so upset he may never sit down with Saint Nick again.”

 

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I find everyone's stories about weight gain as kids interesting and sad and encouraging. Thank you for sharing. 

I find it rage-inducing that the people a kid should be able to count on for unconditional love are the ones fat shaming a young girl. If your own mom can't love you through acne, chubbiness and greasy hair, who can you count on?

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Three and Four came to us in foster care. One of their big issues was neglect and no regular food. They were healthy, but when they came to us, they both hoarded food for a very long time. Our social workers told us to allow it, because it was a security issue for them.

Eventually, most of the food hoarding stopped, and they only hoarded their favorite things, like chips and candy, like we all do. (don't we?)

But when Three went into his therapeutic residency, and Four was left alone without her brother, her food hoarding started up again. She was Post Puberty, and did gain quite a bit of weight. Luckily, she grew several inches, and while she is never going to be reed slim, she is only slightly overweight. IMO, she looks womanly and beautiful, but Mr. Four and I do try to keep much fruit and healthier things in the house, and to downplay the chips, cookies, and fatty stuff. She does exercise, and accepts herself as she is. I did spend several years telling her she wasn't going to EVER be a size (tiny) like X girlfriend was, because she was a foot taller and it just wasn't going to happen! (She had to be told, though, that X only weighed so much less because she was so short.

 

Food issues are so darned complex, and need to be handled on an individual basis. A thirteen year old writing a weight loss book? Only in fundy land! Of course, she'll be encouraging someone! 

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Growing up one of my mother's friends was a tiny woman.  Barely 4'10" and about 75-80 lbs at most,  she was a woman in miniature -- bust, hips, tiny waist -- like a pretty porcelain doll.  I have no idea where she found clothes or shoes, she wore a size 3 1/2 or 4 shoe I think. Always in heels.  Every woman, no matter how slim, looked enormous and ungainly next to her. Being a teenage girl next to her was even worse.

As usually happens with tiny women, she was married to a big linebacker kind of guy,, think The Rock only not quite as tall.

They had 2 children, boy and girl,  The boy naturally took after the dad.  The girl did too.  While not fat she was definitely a tall, slightly heavy teenager, who became a tall curvy woman.  Unfortunately for her, neither of her parents grasped the idea that she was *not* going to be tiny like her mother and neither were particularly supportive.

I remember hearing the woman in conversations with my mother and her friends lamenting that she just didn't know what to do with "such a great big gawky girl", and that no diet seemed to help as she just kept getting taller and bigger.

I think Francia may have the same mindset, although HITW looks fairly small to me.

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10 hours ago, Lurky said:

I'm just wondering what Franicia White's endgame is - is she hoping for her own tv show, or Fundy fame? 

Whatever it is, it's all about Franicia, nothing & no one else.

 

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11 hours ago, hoipolloi said:

Whatever it is, it's all about Franicia, nothing & no one else.

 

The fact that she chose this lifestyle although she has a different backround and obviously some form of education makes me really cringe. She is damaging her kids, she is taking the chances and choices she had away from them and all that just because she ones to feel holier as holy.

And don't let me even begin with naming that poor child Heistheway...

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