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Lori Alexander: Give Up on Husband Taking Care of Baby


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A new mother who is going to school full time (because her husband wants her to) is upset that her husband won't get up at night to take care of their baby. He also does not cook or do laundry, and rarely cleans. Lori tells her to let go of her resentment by realizing that her husband just isn't meant to do anything related to housework.

Most men aren't homemakers. They aren't built to do housework and help with babies. It is definitely much more of a woman's role. Sure, it is great if your husband does help, but if he doesn't, it is okay. Don't ruin your marriage over it. We are called to be living sacrifices so live your life as a servant, serving others.

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2013/12/shes-at-her-wits-end.html

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I'm curious as to what type of "build" you need to be able to do housework. As far as I can tell, you need to be pretty strong and have decent stamina. Lori's line of argument always falls down when you equate what women do in a home to what men do at work:

1. Can men work as janitors? Then they can also clean a house.

2. Can men work as bakers? Then they can also bake at home.

3. Can men be chemists? Then they can also cook.

4. Can men be pediatricians or teachers? Then they can take care of children

Somehow the EXACT SAME SKILLS that are used in the work place, suddenly become obsolete in the home according to Lori and her ilk. Another fundie logic fail.

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I'd like to know when and where we were called to be "living sacrifices"?

And, if we were, since when did this apply to women only?

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Romans 12:1: "Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God--this is your true and proper worship." This is a command to all Christians to do all that they do in service of God rather than personal desires. Lori is taking the verse out of context to suit her patriarchal agenda.

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Romans 12:1: "Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God--this is your true and proper worship." This is a command to all Christians to do all that they do in service of God rather than personal desires. Lori is taking the verse out of context to suit her patriarchal agenda.

Thank you. Lori needs to learn to read with comprehension then.

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I'm curious as to what type of "build" you need to be able to do housework. As far as I can tell, you need to be pretty strong and have decent stamina. Lori's line of argument always falls down when you equate what women do in a home to what men do at work:

1. Can men work as janitors? Then they can also clean a house.

2. Can men work as bakers? Then they can also bake at home.

3. Can men be chemists? Then they can also cook.

4. Can men be pediatricians or teachers? Then they can take care of children

Somehow the EXACT SAME SKILLS that are used in the work place, suddenly become obsolete in the home according to Lori and her ilk. Another fundie logic fail.

Love this. Lori's logic is always bullshit.

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Romans 12:1: "Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God--this is your true and proper worship." This is a command to all Christians to do all that they do in service of God rather than personal desires. Lori is taking the verse out of context to suit her patriarchal agenda.

Well great. Since it seems then that both men and women should be living sacrifices, I was well within my biblical rights to tell my husband to replace the damn trashbag himself rather than yell at me about it. My hands were a little full with the loaded trashbag which I was taking out to put in the bin. Division of labor in the house = neither of us being (too) late to work. Oh, but wait, I work. I'm evil, so replacing trashbag or not, I lose. :)

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More than anyone else, Lori just makes me want to hit something. She really does sound like an absolutely miserable, jealous woman who, instead of working to make her life better, tries to take everyone else down with her. Because misery loves company.

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Thank you. Lori needs to learn to read with comprehension then.

Well, she's "Always Learning", so I'm sure she'll get to reading with comprehension one day.

You know, I've often wondered why she named her blog Always Learning, since I have never seen her be anything but defensive when people call her out on her silly posts. Never have I seen her willing to consider a comment that disagrees with hers.

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If you aren't prepared to care for a baby, which means sleepless nights, changing poopy diapers...don't have one. Don't assume that the other person you made the baby with will do everything. It takes two to make a baby.

If you aren't prepared to live in a house, which means cleaning up after yourself, cooking, doing your own laundry, grow the hell up or move back in with mommy and daddy as you are obviously a 12 year old and not old enough to look after yourself.

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Well, she's "Always Learning", so I'm sure she'll get to reading with comprehension one day.

You know, I've often wondered why she named her blog Always Learning, since I have never seen her be anything but defensive when people call her out on her silly posts. Never have I seen her willing to consider a comment that disagrees with hers.

She should retitle her blog to "Always Preaching To Heathen Women Who Don't To Submit Their Husbands".

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I have a friend who homeschools her two sons. She is a stay at home mom and pretty religious. In her home, everyone who is over thirteen does their own laundry, including dad. Dad also cooks occasionally because when my friend decides she doesn't want to cook, she just tells everyone to make a sandwich. If dad or the boys want a hot meal on those days, they have to cook. My friend is not lazy but she believes that everyone should do their share in running the house. Her family is very loving to one another and her husband doesn't act like he is unfairly beaten down because his wife doesn't consider herself his servant.

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So her run of a few relatively inoffensive posts was too good to last?

The post makes me angry, but I wish she could have waited until the new year. Too busy with end-of-year stuff at work to properly fume and refute.

BTW - is she trying to get more women to have PPD? Take a long look at my files, Lori, and see where no help, no sleep and lots of resentment leads....

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I have a friend who homeschools her two sons. She is a stay at home mom and pretty religious. In her home, everyone who is over thirteen does their own laundry, including dad. Dad also cooks occasionally because when my friend decides she doesn't want to cook, she just tells everyone to make a sandwich. If dad or the boys want a hot meal on those days, they have to cook. My friend is not lazy but she believes that everyone should do their share in running the house. Her family is very loving to one another and her husband doesn't act like he is unfairly beaten down because his wife doesn't consider herself his servant.

You pretty much just described my household, except my kids have been doing their own laundry since they could reach the dials on the machines. :D

My 15yo daughter cooks dinner far more often than I do, simply because she enjoys it and I don't. There are six of us, we have enough people to divide up the labor to where everyone can do the housework tasks they don't mind so much.

When our kids were tiny babies there was no getting up in the night, they slept in the bed with us until we felt they were ready to go to a toddler bed or they were driving us crazy with kicking and spinning around in their sleep, whichever came first.

And when I married my husband he'd been living on his own for 11 years (as opposed to my zero), and could cook and clean circles around me.

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Lori's ideas that men aren't "built to do housework" makes me think of my dad's stories about when he moved into an apartment for the first time. His roommate gave a friendly slap on the shoulder and said, "GeoBDad, I am going to teach you everything you need to know about living on your own." For the next several weeks, my dad learned about laundry, cleaning, and simple cooking skills. He didn't completely abandon these things when he got married. Growing up, my dad was the one who did most of the house cleaning. He did his own laundry and changed my diapers. He made a lot of his own meals because he was a picky eater. He was also a teacher, which Lori would probably consider to be a feminine profession. (He was an administrator for a few years, but went back to teaching because he missed working with kids so much.)

Clearly, my dad's body wasn't violently rejecting "women's work" like an allergy or pathogen, so what would Lori say to that?

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Most men aren't homemakers. They aren't built to do housework and help with babies. It is definitely much more of a woman's role. Sure, it is great if your husband does help, but if he doesn't, it is okay. Don't ruin your marriage over it. We are called to be living sacrifices so live your life as a servant, serving others.

They've got arms, legs, and functional brains, right? So long as you have at least two of the three, you can do housework and help with the babies. Okay, it's much harder for men to breastfeed than for women (at least, those who are biological mothers to a nursing child) to do it, but that's about it.

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It's his baby too, therefore he should help taker care of the child he helped create. That father needs a baby bottle up his ass.

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Great, now we're getting the incompetent sleep training advice. "I'm not a doctor just a mom with 30 years experience...."

Let's emphasize that "not a doctor" part, shall we? Because real pediatricians today do not advise making a baby cry it out to sleep through the night when they are only 3 mos old. Some babies can sleep through, some can't, and if you force one of the ones that can't to do it, you can have serious problems like failure to thrive.

Once upon a time, I had to follow a coroner's inquest into the starvation death of a 5 week old infant. There were many, many things that went wrong in that case, but one thing was that the mom (who was completely incompetent but was not intentionally trying to starve her child) said that the baby was sleeping much of the time. The medical experts said that a starving infant would be unusually sleepy.

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I have a friend who homeschools her two sons. She is a stay at home mom and pretty religious. In her home, everyone who is over thirteen does their own laundry, including dad. Dad also cooks occasionally because when my friend decides she doesn't want to cook, she just tells everyone to make a sandwich. If dad or the boys want a hot meal on those days, they have to cook. My friend is not lazy but she believes that everyone should do their share in running the house. Her family is very loving to one another and her husband doesn't act like he is unfairly beaten down because his wife doesn't consider herself his servant.

It's called self sufficiency. Everyone should know how to do household chores, take care of the yard and have basic car maintenance skills. These things are not gender specific.

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I commented on her post. I couldn't help it, I was so angry.

Did anyone read the afterpost? The woman did make her poor baby cry it out, she has stopped demanding he help and was giving him "good sex" ( her quote). Now from a miracle, she gets to quit school and stay home. Praise God their marriage is saved! I hate lori.

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So if men aren't built to do housework and raise babies then how the hell did my grandfather manage to raise four children? Marriages end. People die. Men need to know so-called women's work for the same reasons women need to know so-called men's work. What would the husband of the woman who wrote that letter do if his wife passed away tomorrow? He'd be left clueless to care for a child he hasn't bonded with since he barely spends any time with her.

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What would the husband of the woman who wrote that letter do if his wife passed away tomorrow? He'd be left clueless to care for a child he hasn't bonded with since he barely spends any time with her.

It makes me think of the time when Nebraska passed a Safe Haven law that accidentally made it so that people could abandon children of any age. One man abandoned his nine children, ranging in age from 1 to 17. When asked why he did this, he said that his wife died the year before and he didn't think he could take care of the kids by himself.

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Not only giving shitty marriage advice but shitty child-rearing advice. Some people swear by the "cry it out" method, but not for a young infant and certainly not "cold turkey." You're supposed to gradually increase the time it takes to respond to the child's cries. I really hope this woman didn't just suddenly stop responding to her daughter one night.

And Looni justifies it in the comments section by insisting that mothers need at least 5 hours of sleep a night. How she arrived at that number is anyone's guess....but what happened to being a "living sacrifice"?

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