Children no longer to be allowed to marry in Virgina

[tankgirl]

Here is some good news and glad to see this push to change more laws. 

Virginia was allowing children, female children to be exact it seems, to be married as young as 12 due to pregnancy and with parental permission, no surprise it was being used by abusers against their own victims. The new law now moves the age to 18 or 16 if the person has been emancipated, basically removing parental permission altogether.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/virginia-introduces-law-to-stop-12-year-old-girls-from-getting-married-a7119091.html?cmpid=facebook-post


edited to add another good link 
https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/virginia-politics/why-13-year-olds-can-no-longer-marry-in-virginia/2016/07/03/03849e46-3ef9-11e6-a66f-aa6c1883b6b1_story.html

Seems other states want to move this way too.

[Toothfairy]

How was this legal in the first place?

[tankgirl]

A law with different intent and opinion, staying on the books long enough, I suspect is how it got there and stayed a loophole for abusers. Then as you saw in the article, modern "think of the babies", "no not the living abused child in front of us, no the unborn fetus in her, think of them, get her married up, blah, blah blah", bullshit, kept them from changing the law. Also it really does tie into the child being property, so you can make it all respectful again with marriage. Glad, people are finally getting smarter and closing awful loopholes like these, to abuse.

[libriatrix]

10 minutes ago, Toothfairy said:

How was this legal in the first place?

Gonna guess it was codified by people who think a child born out of wedlock is a greater tragedy than a preteen being bound in marriage to someone who groomed and molested her.... The people who think marriage will fix everything, and that if it doesn't, the abused spouse just needs to grin and bear it. 

So glad that law's been changed.

 

[tabitha2]

I don't really think it is all that. I mean the Law is very probably well over a hundred years old from a time when childhood was short or  basically nonsexistant  for  poor people and marriage was provided some security and the only option for a sharecroppers or dirt farmers daughter.  She might  have gladly have married at 13 If a farmer with a couple acres showed interest  if it got her out of the two  or 3 room shack she shared with  6 siblings, back breaking work  and a Father who liked his liquor and used his fist liberally. Being  a drudge to one man had to be better than that. 

 

That said then was then and now is now and it is about time they updated the marriage laws and other relics not appropriate or relevant in the 21st century. 

[ILoveJellybeans]

What? It took this long???

 

It is weird that there are some places where the age of marriage is lower than the age of consent? Doesn't that make the age of consent meaningless? If an adult is marrying a teenager because their parents are okay with it and they have gotten pregnant, theyre basically saying "you broke the law, but it doesn't matter".

The age of consent, should be less than or equal to the minimum age you have to be to get married. To have it the other way round makes no sense, because if you cant legally have sex with them, you shouldn't be able to marry them.

[nastyhobbitses]

17 minutes ago, ILoveJellybeans said:

What? It took this long???

 

It is weird that there are some places where the age of marriage is lower than the age of consent? Doesn't that make the age of consent meaningless? If an adult is marrying a teenager because their parents are okay with it and they have gotten pregnant, theyre basically saying "you broke the law, but it doesn't matter".

The age of consent, should be less than or equal to the minimum age you have to be to get married. To have it the other way round makes no sense, because if you cant legally have sex with them, you shouldn't be able to marry them.

Child marriage is still a common social problem in many corners of the world, and in some cases, if a girl is lucky, she'll get married (to a guy who's invariably old enough to be her father), but the husband/sex creep will agree to wait until she's the proper age/starts menstruating (which is still far too young) to have sex with her. It's downright medieval, but more than that, it's just straight-up child abuse.

[Fundie Bunny]

On 6/9/2016 at 10:37 PM, Toothfairy said:

How was this legal in the first place?

It was legal her until a couple of years ago. At 16 i thought it was stupid that i was old enough to get married and not old enough to leave the school building at the break to smoke a cigarette.

[Foudeb]

How is getting a 12 yo pregnant not statutory rape?

[ILoveJellybeans]

4 hours ago, nastyhobbitses said:

Child marriage is still a common social problem in many corners of the world, and in some cases, if a girl is lucky, she'll get married (to a guy who's invariably old enough to be her father), but the husband/sex creep will agree to wait until she's the proper age/starts menstruating (which is still far too young) to have sex with her. It's downright medieval, but more than that, it's just straight-up child abuse.

It is surprising there were states in America that allowed it until recently though.

[mstee]

I remember a case a while back where this guy was with a young girl. He was supposedly immature for his age (according to the families this was the reason it was ok). They married (with consent from her parents) and they had 2 kids together. While she was old enough to marry (with consent), she wasn't old enough to consent to sex, and the police arrested him for statuatory rape. He served some time and was released. I can't remember if he had to register as a sex offender or not. But, I thought it was bizarre to have laws that allowed marriage before a person could consent. It's good to see the laws catching up. 

[nausicaa]

1 hour ago, mstee said:

I remember a case a while back where this guy was with a young girl. He was supposedly immature for his age (according to the families this was the reason it was ok). They married (with consent from her parents) and they had 2 kids together. While she was old enough to marry (with consent), she wasn't old enough to consent to sex, and the police arrested him for statuatory rape. He served some time and was released. I can't remember if he had to register as a sex offender or not. But, I thought it was bizarre to have laws that allowed marriage before a person could consent. It's good to see the laws catching up. 

I love the "he's immature for his age" argument. Yeah, so he totally shouldn't work on that or try to grow up, he should just enter into a sexual relationship, marriage, and parenthood with someone else as immature as he is. 

And I don't know if you are referring to the Crystal Koso case, but it's an interesting read and he did have to register as a sex offender.

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/08/30/us/rape-charge-follows-marriage-to-a-14yearold.html?_r=0

The woman ended up having four children before age 20 with different fathers. The father of the second oldest child is now in prison on child sexual abuse and child pornography charges. As of 2012 all of the children had been removed from the Kosos' care after the parents were deemed unfit parents by the state.

So that worked out great. 

 

[Khan]

My brain hurts.  The linked article mentions a 17 year old boy with a 13 year old girlfriend. The 13 year old being pregnant with their SECOND baby. Where the fucking HELL are their parents? If you know your kid is going to keep boinking like a rabbit at least get the kid on birth control. A shot of Depo takes a minute to administer. 

[mstee]

@nausicaa Yes, that's the case! Wow, what a sad ending. I can't say that I'm terribly surprised, but jeez. Yet again it's the children that suffer. 

ETA: @nausicaa or anyone else, if you find a recent update on them I'd love to know what happened after 2012. I googled but found no info. 

[December]

1 hour ago, Khan said:

The 13 year old being pregnant with their SECOND baby. Where the fucking HELL are their parents? If you know your kid is going to keep boinking like a rabbit at least get the kid on birth control.

Because when people are in denial about something like this, they will often look past the reality of the situation. They may feel like getting the teen contraception is tacitly approving of them having sex, and not be able to move past this viewpoint, even for the teen's health/safety. They could also be ignorant about contraception methods. Consider how many parts of the US don't mandate comprehensive sex ed or outright ban it -- if a 13 yr old is already having kid #2, it's plausible neither the teen or their parent(s) understand how to use contraception effectively. They might believe that something like an IUD, birth control pills or an abortion are more dangerous to a teen than giving birth. They also may not be able to obtain contraception easily (distance, lack of access to doctors, etc.). Of course, none of this is good or right in my opinion, but I think it's definitely within the realm of possibility. 

Scary that it took this long to outlaw child marriage in Virginia. But better late than never, I guess. Makes you wonder if we're going to bring other laws that deal with similar issues up to date anytime soon. 

[Khan]

.@December, you're right. I hadn't thought about the state of sex ed in this country. I have too many relatives who believe ANY education is tacit approval. I make it privately, quietly clear to the kids I am close to that I will answer any questions honestly.  There are so many outright lies about contraception.   

I want to do some digging and see what legal marriage age is state by state. 

[VelociRapture]

10 hours ago, Khan said:

.@December, you're right. I hadn't thought about the state of sex ed in this country. I have too many relatives who believe ANY education is tacit approval. I make it privately, quietly clear to the kids I am close to that I will answer any questions honestly.  There are so many outright lies about contraception.   

I want to do some digging and see what legal marriage age is state by state. 

You are a phenomenal person for doing this! Those kids can only benefit from having an adult in their lives willing and able to talk to them about that stuff.

------

I'm having a daughter in January. Cases like the Koso case horrify my husband and I. How any parents can think that is a reasonable response to your minor child being sexually abused - because that's what it fucking is when the minor is 13 - is beyond me completely.

Parenting is hard and scary. That doesn't mean you get to drop the ball and allow your child's rapist to marry them though. 

[Khan]

@VelociRapture congratulations on the pregnancy! That is so exciting! Please tell me you'll have a Harry Potter themed nursery? 

I want to know so much more of these stories. How involved are the minors' parents? Are we talking folks working multiple jobs with no time for their kids? People with their heads in the sand? Who the hell thinks letting a child CHOOSE to marry is a good idea? If my hypothetical 13 year old came to me and asked me to sign papers so she could marry her boyfriend I'd probably spin my head around Exorcist style.

[Terrie]

A couple scatter-shot thoughts.

It is not uncommon for adults in their early 20s with mild developmental or intellectual delays and disabilities to seek out teenagers for relationships. They do so because these are their intellectual peers. However, that doesn't make it okay. It means that the family and friends need to step in to protect both adult and teen. 

I suspect a lot of these are teen/teen marriages driven by the horror at a girl being an unwed mother. My cousin, about 40 years ago, got married at 14 to her 15 year old boyfriend for that reason. Her parents, who are fundy, gave her a choice -- adoption or marriage. The marriage went about as well as you'd think. 

[smittykins]

I knew of a 14-year-old a few grades behind me who got pregnant and was allowed to marry(in New York State, 14-15 year-olds can marry with parental and judicial consent, even though the age of consent is 17).  Even then, I wondered "What judge in his/her right mind would think this is OK?"(To her credit, she was coming to school fairly regularly after the baby was born, although I later heard that she did eventually drop out and she and her husband divorced.)

[VelociRapture]

3 hours ago, Khan said:

@VelociRapture congratulations on the pregnancy! That is so exciting! Please tell me you'll have a Harry Potter themed nursery? 

Lol! My sister and her husband actually did a subtle Harry Potter theme for their son's nursery. I thought about doing it too, but we opted for ocean animals instead. We got to swim with wild turtles (our favorite shared animals) during our Honeymoon in Barbados and we love the ocean, so it just seemed like a perfect fit. 

@TerrieGood points. I could also see a potential predator taking advantage of child marriages too. You probably can't testify against your attacker if you're married to them. Which makes me all kinds of angry - what kind of parent would agree to that?

[JMarie]

Hey, you also can't marry your mom.

http://www.people.com/article/oklahoma-alleged-incest-mom-daughter-married-look-into-it

[Khan]

@JMarie, whiskey tango foxtrot. She married her son AND tried to marry her daughter? Ew. Lost custody. Gee, I wonder why that could have happened?