Hobby Lobby Female Employees -- Hilarious DIY Birth Control

[doggie]

Hobby lobby your source for personal products.

http://www.alternet.org/personal-health ... page=0%2C1

July 3, 2014 |

With the recent Supreme Court decision, allowing closely held corporations like Hobby Lobby to refuse to cover certain forms of birth control in their employee insurance plans, female employees might wonder how they will keep from getting pregnant. Not a problem! They can use their employee discounts to purchase low-cost items at any Hobby Lobby to make any number of DIY craft birth control projects.

1. Decorated Rhythm Method Calendar: The rhythm method is an excellent method of birth control for devout Christians, provided you are in a heterosexual marriage. All you do is avoid having vaginal sex when you are fertile. Do this consistently for a year and you have a 75 percent chance of avoiding pregnancy.

Here’s how it works: You’re only fertile for a day or two when you ovulate, but sperm can hang around inside you for five to seven days. That leaves you with a bit of a larger window in which to avoid sex.

First, you need to learn to tell when you are ovulating. Look for changes in vaginal mucus or look for a 0.4 to 0.8 degree Fahrenheit rise in body temperature using any one of the adorable thermometers sold at Hobby Lobby.

Next up, you need a calendar—and you are in luck because Hobby Lobby has them on sale. Mark the dates of your ovulation over time to see if they are regular and predictable each month. You can customize your calendar with photos of your loved ones and adorable stickers to mark the five days before ovulation and three days after when you should refrain from sex. Placing Virgin Mary stickers on those days would be perfect, but as Hobby Lobby does not sell any, perhaps its Believe in Miracles or glittery cross stickers would make a suitable stand-in. After all, it would be a miracle if the rhythm method actually worked.

2. Abstinence: Abstinence is the only 100-percent effective form of birth control. Hobby Lobby provides two different options for the lady looking to refrain from sex altogether. The first option is found among Hobby Lobby’s wide selection of super glue. Simply glue your legs together – or for the active lady who cannot do so without impairing her daily activities, simply glue the cervix shut for a less restrictive option. Note: Although sprinkling glitter on the glue would look fabulous, the glitter may chafe your legs, making it an uncomfortable option for some.

Second, Hobby Lobby provides everything you need to make your own “man repellent†sweatshirt. Simply purchase a plain sweatshirt and embellish it with puffy paint, sequins, glitter, and pompoms. The more decoration, the better, so don’t be afraid to go crazy! Religious women hoping to stay abstinent could even sew on a bow made from Jesus Loves Me ribbon or add a pink iron-on applique cross. (Note: This method may not work, particularly if the man being repelled has been drinking or has not had sex in a long, long time.)

[Chowder Head]

:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :worship: :worship: