Questions for a future son-in-law

[Koala]

As predicted, Cheryl's daughters are being married off in short order (money's an issue, you know).  

The latest daughter didn't even court the man she's marrying.  They're so proud.  

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When he contacted Terry, he wasn’t asking for permission to become better acquainted with our daughter.

He wasn’t interested in a courtship or even a dating type relationship.

Not this guy. He was serious.

Reagan said he wanted to marry Haley.

I've heard that the best relationships are the ones where the couples just cut out all of that boring "getting to know you" shit and skip straight to marriage and children.

Anyway, Haley may not know her soon to be husband well, but Cheryl and Terry sent him a helpful application so THEY could get to know him.  Of course they didn't want to borrow Haley's silly little woman brain, when Terry (the cheating, dog killing husband) could lend his instead.

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Since Haley was not to be involved in the “vetting” process, this was vastly different than Emily and Wesley’s courtship. Terry and I were to determine whether or not Reagan was The One for our daughter, without any input from her. 

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Once Terry had agreed that we needed to “give the boy a chance” and determine whether Reagan was right for Haley, he asked me to prepare questions to ask him.

I garnered questions from the previous documents I linked to here (though I weeded through and reworded many of them), posts I found in discussions online, as well as from reading the book Prepare Thy Work from Doorposts (a very helpful resource that seeks to prepare young men for Christian marriage). The questions were then separated into categories before we sent each individual section to Reagan.

Most of the questions were answered via email. Some were discussed in a “conversation” through Google Hangouts, while the more personal questions happened in a private phone conversation between Reagan and Terry. A few of the questions listed here were nixed simply because we already knew the answers (the ones on Personality for example).

The questions are listed here and are also available as a downloadable file for your convenience in Google Drive.

An electronic application to marry their daughter.  How convenient.  

Here are some of the questions:

What are your views on child training, including corporal punishment?

When does corporal discipline begin?

What are your views on public swimming?

What bothers you in the area of modesty?

What is your definition of biblical modesty?

Are pants ever acceptable?

What do you think about name brand clothing and emblems?

Do you plan to regulate your children’s clothing?

How will you approach your wife or daughters if they are immodest?

When was the last time you viewed pornography?

Do you have a habit of masturbation?

I swear, I can't even.  Lord.have.mercy.  What the fuck is wrong with these people???

http://www.thelongwaytogo.com/i-want-to-marry-your-daughter-what-happened-next/

[jerkit]

I'm trying to imagine discussing my masturbatory habits win my ILs and I want to crawl in a hole and cry from the awkwardness

[Koala]

You could say that I am a bit bitter about this topic.

I have a friend who's pushing 40.  Her parents felt that the questionnaire method was the best way for people to apply for her.  They also felt that she shouldn't be aware about any of it until her father had approved the man she would marry.

Well, "the one" finally applied.  I won't go into details, but suffice to say, the marriage ended in a twist so bizarre that it blew even my mind.  Funny that, her father "vetted" him, and he turned out to be crazier than a shit house rat.

Of course that wasn't enough for her parents. No, they had to compose and mail a letter to all of their friends and her's too.  Couldn't have people thinking it was just a regular divorce.  They went into embarrassing detail, in order to clear themselves and their daughter.  It was disturbing on so many levels.

As a result, my friend left the state to piece her life back together.  And the parents?  They've continued on their merry way.  Because it's fine to play puppet master and totally fuck up someone else's life, as long as you don't have to live with the consequences.  

[fundiefan]

Those are the most disturbing questions ever.

Who the fuck cares if you wear pants or skirts. The questions, if you insist on asking them and deciding your daughter's future, should be: How will you treat her? Will you ever harm her? How will you support her and the children you are commanded to have? Will you ever accept 'no' for an answer? Do you respect her? Will you support her as she makes her way through life?

These people are greatly disturbed and never should have been allowed to breed.

[Koala]

To top it all off, her father discouraged her from attended college, so now she has to scrape by alone.  Never wanted her out from under his "umbrella of authority"...

The whole think literally makes me sick.

[Anonymousguest]

I do not yet have any sons in law, but I'd like to know the same about their masturbation practices as I do my own adult sons, which is exactly nothing. 

I do think it would be good to know about thoughts on corporal punishment. But I think it would be up to my daughters to learn those things during the courting and getting to know you stage of the relationship. Does the girl art least get to read the application before the marriage?

[JillyO]

Those aren't even "getting to know someone" questions. Those are "right or wrong" questions. Even I could give you the "correct" answers to all of these questions, and I'm fairly sure they wouldn't want me to marry their daughter.

[imokit]

When does corporal discipline begin?

Never - I'm clever enough to teach kids to be vaguely human and get them to do what I want them to do without deliberately inflicting pain on them.

I think that answer alone would probably disqualify me.

[FundieWatcher]

I'm not familiar with this family. Is there a blog or social media link?

I mean, I wouldn't automatically feel bad for someone entering into an arranged marriage. That is a common thing and many or most are very happy. But one of the first questions pertains to corporal punishment?  Like that the number one most important issue?! And the others just reflect how shallow  the asker is...pants, swimming, other clothes , etc.. But then you said the dad killed a dog? Nope, nope, nope, nope.....This is how Carri and Larry Williams types are made. 

[Koala]

Good grief, I forgot the link!  So sorry.
http://www.thelongwaytogo.com/i-want-to-marry-your-daughter-what-happened-next/

[Lurky]

Hang on, has she even met him? 

I can't even imagine being poor Haley - presumably if she objects, she's either kicked out with no means of supporting herself, or locked in the house and beaten??

[Black Aliss]

48 minutes ago, Koala said:

Well, "the one" finally applied.  I won't go into details, but suffice to say, the marriage ended in a twist so bizarre that it blew even my mind.  Funny that, her father "vetted" him, and he turned out to be crazier than a shit house rat.

Whoa!!! Didn't see that coming!

(Where's that sarcasm font when you need it?)

I am trying to understand how this differs from, say, a Pashtun arranged marriage.

[FundieWatcher]

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What is your primary love language?

Secondary love language?

Would you be willing to take a personality test? If you have taken the quiz, what is your personality type?

Can anyone translate? What 'love language'? What are they looking for here? I have definitely just jumped down a rabbit hole...

[Carm_88]

On 10/25/2016 at 1:11 PM, Koala said:

Here are some of the questions:

What are your views on child training, including corporal punishment?  Children are raised, not trained. They are not dogs. 

When does corporal discipline begin? Absolutely never! 

What are your views on public swimming? It's a great form of exercise. 

What bothers you in the area of modesty? When someone else polices others clothing choices. Wear what you want! Everyone's standards are different. 

What is your definition of biblical modesty? If it came out of the bible then it's probably a little dated, I'd update the wardrobe. 

Are pants ever acceptable? Pants are always acceptable! Especially yoga pants

What do you think about name brand clothing and emblems? Wear what makes you feel appropriate. Says the woman wearing a LotR themed tshirt

Do you plan to regulate your children’s clothing? I plan to help them get dressed and pick out their clothing until they are old enough to do it on their own. 

How will you approach your wife or daughters if they are immodest? I'm not a man but if I were, I wouldn't really notice or if I thought that something wasn't truly appropriate I would say it. 

When was the last time you viewed pornography? Half past kiss my ass. It's absolutely none of your business. 

Do you have a habit of masturbation? What would be considered a habit? Again not appropriate 

I'm just saying that I have answered these questions and they're ridiculous. No normal guy is going to want to answer these and the rest of the crazy ass questions! 

[Granwych]

1 hour ago, fundiefan said:

Who the fuck cares if you wear pants or skirts

Hopefully the prospective SIL wears them on important occasions.

1 hour ago, Anonymousguest said:

Does the girl art least get to read the application before the marriage?

Hell no, those are for daddy's eyes only.

[smittykins]

Ho. Lee. Shit.

[CyborgKin]

The question "Are pants ever acceptable?" sure leaves a lot to implication.

[Chocolatedefrauded]

"Half past kiss my ass" is gold, koala! I'm going to find an opportunity to say this ASAP. The taking wardrobe advice from the Bible is great one too.

[BackseatMom]

Is it some kind of competition? Who can sell their daughters the quickest and with the least input from said daughter? I'm sorry, but skipping straight to marriage doesnt seem more serious to me - it seems glib and ignorant of the consequences of marriage.

Before someone says "but cultures with arranged marriages..." I have two things to say. First, this isn't one of those cultures, so the expectations and supports are different. Second, these fundoes espouse best friend style love. That is not the expectation in most arranged marriage cultures throughout history. The model doesn't lend itself to that outcome (except by accident).

[Carm_88]

2 hours ago, Chocolatedefrauded said:

"Half past kiss my ass" is gold, koala! I'm going to find an opportunity to say this ASAP. The taking wardrobe advice from the Bible is great one too.

Haha my grandmother always said it when we'd whine about something and ask if it was time. She would say it's time at "half past kiss my ass." 

[Showtunesgirl]

5 hours ago, FundieWatcher said:

Can anyone translate? What 'love language'? What are they looking for here? I have definitely just jumped down a rabbit hole...

Gary Chapman wrote a book titled "The Five Love Languages" that addresses five ways people give and receive love (words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch). Its purpose is to help identify the best ways to express love to those around you according to their love language and your own, and being able to reconcile the two if they are different. For example, if I knew mine was words of affirmation but my SO's was acts of service, I would more readily appreciate coming home to a clean house after work instead of being upset that I never received verbal affirmation for cooking dinner (not the greatest example, but yeah). 

 

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Have you ever been exposed to homosexuality?

(If so) Explain the extent and the circumstances.

Like, "one day I went to the park and saw two women holding hands"?? WTH

[FundieWatcher]

With this application, her parents got to know him intimately before she even got to have a conversation with him. (Especially with the masturbation and other sexual questions) How odd and awkward. Her parents get to know some of the most private details about him...but his parents don't ask anything comparable to her?! 

[PopRox]

I couldn't even appreciate the snark-quality of the questions, because I was too busy being horrified that these people are CHOOSING THEIR DAUGHTERS husband-- and I quote-- "without any input from her."

It was bad enough she had to endure that creepy-ass "covenant ceremony" with her dad, now she has no say whatsoever in choosing the person to whom she will be committed FOR LIFE.

I want to throw up.

[SoybeanQueen]

What are your views on public swimming? At least that makes an easy decision for most guys not to apply. Why the hell would anyone need a specific, nuanced view on public swimming? Next!

[akinom]

So weird. He stayed at their house last year but Terry doesn't know him?