Do Women Get Away More With Not Having a Job?

[roddma]

There's a lively discussion over at city-data about whether women get away with not having a job more than men. The example the OP gave is their 20 yr old sister living, no kids, occasionally babysits, and lives with her bf.It's not that i think women get away with, but it does depend on various factors like age, marital status, and parental status.I should also add religion and the culture you grow up in.

http://www.city-data.com/forum/non-roma ... y-not.html

[shedemei]

I only read the first post. The poster is a classic narcissist. He hasn't achieved what he wants despite being so awesome (double major! As! advanced courses! many resumes! gathering documents for grad school apps which is quite a process!). Someone else made him feel bad by implying that he's a bad lazy person for not having a job yet, and so he needs to make himself feel better. The way to do this is to identify someone who he feels actually is a bad lazy person because they don't have a job yet—his sister—and to hold her up for public ridicule. Since she's a woman, he also gets to toss on another reason as to why he shouldn't feel bad about himself—people are easier on women when they mooch off others.

If he's not posting on MRA sites already he'll be doing so within a year.

[Arete]

I'm with shedemei, guy is a right royal ASSHOLE with a very bad case of sibling rivalry.

I will however say that in my subculture an able bodied man without a job is always stigmatized with the "LAZY" label. No exceptions, and I do mean no exceptions. Not a bad economy, not the decision to be the stay at home parent for the toddlers while the wife is in the workforce, nothing. So yes, in some instances men do get more grief about not having a job, but it can be culture specific and in our case the enforcers are other men.

[August]

In my class/peer group/culture the only people who get away with not being called lazy if they're unemployed are parents.

[chissprincess]

In my class/peer group/culture the only people who get away with not being called lazy if they're unemployed are parents.

Pretty much the same with me. Though in my case I think it's specifically mothers. Stay-at-home-dads are still sufficiently unusual that a lot of people at least side-eye them.

[BrownieMomma]

IMO it's more the age - 20 - than the sex. It seems it is not that unusual for a young adult to be living at home and sort of floundering around with no real job, no education or training going on, or maybe just working enough to pay for the partying while the 'rents still foot the life bills. Like electricity.

The OP's sister is not living with her bf. She lives with her mother but the bf apparently pays for a lot of stuff for his girlfriend.

The non-fundie version of SAHD. ;)

[Firiel]

And it's interesting that the original poster says this:

Meanwhile, my sister (in her early 20's, no kids either and was not taking summer courses or have a job besides the occasional babysitting gig did not and does not ever seem to get the same comments or criticism despite pretty much living off her boyfriend (who she doesn't even live with), and my working class mom.

It kind of sounds like she's in school during the school year but did not get a summer job. I worked every summer in college, but I know plenty of people who didn't/don't. It's not unusual which is maybe why she doesn't get questions.

People in college aren't usually expected to have jobs and won't get questions. People out of college are usually expected to have jobs and will get questions.

Simple as that.

[browncoatslytherin]

And it's interesting that the original poster says this:

It kind of sounds like she's in school during the school year but did not get a summer job. I worked every summer in college, but I know plenty of people who didn't/don't. It's not unusual which is maybe why she doesn't get questions.

People in college aren't usually expected to have jobs and won't get questions. People out of college are usually expected to have jobs and will get questions.

Simple as that.

qft.

also, she may have wanted to get a job other than "occasional babysitting", but couldn't get into a place during the summer. not unusual. i have a friend that is 24-ish (can't remember her exact age without logging in to fb), not in school but had a full-time job until she was fired for a bs reason (she had clocked out too late, which added too many minutes to her timecard...not on purpose, but because of genuine need to finish things at work. yes, it was wal-mart.). has a kid and lives with family, and had to eek out with unemployment as income since march. she only just now finally got a job. so, who knows, maybe the sister tried to find a job and just couldn't get anything during the summer.

[Feberin]

I think there are lots of vague factors and I didn't read more than the first page of posts. Like how occasional is the babysitting. The going rate for babysitters is $10+ so if even if she doesn't have a steady babysitting job she very well could be babysitting a decent amount and making more than somebody making minimum wage and working full time. I know a lot of people who pay $12 an hour for a babysitter who is college age. Plus taxes and social security aren't being deducted from her pay. I babysat during college (although I did also work at a summer camp during the summer) and I could make a decent amount of money.

Personally I don't see anything wrong with somebody attending college not working a regular job assuming they are covering their expenses. In fact my husband and I make a big effort to save as much as possible for our children's college educations so that they hopefully won't have to work while attending school although I wouldn't be opposed to them having a summer job. My friends from college who had to work and put themselves through school tended to take longer than those of us who were fortunate enough to have assistance from their parents. So it's important to me to make sure that our kids have at least some assistance assuming they choose to go the college path.

I do take issue with the women who say they don't work so they can meet all their husbands needs. Something about that just really rubs me the wrong way. One of the responses in that thread says that she doesn't work so she can spoil her husband.

[louisa05]

I currently substitute teach in order to be available to care for my parents. I can assure you that being a woman does not make me get any less crap for not working full time from friends, family and well meaning strangers. Taking care of ill or elderly parents is not an acceptable reason not to work. It seems if I had even one kid, no matter the kid's age, that would be acceptable, but I'm supposed to wish for my father's death asap and throw my able-bodied mother (she has low vision but is otherwise in great health) into a nursing home the next day so I can work and be worthy. My favorite moment lately was when an uncle asked me why I feel like it is okay to "be out roaming the countryside to party today" while my poor husband works. We were at a funeral. Taking my mother to a funeral is not exactly my idea of partying. At the same time, his daughter-in-law has not worked for 20 years while he and his wife pay most of his son's family's bills. But she has two kids and is not expected to. Both of them are teenagers, but never mind that. She must stay at home to be a mom and we must admire her for it. :roll:

[Feberin]

I currently substitute teach in order to be available to care for my parents. I can assure you that being a woman does not make me get any less crap for not working full time from friends, family and well meaning strangers. Taking care of ill or elderly parents is not an acceptable reason not to work. It seems if I had even one kid, no matter the kid's age, that would be acceptable, but I'm supposed to wish for my father's death asap and throw my able-bodied mother (she has low vision but is otherwise in great health) into a nursing home the next day so I can work and be worthy. My favorite moment lately was when an uncle asked me why I feel like it is okay to "be out roaming the countryside to party today" while my poor husband works. We were at a funeral. Taking my mother to a funeral is not exactly my idea of partying. At the same time, his daughter-in-law has not worked for 20 years while he and his wife pay most of his son's family's bills. But she has two kids and is not expected to. Both of them are teenagers, but never mind that. She must stay at home to be a mom and we must admire her for it. :roll:

That horrible! I would imagine caring for elderly parents is more time consuming than taking care of small healthy children. I guess I should amend my previous statement to say women with abled bodied husbands who stay at home to meet all their needs.